After the event in the bathroom, Gerard isn't feeling to good. Where's Mikey? Where's Frank? Why is it so dark? And why can't he stop falling?
WARNINGS: Swearing .. that's all :(
Gerard's frightened scream caught in his throat as he realised that there was probably going to be no end to his falling.
There wasn't much he could remember. The last image he had in his head was that of his brother and Frank, holding him on the bathroom floor. But, if this was death, it certainly wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Since then all he could remember was falling. Not pain, not pleasure, not anything, he was simply falling through blackness, falling through nothingness.
He couldn't speak; it didn't feel like he was breathing, he wasn't even sure if his heart was beating. There was no way he could even tell where he was or how he could get out of there. If this was death, it was horrible.
All he wanted to do was see Mikey again, see Frank again, even feel that awful pain in his stomach just to know he was still alive.
Then, suddenly, at the memory of his stomach a horrible, blinding pain seared through him, not just his middle where he was stabbed, but everywhere. Shocking, unbearable pain. He cried out, his voice echoing all around the darkness. He wasn't even sure if he was still falling anymore. The only thing he was sure of was the pain.
But if I'm dead how can I feel pain?
Next, he realised he had stopped falling. There was no more confusion, there was now some sort of stability and he realised someone was holding his hand. It was steadying him, keeping him calm, keeping him in some version of reality.
"You're not dead yet," the voice shouted triumphantly.
Gerard opened his eyes and was actually glad to see his blonde twin staring back at him, holding his hand. It was odd, Gerard was still in complete darkness, still in the position as though he was falling and the blonde was holding onto him as though on the edge of a cliff, holding him up with one hand.
"What's happening?" he asked, realizing that although he was being held up, it didn't seem like his weight was costing the blonde any effort. Gerard felt weightless.
"I'm not sure," the other Gerard explained, reaching out his other hand.
Gerard swung up and took it. Then, effortlessly, the blonde lifted him up onto - well, onto nothing, but at least he wasn't falling anymore. He was upright, he was stable.
"But, I'm not dead?"
"Nope ... not yet anyway," the blonde shrugged as though it was a normal topic of conversation.
"Where's Mikey? Where's Frank?" he had so many questions, one's that would never be answered in this eternal blackness.
"I don't know. You're asking all the wrong questions."
"What do you mean? What's the right question?" he scratched his head in confusion.
"I don't know..."
There was silence between them both, Gerard gave up asking questions for now, he knew neither of them would know the answers.
Then, he was aware of another sensation, the feeling of a hand in his. So warm, so real. Looking down, he noticed the blonde Gerard was still holding his hand.
Confused, he looked into his own eyes but on his blonde haired self. "Why are you still holding my hand?"
The other Gerard looked just as confused. "I ... I don't know."
"Well let go," he demanded, trying to pull his hand away. But for some reason his arm wouldn't obey and what was more, he was actually enjoying the contact. It felt so real, it felt so strong and it felt like the only thing that was keeping him steady.
"I can't," the blonde explained, looking just as puzzled about it as Gerard did.
Silence fell upon them once again. For some reason, Gerard's mind was blank, he didn't seem to know what to say, nor did he bother trying. It was pointless. Was he ever going to get out of this place? Then, suddenly, he seemed to know the right question to ask.
"Where are we?"
The blonde suddenly looked quite puzzled. "We're at the hospital!" He scratched his head as though unsure how he knew that answer.
"How do you know that?"
"I don't know ... you're hurt ... someone's with us."
Gerard stared at the confused look on his mirror imaged self. He knew the answers were true, somehow he already knew. But there was no point asking the blonde how they knew, he wouldn't know either. They were suddenly in this together and Gerard found himself actually grateful for that, glad for the company.
"How do I wake up?" he asked, hopeful that the blonde would know that answer to.
"I don't know Gerard, stop asking questions and look!"
The blonde pointed into the darkness and Gerard had to squint to try and attempt to see what he was pointing at. He couldn't see anything, just an eternity of black.
"What? What are you pointing at?"
"Just shut up and look!"
Gerard was about to snap back at his other self, but he suddenly realised what he was looking at. The darkness was fading slightly, it was getting lighter, everything was getting gradually lighter. The grip on his hand was suddenly stronger, he could feel skin, he could feel a pulse, someone was with him.
"I have to wake up ... I have to snap out of this," Gerard explained, shaking his head.
The blonde cocked his head to the side as he inspected him deeply for a moment. Gerard scrunched his face up in confusion.
"What is it?" he asked as it was clear the other Gerard had something on his mind.
There was pain again, piercing pain. He doubled over.
Then, just like that, the blonde let go of his hand. Gerard almost cried out to him as he tried to grab hold of it again. Without the hand he felt like he was falling again, even though he remained quite steady.
"Don't let go, hold on ... please," he begged, he couldn't believe that the one person that had caused him all this pain was now the only person who could take it all away.
"I can't. S-so get over it," he explained, trying to hold his cruel demeanor. But it looked as though he to wanted to keep the contact between them just as much as Gerard did.
The blonde seemed to get a little angry at this realization. His face was contorted into an expression he didn't recognize. Was it fear? He wasn't sure, but the next thing he knew the blonde pushed him.
It was instant. The moment the other him shoved Gerard roughly in the chest, it was as though he had been electrocuted. The surge pulsed throughout his entire body and he jumped back in fright.
"What the hell?" he asked stunned, but glad the feeling was gone.
Yet, the blonde wasn't finished yet, once again he shoved Gerard and the pain was back, the electricity coursed through him and his chest leapt upwards. Something wasn't right, what was happening?
"Stop it, you're hurting me," he said, slinking away in fear as he rubbed at his burning body.
"No! You're fucking waking up this time," he shouted.
"Huh?" the confusion was back and Gerard stared at the blonde as he came at him again. "No ... please."
But it was too late, the blonde ran at him and the electricity was back, only this time all the blackness disappeared and his eyes snapped open to see an entire team of doctors crowded around him.
There was a breathing mask on his face and he sucked in the air it provided as though his very life depended on it ... and it did. His heart was thumping weakly against his chest and he looked up at the shocked yet delighted faces of the doctors and nurses as he tried to re-gain his bearings.
"Gee! He's alive ... he's alright!" a delighted cry reached his ears and Gerard could just make out a smiling Frank being dragged, almost carried out of the room by two large male nurses before his eyes closed again and he drifted back into the blackness.
The hand was back, only this time, it didn't belong to the blonde. It felt the same, warm, friendly, soothing, it was enough to make him want to wake up. He had to see who it belonged to; he had to snap out of his daze.
It was to hard to open his eyes just yet, he was awake, he knew he was, but he was so out of it, he didn't have much control over them yet. There was also the slight problem of him not being able to find his voice, he was so drowsy.
Still, he could feel the uncomfortably hard hospital mattress underneath him and he could feel the chill crawling up his spine, he knew where he was now. There was no pain yet though, all his body could feel, was that hand, because it was the only thing that felt warm, that felt real and so he put all of his strength into making it twitch, if only for a moment.
There was a movement, as though the person holding onto his hand had felt the movement and was reacting to it. Still unable to open his eyes he decided to test his voice. Somehow, he wasn't even sure how, a moan that was clearly his own reached his ears.
"Gee ... you awake?"
Gerard almost cried in delight at the voice. He recognized it, he was alive, he was awake, this wasn't a dream. It was okay, he had survived, it wasn't over. He didn't have to linger on what he did and didn't say, he had a second chance.
Finally, fighting the drowsiness, he moaned again as he managed to pry his eyelids apart. At first, he though that he was blind. Everything was bright, too bright, then he realised that it was the sun. He could see it, he could hear the steady beeping of his machine and he could feel the gentle breathing of a friend by his side.
"Frank?" Gerard said with a scratchy voice.
Frank still held on to Gerard's hand as he watched him with a huge grin on his face. At first, he didn't say anything, he just took him in, then he suddenly snapped out of his daze.
"Oh shit ... I have to tell the others you're awake again," he explained, letting go of his hand and standing up.
"Wait no!" Gerard cried, suddenly aware that the one thing that he had been holding onto, in his dreams and in real life, was now gone. The hand ... without the hand he would slip away for sure.
Frank was already at the door, it seemed he felt he had no right to be there, or maybe didn't want to be there. Either way, he was nearly gone when Gerard cried out to him a little louder, finding strength enough to sit himself up so that Frank could hear him. A horrible pain spread throughout his middle and he cried out as he clasped at the offending spot.
"Gee, stop it! You have to sit still or you'll bust your stitches," Frank shouted, abandoning the hand he had on the door knob and rushing over to attend to his friend.
"D-don't leave," Gerard pleaded. Frank tried to force him back into a lying position but Gerard wasn't going to give in until he knew Frank would stay. The small guitarist was trying to be gentle which meant Gerard actually had the upper hand.
"Gee come on, I don't want to hurt you man but you have to lie down," Frank begged, letting him go and stamping his foot in frustration.
"Stay ... please Frank, just stay with me," he begged, the pain was now so strong that he barely even felt it; he would make Frank stay, it was all that mattered right now.
"Okay, alright ... just lie back down!"
"Sit," Gerard shouted at him, pointing at the chair. The dream, the darkness, everything rushed back to his head, it wouldn't have mattered who was in the room, just so long as it was a real person, he couldn't stand it if Frank left even for a few moments.
Frank rolled his eyes and sat back down. "Look ... I'm sitting alright. Now please lie the fuck down!"
Gerard collapsed back down onto the pillow, ignoring the pain in his gut as he stared at the ceiling trying to sooth his heavily beating heart, apparently the only thing that felt the pain. He felt around the sheets until he felt Frank's hand, he clutched at it again.
"You're so fucking stubborn," Frank whined, but he gripped the hand back nonetheless.
For some reason, Gerard laughed. He didn't know why, but he was awake, Frank was there and the way he just carried on was pretty childish. It was amazing that Frank even had the patience to deal with him. Frank joined in and the two of them simply laughed for a few moments until it faded away, the dull throb of pain in his stomach increasing only due to the effort.
"Don't leave me yet Frank okay? Just stay ... I'll see the others soon enough."
Frank smiled and nodded his head in understanding. They didn't say anything else, they just sat, hand in hand for a few moments. As he started to wake up, as he started to come off whatever drugs they had put him on, he actually felt slightly awkward holding onto Frank's hand.
"You still in pain?" Frank asked in confusion as Gerard pulled his hand away.
"Huh? N-no," he said, unable to look at Frank. There was a heavy sigh and Frank ran a hand through his hair instead.
"G-Gee ... you wanna talk about it?" he asked, looking very serious.
Gerard answered very quickly, he wasn't ready. "No ... not really."
Then, to his great surprise, there was a sniffle from Frank and the small guitarist turned his head away and wiped at his eyes furiously. He immediately felt terrible, so caught up in how he felt and what he had been through that he didn't even think about how Frank felt.
"Sorry Gee it's just ... I kind of wanted to talk about it," he explained, still wiping at his eyes and unable to make eye contact.
"Frank ... please stop crying. You could have just said that to me," he said, trying not to sound angry. But he was, not at Frank, but at himself.
"I'm not crying Gee - I just have something in both my eyes," he stuttered, sniffing loudly as he shook his head.
"What's wrong Frank?"
"You almost died Gee and it was all my -"
"It wasn't your fault Frank! You have to stop -"
"And you have to stop lying to me and telling me it's not my fault. God Gee ... I think it's pretty obvious that it was my fau -"
"Frank shut up!" Gerard shouted angrily. He didn't like that Frank was blaming himself, what was worse was that he didn't like it because it was kind of true.
"No Gerard! You shut up! Stop trying to spare my feelings alright. You had - well, whatever you had in the bathroom, an episode or something and it was only after you freaked out about ... well whatever that was in the bedroom."
Frank scratched his head clearly not sure how to explain all the blanks to Gerard. But he got it, he understood and unfortunately it was true. He hated that he was pinning all this on Frank, especially when it was unintentional on Frank’s behalf.
"All I'm saying Gee is that, well, you freaked out. I - I just thought it was what you wanted," Frank went a deep shade of red as he looked everywhere but at Gerard.
And then he felt it, a feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with being stabbed. Frank had said the words he had dreaded to hear, "I thought it was what you wanted". It was true then, Frank didn't have any real feelings for him, it was all just a ploy. He only did it, played along because he thought it would make Gerard better.
"Fuck," Gerard moaned in frustration and anger as he realised just how stupid he had been, to even think he had a chance with Frank. He fought back the tears that threatened to fall.
"What?" Frank asked sniffing again as he inspected Gerard's change in tactic in confusion.
"Nothing ..." Gerard shook his head and turned away.
"No Gerard, don't give me that crap. What? What's wrong?" Frank suddenly stood up when Gerard wouldn't look at him. "Fine ... I'll go get the others."
Gerard let him leave. But the second he heard the door shut and he was left alone he regretted it.
"Frank!" he shouted desperately, finding strength enough to shout. "Frank!" But his voice merely echoed around the empty room.
He sat up again, ignoring the pain, ignoring the odd sensation in his stomach, he didn't like being alone, it was horrible; the room seemed to be closing in on him slowly.
"FRANK!" he yelled as loud as he could, wincing as he collapsed back down onto the bed, the pain becoming too much to bare. This time tears did fall from his eyes. At the pain, at the frustration of everything, at being alone.
He sobbed uncontrollably, covering his face with his hands, his wound still throbbing painfully as blood struggled to circulate around it. Everything around him seemed to fade as he just lay there in his misery. That was until he felt someone grab his hand again.
"Gee ... please stop crying bro."
Through tears he inspected his brother’s face but they didn't stop. They continued to fall as he realised the mess he had put himself into, the mess he was now making his brother put up with.
As though reading his thoughts Mikey lay himself down on the hospital bed, Gerard didn't have to move, there was already enough room for his brother to fit on that side. Mikey held him tightly as though to afraid to let go and, although the pain in his stomach was begging him to stop moving around, to stop straining himself, he held his brother tightly back.
"Mikes, I just can't seem to get it right," he sobbed, starting to calm down as he allowed himself to breath in time with his brother.
"Just give it time Gee ... don't give up. It'll be alright, I promise you," Mikey said. And Gerard began to wonder whether Mikey had directed it at him or himself.
"You don't understand, I messed it up ... me and Frank -"
"I know Gee, he already told me. He'll be back soon, just please get some sleep," Mikey exclaimed, soothing him, trying to urge him to sleep again.
Gerard didn't want to sleep but Mikey's soothing voice seemed to make him realize just how tired he was. The tight grip his brother had on him gave him some reassurance that he wasn't going to let go any time soon. Somehow his words seemed to reach him, Frank would be back, he knew he would. This was just the beginning, they would talk again, if he slept, time would go faster.
That thought in mind his breathing slowed down, Mikey's did to and the next thing Gerard knew he was drifting off to the darkness once more, this time, his brothers steady heart beat reminded him where he was, reminded him who he was and he slept in peace.
AN: I didn't really like this chapter. Mainly because it's sort of the same ol' same ol' LOL! Nevertheless, it had to be done and I do like the blonde Gerard/normal Gerard bit in this one. I'm putting up the next chapter now though, just to redeem myself. LOL!
Hope you're not getting sick of me yet. How's it going so far? Are you all still enjoying it?