FicWad

Chapter 1

I clenched my eyes shut, trying to block out the small light coming from the crack in my door. Once more, they opened, glancing toward the small, black digital clock that read 11:47 glaring at me in red. I sighed softly, looking up toward the ceiling and giving up. I wasn’t going to sleep tonight, nor will I tomorrow, or the next day.

I pulled the mink blankets off me and slowly sat up, shivering slightly as the cool air hit my skin. I rubbed at my eyes and stood up, reaching to my wooden bedpost for a grey jacket before walking toward the door and opening it as quietly as I could. I stepped out onto the carpeted hallway and moved to the front door, unlocking the silver latch and turning the handle. The verandah tiles sent chills up my legs as my bare feet stepped out of the house. I half closed the door behind me and wrapped my arms around myself, walking down the steps one at a time and cringing slightly as the frozen grass met my toes.

I began to walk up the street, deciding to move out onto the cold, tar road instead since there were no cars coming or going down our quiet street. I kept my head down as I walked, my breathing causing white steam to float into the crisp, winter air. I looked around for a second, taking in the darkness around the circle of light I stood in under a lamp post on the side of the road, thinking.

There’s a lot of things I could have done as I think about it, that would have made situations turn out a lot better than what they actually did. The problem with me is that I give up to easily, I’m marked out by immediate competition because all of the competitors are a lot bigger and stronger than I will ever be. Their minds are a lot more capable at maintaining a certain amount of good and bad information than mine is.
And I hate it.

My short, choppy brown hair blew in my face as the wind picked up slightly, forcing me to push it away slightly before it just blew in my face again. I sighed to myself and looked down, realizing how heavy my heart actually felt. I wouldn’t let it show, though. I tried to never let it show. It was better this way, to let my heart sink and my smile rise. That way no one asked questions, that way no one had a reason to say anything to me, that way no one could use my answers against me again.

I began to walk back after about 15 minutes, feeling the wind pick up once more and shivering as the winter winds hit my face and legs. It wasn’t until I finally reached the front of my house again that I stood in the centre of the road and stared at it, my hazel orbs shining in the light coming from the nearest lamp post. Tears formed behind my eyes, glazing them over and making me hold them back.
It wasn’t worth crying over, after all.

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“C’mon Zeph honey, get up.” I felt someone stroke the hair out of my face and my eyes immediately fluttered open.
“Okay, just go away.” I mumbled, pushing my mothers hand away and sitting up in bed, rubbing my eyes. I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye and felt her stand up and walk back out the door. Was it not only too early, but I was sick of her trying to make up for the things that she knows fully well she can’t make up for. Sick of her treating everything with no delicacy as though it can’t break because she’s not going to be the one blamed for doing it.

I stood up out of bed, stretching and my top lifting up half way across my pale stomach. I turned and walked into the adjoining bathroom to my room, looking at myself in the mirror and cringing slightly. What stared back at me was a ghost like figure, eyeliner from the previous day smudged across my whole eyes that were slightly glossy because I was so tired. I ran a hand through my messy bed hair and ran some warm water into the basin, picking up a wash cloth and putting it under the running water. I picked up my toothbrush and began at my teeth, waiting for the water to warm up.

By the time I had finished my teeth, the water had warmed and I ran over my face with the washcloth, trying to wake up that little bit more. Something I was hoping something a lot more healthier than coffee could take over. I turned off the tap and sat the cloth on the basin, walking out into my bedroom and looking for some clothes to wear. I bent over and picked up a pair of skin tight, black denim jeans and a tight fitting Star Wars shirt. I stumbled over to my dresser, trying to put my leg into the pants without tripping over myself. After I finished getting dressed, I re did my makeup and hair and once I was sure that there was nothing else I could do to improve the matter I stood up and walked to my door.

I could hear my parents talking downstairs, discussing something financial because their voices were ‘low’ and they weren’t actually swearing. I made my way downstairs, closing my door behind me and making an immediate beeline for the kitchen.
“Oh Zephyr, you’re up.” Dad said, greeting me with a half smile. I tried to smile, I really did, but it was hard to smile at someone you wished would fall of the very face of this Earth.
“Hi.” I mumbled, moving to the cupboard for a mug and turning on the switch of the kettle. I tried to make my coffee as quickly as possible, deciding to put it in a thermos and take it with me if I was going to be out of the house. No sooner had I put the lid on it, I was heading for and out the front door, ignoring the calls of my name behind me and the lectures that would have followed it if I had not continued my journey as far away from this house as possible.

I quickly walked down the concrete footpath, keeping my head down and my pace fast. I only looked up a couple of times to see where I was going, and if I was going to unfortunately run into someone and spill my coffee. It wasn’t until I reached the park down the road that I finally stopped and sighed in relief. I walked into the park slowly, smiling as I heard the familiar crunching of damp grass under my feet and birds waking up in the trees surrounding the tiny park. I headed for the huge willow that sat by the small flowing river at the far side of the park, looking around for any other inhabitants. Glad that there were none, I finally reached my usual spot underneath the tree and a couple of feet from the river and sat down on the grass, resting my back against the hard bark and closing my eyes, finally. My breathing felt heavy and slow, as I lay my thermos on one of my crossed legs and watched as the steam slowly rose into the air from the small hole in the black lid.

Looking around, I sipped my coffee, giving a small smile as I felt the warm liquid reach my throat. It was like any other park, green grass, green leaves, little shrubs growing nearby the river that you could hear trickling from where I sat. It was a gorgeous place to sit actually, so quiet too. Hardly anyone but the ducks, frogs and crickets ever came to visit me here. It came in handy when you didn’t really want anyone to find you, which was quite often now that I think about it.

I’m not as much of a bitch as I give off to be, I’m actually quite the opposite. It’s not as though I hate my parents for now reason, it’s that they’ve made those mistakes that only few make that are quite unforgivable at this point in time. My mother, being a compulsive gambler and a downright bitch who’s two faced to everyone she knows. Of course, she tries to bring our ‘family’ back together by working double shifts and bringing in all this ‘extra money’. We all know she’s just going to go back to the pokies though, she always does. Next, my father who happens to be an alcoholic meet smoker meet downright asshole that likes to solve things with his fists. I sarcastically smiled at the memories, sipping my coffee again. I let my head rest against the tree again, relaxing once more. These are the only memories, I wanted to remember.

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