Categories > TV > O.C. > Curve of the Earth
Chapter Four: The Memory
Ryan couldn't believe how little had changed since his last time home. It was like walking through a time machine taking him back two years earlier. Agleam in the far-left corner of the room caught his eye. He dropped his bags and walked over towards it, hoping it wasn't what he thought it was. He hoped to God that someone had at least some in a cleaned up. He squatted down and picked up a small shard of glass. A harsh breath blew from his lips; he pressed the piece of glass gently against his forehead and closed his eyes trying to stop his mind from going back there. But his thoughts had already started to bleed, and the pain was already building in his chest.
12th and Hyde on a Sunday
Feeling like were grown
And we're nothing short of invincible
"Hey." He was startled from his thoughts by the sound of her voice. "I just thought I'd stop by since you're leaving tomorrow." Marissa stood cautiously in the doorway of the pool house.
"Hey come on in." He motioned towards the bed where he was sitting.
"Why haven't you packed?" He followed her eyes which traced his belongs strewed around the room.
"Yea about that.. I don't think I'm going back."
"What?" Marissa moved towards him obviously in awe of what Ryan had just said. "I thought Harvard was what you wanted? I thought it was where you were going to start your future?"
It starts again
Can you feel it
It takes your breath away
Stop saying that we're invincible
(it's round and round)
you're uninviting, unrewarding
and I'm misinforming you, misinforming you
"Yea so did I, Marissa. But see..." He blew out a breath and ran his hands through his hair, not a manner that showed frustration, but more of a manner that resembled desperation. "See the true is that I'm not doing so well there. Actually if I go back I'm on academic probation, and if I don't pull my grades up I'm going to lose my scholarship."
"Wow I'm shocked, you've been here all summer and I had no idea."
"That's the thing, no one had any idea. I haven't told anyone... well except Summer but that's a long story."
"You told Summer, but no one... I don't get it... what's going on with you Ryan. You come home and totally give me the cold shoulder, act like you're having the time of your life at Harvard, but you're flunking out and you don't tell anybody. And now you're telling me out of the blue that you don't think you're going back, You're not making a whole lot of sense here."
"I'm not making sense to myself right now. All I know is that I went to Harvard thinking it really was what I wanted. But I hate it there; the weather is awful it's cold and rainy... And... and..."
"And what Ryan...?"
He eyes grew soft but still intense, like he was trying to send her the thoughts in his head. "And not a day went by that I did think of you... I thought my future was there, but if I stay... could my future be here... with you?"
It's you and me on a Monday
The lies that we told
This is where we both go numb now
"Ryan... we can't do this. We ended everything last summer. We can't o back to the rollercoaster we were on for two years."
"I want to be with you Marissa, God I've always wanted to be with you. I can go to a local school get my grades up maybe transfer to Cal Tech, where I should have gone in the first place. And we can be together... Do what I wanted you to do a year ago... Ask me not to go."
He watched as she blankly stared at him, her breath baited, and it looked as if she had tears starting to well in her eyes. "Ryan I can't ask you to do that."
He stood from the bed and slowly walked towards her. His steps were slow and measure as if he was scared she'd run off if he moved too fast. He kept walking until he couldn't take anymore steps forward without running into her. "Ok then..." He paused bring his face within inches of her. "If you won't ask me not to go, then tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't still love me and I'll go back to Boston and stay out of your life forever... If you don't want me here it should be real easy to say I... don't... love you. Tell me that and I'll go." Her skin quivered under his fingers as he gently ran them down her face.
Marissa's breaths were coming out in trembles, long drawn shaky breaths. Her eyes darted all over the room, going anywhere that didn't require them to meet his eyes. Until finally they had no place else to go. For a split second they burned into his before closing as if she were a puppy in pain, "I'm sorry..." He watched a hard swallow go down her throat, "I don't love you Ryan."
He jumped away hurt, shocked; everything he hoped to hear was crashing down onto him.
"I'm so sorry, I should go... I shouldn't have come here..." She started to run out the door before briefly stopping, "Make a good life for yourself in Boston, you deserve it." With those words she vanished before he even had a chance to fully register what had just happened between them.
You broke my heart again this time
You're fading out you crossed the line
(you crossed the line)
For a few moments he stood in the pool house doorway looking out, hoping she would come back and tell him she'd made a mistake. But he knew he was just fooling himself thinking that way. As soon as he closed the door and turned around to see all of his unpacked belongings something in him snapped. In a swift motion he grabbed the vase of flowers Summer had brought to "brighten up this place," and flung them against the wall. Hearing the glass shatter made him feel better, but it didn't subside his rage. He began violently packing and within half an hour he was dropping a note on the Cohen's kitchen table, "Caught an earlier flight, will call when I get back to Boston, see you at Thanksgiving, Love you all Ryan." His last vision of Newport was of the Cohen's house as he stood in their driveway a bag flung over his shoulder waiting for his taxi.
Reaching out for a hand that's not here
But you are here and I'm not
We all want to be somebody
Right now we're just looking for the exit
This is the way I would have done things
Up against the wall
You've got me up against a wall
Ryan snapped out of his memories in a rage. He threw the piece of glass against the wall; the same way he'd thrown the vase it'd come from. He grabbed his bag and stormed out of the pool house running directly into Seth.
"Hey man slow down, where are you going?" Seth held both of his hands in front of him as of to say hold up.
"I can't do this man. I thought I could but I can't... I'm sorry, I'm going back to Boston."
Ryan couldn't believe how little had changed since his last time home. It was like walking through a time machine taking him back two years earlier. Agleam in the far-left corner of the room caught his eye. He dropped his bags and walked over towards it, hoping it wasn't what he thought it was. He hoped to God that someone had at least some in a cleaned up. He squatted down and picked up a small shard of glass. A harsh breath blew from his lips; he pressed the piece of glass gently against his forehead and closed his eyes trying to stop his mind from going back there. But his thoughts had already started to bleed, and the pain was already building in his chest.
12th and Hyde on a Sunday
Feeling like were grown
And we're nothing short of invincible
"Hey." He was startled from his thoughts by the sound of her voice. "I just thought I'd stop by since you're leaving tomorrow." Marissa stood cautiously in the doorway of the pool house.
"Hey come on in." He motioned towards the bed where he was sitting.
"Why haven't you packed?" He followed her eyes which traced his belongs strewed around the room.
"Yea about that.. I don't think I'm going back."
"What?" Marissa moved towards him obviously in awe of what Ryan had just said. "I thought Harvard was what you wanted? I thought it was where you were going to start your future?"
It starts again
Can you feel it
It takes your breath away
Stop saying that we're invincible
(it's round and round)
you're uninviting, unrewarding
and I'm misinforming you, misinforming you
"Yea so did I, Marissa. But see..." He blew out a breath and ran his hands through his hair, not a manner that showed frustration, but more of a manner that resembled desperation. "See the true is that I'm not doing so well there. Actually if I go back I'm on academic probation, and if I don't pull my grades up I'm going to lose my scholarship."
"Wow I'm shocked, you've been here all summer and I had no idea."
"That's the thing, no one had any idea. I haven't told anyone... well except Summer but that's a long story."
"You told Summer, but no one... I don't get it... what's going on with you Ryan. You come home and totally give me the cold shoulder, act like you're having the time of your life at Harvard, but you're flunking out and you don't tell anybody. And now you're telling me out of the blue that you don't think you're going back, You're not making a whole lot of sense here."
"I'm not making sense to myself right now. All I know is that I went to Harvard thinking it really was what I wanted. But I hate it there; the weather is awful it's cold and rainy... And... and..."
"And what Ryan...?"
He eyes grew soft but still intense, like he was trying to send her the thoughts in his head. "And not a day went by that I did think of you... I thought my future was there, but if I stay... could my future be here... with you?"
It's you and me on a Monday
The lies that we told
This is where we both go numb now
"Ryan... we can't do this. We ended everything last summer. We can't o back to the rollercoaster we were on for two years."
"I want to be with you Marissa, God I've always wanted to be with you. I can go to a local school get my grades up maybe transfer to Cal Tech, where I should have gone in the first place. And we can be together... Do what I wanted you to do a year ago... Ask me not to go."
He watched as she blankly stared at him, her breath baited, and it looked as if she had tears starting to well in her eyes. "Ryan I can't ask you to do that."
He stood from the bed and slowly walked towards her. His steps were slow and measure as if he was scared she'd run off if he moved too fast. He kept walking until he couldn't take anymore steps forward without running into her. "Ok then..." He paused bring his face within inches of her. "If you won't ask me not to go, then tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't still love me and I'll go back to Boston and stay out of your life forever... If you don't want me here it should be real easy to say I... don't... love you. Tell me that and I'll go." Her skin quivered under his fingers as he gently ran them down her face.
Marissa's breaths were coming out in trembles, long drawn shaky breaths. Her eyes darted all over the room, going anywhere that didn't require them to meet his eyes. Until finally they had no place else to go. For a split second they burned into his before closing as if she were a puppy in pain, "I'm sorry..." He watched a hard swallow go down her throat, "I don't love you Ryan."
He jumped away hurt, shocked; everything he hoped to hear was crashing down onto him.
"I'm so sorry, I should go... I shouldn't have come here..." She started to run out the door before briefly stopping, "Make a good life for yourself in Boston, you deserve it." With those words she vanished before he even had a chance to fully register what had just happened between them.
You broke my heart again this time
You're fading out you crossed the line
(you crossed the line)
For a few moments he stood in the pool house doorway looking out, hoping she would come back and tell him she'd made a mistake. But he knew he was just fooling himself thinking that way. As soon as he closed the door and turned around to see all of his unpacked belongings something in him snapped. In a swift motion he grabbed the vase of flowers Summer had brought to "brighten up this place," and flung them against the wall. Hearing the glass shatter made him feel better, but it didn't subside his rage. He began violently packing and within half an hour he was dropping a note on the Cohen's kitchen table, "Caught an earlier flight, will call when I get back to Boston, see you at Thanksgiving, Love you all Ryan." His last vision of Newport was of the Cohen's house as he stood in their driveway a bag flung over his shoulder waiting for his taxi.
Reaching out for a hand that's not here
But you are here and I'm not
We all want to be somebody
Right now we're just looking for the exit
This is the way I would have done things
Up against the wall
You've got me up against a wall
Ryan snapped out of his memories in a rage. He threw the piece of glass against the wall; the same way he'd thrown the vase it'd come from. He grabbed his bag and stormed out of the pool house running directly into Seth.
"Hey man slow down, where are you going?" Seth held both of his hands in front of him as of to say hold up.
"I can't do this man. I thought I could but I can't... I'm sorry, I'm going back to Boston."
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