Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > How To Bang Miley Cyrus by Gerard Way

Rule #3

by WtfItsMe 8 reviews

Make sure there is absolutely no guy to screw you over 'cuz you might get into the emergency room. [s]Or a funeral home.[/s]

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Drama,Humor,Sci-fi - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008-09-04 - Updated: 2008-09-05 - 2260 words

Rule #3

-Gerard's P.O.V.-

"Whooo! I gots me a date tonight! In your face, poopyhead!", said Mikey very immaturely.

"Wow. That's all I have to say.I have more important things to do and I can get a date if I wanted to. You should actually fix yourself up to look like you're actually going on a date."

Haha. He looks like a retard.

"Hey! I look fine! Meany. And what is more important than going on a date?"

"Things. Things my friend. Things that you just don't have to worry about at the moment."

"So it's that dare isn't it! You're obsessed with it!"

"No! I'm just focused! You wouldn't understand."

"Hello, boys! Nice to see you're getting along here! Michael, you have a visitor.", said mom popping in.

"Thanks, mommy!"

"Hehehe. You sound like you're five."

"He can call me mommy if he wants to! Come here Mikey Wikey Poo Baby! Hugs!"

This is just a wonderful sight. -snaps picture-

"Come and join our hug, Gerard. Group hug!", exclaimed Mikey.

"Haha. No thanks."

"Let's tackle him!", said Mikey.

"No! Jeez! Get off me!"

While I was tackled, my book fell out of my grip.

"You have a journal?! Let me see."

"Mom! No! That's not a journal! Stop reading it!"

"How to bang... What is this?! Stalk the prey?... Oh my god! You're one of those predators they talk about in the news! I'm getting your father!", yelled mother.

"What?! Mom, no!"

"Donald! Come here quick! It's an emergency!"

"What?! What happened?! What's the emergency?!", yelled dad excitetedly.

"Your son is a sexual predator! Look!"

"Oh my god! Lemme see! How to bang... What the fuck is this?! I know how to deal with you! Get on the bed now!", yelled dad.

"What?! Why?!"

"Do it! I'm your father! This is how we delt with things in the old days! It worked and I'm only doing this because I love you. Now get on the bed!", he retorted.


What the hell?... Oh my god! He's gonna rape me!

"Turn over. To the other side. This isn't a good angle.", he corrected.


"Perfect!", he exclaimed.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it! That hurts!"


Mom and Mikey are evil people. Laughing at a man's pain.

"You deserve it! I should keep a watch on you more often!", said dad.

"Oh shit that hurts!"

"Excuse me?! What did you say?!"

"Ahhhh! Why did you have to go so hard on that one?!"

My ass hurts... So much. I think it's gonna be bruised for at least a few weeks. My God this is nuts! Err..... Ouch...

"Because you are a bad boy! Bad boy, Gerard! This is how you tame bad boys!", dad answered.

"By whipping their asses with a pan?! That you got from the stove which was warming up?!"

"Yes. Are you going to be a good boy now?", he questioned.

"If I say yes will you stop trying to kill me?!"

"If you mean it!"

"Yes. I will be a good boy. Hmph."


Say what?!


"Do you want a repeat of what just happened?", asked mom.


"Then be a good boy and laugh with your brother."

"Haha. He's so funny...", said Mikey.

Oh look. Two preppies walked into my room. Now I have to bleach it!

"Hello?! We've been waiting here forever! I though you said your son was going to be down in a minute!" said [s]the prep[/s]Miley.

Oh god. Shutup.

"Calm down, Miley. Sorry, she's just anxious. You ready or do you need some more time?" Tara said correcting Miley's words.

"No I'm good. I was just watching the best entertainment ever known to man. Come let's go. Bye, mom! Bye, dad! Bye, stalker! I mean Gerard. Haha!", answered Mikey.

"Bye!" was the words escaping from everyone's mouths.

"Now you be a good boy. You have not been very good lately. You got your car towed, you disturbed me in my cooking, I found out that you are a sexual predator and that you are a bad boy.", said dad.

Oh I'm a bad boy. Nice one. And there was no parking!

"Well there was no parking and I was forced to park on that spot so you can't blame me, actually mom disturbed you, and I am not! Hitting me with that pan was useless!", I replied.

"Oh really? So you are still a bad boy? Didn't mommy teach you to be a nice boy? Well now how about we try something else? You are grounded for an additional 2 weeks.", answered dad.


"Ah! Listen to your mother! Now we are going to come check on you in a little while. Go find something wholesome to do. Read a book, study, do homework, whatever floats your boat.", said dad.

"Ok, mother and father. Bye."

"Alright, bye! Be good.", yelled mom while exiting the room.


"I'm watching you... Even when you don't know I am. All up in your space." said my father whilst doing that crappy two fingers and pointing it to me and then his eyes and back and forth twice.

Well finally! They left! Time to go do more important things! Hmm. Maybe I'm going too fast... Nah. Alright they went to have fun at the movies and then they are gonna go to Johnny Rockets diner to eat afterwards. What fun!

Car keys. Check.
Money. Check.
Bad boy Gerard. Check.
Dad's meatballs. Check.

Alright, I'm set!

Doo doo doo doo almost out the door.

"Gerard, where are you going? You are grounded!" questioned mom right as I was about ot leave.

"I'm out to help my little brother! He's just a helpless, defenseless little dude."

"Aww! You're being a good boy now! No more grounding!" said mom.

"Sweet!" was my reply.

Oh that's rich. I should do that more often.


"Can I have a ticket to Indiana Jones?"

"$11.25 please.", demanded the box office manager.

"Here ya go!"

"Thank you and here you go. Proceed to theater six."

Da dum da dum. Ooh. There they are. Should I go sit next to miss Miley? Nah. I got better things in store. I'm just going to stare at her and think things.

Ooh la la. I wish she'd take off some of that make up. She might actually look decent. She looks so carefree and airheadlike. Sure talks like one.

Oh my sweet Jesus! What the hell is Mikey doing?!

Closer. Closer. Woooooow. That's an odd sight. For me at least.

He is a damn pimp. Either that, or that girl is blind. I choose the girl is blind.

Haha. He looks like he's about to faint and fall on the floor. They stopped. Oh wow, he did fall on the floor!

I tell my parents that I saved Mikey from a trip to the emergency room and brought him his inhaler. I'm a genius.

Miss Miley is very grossed out. I don't think she's enjoying the movie. If she fixed herself a bit, or a little less in her case, she'd be pretty cute. Wow. How many times have I thought that? I wonder if she thinks the same about me. I could wear Aeropostale and she'd love it.

Mwahaha. I'm going to practice my kissy face.



I think I'll make a move tonight.



"Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!"

I looked up at him and yes, he looked like the asshole in our school. He was Kane. What the fuck kinda name is Kane? Were his parents on something when they had him? Anyways, what the hell is he doing and what does he want?

"I should be asking you that! Whatcha want?!"

"Why are you looking at my girlfriend and making kissy faces?! Are you thinkin' something?! 'Cuz if you are, you're in trouble!", replied Kane.

"What if I said no?", I asked.

"Then I'm gonna walk away like this."

I wish I could video tape him and post this conversation on youtube. It's just that ridiculous.

"Good! You're making the right choice!", I shouted behind him.

Oh damn. This is going to interfere with my dare and plans isn't it? Shit. This is great. Perfect. I think God wants me to lose! Well he wouldn't approve of this. I did not think at all that she might have a boyfriend. Stupid!

Hmm... I know just what to do. For now, I'm gonna sit back and watch this movie. Ooh la la. He is sexy. Good movie choice. Hehehe.

I wonder when Mikey's gonna get up off the floor.


-Table 5, Diner.-

"May I take your order?", asked the waiter.

"Yeah! I'm starving!"

"Ok. What do you want?"

"Why didn't you ask?! I want those burger things and a vanilla milkshake."

"Surely. Anything else?", she questioned.

"Uhh... Oh yeah! My dad made these meatballs, would you mind warming it up for me?"

"We don't do that."

"Well then you suck. Move along and get my order. No tip for you!"


Psh. Now it won't burn anyone when I throw it at them. Ah well, we'll just stain their clothes!

Who to throw it at? Hmm...



Genius. I am a pure evil genius.

Kane is gonna dump her after I finish with her. Hehehe. This is too easy. I win God!

1,2,3. Launch!


"What... the... hell... AHHHHHH!", Miley screamed.

"Calm down!", said Tara trying to muffle Miley's scream.


"Shutup, Mike!", reprimanded Miley.

"Miley, calm down! It's not that big a deal! Just wash it off!", Tara advised.

"Maybe to you! Who threw this meatball at me?!"

Ahahaha! That is hilarious. I wish I took a picture of her face when that happened.

"Hey, babe. I'm... back... What the fuck is on your shirt?! And why is there a meatball in there?!", said Kane.

"It's just a meatball! No biggie! I'll wash it up!"

"Eww! I'm leaving! Goodbye! Don't call me, text or look for me! We're done!"

"What?! You can't do that!", Miley replied.

This is awesome! Better than T.V.! AHAHAHAHA! Aww, I think she's crying. Too bad.

"I'll be back. I'm gonna go clean this off and refresh.", Miley told Tara.

Hah. She's not too happy. Alright she's in the bathroom!

"Hey, Gerard. Come here." said Mikey in my direction.

Damn meatballs! He's talking to me? Maybe if I hide and don't answer.

"Dude! Come here, I know you're there! It's obvious!"

Oh well.

"Err... Hello?"

"I thought you were grounded! That meatball stunt was fabulous by the way. Ell Emm Eff Ayy Ohh!", said Mikey.

"Haha! Yeah I know! Everything went as planned! And I'm ungrounded now. I am a good boy now!", I replied.

"I don't believe it. You're crazy. Go back before you're nailed to the wall.", Mikey said.

"I told mom and dad that you were in need of rescuing!"

"I am not!"

"Did you see yourself at the theater?"

"You were there?!", replied Mikey in a horrible fashion.

Yeah, boii! Blush, Mikey, Blush!

"Oh yeah. It was very entertaining. I'm not just talking about the movie."


"Don't get too worked up about it! It's fine. When we go home, just tell mom and dad that I brought your inhaler for you 'cuz you were all out of breath and about to die.", I said.

"You know I would, but there's just one problem."

"No there isn't. Just work with me. I'm the genius here."

"Well, genius, I don't have asthma!"

"...Oh... Well you look like you needed an inhaler anyways!"


"Yeah, it was hard to get you off the floor. We had to carry you into the car and then thow soda in your eyes.", said Tara.

"That was pleasant.", commented Mikey.

"I'm sure. So why the hell did you take him on a date?! I mean look at him!", I said.

"I know what he looks like so that's not necessary. I like him! He's nice and caring!", replied Tara.

"He shoved a sandwich in your mouth."

"It showed that he cared!", Tara said while flashing a smile in Mikey's direction.

"Seeeee! I'm awesome!", Mikey said while waving his arms up in the air doing a woohoo!

"Yes you are. So why is Miley all broken up about this dude? He's an ass.", I asked.

"They like each other and their perfect! The only thing is that they [b]both[/b] can get really superficial sometimes.", Tara replied.

"Duh. I can see that."

"Well yeah. She'll get over it and as the cycle goes, they're gonna make up again and do the same thing. It hurts to see it happening over and over again."

"I'll fix that."

"What?", asked Tara.

"Don't worry about it.", I answered.

"Hey, Tara. Wanna be my girlfriend?!", piped Miikey.

"Sure! I thought I already was though.", replied Tara.

"It sounds more official if I ask! Woo!"

Oh no. Not here.

"No, no! Not here! At least when you get in the car or sometihng!"


Ohh. Here she comes. Gotta go.

"Here she comes. Here I go! Bye.", I said hurriedly.

"Bye.", said Tara while she waved.

"See ya at home! Or the next place you stalk.", yelled Mikey.

[b] Rule #3: Make sure there is absolutely no guy to screw you over 'cuz you might get into the emergency room. [s]Or a funeral home.[/s] [/b]
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