FicWad

Disclaimer: I certainly DON'T own Bleach and it most certainly owns me.

Chapter Two - Snowflake feelings

Two weeks had past and the images of the particular night still burned before Renji's eyes. Two weeks, fifteen hours and forty-seven minutes. And nothing more had happened. Ichigo hadn't even said anything, besides the usual 'good morning'.
Renji was confused. He didn't know how he felt of it all. He didn't understand Ichigo's silence. He had no idea of what to do next. All his emotions and thoughts were out of control and he knew who there was to blame. He cursed silently, and then looked over to Ichigo's bench. There he was, sitting with his face turned away from Renji. No sign of him even trying to look at Renji. This angered Renji, since Ichigo had been the one to take that first step and now it was like Renji didn't even exist.
Of course the thought that it might not have been more then a one-night-stand had crossed Renji's mind a few times. And if that was so, then Renji knew he had to deal with that too and figure out his feelings about that also.
He looked out through the window. It was white as far as he could see. The snow had started falling two days ago and was still falling. It was beautiful; you had to admit that, even if you didn't like snow. And Renji was no big fan of snow. Still he found it fascinating to look at the flakes twirl. And today they really twirled, like his feelings.
"Abarai-kun?"
Renji pulled himself back to the classroom and looked around to see who had just called for him.
"It's very good that you are here, Abarai-kun. But it would be even better if you paid attention," said the teacher.
A few classmates laughed silently and there where some whispers. Renji felt a little embarrassed. "What the hell's wrong with me?" The he realized that one of those who weren't laughing was Ichigo. He didn't even look at him. Not even now. This irritated Renji a lot.
The rest of the lesson he managed to concentrate at least a little. He wasn't really sure what it had been about, but he could probably borrow someone's notes.


Renji stood by the window the whole break and watched it snow outside. He had absolutely no intention of going out unless he really had to. Not only did he hate snow. He hated the feeling of being cold too.
"Abarai-kun?"
Renji interrupted his thoughts and turned to the one who had just called his name. It was Inoue and she looked quite worried.
"Yes, Inoue-san?"
"I... I just wanted to ask how you are doing."
Renji got startled by the question and wasn't really sure on how to answer.
"I guess I'm fine."
She smiled weakly.
"Good."
"Why do you ask?"
She hesitated.
"I just... Well... You and Kurosaki-kun... You both seem to space out a lot lately. Did anything happen?"
"And this is coming from Inoue?"
"No-nothing at all," stuttered Renji and blushed. He turned away quickly and hoped that she had missed the blush.
"O-okay. Well, bye for now."
She smiled and walked away.
"No, nothing happened. At least not since that night," Renji whispered and looked out the window once again.


Renji was dead-tired, but he still couldn't sleep. All his thoughts just twirled and screamed for attention. He sat up in his bed. He felt like the walls tried to suffocate him. "Man, I have to get out of here, before I go insane." He put on his shinigami clothing and jumped out the window. Maybe he could find some hollow to fight, to get his mind on something else than Ichigo.
He was very unlucky, since it seemed like the hollows thought it was to cold to be outside. And it was cold, Renji kept himself moving all the time, and still he froze. He moved back to his room and spent the rest of the night staring at the roof, feeling suffocated.


The next day at school Renji was even more tired. No wonder, since he hadn't slept for days and last night was no exception.
He had fallen asleep on the first class and it had felt so good, until their teacher had banged a book in his head. Because of that he had to write a 2 page composition about why you should sleep at night and not in class. In the next class he couldn't stay focused and at lunchtime he couldn't even get one bite down. That, of course, resulted in even worse concentration in the following class. He paid absolutely no attention to the teacher and filled his books with meaningless doodles.
When the break finally came, he didn't even bother to rise from the chair. What was the point when they would be in the same room after the break to! He looked up and saw Rukia walk up to him.
"Renji. What's the matter with you?"
"I didn't get much sleep last night. In fact I got none at all."
"No, that's not it. You've been acting strange ever since that day when we all were at Ichigo and studied."
"Well, I haven't slept well since then."
"No, that's still not it. It's like you're hiding some big secret and it's eating you from inside."
Renji looked into Rukia's eyes. Why did she have to be so right?
"No secrets. Just not enough sleep."
"Renji..."
"Not enough sleep, I said! Now leave me alone."
She took a last look at the friend she had known for so long, before she turned and walked out of the classroom. Renji watched her walk out and sighed. She had been so right and still he just couldn't tell her. He'd just lied to her. Feelings of shame came creeping, but he pushed them away.


When Renji finally got back home, he crashed into the bed and even though he was really tired, he could not sleep. It was as it had been for the last weeks. As soon as he got alone all the thoughts came intruding and soon there was only one thing on his mind. Once again he felt like the walls tried to suffocate him. He opened a window, but it didn't make any difference. The fresh air didn't wash away the thoughts nor did they make him feel less suffocated. He tried to ignore the feelings, and when that wasn't possible he picked up some school work. But his focus was as bad as it had been the entire day and he threw them back into his schoolbag.
He crashed onto bed again and tried to sleep. After a few hours of turning back and forth, he realized that he wouldn't get any sleep tonight either. So he put on he shinigami clothes and jumped out the window.


After two hours of constant movement, in order to stay warm, Renji strongly considered turning back to his room. At least it was warm there. But the memory of the feeling of being suffocated reminded him why he had gone out in the first place. He stopped and looked up at the stars. "What's wrong with me?" Deep down he knew the answers to all his questions. He just didn't want to recognize them, admit that the feelings were true. Maybe they would go away then. "Who am I trying to fool?" He kept looking at the stars.
After being still a while, he started freezing. He got back into movement and patrolled around town. There was no structure in his patrol, so he ended up more then twice in some places and some places he didn't even visit. Not that he noticed anyway, since his head was full of thoughts. He just ran and jumped randomly and soon he got to a familiar place. He knew why he had ended up there. It was his heart telling him to deal with all the questions. He jumped up to Ichigo's window. It was open a little, so he pushed it open, jumped in and closed the window after him.
It was dark and all Renji heard was the soft, regular breathing of the one in the bed. He looked at Ichigo. "How the hell can he sleep, when I can barely eat?"
"You sure took a lot of time. I was expecting you a lot sooner."
Renji jumped up in surprise.
"You... you were supposed to be sleeping."
"Well I am not."
Ichigo sat up in his bed. He looked straight at Renji. For a while all they did was look at each other. Then Ichigo got up, walked up to Renji and tore of the upper body part of the shinigami outfit. He put his hands on Renji's bare chest and caressed it a little, before he moved in and kissed Renji. The kiss quickly grew more intense and when they parted they could not stay apart for to long. When they parted the second time, Ichigo pushed Renji away a little bit and looked him in the eyes.
"I had almost given up hope that you would come. I thought that you had begun to regret what happened that night."
He touched Renji's chest once again.
"When you didn't talk to me I thought that last time was only a... a... well..."
"A one-night-stand?"
Renji nodded. Ichigo smiled and with a quick movement he removed Renji's hair-band. Renji's hair fell down over his shoulders and Ichigo wasn't slow to burry his hands in it.
"You will never be a one-night-stand, Renji. I just wanted to give you time to think. It didn't really seem like you thought it through that day, before you asked me to close the door. And I didn't want you to go through with something you would regret later."
Ichigo kissed Renji and slowly he brought him closer and closer to the bed, until they both collapsed on the bed together.


Later, when Ichigo had fallen asleep, Renji, still awake, looked up at the ceiling. Images of what just had gone on in that room flashed before his eyes and he both blushed and smiled. Now he had all the answers he needed.
"I love you, Ichigo," was the last thing he said before he fell asleep. Beside him, with his arms around Renji's waist and his eyes still closed, Ichigo smiled at the words.


End of chapter two