Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > But I can fix you!

Chapter 7: You don't understand, do you?

by padfoot_001 5 reviews

The best way to protect yourself is to know your enemy. And Gerard has finally figured his other self out. But how will the blonde take this news? Will he even understand?

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Angst,Drama,Fantasy - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way - Published: 2008-08-08 - Updated: 2008-08-08 - 3314 words

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue please. I am poor. Only story line is mine.

WARNINGS: Swearing, self harm, insanity, violence. YAY! More warnings again, how fun.

To my reviewers: You make me smile. I love you all. Take care of yourselves. :)

Chapter Seven

"You're not really going to take those pills are you?" the blonde Gerard questioned the dark haired Gerard as he paced by the window in his room at the hospital.

"If it'll get rid of you ... then yes," he explained. But he didn't take the pills.

"Ha ... I knew you couldn't do it."

"Why are you still here? Can't you just fuck off and leave me alone?" he said angrily as he threw the pills the doctor had given him across the room. They hit the blonde Gerard on the leg but he didn't even flinch, he merely stared at them and snickered, shaking his head.

"Interesting conversation you had with Frankie," he said casually as though Gerard had never even acted out. "We just have to fix this Gerard and then I can leave you alone - don't you get that yet?"

Gerard breathed in deeply, somehow hoping that in doing so all his problems would go away and his alter-ego would simply vanish. When he didn't, he lowered his head and inspected his shoes feeling rather defeated.

After his visit from Frank, he had gone back to his room to see Lindsey. It wasn't the best conversation he had ever had with his wife; in fact, it didn't go so well at all.

Lindsey wanted to help, of course she did, she loved him. Yet what she asked of him was impossible. She wanted him to talk to her, explain why he was slowly going crazy, why he had created this alter-ego, why he thought he needed it to help him deal with his problems.

Gerard didn't even understand it himself, so how could he even begin to explain it to her? All he knew was that it had something to do with Frank. Feelings he had for him, probably always had for him, but was just too scared to show them.

Oh who the hell was he kidding? Now he was even lying to himself. Of course he fancied Frank; he had liked him since he had first been introduced to him when their band was desperately seeking a guitarist. Naturally, he didn't express these feelings, how could he? Frank wasn't interested, he had been with Jamia even back then, there was no hope and the last thing he wanted to do was scare him away.

So, of course, he buried the feelings with the assumption that he had been doing the right thing for everyone. Clearly, he had been wrong; little did he know that that decision was going to drive him mad.

He didn't explain all that to Lindsey, he brushed her off and told her he wasn't ready to talk about it yet. She hated it, she really did, but there was nothing he could do. He couldn't talk to anyone about it, he never could, it was too personal.

Then, he had found himself alone when she stormed off and out of the room. The doctor visited, gave him "light" medication as he called it and left him alone as well. And then ... of course, the blonde showed up.

"I know what you're thinking Gee," the twin Gerard said, tapping his own head roughly with a gloved hand. "I'm inside your head."

"You know what ... I don't really care," Gerard confessed, shrugging his shoulders.

He was in a bad mood, Lindsey was mad at him, he quite possibly liked his best friend far to much and didn't know how to tell him and, what was worse, every moment he didn't tell him, it meant more time he had to spend with himself ... literally.

"You should care. And no, you're not allowed to smoke in here," the blonde laughed as he said out loud exactly what Gerard was thinking in his head. He wagged a finger at him and tisked loudly.

Gerard jumped off the bed and marched towards the blonde angrily. "Stay out of my fucking head!"

Once again, just like that, the other Gerard's face contorted in rage at being yelled at and he brushed Gerard's accusing finger aside and grabbed at his color with an angry growl. He felt himself being pushed back roughly until his legs collided with the bed and gave way so that he landed on it with his mirror-image self jumping on top of him, his face inches from his.

"Tell him how we feel ... make it right Gerard, stop messing around."

"Get off me! You're insane!"

"No, you're the one that's insane," the clone corrected, panting at the effort that pinning the thrashing Gerard to the bed was costing him.

How could he be panting? He's not real Gerard ... he's not fucking real.

"You're not even fucking real. Get the hell off a me!" he yelled angrily, wrestling his hands free and grabbing his other self around the collar to.

The other Gerard suddenly let go, still positioned on top of the real Gerard, he glanced at him, brown eyes blazing as he suddenly burst into laughter.

"What are you doing? Fucking stop it!" Gerard complained, not giving up so easily. He struggled and wriggled until the laughing blonde-haired man stood up and released him.

"Oh Gee ... you're pathetic. You're so weak ... it's no wonder you need me," the other Gerard said as he finally stopped laughing.

Gerard was ready to keep fighting, was ready to keep yelling, but he suddenly realised that, just like with Frank out in the courtyard, people outside the room would think he was yelling at himself. Last thing he wanted was for them to think his condition was getting worse, especially when he was supposed to be taking the medication.

"Why do you keep doing that all the time?" he asked, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

"Doing what?" the blonde asked, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Attacking me! One minute you're laughing and carrying on, the next you're fucking assaulting me. It doesn't make any sense."

The blonde shook his head as though very disappointed that Gerard didn't already know that answer.

"Gee, Gee, Gee," he teased as he continued to shake his head. "You were always walked all over, you always took whatever shit people threw at you and just buried it all deep inside. I'm your better half, I'm your opposite, I'm everything you wish you could be. So naturally, I don't take shit from anyone ... not even you. Understand?"

Gerard clenched his fists as the anger boiled inside of him. "No I don't fucking understand. You're not my better half, I hate you. I never want to be like you."

"Well not for good no. I'm an ass-hole Gee, we both know that. But you do, however, wish you could be me for a day or two ... maybe more. Once you get the hang of my power, my talents, you may just begin to want me to take over more and more."

"You're not fucking taking over anything!" Gerard shouted angrily. Once again he bit his tongue, he really had to learn to keep it down, but he was just getting so frustrated.

Somehow, this other him was right. Whilst he admitted this guy was a jerk, he was a heartless bastard and he would surely drive everyone that Gerard loved away, he still had a point. If Gerard could choose to have his attributes at certain times of his life when he was being pushed around or being forced into bad situations, he would have gladly turned into this creep.

So now it kind of made sense. He had created this other half of himself, the tougher side, the meaner side, yet, the side that wouldn't have been walked over like he had been far too many times. And, like he had told him in his dreams, Gerard had already let him come out before, take control and whilst the results were nothing to write home about, they weren't exactly bad.

Could he be right about Frank? Could he maybe be able to help?

"Yes Gerard! I can help, I've been telling you that for days now," the blonde explained as he read his thoughts again. Suddenly, he was becoming needy, almost beginning Gerard to listen to him, he even took a few steps closer.

Gerard snapped out of his day-dreaming. Sure, it would be great to be this other guy for a day, but that wasn't who he was. All those flaws, all those problems in his life, they were what made him who he was. That was what made him the real Gerard Way. Then, just like that, he seemed to realize that the evil twin may have been here for another reason.

"You want to ruin everything don't you?" Gerard questioned, becoming increasingly suspicious.

"What are you talking about?" the other asked, eyeing him strangely as though he suddenly couldn't read his thoughts anymore.

"You want me to tell Frank so that Lindsey will leave me, then I'll loose Frank too and everyone else. You won’t stop until you've driven them all away and I'm left alone with you ... that's your real plan isn't it! To break me down so that I want you to take over, so I let you get out, so you can re-build it all again but the way you want it!"

Gerard stared at the blonde in disbelief. He couldn't believe he would create an alter ego to do something like that. But, just then, the blonde doubled over in laughter again.

"Oh my fucking gawd," he drawled in a weird accent. "You've completely lost your mind. You've lost it. Insane, crazy, three fries short of a fucking happy meal - WACKO!"

There was nothing Gerard could say to that, not that it would have mattered much anyway, there was no way the twin would be able to hear anything Gerard had to say, he was too busy laughing his head off.

Wiping at the tears of laughter in his eyes, the blonde stopped and inspected Gerard closely.

"You're not even joking either. You actually think that that's why you made me. You actually think you're loosing you're mind because you want to ruin your life ... I'm surprised at you Gee ... I'm actually ashamed to say that I am you."

"Oh shut up," Gerard complained, suddenly realizing that maybe he had been a little silly. But really, he didn't know what to think anymore. One minute this alter-ego was pissed off at him, next he was laughing at his expense and then the next he was beginning him to fix everything.

"Gee ... tell him okay. Just open you're mouth and say ..." he paused as though for dramatic effect, reminding Gerard exactly of how he always acted on stage. "Frankie, darling, sweaty, pet ... I love you!"

"It's not that fucking simple," Gerard snapped suddenly, not even realizing what he had said. The blonde stopped smiling and messing around and looked at him in deep confusion.

"What do you mean it's not that simple?"

Even though the words had slipped out without him actually realizing it, Gerard found himself ready to explain.

"I mean ... Frank's not interested. If he was ... well, you know him - don't you think he would have said something by now. He's not like me, he's not afraid to show his feelings. If I say it to him, it won’t end well."

The blonde didn't seem to understand and he continued looking at Gerard with his eyebrows twisted in confusion.

"What do you mean it wont end well? You just open your mouth and say the words. Frank will understand. He feels the same ... he has to."

And then, Gerard understood.

Just like him, this alter-ego had his weaknesses. Sure, he was cool, calm, confident, strong and undeniably far more able to defend himself, he was by far everything Gerard wished he could be. But ... now, he realised that all those things could also be your biggest weakness. Your greatest undoing.

This Gerard didn't understand rejection; he didn't understand that it was possible for Frank not to feel the same way. He was so sure of himself, so sure that he could make everything work out that he failed to see everything for what it really was - fucking complicated.

"You don't understand do you?" Gerard asked, almost taking pity, it was like he was talking to a small child now. How do you explain disappointment? How do you explain depression? How do you explain any of those things to someone who has never experienced them before?

The blonde scratched his head as he eyed Gerard suspiciously. He had the upper hand now, the clone didn't understand, he didn't get it, but Gerard did. In this particular situation, being let down, being disappointed, he had far more experience then his other self.

"Just because I like Frank doesn't mean he likes me back. Don't you get it ... he's married. He loves Jamia so much. The things he does for her, the way he looks at her - well he's never ever shown me anything even close to that love. We're friends, best friends, but that doesn't mean he's going to give up his life just because I tell him I may have feelings for him."

Once again, there was nothing but utter confusion on the blondes face. He still didn't understand, he couldn't understand. This was real, this was life ... disappointing, a let down, a terribly twisted place and the blonde simply couldn't comprehend.

"No. He has to like you back!" The sudden outburst took Gerard by surprise. The anger was back, something was sinking in. "He has to like us back!"

"He doesn't have to do anything. If he doesn't feel it, then it's not like that. You can't just love someone for the hell of it. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Gerard wasn't getting angry, truth was, the more he explained it to his other self, the more he listened and the more he realised that yes, he liked Frank, but he would never like him back.

"He cares about us Gee ... I've seen it. I know he does!" the blonde announced, determination now the only expression on his pale face. "We'll play his hand. Tell him how we feel, tell him he has to feel the same way. If he doesn't, it'll destroy us, we'll tell him that to - he's our best friend, he'll be with us to save us ... it'll work out Gee!"

"What? I don't want to be with him because he pity's me! I don't want to ruin his life just because you think you need him. I won’t do that to him and I sure as hell won’t let you do it to him."

"Fuck you! You'll do what I tell you to do!"

The fury was back in the blondes hazel eyes and he marched straight up to Gerard, moving in so close their noses were almost touching.

He was like a spoilt little kid that couldn't understand what it was like to not get their way, to not have the world revolve around them. The worst part was though; Gerard had created him, was this how he secretly felt? After all, this guy was him. This Gerard was just his brain's way of venting some of the mixed emotions he felt. Was he this twisted?

"Hit me!" the other Gerard demanded, shoving the real Gerard hard in the chest.

"What? No!" Gerard spat back, winded slightly by the force of the shove.

"I said fucking hit me!"

Gerard was shoved again, this time he bumped against something solid, his bedside table. On it was a glass of water and as he was pushed roughly against it by the blonde, it toppled to the floor and shattered.

"Look what you did you idiot!"


"Mr. Way ... what's going on?" a voice ... his doctor, he was outside his room, trying to get in.

"You blocked the door?" Gerard asked in confusion suddenly realizing that the only reason the doctor didn't come rushing in was because there was the chair that his visitors had used to sit on, pinned against the door so it was almost impossible for anyone to enter.

"I'm not going to ask you again," the blonde growled as he grabbed Gerard and wrestled him to the floor.

"Ah - fuck!" Gerard cried out in pain as his hand landed in the shards of broken glass and he felt them tear at his skin savagely.

"Hit me Gerard ... fucking hit me!"

"NO! Fucking get off me!"


Then, just like that, Gerard used his now bleeding hand to form a fist and using all the frustration, anger and confusion that he had, he seemed to send it all into that fist and he swung forwards.

It never made contact with the blonde because he smiled wickedly and then disappeared and although Gerard hadn't been dreaming, he suddenly snapped out of whatever daze he had been in and before he could stop himself, the fist he had aimed at the blonde connected with the side of his own face.

"AH!" he yelled at the pain and surprise of the impact of his own fist against his own face. "What the fuck?"

Hastily, he sat up, looking all around for any sign of his twin, any sign that maybe he wasn't completely insane. The room was empty and his head throbbed wildly, not liking his quick movements. Dazed and confused, he suddenly realised what he had done.

He had punched himself in the face! He couldn't believe it! He had truly lost it.

"Mr. Way! Please open this door!" the voice shouted from the other side of the door.

"Oh shit!" he mumbled weekly as he rested his hands on the bed as he hoisted himself up off the floor.

His hand was bleeding badly now and he left a bloody handprint on the perfectly white sheets. Without even thinking of what he was going to say, he stumbled to the door, head still pounding, and he removed the chair. Immediately the doctor and two hospital securities raced in through the door.

"What happened? What did you do?" the doctor asked, calling out for nurses.

Gerard felt numb, there was an odd ringing in his ears and he felt slightly dizzy. Now his breathing was becoming rapid as he tried to focus on the doctor.

His mouth was opening, the doctor was examining his face and trying to say something to him but he couldn't hear, the ringing in his ears was just too loud.

And then, the nurses and the doctor suddenly leapt into action as Gerard saw them all turn the wrong side up and disappear from view as his legs gave out, his eyes closed and his mind went completely blank as he gave into the darkness.


AN: Now, you know I only updated AGAIN to torture you right? I couldn't end it on a happy note. LOL! I had to give you something more.
Hope it's not to confusing for you. All these deep inner thoughts. But we all know what its like to wish we were someone else for a day at least, it's just lucky that Gerard can say NO! LOL! Love, love, love to know what you guys are thinking. You still enjoying it?
This chapter was my baby. I'm deeply sadened to hear you all are scared of the blonde, I hope this makes you see him in a different light. He's trying ... LOL! I love him, he's like my pet, ha ha.
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