Categories > Anime/Manga > Yu-Gi-Oh! > Obsession
Reviews
Obsession
(#) darkokita 2008-05-24
There are a few problems with your spelling. If you can't get spellcheck than maybe you could get a beta-reader. Also, these two sentences;
"Fine, but just for the video." He growled out.
Kaiba took a deep breath, them screamed out...
The words 'growled' and 'screamed' are both active/descriptive verbs in their own right. It isn't necessary (and is, in fact, grammatically incorrect) to add the word 'out' after them.
I do like the story, though. Animotion's 'Obsession' is one of my favorite songs and I like the images you used for the 'video'. I can just see Kaiba going ballistic, too. LOL
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