FicWad

I'm in a dark place right now. A place where I can hide from all that is happening around me. The demon Axl still lurks beneath our roof, cuffed and chained to the bed as Izzy's deadly pet. The pet that no one really wants but can't seem to find the will to get rid of. He wormed his way beneath our skin and now he's here to stay.

Night after night, we fuck and screw him, making him scream our names in passion and pain again and again. At first it was a novelty, three-way fucking with Axl. But now it's a means to get off. And it seems that Izzy does not want to go back to what we once had. It seems that he wants to live this happy existence with another beneath our roof.

Fair enough, he and I have moved to the master bedroom. The bedroom where my mom spent so much time, leaving Axl with the basement. The dark place where he remains, day and night, waiting to be used and abused. But sooner or later, he'll find his way out of there and into the house. Sooner or later, he'll be sitting at the dinner table with as we eat. And sooner or later, it'll be me that's banished to the basement while he and Izzy take over. A cruel twist on what should be a finally happy ending.

A dark place, filled with twisted dreams and dried tears. A dark place fuelled by the demonic drug that is heroin.

They don't know. They don't know that I upgraded from pot and coke to injecting myself in the crook of my knees. Izzy never sees that place and neither does Axl, so they never see the tiny puncture wounds, the quickly dying veins and the dried splashes of blood. They rarely ask where I'm disappearing to in the dead of night. The dead of night after we've finished fucking and are about to curl up in bed. But I need my fix before then. Something to chase away the nightmares of Izzy kicking me out of his bed and back to the basement.

Shards of orange street light stab through the blind. Sliding from beneath the sheets, I sit on the bed and look down at him. He lies on his back, head turned to me and the crisp, white sheet draped over his body. His eyes and hair are the darkest of blacks against the paleness of bed and skin.

"Do you have to go?" he quietly asks.

Guiltily I turn away and nod, reaching behind one of my knees. Fuckin' entry wounds fuckin' itch. Besides, it's not a real problem, just a little to take the edge off my edginess. It's not a real problem. Honest.

"Where do you go night after night? Izzy's voice is calm but there's a sliver of accusation in there.

"Out," I reply, still unable to turn and look him in the eye.

"I know you're going out," he's becoming exasperated. "I want to know where."

I can't answer him can't tell him about my guilty little pleasure. I stand and begin to dress, pulling on sweat pants and a t-shirt that's seen better days. I don't need to dress up for where I'm going.

"You're cheating on me, aren't you?"

I keep my back to him, my head dropping onto my chest. I am cheating on him. Cheating on him with the most expensive and dangerous of mistresses. But he doesn't need to know that.

"I'm not cheating on you," I quietly reply, trying to keep my voice calm. Trying to chase away the twitches. "I'd never cheat." I sigh, needing to say what the drugs have been hiding. I've got to swallow my pride and fear and get it out in the open. "I just don't like this arrangement with Axl. It drives me crazy that you seem to prefer fucking him to spending time with me."

"That doesn't explain why you go out every night." I turn and look at him. His eyes are black coals in the still darkness, filled with accusations.

"I'm not cheating." I feel my heart beat quicker, my own eyes widening.

"Slash," his voice becomes low and husky in that way that it does when he's getting angry. "I need to know where you go at night. If you're seeing someone else..."

He lets it hang heavy in the air. I get a thrill from my late night missions to get loaded. Get a thrill from knowing that I'm deceiving him. But who's the deceiver here? Me for going and taking drugs? Or him for sleeping with the enemy?

I feel myself begin to sweat, my hands knotting into the bed linen. He knows he's close to breaking me and finding the truth.

"Where do you go, Slash?" he presses.

Gritting my teeth, I just look at him, determined not to give in.

"Who is she, Slash?" The question is like a shot to the heart. He actually thinks I'd go and screw some woman when I have all I need in the bed beside me.

"I'm not fucking anyone else," I quietly repeat. "I'd never do it because I love you way too much. But," I stall. "But I feel like you don't love me any more. I feel like you prefer being with /him/. Prefer seeing him beg and moan for you."

His eyes close and he sighs, head drooping a little.

"Slash," he quietly begins. "I'm sorry. I didn't realise that it was affecting you this way." He shrugs, the sheet scrunching around him. "What do you want to do?"

Swallowing, I stretch out beside him. I hadn't been expecting an apology. I had been expecting a full on argument which would end with me being kicked down the basement stairs and Axl being yanked out. Gently I stroke his face, not sure what I'm feeling. Do I love him? Or do I want out? As think about leaving, I feel my heart twisting in my chest. I love him. I love Izzy with every fibre of my being.

"I love you," I choke. "I just need to know that the love is returned."

Izzy looks up at me, eyes gleaming with tears in the darkness.

"You know I love you," his voice cracks.

"Show me," I implore. "Please, Izzy, show me you love me more than you do him."

He sniffs and I watch him shudder beneath my touch. "I don't love him. I hate him Slash. Hate him from the bottom of my heart."

"So why's he here?" I keep pushing.

I can hear Izzy grind his teeth.

"He needs punishing," he hisses. "He needs punishing for everything he's done. And if that means chaining him to the ceiling and beating him till he bleeds then so be it."

"But he hasn't bled yet, has he? When's he gonna bleed Izzy?"

Suddenly Izzy attacks me, hands grabbing at my hair as he kisses me hard, teeth nipping at my lips as he hisses, "He'll bleed as soon as I'm finished with you."

He rolls me onto my front and straddles my back. I love over my shoulder, shocked but all I see is a grin from beneath the dark hair. He pushes my head to the pillow and suddenly strong hands begin to knead my muscles.

"You need to relax, Slash. You're too worked up. So I'm gonna make you relax. And when you're relaxed, we'll go and beat Axl to a bloody pulp. Got it?"

I nod as I groan and wiggle beneath him as he massages me. I've never been massaged before and Izzy's good. Really good. I don't know where he's learnt this but it's sending me spiralling away from myself. My aching, druggy muscles twitch and relax and I can feel the toxins beginning to seep from my pores. I must smell awful. I must smell of drugs and death and wasted money.

Izzy's hands sink lower and lower, down my back and to my butt. My body breaks out in shivers as his fingers knead my ass cheeks. So good... It feels so good... I can feel myself beginning to fall asleep, beginning to relax for the first time in a while. A purr rattles from my throat and I hear Izzy softly laugh.

"Feels good, huh?" he asks.

I can only nod, my voice lost somewhere inside of me. Strong hands sweep down the backs of my legs and I feel myself go cold. I twitch as Izzy's hands rub the backs of my knees, his thumbs sweeping over the injection marks. He stops and I feel myself stop breathing, waiting.

"Slash," he whispers. "What have you done to your legs?"

"N-Nothing..." I stutter. "M-Midge bites most probably."

Fuck! I hope he believes me. Sweat begins to sheen my body and I tremble as his hands go lower, feeling for more evidence.

"There are no other bites," he whispers.

Izzy's weight suddenly leaves me but before I can move away and hide myself, a light snaps on and Izzy's back beside me, holding me to the bed as he looks.

"Slash, these aren't bites are they?"

Burying my face in the pillow I realise I can hide no longer. Sweet karma has caught up with me and, like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck, I have no where to run to.

"What are they?" he asks quietly.

I know he's not going to give up until he finds out. Biting the pillow, I turn and look at him, terror in my eyes.

"Needle marks," I hoarsely reply, throat dry.

Izzy's eyes go wide. "What?! Why?!"

Tears begin to run down my cheeks and I tremble beneath his awful gaze. "I don't know... Izz, I don't know... I needed something," I begin to confess. My body shakes and I lower my gaze. I no longer deserve to look at him. "I needed something to mask the pain..."

"The pain of what?" Izzy's voice is painfully quiet.

I look at him, reaching to wipe tears from my eyes. "Of watching you and Axl together again."

He sighs and an arm wraps around my head, pulling me close to him. Like a child, I wrap myself around him, shaking as I cry. I'm so ashamed of myself for not confronting this before, for getting lost in the dark world of drugs.

"It's okay," he quietly says.

But we both know it's not. Our problem is currently chained to the bed in the basement, awaiting his next chance to get off.

"Slash," Izzy says, voice husky and low. "How deep are you in?"

I look at him through terrified eyes. "Not far."

I hope.

He nods and strokes my head, eyes sad. "Please. Stop it. For me. For our relationship. For everything we've fought for."

I nod, my body beginning to tingle with the withdrawal. My stomach's churning and my skin's beginning to itch as my body pleads with me to find something, /anything/, to feed the monster that's been growing inside of me.

"Izzy," my voice cracks, throat dry. I look at him, desperate, pleading. "Don't go anywhere. Please."

"I'm not. I promise."

I nod, body becoming weak.

"And when you're better," he continues, "the punishment really begins."

My breath is coming in short bursts as I nod, eyes slipping shut as the nausea takes over.

Thank you God for giving me Izzy...