Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Awake
Mutely, I tossed some bills at the cab driver who sat, scrutinizing me through the mirror, likely wondering what could have brought this small blonde girl with the dead eyes and insipid skin, who looked barely out of her teens was doing heading into this house. I mirrored his speculation but offered no relief to either of us.
Biting my bottom lip, I grabbed up my backpack, heaving it over my left shoulder before making my way up the eerily familiar walk, the weeds having finally managed to escape their concrete confines and begin their assault on the stones that led the way to the front door – one of the many tasks that had, no doubt, been ignored for the almost two years since I’d left this place with a promise to never return. Another lie in a sea of them I found myself drowning in.
I still remembered where the spare key was, having burned my own along with any tokens I’d managed to scramble away with, lifted it from its perch under the third rock, slipping it easily into the lock and twisting it before closing the door quietly behind me.
Knowing the house would be empty did nothing to still the shock of trembles that streaked through my body as I stood immobile in the front hall, memories flooding me like an unstoppable tidal wave, leaving me floundering and gasping in it’s wake. I hadn’t been expecting the onslaught of terror that ripped it’s way across my conscience, the way my teeth chattered like I was doused in ice water, or the way the utter certainty that I was being watched erupted.
Twisting on the spot, I peered through the empty front room, expecting an attack at any moment, a ruthless smile pasted across his lips as he sauntered towards me, those pale blue eyes so alike my own alight with eagerness at the prospect of my return. Another tremble shot down my spine.
Closing my eyes, I breathed in as deeply as possible, holding it to the point where it almost hurt before exhaling slowly, once again reminding myself that Bob was nowhere around here, was at work until at least five; plenty of time to relax and properly plan out whatever it was I was hoping to achieve. Strangely, the fact that I had no fixed idea of what I was planning did not bother me nearly as much as it should.
Minutes passed into hours, the digital clock seemed to be on fast forward, the numbers slipping past at an alarming rate so that I had to repeatedly check with my watch. Five o’clock arrived with a slam of the door so loud that I jumped off of the bed I had been sitting on for the past three hours mindlessly staring at the ceiling, backing myself further away from the bedroom door I knew would open in moments to reveal the man of too many nightmares; the nightmare I had run towards and would never escape from.
The full body shaking returned with the sound of his foot falls on the stairs, accelerating as the distance between us dwindled into nothingness, the click of the door handle a knife that sliced through my heart, leaving it on the floor in cleaved pieces and my chest empty. The shaking stopped as he came into view.
He looked the same as I remembered, bigger maybe, but the same unconcerned relaxed gait that had first attracted me to him and then became one of my biggest fears, the same pale blue eyes that oozed confidence, the smirk that had forever been a reminder of some terror that was in store for me next.
“Kaelin, what a surprise.” His voice sounded too composed for me to believe his words; he’d known I was here. Fisting my hands, I held them closely to my sides, stilling the tremors that threatened to spew out of me again.
“I just couldn’t stand the distance, you know?” I hoped the venom in my voice was enough, made me sound more assured that I felt. His smirk grew in response.
“You never could make it on your own baby. You need a big strong man to tell you what to do, was Frank not big enough for you?” Glaring back at him, I felt fury boiling in my chest, anger I was unfamiliar with coursing through my veins.
“You’re not a man Bob. You’re not even human.”
I heard the snap as I crashed to the floor, my wrist twisted somewhat awkwardly as the pain seared up my arm in radiating waves. I clenched my teeth together as I stared back in what I hoped was defiance. He stepped forwards, leaning casually against the wall, the smirk I had fallen in love with once upon a time in place as he stared down at me breathing hard through my nose.
“You know I always loved you in blue and purple baby.” Grinding my teeth did nothing to stop the flame of anger that continued to flared up inside, the blaze urging me to jump up and attack whatever bit of him I could reach.
“Fuck you Bob. You can’t hurt me anymore.” His smirk grew wider at my response, sapphire glazed over in excitement, a harsh chuckle escaping his lips.
“Oh, really? Well, you know I love a challenge.” Like lightening that comes without the thunder he was in front of me before I had realized he’d moved, my broken wrist within his grasp as he shoved me onto my back, those twinkling eyes the only thing I seemed to be able to focus on, hating the color more than ever. “Feels just like the good ‘ole days, eh babe?” I focused on the throbbing of my wrist, savoring it like a favorite dessert; it validated the blood still flowing through my veins.
He looked speculative for a moment, his forehead creasing slightly before the smirk returned in all it’s glory, the grip on my wrist tightening, sending another wave of stabbing pain down my arm. I clamped my eyes shut against the burning that accompanied the pain, the tears he would never see again held captive.
“Let’s play a game Kael, I know how much you used to love our games.” He seemed to be waiting for a response, so I offered none, a petty victory that he probably didn’t even notice, as he continued on. “I’m going to ask you a question and if you answer correctly, you get a prize. If your answer is wrong, I’m going to break one of your ribs.” His voice was bright with excitement, his eyes blazing with it, just like they did in those waking nightmares of the past and I couldn’t stop the tiny shiver that flew through me, making his smile even wider. “Do you understand the rules?” He didn’t wait for my response, using my wrist to pull me slightly away from him, so I lay almost on my left side, my back to the devil.
I turned my head to stare back at my tormenter, doing my best to keep my eyes as clear as possible, my face blank as I waited for our game to start; I already knew how it would end.
“Question number one, where is Frank?” I rolled my eyes at the lack of creativity before sending them back to stare wordlessly back at Bob, who was still smiling, no doubt expecting an answer. I counted to sixty-three in my head, waiting for some reprieve from the self induced silence enveloping the room, his smile having faded after forty-two. Only a low growl warned me what was coming, my eyes snapping tightly shut in anticipation.
The crack that resonated through the room, was lost to me as the pain ripped its way through my body, unconfined by the cage it had just destroyed, my entire body on fire as I grit my teeth to stop the cries of anguish from escaping them. I tried to concentrate on breathing steadily through my nose; it came out in distressed bursts of air. A few moments passed before I was able to open my eyes to find the smirk was back in place, a seal of satisfaction and victory evident across his features.
“You never said anything about not answering.” His lips curled up, white teeth gradually visible.
“You’re right, I should have been more clear in the directions. My apologies. At least we’re on the same page now.” He squeezed my wrist again, but the pain seemed localized and diminutive compared to the raging fire across my torso. It was easily ignored. “Now, it’s round two, are you ready? Question number two, and remember, this is for the big prize! Where is Frank?” His eyes were brilliant like I had never seen them, he looked utterly convinced that I was about to tell him what he wanted to know, and why wouldn’t he? I had proven over and over again how very weak I was in our past, I had never dreamed of standing up to him, until now. Like pushing an “On” button, my plan suddenly became clear; I would take whatever he wanted to give me and in the end I would die, but Frank would be saved. I could do that. I was strong enough to save Frank.
With the reassurance of a plan forming a blanket around me I was able to ignore the pain still shredding it’s way across my mid section for enough time for my own smirk to appear.
“He’s touring the world with this band he just joined, they’re getting pretty famous actually, I’m surprised you haven’t heard of them.” The roar that curled past his lips was loud than the last, my eyes never leaving him as his foot reared back, crashing into my side again. Twice. The pain was as overwhelming as the first, the tiny flare of hope that I might be able to control my features was lost as soon as his foot connected. I left my eyes open as I accepted the pain, a sliver of satisfaction floating above me, reminding me that I didn’t need to hold out much longer.
“You little slut!” His voice lost the serene tone it always carried, no longer composed in the face of my defiance. Yet another victory I was tacking up in my mind. “I swear to god I’m going to kill you if you don’t tell me where the fuck Frank is!” His fingers wrapped around my upper arms, overlapping each other, the skin beneath blossoming white petals. The staring contest lasted only a second before my vision was being blurred and I realized he was shaking me, my head snapping back and forth like a rag doll I used to carry around. Feral growls were escaping his lips though I couldn’t focus on them, my own eyes clamped shut against the unbearable pain all the movement was causing.
As my head snapped back, it connected with the floor, the carpet a feeble gratification, as I realized that he had released me, his breathing ragged as I looked back up at him, a small grin on my lips, knowledge that it was almost over, freedom was just minutes away.
“This is your last fucking chance Kaelin, tell me where the fuck Frank is and I might not kill you.” I paused like I was contemplating his offer, biting my bottom lip like it was a serious decision.
“I killed him.” The momentary look of confusion that passed over his face brought my total up to four. “Shot him in the head with his own gun, made it look like a suicide, the police never even considered anything else. You wouldn’t have hear about it, I suppose, since we changed our names, but you could look into it; Frank Castle.” Uncertainty was evident in those blue orbs and I tacked on another point; I knew what Bob would find, and he would check, he had to be sure about something like this. Frank Castle did shoot himself in the head, one of the reasons Frankie had delighted in using the name, and I was suddenly thankful for the morbid curiosity that made Frank determined to use dead people’s names.
“You bitch…” His voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes narrowed in anger as his chest heaved unevenly. “I told Frank what you were like, I warned him!”
“What do you fucking care?! You would have killed him if I hadn’t!” His red face loomed dangerously close to my own, hot breath brushing harshly against my cheeks, the tiny flecks of spit visible on his lips.
“It was my right to kill him! He betrayed me, but you have no fucking rights! You’re nothing but a fucking cunt who never figured out her place and so help me god I will help you understand!” I expected the next kick, welcomed it even, but the pain that immediately overwhelmed me was unexpected. I hadn’t prepared myself for how much this one would hurt, the way my breath caught in my throat, as the pain ripped my insides apart like some medieval torture chamber. I couldn’t stop the quiet sob that escaped past my lips as the edges grew blurry, my head spinning in time with the throbbing thumping through my body like the heavy bass lines that heaved their way through Frankie’s speakers. Bob didn’t look as intimidating when I looked at him through this dirty glass, he couldn’t hurt me when I was behind this glass; I was safe here. I was finally safe.
I felt a small smile tug at the corners of my lips as my eyes closed with the image of Frankie smiling at me already sprawled across my unconsciousness, his lips parting as his soft voice filtered it’s way through my ears, more like a symphony than a human voice. His hands outstretched towards me as his head shook, tears slipping out of the longed for olive.
“No Kaelin.”
There was only black.
------
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Cheers
Kat
Biting my bottom lip, I grabbed up my backpack, heaving it over my left shoulder before making my way up the eerily familiar walk, the weeds having finally managed to escape their concrete confines and begin their assault on the stones that led the way to the front door – one of the many tasks that had, no doubt, been ignored for the almost two years since I’d left this place with a promise to never return. Another lie in a sea of them I found myself drowning in.
I still remembered where the spare key was, having burned my own along with any tokens I’d managed to scramble away with, lifted it from its perch under the third rock, slipping it easily into the lock and twisting it before closing the door quietly behind me.
Knowing the house would be empty did nothing to still the shock of trembles that streaked through my body as I stood immobile in the front hall, memories flooding me like an unstoppable tidal wave, leaving me floundering and gasping in it’s wake. I hadn’t been expecting the onslaught of terror that ripped it’s way across my conscience, the way my teeth chattered like I was doused in ice water, or the way the utter certainty that I was being watched erupted.
Twisting on the spot, I peered through the empty front room, expecting an attack at any moment, a ruthless smile pasted across his lips as he sauntered towards me, those pale blue eyes so alike my own alight with eagerness at the prospect of my return. Another tremble shot down my spine.
Closing my eyes, I breathed in as deeply as possible, holding it to the point where it almost hurt before exhaling slowly, once again reminding myself that Bob was nowhere around here, was at work until at least five; plenty of time to relax and properly plan out whatever it was I was hoping to achieve. Strangely, the fact that I had no fixed idea of what I was planning did not bother me nearly as much as it should.
Minutes passed into hours, the digital clock seemed to be on fast forward, the numbers slipping past at an alarming rate so that I had to repeatedly check with my watch. Five o’clock arrived with a slam of the door so loud that I jumped off of the bed I had been sitting on for the past three hours mindlessly staring at the ceiling, backing myself further away from the bedroom door I knew would open in moments to reveal the man of too many nightmares; the nightmare I had run towards and would never escape from.
The full body shaking returned with the sound of his foot falls on the stairs, accelerating as the distance between us dwindled into nothingness, the click of the door handle a knife that sliced through my heart, leaving it on the floor in cleaved pieces and my chest empty. The shaking stopped as he came into view.
He looked the same as I remembered, bigger maybe, but the same unconcerned relaxed gait that had first attracted me to him and then became one of my biggest fears, the same pale blue eyes that oozed confidence, the smirk that had forever been a reminder of some terror that was in store for me next.
“Kaelin, what a surprise.” His voice sounded too composed for me to believe his words; he’d known I was here. Fisting my hands, I held them closely to my sides, stilling the tremors that threatened to spew out of me again.
“I just couldn’t stand the distance, you know?” I hoped the venom in my voice was enough, made me sound more assured that I felt. His smirk grew in response.
“You never could make it on your own baby. You need a big strong man to tell you what to do, was Frank not big enough for you?” Glaring back at him, I felt fury boiling in my chest, anger I was unfamiliar with coursing through my veins.
“You’re not a man Bob. You’re not even human.”
I heard the snap as I crashed to the floor, my wrist twisted somewhat awkwardly as the pain seared up my arm in radiating waves. I clenched my teeth together as I stared back in what I hoped was defiance. He stepped forwards, leaning casually against the wall, the smirk I had fallen in love with once upon a time in place as he stared down at me breathing hard through my nose.
“You know I always loved you in blue and purple baby.” Grinding my teeth did nothing to stop the flame of anger that continued to flared up inside, the blaze urging me to jump up and attack whatever bit of him I could reach.
“Fuck you Bob. You can’t hurt me anymore.” His smirk grew wider at my response, sapphire glazed over in excitement, a harsh chuckle escaping his lips.
“Oh, really? Well, you know I love a challenge.” Like lightening that comes without the thunder he was in front of me before I had realized he’d moved, my broken wrist within his grasp as he shoved me onto my back, those twinkling eyes the only thing I seemed to be able to focus on, hating the color more than ever. “Feels just like the good ‘ole days, eh babe?” I focused on the throbbing of my wrist, savoring it like a favorite dessert; it validated the blood still flowing through my veins.
He looked speculative for a moment, his forehead creasing slightly before the smirk returned in all it’s glory, the grip on my wrist tightening, sending another wave of stabbing pain down my arm. I clamped my eyes shut against the burning that accompanied the pain, the tears he would never see again held captive.
“Let’s play a game Kael, I know how much you used to love our games.” He seemed to be waiting for a response, so I offered none, a petty victory that he probably didn’t even notice, as he continued on. “I’m going to ask you a question and if you answer correctly, you get a prize. If your answer is wrong, I’m going to break one of your ribs.” His voice was bright with excitement, his eyes blazing with it, just like they did in those waking nightmares of the past and I couldn’t stop the tiny shiver that flew through me, making his smile even wider. “Do you understand the rules?” He didn’t wait for my response, using my wrist to pull me slightly away from him, so I lay almost on my left side, my back to the devil.
I turned my head to stare back at my tormenter, doing my best to keep my eyes as clear as possible, my face blank as I waited for our game to start; I already knew how it would end.
“Question number one, where is Frank?” I rolled my eyes at the lack of creativity before sending them back to stare wordlessly back at Bob, who was still smiling, no doubt expecting an answer. I counted to sixty-three in my head, waiting for some reprieve from the self induced silence enveloping the room, his smile having faded after forty-two. Only a low growl warned me what was coming, my eyes snapping tightly shut in anticipation.
The crack that resonated through the room, was lost to me as the pain ripped its way through my body, unconfined by the cage it had just destroyed, my entire body on fire as I grit my teeth to stop the cries of anguish from escaping them. I tried to concentrate on breathing steadily through my nose; it came out in distressed bursts of air. A few moments passed before I was able to open my eyes to find the smirk was back in place, a seal of satisfaction and victory evident across his features.
“You never said anything about not answering.” His lips curled up, white teeth gradually visible.
“You’re right, I should have been more clear in the directions. My apologies. At least we’re on the same page now.” He squeezed my wrist again, but the pain seemed localized and diminutive compared to the raging fire across my torso. It was easily ignored. “Now, it’s round two, are you ready? Question number two, and remember, this is for the big prize! Where is Frank?” His eyes were brilliant like I had never seen them, he looked utterly convinced that I was about to tell him what he wanted to know, and why wouldn’t he? I had proven over and over again how very weak I was in our past, I had never dreamed of standing up to him, until now. Like pushing an “On” button, my plan suddenly became clear; I would take whatever he wanted to give me and in the end I would die, but Frank would be saved. I could do that. I was strong enough to save Frank.
With the reassurance of a plan forming a blanket around me I was able to ignore the pain still shredding it’s way across my mid section for enough time for my own smirk to appear.
“He’s touring the world with this band he just joined, they’re getting pretty famous actually, I’m surprised you haven’t heard of them.” The roar that curled past his lips was loud than the last, my eyes never leaving him as his foot reared back, crashing into my side again. Twice. The pain was as overwhelming as the first, the tiny flare of hope that I might be able to control my features was lost as soon as his foot connected. I left my eyes open as I accepted the pain, a sliver of satisfaction floating above me, reminding me that I didn’t need to hold out much longer.
“You little slut!” His voice lost the serene tone it always carried, no longer composed in the face of my defiance. Yet another victory I was tacking up in my mind. “I swear to god I’m going to kill you if you don’t tell me where the fuck Frank is!” His fingers wrapped around my upper arms, overlapping each other, the skin beneath blossoming white petals. The staring contest lasted only a second before my vision was being blurred and I realized he was shaking me, my head snapping back and forth like a rag doll I used to carry around. Feral growls were escaping his lips though I couldn’t focus on them, my own eyes clamped shut against the unbearable pain all the movement was causing.
As my head snapped back, it connected with the floor, the carpet a feeble gratification, as I realized that he had released me, his breathing ragged as I looked back up at him, a small grin on my lips, knowledge that it was almost over, freedom was just minutes away.
“This is your last fucking chance Kaelin, tell me where the fuck Frank is and I might not kill you.” I paused like I was contemplating his offer, biting my bottom lip like it was a serious decision.
“I killed him.” The momentary look of confusion that passed over his face brought my total up to four. “Shot him in the head with his own gun, made it look like a suicide, the police never even considered anything else. You wouldn’t have hear about it, I suppose, since we changed our names, but you could look into it; Frank Castle.” Uncertainty was evident in those blue orbs and I tacked on another point; I knew what Bob would find, and he would check, he had to be sure about something like this. Frank Castle did shoot himself in the head, one of the reasons Frankie had delighted in using the name, and I was suddenly thankful for the morbid curiosity that made Frank determined to use dead people’s names.
“You bitch…” His voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes narrowed in anger as his chest heaved unevenly. “I told Frank what you were like, I warned him!”
“What do you fucking care?! You would have killed him if I hadn’t!” His red face loomed dangerously close to my own, hot breath brushing harshly against my cheeks, the tiny flecks of spit visible on his lips.
“It was my right to kill him! He betrayed me, but you have no fucking rights! You’re nothing but a fucking cunt who never figured out her place and so help me god I will help you understand!” I expected the next kick, welcomed it even, but the pain that immediately overwhelmed me was unexpected. I hadn’t prepared myself for how much this one would hurt, the way my breath caught in my throat, as the pain ripped my insides apart like some medieval torture chamber. I couldn’t stop the quiet sob that escaped past my lips as the edges grew blurry, my head spinning in time with the throbbing thumping through my body like the heavy bass lines that heaved their way through Frankie’s speakers. Bob didn’t look as intimidating when I looked at him through this dirty glass, he couldn’t hurt me when I was behind this glass; I was safe here. I was finally safe.
I felt a small smile tug at the corners of my lips as my eyes closed with the image of Frankie smiling at me already sprawled across my unconsciousness, his lips parting as his soft voice filtered it’s way through my ears, more like a symphony than a human voice. His hands outstretched towards me as his head shook, tears slipping out of the longed for olive.
“No Kaelin.”
There was only black.
------
Serious reviews are required for an update to happen. I'm going to be greedy this time! YOU control when I update, so REVIEW!!! :)
Cheers
Kat
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