Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Halloween Queens


by littlemissbrownstone 2 reviews

Something so scary it wakes the dead, something so confusing it ends in a battle on the dance floor and something so ugly it’s beautiful…This is the final showdown...

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: R - Genres: Humor - Published: 2008-08-11 - Updated: 2008-08-11 - 4503 words - Complete

"What now?" Asked Sasha, slightly out of breath having just sprinted back to join her friends.

Michelle followed closely behind, also panting after the run.

"We wait." Replied Michelle, composing herself and getting her breathing back to normal.

"Wait for what?" Asked Alex.

"For the fight dumbass!" Michelle snapped.

"What fight?" Alex was still a little confused.

"The fight? Between the guys? Remember? The plan you idiot!" Michelle searched Alex's blank expression and sighed.

Alex blinked and then concentrated hard to figure out what was happening. Then Stephanie leaned in and whispered into her ear. The lights were now switched on.

"Oh!" Squeaked Alex, "I get it now! They're gonna be too busy fighting and arguing with eachother to care about the costume prize! And then we'll win!"

Michelle rolled her eyes at her dim-witted friend before looking over the crowd.

"So now we wait."


"I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him! I'm going to fucking kill him!"

Steven had his hands clenched into fists and was pissed as hell. He stood next to Axl who was sitting at the Pirate Bar. The drummer was scanning the crowd for any sign of a curly haired bride. Axl, not angry like Steven, was now self-examining.

"Why didn't you tell me I was being kicked out of the band? Do you all just hate me? Am I not a good singer anymore? You've found someone better than me? Am I a bad friend? I may as well just crawl into a hole and die!"

Steven wasn't listening to his depressed friend. He was shaking with anger.

"That fucking bastard! He knew! He fucking knew I wanted you Axl!" He yelled, never taking his eyes away from the crowd, "But he went ahead anyway. I'm not blaming you Ax, I'm sure he got you drunk and then raped you. Fucker."

Axl was sitting on the bar stool with his head resting on his folded arms on the table, empty shot glasses scattered in front of him.

"I was always nice to you guys. Always loyal. Always asked before I stole anyone's girlfriends. I bailed Slash out of jail, fought that homeless bum to get Izzy's hat back off him, told people Duff was mentally retarded to get him a free roller coaster ride on his birthday. I've done a lot of nice things for you guys."

Tears pricked his eyes and the singer let out a little sniffle.

"And now you hate me!"

Then the tears came. Axl sobbed like a child for a few minutes until a soft hand came to rest on his shoulder. He wiped away the tears and looked up to see a very pretty girl smiling down at him. She had long black hair and chocolate brown eyes, red lips curved into a very cheeky smile. She was dressed as a gothic ballerina, wearing a black tutu and black ballet shoes to match.

"Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?" She said in a lustful voice.

Axl's mood did a one eighty. His eyes darkened like those of a sex crazed maniac and he jumped off the bar stool and grabbed the girl by the hand. She giggled as he dragged her away into the hall, up the stairs and into the first room that was open. In their case, Seven Minutes In Hell.


"Slash calm down!"

Duff was sitting on one of the couches at the side of the room while Slash paced back and forth in front of him. The guitarist was watching the crowd like a hawk, ready to pounce at the first sign of a red headed French maid.

"I'm gonna get him Duff!" He said angrily, "I'm gonna smash his perfect little face in! That fucker! How dare he slap me!"

"You've been slapped plenty of times..." Duff pointed out, "...and you deserved most of them."

Slash spun around to face the calm bassist.

"It's different if I deserve the slap! But I didn't do anything wrong to him did I? I hugged him for Christ's sake! He just decided to give an opposite reaction! I can't believe I got slapped by a fucking guy!"

He resumed his pacing and scrutinising of the crowd. Duff just shook his head and sipped his beer.



"Aaaggcchhhh! Aaacccghhh"

"What was that? I can't hear what you're saying honey." The vampire taunted.

Izzy had been ball gagged and had his wrists handcuffed behind his back with the chain between the cuffs wrapped around a pole in the middle of the room. To avoid any more kicks to the balls the vampire had the guitarist's ankles cuffed up in a similar fashion. Poor Izzy's pigtails were a mess now, one nearly down completely and one of his thigh high school girl socks was down around his ankle.

Dracula walked over to the trembling guitarist and slowly, teasingly tugged at the knot that the front his shirt was tied into. It fell open exposing Izzy's pale torso. The vamp ran a cold, rough hand down Izzy's chest, lightly brushing fingers across his nipples. Izzy shivered and squirmed beneath the touch, wishing he were anywhere but here. Where the fuck was Axl when you needed him? Probably in the next room fucking some girl...


Panting, moaning, sweating and the rhythmic squeaking of the bed; Seven Minutes in Hell was made up of nothing but these things. The room was made for sex and sex only. No whips, no handcuffs, no zombies. Just one big bed.

The ballerina was sprawled on her back, naked on top of the sheets. Axl, after much difficulty and a lot of help from his new friend, had gotten out of the maid's dress and was now on top of her thrusting his rock hard cock in and out. Both were close to coming and close to tearing their vocal chords to shreds. She came with a scream and then he joined her in the orgasmic bliss with his own scream. They lay there panting for a few minutes before Axl heard noises coming from the next room; muffled screams, the sound of cane cracking against skin, jingling metal chains and a man's sadistic laughter.

"Someone's having a good time." The ballerina said, grinning up at Axl before shoving her tongue down his throat and kissing him like the world was about to end.

Slut that he was, Axl gave in and after a few minutes of hot tongue action he pulled away and cocked his head to the sounds of next door. He could hear more strangled cries coming from someone in the next room. It sounded a little bit like...

"It's just people fucking!" Cried the ballerina, getting frustrated at the distracted singer.

"It's sounds like..."

"People fucking!" She interrupted.

The ballerina pushed Axl onto his back and climbed on top of him, kissing and biting all the way down his body until she reached his half hard cock. She grinned up at him before going back down and swallowing it whole making Axl cry out. He mentally weighed out his options. Sit and listen to the noises coming from the next room that sound suspiciously like a certain friend of his or get sucked off by a sexy slut whose name he didn't even know? What a stupid fucking question!



The cane bit into Izzy's chest again making the guitarist give out a strangled cry. The vampire seemed to be satisfied with the marks on his victim's body. He stared Izzy up and down and laughed an evil laugh before throwing the cane to the ground and advancing on the guitarist, his own hand reaching for the zipper of his trousers. Izzy's eyes went wide and his body stiffened. This was it. He was about to be brutally raped by a drunken vampire. All because he looked so fucking good in a skirt and pigtails.

Dracula's breathing was becoming ragged and he had a very obvious hard on but just as he was about make Izzy his own a loud moan came from somewhere across the room. The vamp halted and spun around but there was no one there. Just some S&M gear and some dummies.

He shook his head and turned back to Izzy, but Izzy wasn't looking at him. His wide eyes were staring up at the ceiling just beyond the vamp's head. Following the guitarist's dazed gaze upwards, the vampire saw nothing but the hanging dummies. He was getting really fed up now. He spun back around to face Izzy and undid both sets of handcuffs sending Izzy crumbling to his knees, still ball gagged and scared. The guitarist was roughly pulled to his feet and dragged over to the sawhorse. The vamp shoved the dummy that was occupying it to the floor and replaced it with a shaking Izzy. Just as Dracula grabbed Izzy's skirt, loud thuds came from behind him. He turned to looked and jumped fully out of his skin when he saw what was behind him.

The zombies had come to life. Having freed themselves from the nooses attached to the ceiling they had started slowly closing in on the vampire and his prey, eerily moaning with their arms stretched out in front of them. It was all a bit too bizarre for Dracula.

"What the fuck?" He cried, "Zombies aren't real! Who the hell are you people?"

Suddenly the 'zombies' turned into real people. The moaning ceased and they straightened their backs up, giving themselves a more human posture. One guy dressed in rags and covered in what looked like blood mixed with vomit stepped forward.

"We're friends of Nina's." He informed, "She said if we pretended to be dead zombies in the bedrooms she'd give us free beer."

"Which meant a free peep show too!" Chirped another zombie.

"Well how about you fuck off for a few minutes!" Yelled Dracula, "I'm kind of busy here."

He turned back to Izzy and kicked the guitarist's skinny legs apart making him give out a whimper. The blood-vomit zombie interrupted before the vampire could go any further.

"No we're not leaving..." He stated, "...We want some of the action."

An evil grin appeared on his face, mirroring the one that was creeping onto Dracula's face. The small crowd of zombies started edging towards the sawhorse. Poor he was really gonna get it.


"No you gotta tie it into a bow! A really pretty bow!"

The ballerina rolled her eyes and did as Axl requested. The maid's dress really wasn't suitable for quickies at parties.

"There. How's that?" She asked, satisfied with her ribbon binding.

The singer walked up to the bed and looked up into the huge mirror on the ceiling, twisting and twirling and checking himself out.

"I look so hot!" He noted.

The ballet Goth rolled her eyes again and held out a hand to him. She was standing at the door and ready to go back downstairs. It was almost prize giving time.

"Come on French fry! Let's go!"

Axl walked over and linked his fingers with hers and just before they walked out the door he heard them again; the muffled cries and screams coming from the next room. This time the man's voice was more hoarse, like he'd been screaming a lot. The sound of whips cracking, canes smacking, metal clanking and hands spanking could be heard very clearly.

"Someone's really having a fucking great time in there huh?"

Axl agreed with his new slut but he didn't say anything. He was listening very intently to the screams. He swore they sounded like a voice he knew all too well...

He was snapped back from his concentration at the sound of all the party people downstairs cheering, followed by Nina's voice on a microphone.

"Fifteen minutes to prize giving you guys! You better not be too fucking drunk to get up here and claim your title!" Her amplified voice boomed through the hall, up the stairs and right into the bedrooms.

"Time to win!" Announced Axl before he and the ballerina left the bedroom to make their way downstairs.


Back in the hall, the buzz of the party had mellowed down to more of a hum. It seemed people were just quietly chatting while waiting for the prize giving. Axl and his new friend walked through the door and stopped.

"So wanna get a drink or something?" Axl asked as he blushed.

He was kind of going backwards in this date. The girl smiled up at him and shook her head.

"No thanks babe," She said, "My husband's probably wondering where I've got to. But thanks anyway."

She gave the singer a quick kiss before skipping away into the crowd. Axl just stood there frozen, wide eyed and scared shitless. Husband?!

"There you are! Jesus! I've been looking all over for you!" Steven came along and grabbed the petrified singer by the arm and dragged him into the crowd.

"We're sure to win Best Group. And when Slash gets up there to claim his prize, I'll knock him right out! In front of everyone!"

Axl snapped back to reality and realised what Steven was saying. This brought the anger back.

"Yeah! And I'm gonna fuckin' beat the shit out of Duff! Who does he think he is kicking me out of this band! This is my band!" Yelled the singer.

And just as they said it, Slash and Duff appeared. The two pairs of Guns stared at eachother for a moment before Slash broke the silence.

"Axl how'd you get that black eye?" Asked the bride.

Ever gullible, the singer raised his hand to his face and started poking and feeling.

"What black eye?"

"This one!"

Slash's fist connected hard with Axl's face with such force it could have sent his eyeballs flying right out through the back of his head. Axl stumbled backwards clutching his face and howling in pain.

"I think you've done enough fucking damage to Axl you asshole!" Yelled Steven.

The drummer tackled Slash to the ground and began pummelling him with punches and kicks, bits of pom-poms flying everywhere. Duff swooped down and pulled Steven off the guitarist.

"Axl deserved it for bitch-slapping Slash!" Cried the bassist, "Something I should have done to you when you came onto me! What the fuck man! What happened to your creepy schoolgirl crush on Axl?"

"I never came on to you!" Yelled Steven, "What the fuck are you on Mckagan?"

Axl, still clutching his shiny new bruise looked so lost and confused.

"I never slapped Slash!" He cried, "And if anyone deserves an ass kicking it's you Duff! You think you can just kick me out of this band? FUCK YOU!"

The singer dived forwards, arms outstretched, ready to squeeze Duff's neck until it snapped. Mid dive, Slash tackled Axl to the floor and they started grappling and scratching and punching and kicking.

The fight was on. Limbs flying in all directions, language that even Ozzy wouldn't use, blood smeared with make up, torn frills and ruffles, broken heels, a lot of hair pulling and the crowd cheering on the Gunner's as they battled it out on the dance floor. The whole roomful of people had gathered around to watch and someone in the crowd yelled "Girl fight!"

"Hey Michelle!" Squeaked Alex, "This is the fight you were talking about isn't it!"

The five girls were hidden in amongst the other onlookers at the party, watching as their plan unfolded, just as they wanted it to.


"Alright everybody! The moment you've been waiting for! The best and worst costumes of tonight are about to be announced as judged by, well me of course!"

The buzz of the party people died down as Nina's voice boomed through the hall. She was standing on a stage at the far end of the room talking into a microphone, prizes of all sorts neatly arranged on a large table beside her.

The eight-armed Guns N' Roses monster, still tangled on the floor, halted their vicious brawl at the sound of Nina's voice. They looked around at eachother, as if in disbelief.

"Holy shit!" Cried Steven, "Look at us! How are we gonna win now?"

The others examined themselves and eachother. Steven's question was a good one. They were a mess. Their dresses were torn, make up was smudged, hair was ruined and in knots and there was a substantial amount of blood pooling around the boys and on their dresses.

"This is all your fault!" Yelled Axl, before smacking Duff on the back of the head.

Droplets of blood flew off the nurse on impact and he winced at the pain.

"It's not my fault it's Steven's!" He cried defensively.

"Guys this is ridiculous." Slash intervened, "Steven, I am not fucking Axl, he's all yours and Axl, Duff is not kicking you out of this band!"

"Yeah? Well, Duff I didn't come on to you and Slash, Axl did not slap you!"

"Liar!" Yelled Duff, "If you didn't do anything to us and we didn't do anything to you then what are you trying to say? Are there fucking clones of ours walking around this place?"

Steven and Axl's eyes widened and their jaws dropped to the floor.

"Yes! Yes there are! Clones of us!" Cried Axl as the cogs started turning in his head.

Slash and Duff just stared at their singer, dumbfounded.

"Michelle!" The maid shouted, "Michelle and her fucking whore troopers ripped off our idea! They're dressed just like us!"

Slash slipped into quiet thought for a second before speaking.

"I guess I did deserve a slap then." He suggested. "And it makes more sense that a girl came onto Duff, rather than Steven."

"But," Duff was still adjusting to this new information, "Why would they say those things to Axl and Steven?"

The four Gunners thought carefully for a minute before Duff's question was answered for him.

"You idiots!" Came a very familiar voice, "We figured if we messed with your heads and distracted you from the party and the competition, we'd win the prize. And now look at you boys. You guys are a mess! You're never gonna win now!"

The five sluts seemed to find this hilarious and all broke out into fits of annoying giggles.

"You turned us against eachother for a fucking prize?" Cried Steven.

"Do you even know what the prize is?" Challenged Michelle.

The shredded sluts looked over to the table of prizes and examined the potential winnings. Boxes of chocolate, drinks, sashes, ribbons, flowers and other crap.

"There's nothing worth all this." Axl pointed out.

Michelle smirked at the clueless singer.

"The prize for Best Group Costumes is five thousand dollars to be shared among the group. Sounds good, doesn't it?"

Slash, Duff and Steven gawked at Michelle and Axl smirked right back at her.

"A pretty girl like you could easily make that kind of money without even leaving the comfort of her own bed." He said.

Michelle pulled a hand back to smack Axl as hard as she could before Isabelle stopped her.

"I think we've caused enough damage to these guys Michelle. Let's just leave them alone and see what happens with the prizes."

The nurse didn't say anything but dropped her hand down again.

"Hey Axl!" Duff said, "They've got a better chance at winning than us! They're costumes are amazing!"

The three other musicians groaned and rolled their eyes at the bassist.

"May the best slut win." Slash said and offered a hand to Michelle.

She eyed up the Gunners, satisfied with the destruction of any chance that they looked better than her and her friends. She shook Slash's hand and walked away, her posse of impostors following closely behind.


"Next up is the prize for Best Duo!" Announced Nina.

She checked the long list of names in her hand before grinning out to the crowd.

"Tommy and Nikki!"

The two Motley Crue members stumbled onto the stage to receive their prize. At first it seemed as though they didn't dress up as anything and had just come to the party dressed in their stage costumes but after closer inspection their idea was evident. Tommy had dressed up as Nikki Sixx and Nikki had dressed up as Tommy Lee. Clever. They very gratefully accepted their ten bottles of Jack Daniels before stumbling back off the stage.

"Next up, Most Disgusting Costume!"

One by one a procession of freaks and weirdoes went up to receive their meagre prizes. Until finally, the moment had come.

"Only two prizes left everyone!" Declared Nina, "Group and Best Overall! Who is going to win the two big cash prizes?"

Michelle and her friends looked across the dance floor and met the menacing stares of the Gunners. This was it.

"The winners...for the Best Group Costume...and five thousand dollars...are..."

Breaths held and nails bitten, nine hopeful sluts looked up at Nina and waited.

"It's a tie! The prize for Best Group Costume goes to Guns N' Roses and Michelle and her friends!"

Complete and utter outrage coursed through the veins of all the sluts. They ran up to the stage to claim the money and Duff and Michelle snatched the envelope out of Nina's hand and pushed her aside before undertaking a game of tug of war. Axl, Slash and Steven wrapped their arms around Duff's waist to help and Michelle's friends did the same to her. The crowd started cheering and Nina screamed at them to try and calm the situation down.

"Stop! Stop you guys! Just share the damn money!" She cried.

No one was listening to her though. As the envelope of money went to and fro, grunts and other such animal noises could be heard and many a set of teeth were bared in vicious sneers. It was an ugly sight to be beheld and Nina was at her wits end.

"Ok! That's it! If you guys don't get off my stage and stop arguing about who gets the money, no one is going to get anything!"

Immediately the tug of war ceased and both party of sluts looked at eachother in defeat. With heads bowed they trudged back off the stage to join the rest of the crowd and Duff leaned over to whisper to Michelle.

"This isn't over yet. We're keeping all that money one way or another."

Michelle just glared at him and clutched one end the envelope tight in her hand while the bassist clutched the other.

"Now that that's taken care of, sort of," Sighed Nina, "It's time for the most prestigious award of the night!"

The crowd cheered.

"The winner of the Best Costume has been judged by their costume, hair, make up and all around appearance tonight. Every single detail has been taken into consideration. I knew as soon as this person walked through the door that they were gonna win this. And the prize for looking so fucking awesome tonight? One hundred thousand dollars!"

Gasps and shocked utterances could be heard amongst the crowd and many jaws were on the floor.

"And the winner is..."

Everyone had their fingers crossed and breath held in anticipation.

"Izzy Stradlin!"

The crowd started cheering like crazy. However, after a few minutes the cheering died down, people having realised that the guitarist was not going up to the stage to claim his money.


Nina searched the crowd in confusion. Surely anyone who had just won one hundred thousand dollars would be sprinting to the stage to claim their prize.

The other Gunners looked at eachother in shock and confusion. Then something clicked in Axl's head.

"Holy shit! It was Izzy I heard upstairs!"

"What are you talking about?" Duff asked, scratching his head.

"Oh no! It's exactly what he said he was scared of! Someone up there is raping Izzy!"

And with that he turned on his heels and booted it through the hall and up the stairs, the others running to keep up.

"He's in one of these rooms!" Cried Axl as he frantically opened each door one by one as he went along the corridor.

The others tried different doors but to no avail. Izzy was nowhere in amongst the various sex scenes happening in each room. Duff yanked a door open and found Bobbing For Cocks, in which there was a large hot tub full of guys with several girls dipping their heads down into the water. Slash opened a door and found Transyl-Cane-Ya where there were a few men tied up with leather-clad vampires caning and whipping at their own leisure. Steven found Dick Or Treat in which there was a full on orgy happening making him momentarily forget what he was searching for so he decided to stay and watch for a second before Duff tugged him back and shut the door.

"He's got to be here somewhere!" Cried Axl.

Just after he said it a man's pained scream was heard from one of the doors near the end of the corridor. The four musicians ran to the room and yanked the door open and stood back in shock at what they saw.

Several zombies were stood around the sawhorse, each holding a weapon of choice. Whips, chains and canes, which would explain the pained screaming and blood trickling down the bare ass and legs of the man thrown over the sawhorse.

"Told you it could happen." Came a wry voice from the corner of the room.

The Gunners whipped around to the direction of the voice to find Izzy with his back to them, looking into a mirror, fixing his pigtails.

"Izz are you OK? What did they do to you?" Axl asked, as he took slow cautious steps towards his friend.

"I'm fine. These kind zombies here saved me from the evil vampire."

He scrunched his nose up as he said it. It all sounded so ridiculous. After satisfied with his hair the schoolgirl turned to face his friends and was immediately taken aback by their appearances.

"What the fuck happened to you guys?"

They all looked at eachother with red upon their cheeks.

"It's a long story." Said Steven.

And so the sluts went home happy. The five thousand dollars seemed like chicken feed next to Izzy's winnings so Michelle got to keep her pathetic prize. Guns N' Roses walked home holding their stripper shoes in their hands. After a long night of partying their feet were killing them. Izzy had a very smug grin on his face as he looked at Axl's very apologetic face. He waved the envelope in the maids face, making apology turn to sheer triumph. It had been a crazy night for sure but as a result of all the craziness they had decided on one thing.

"Next year, let's not let Steven pick out the costumes." Said Duff.

The End.
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