Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I Will Follow You Into The Dark
“Why did you do it?” I asked quietly.
“I couldn’t see him like that,” he replied, staring at his hands. “See how he hurt and didn’t speak or eat. See how he was regressing. He would always remember, always be like that. I didn’t want that. For him or you.”
“Who are you to decide what happens to him?” I said harshly, my hand coming up to hold Mikey’s anchor necklace that I now constantly wore. “You never even let me say goodbye, tell him I loved him. He died thinking I enjoyed raping him!” I whispered cautiously.
“I was going out of my mind!” he cried out, suddenly looking up at me through the glass partition. “You were lucky he didn’t want to spend time with you! You have no idea how hard it was in the beginning to hear him talking about what had happened then deal with him not speaking at all. To always be aware of how much pain he was in. He wasn’t going to get better Gee.”
“How the fuck do you know what he would’ve been like?! I’ve just had to bury my brother!” I sobbed.
Frank was silenced. I could see the guilt but he deserved it. He took the only one I loved away from me.
“How did you do it?” I asked suddenly.
“Jesus Gerard...I-I thought they told you all of this.”
“They did. I wanna hear it from you. I wanna know everything that was going through that fucked up little head of yours as you killed your best friend; as you murdered my brother and my lover.”
“I can’t believe your getting me to do this,” Frank took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and wringing his hands together. “I got them when I went to get the first aid kit for you. I stole them. The sleeping pills, sedatives. He was still in the bathroom when I got home and I got you to go upstairs after bandaging you up, told you to get some sleep, some rest, gave you a sleeping pill with your water remember? I persuaded him out of the bathroom and we went down to the basement room. Eventually I convinced him to have a bottle of wine with me and I told him to stay put, saying I was gonna check on you and make some pizza too,”
Frank stopped for a breather, wiping the beginning of his tears from his eyes, mines were already freefalling. He looked at me and I nodded to him to continue. “I crushed the pills whilst I was up there. 3 boxes worth and put the powder into his bottle of wine. When the pizza was done I took his wine and the pizza downstairs and went to get a bottle of wine for myself. Then I just waited for it to work. It didn’t take long. He drank it quickly and there were a lot of the pills in there. When he became unconscious I smothered him. He would always be like that Gee, you gotta understand, he would be in pain always. I didn’t want that for him; I didn’t want that for you. How could you move on with what happened with Mikey there as a living reminder?
“So I left him on the bed. Wrote you your note and left it on the table. I knew you’d wake up eventually and go downstairs. Then I came here and handed my self in. I told them that I’d left you sleeping and that I’d left a note saying that I’d handed myself in and to phone them when you were ready to say goodbye to Mikey.”
Frank finished his tale and looked at me as I cried for my brother, my lover, my soul mate.
“I...I’m not sorry. Not after seeing him suffering but not sorry doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilty, because I do. Every minute of everyday I do.” He whispered.
“Well it’s good to know you have some remorse for what you’ve done.” I snarled as I pushed the chair back and signalled to the guard I wanted let out.
I drove the car to a road a reasonable distance from the cemetery. I wanted the walk. I wanted to clear things up in my head, think about things. I picked up the bunch of flowers from the passenger seat, a memory card hidden within the stems of the flowers; a memory card from a phone, Adriann’s phone. Frank had taken it out when he had taken Adriann back round to his house and left it for me along with his note. He had stopped our secret getting out; a small gesture of moral sense within a tangle of immorality. At least he did something right.
The black iron gates of the cemetery and as if in some stupid novel the heavens opened and the rain began to pour. I pulled my thin hoodie closer around me and continued on, sheltering the flowers as close to my body as possible.
I walked past row upon row of headstones. Some new, some old; some well taken care of, others in complete sense of dereliction. Finally I reached Mikey’s. Fresh flowers lay neatly round about. Some I recognised as my own, always lilies, always tied with a black ribbon with a small heart I had painted on the end in red paint, barely showing up against the dark fabric yet enough for me to know it was there, others - as I read the labels- had come from school friends and other family members. I tidied them up slightly, rearranged them before adding my own to the pile and going to sit near the head of his grave. I dug into my pocket and through some form of miracle found that my cigarettes had not become too wet and I was able to light one.
As the time passed and the cigarette began to burn into ash I noticed that tears had began to fall down my face.
“You were supposed to be with me forever you know Mikey. We were supposed to grow old, live in some nice house with a porch and a swimming pool and a swing chair for when we were older. It was supposed to be perfect. Yet it won’t be now. I never can be. Not when you’re not next to me. I hope you can hear me. I hope you know and understand that I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I need you to understand that. I need you to know that even after it happened, when you wouldn’t even look me in the face that I still loved you. Please believe me when I say it. I love you.”
I closed my eyes, tears still leaking frequently from my closed eyelids. With a shaky voice I began to sing softly.
‘Love of mine, someday you will die,
but I’ll be close behind, and follow you into the dark,
no blinding lights, or tunnels through gates of white,
just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark.
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
illuminate the ‘no’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside when your soul embarks
then I’ll follow you into the dark.
In catholic school, as vicious as roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by the lady in black.
I held my tongue, as she told me: ‘son, fear is the heart of love’
so I never went back.
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the ‘no’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside when your soul embarks
then I’ll follow you into the dark.
You and me have seen everything to see,
from Bangkok to Calgary and the soles of your shoes,
are all worn down, the time for sleep is now,
these nothing to cry about, cause we’ll hold each other soon,
the blackest of blues.
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the ‘no’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside when your soul embarks
then I’ll follow you into the dark.
I’ll follow you into the dark.’
I breathed heavily, my hand holding onto Mikey’s anchor around my neck so tightly that there were deep imprints in my palms. I opened my eyes, allowing the last of my tears to fall.
“I love you Mikes. I always will. I’ll see soon baby brother.” I whispered, kissing the ground next to me before standing up and with a last glance at the flowers I walked away.
~~~~~~~
So thats it.....no more of this story. It's been really....interesting to write and I've loved getting all your responses so let me know what you thought. What you liked....what you didn't.....and don't shout at me for the ending :S haha.
Thankyou so much for reading, Rate and Review as always, give me love (:
Hopefully I'll be back soon with another story....I have a little plot bunny already (:
xxxSarah aka xXBrokenxRosesXx
“I couldn’t see him like that,” he replied, staring at his hands. “See how he hurt and didn’t speak or eat. See how he was regressing. He would always remember, always be like that. I didn’t want that. For him or you.”
“Who are you to decide what happens to him?” I said harshly, my hand coming up to hold Mikey’s anchor necklace that I now constantly wore. “You never even let me say goodbye, tell him I loved him. He died thinking I enjoyed raping him!” I whispered cautiously.
“I was going out of my mind!” he cried out, suddenly looking up at me through the glass partition. “You were lucky he didn’t want to spend time with you! You have no idea how hard it was in the beginning to hear him talking about what had happened then deal with him not speaking at all. To always be aware of how much pain he was in. He wasn’t going to get better Gee.”
“How the fuck do you know what he would’ve been like?! I’ve just had to bury my brother!” I sobbed.
Frank was silenced. I could see the guilt but he deserved it. He took the only one I loved away from me.
“How did you do it?” I asked suddenly.
“Jesus Gerard...I-I thought they told you all of this.”
“They did. I wanna hear it from you. I wanna know everything that was going through that fucked up little head of yours as you killed your best friend; as you murdered my brother and my lover.”
“I can’t believe your getting me to do this,” Frank took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and wringing his hands together. “I got them when I went to get the first aid kit for you. I stole them. The sleeping pills, sedatives. He was still in the bathroom when I got home and I got you to go upstairs after bandaging you up, told you to get some sleep, some rest, gave you a sleeping pill with your water remember? I persuaded him out of the bathroom and we went down to the basement room. Eventually I convinced him to have a bottle of wine with me and I told him to stay put, saying I was gonna check on you and make some pizza too,”
Frank stopped for a breather, wiping the beginning of his tears from his eyes, mines were already freefalling. He looked at me and I nodded to him to continue. “I crushed the pills whilst I was up there. 3 boxes worth and put the powder into his bottle of wine. When the pizza was done I took his wine and the pizza downstairs and went to get a bottle of wine for myself. Then I just waited for it to work. It didn’t take long. He drank it quickly and there were a lot of the pills in there. When he became unconscious I smothered him. He would always be like that Gee, you gotta understand, he would be in pain always. I didn’t want that for him; I didn’t want that for you. How could you move on with what happened with Mikey there as a living reminder?
“So I left him on the bed. Wrote you your note and left it on the table. I knew you’d wake up eventually and go downstairs. Then I came here and handed my self in. I told them that I’d left you sleeping and that I’d left a note saying that I’d handed myself in and to phone them when you were ready to say goodbye to Mikey.”
Frank finished his tale and looked at me as I cried for my brother, my lover, my soul mate.
“I...I’m not sorry. Not after seeing him suffering but not sorry doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilty, because I do. Every minute of everyday I do.” He whispered.
“Well it’s good to know you have some remorse for what you’ve done.” I snarled as I pushed the chair back and signalled to the guard I wanted let out.
I drove the car to a road a reasonable distance from the cemetery. I wanted the walk. I wanted to clear things up in my head, think about things. I picked up the bunch of flowers from the passenger seat, a memory card hidden within the stems of the flowers; a memory card from a phone, Adriann’s phone. Frank had taken it out when he had taken Adriann back round to his house and left it for me along with his note. He had stopped our secret getting out; a small gesture of moral sense within a tangle of immorality. At least he did something right.
The black iron gates of the cemetery and as if in some stupid novel the heavens opened and the rain began to pour. I pulled my thin hoodie closer around me and continued on, sheltering the flowers as close to my body as possible.
I walked past row upon row of headstones. Some new, some old; some well taken care of, others in complete sense of dereliction. Finally I reached Mikey’s. Fresh flowers lay neatly round about. Some I recognised as my own, always lilies, always tied with a black ribbon with a small heart I had painted on the end in red paint, barely showing up against the dark fabric yet enough for me to know it was there, others - as I read the labels- had come from school friends and other family members. I tidied them up slightly, rearranged them before adding my own to the pile and going to sit near the head of his grave. I dug into my pocket and through some form of miracle found that my cigarettes had not become too wet and I was able to light one.
As the time passed and the cigarette began to burn into ash I noticed that tears had began to fall down my face.
“You were supposed to be with me forever you know Mikey. We were supposed to grow old, live in some nice house with a porch and a swimming pool and a swing chair for when we were older. It was supposed to be perfect. Yet it won’t be now. I never can be. Not when you’re not next to me. I hope you can hear me. I hope you know and understand that I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I need you to understand that. I need you to know that even after it happened, when you wouldn’t even look me in the face that I still loved you. Please believe me when I say it. I love you.”
I closed my eyes, tears still leaking frequently from my closed eyelids. With a shaky voice I began to sing softly.
‘Love of mine, someday you will die,
but I’ll be close behind, and follow you into the dark,
no blinding lights, or tunnels through gates of white,
just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark.
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
illuminate the ‘no’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside when your soul embarks
then I’ll follow you into the dark.
In catholic school, as vicious as roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by the lady in black.
I held my tongue, as she told me: ‘son, fear is the heart of love’
so I never went back.
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the ‘no’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside when your soul embarks
then I’ll follow you into the dark.
You and me have seen everything to see,
from Bangkok to Calgary and the soles of your shoes,
are all worn down, the time for sleep is now,
these nothing to cry about, cause we’ll hold each other soon,
the blackest of blues.
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the ‘no’s on their vacancy signs.
If there’s no one beside when your soul embarks
then I’ll follow you into the dark.
I’ll follow you into the dark.’
I breathed heavily, my hand holding onto Mikey’s anchor around my neck so tightly that there were deep imprints in my palms. I opened my eyes, allowing the last of my tears to fall.
“I love you Mikes. I always will. I’ll see soon baby brother.” I whispered, kissing the ground next to me before standing up and with a last glance at the flowers I walked away.
~~~~~~~
So thats it.....no more of this story. It's been really....interesting to write and I've loved getting all your responses so let me know what you thought. What you liked....what you didn't.....and don't shout at me for the ending :S haha.
Thankyou so much for reading, Rate and Review as always, give me love (:
Hopefully I'll be back soon with another story....I have a little plot bunny already (:
xxxSarah aka xXBrokenxRosesXx
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