FicWad

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men or the Jason Alexander version of Bye Bye Birdie that was on TV. It had the song "A Mother Doesn't Matter" sung by Tyne Daly. Then I was thinking that Magneto isn't shown much as a heavy lately. Even most fanfics have made him either disappear or killed off...Which led to this strange idea...

Magneto Doesn't Matter Anymore
Magneto and Xavier are in a rec room off camera. They are reading fanfictions on the Internet. Magneto is not happy.
Magneto: Look at this. Look at this. All I do is stand around in the shadows half the time. It's bad enough I don't do anything in the series but you'd think that I'd get mentioned once in a while in a fanfic! Oh wait, here I am! Attacking the mansion...and Avalanche kills me by dropping the mansion on me. What am I the Wicked Witch of the West here? Oh here I am experimenting on mutants...and I just disappear. Lovely.
Xavier: I can't believe all these stories where I'm the villain! I don't get it! I'm treated like the scum of the Earth while the Brotherhood are worshipped like gods! Look at this! Oh yeah, the Brotherhood can destroy schools, steal, and do anything they want and are instantly forgiven! I do one little mindwipe of a crowd....
Magneto: Oh stop rubbing it in you glory hog! At least you get screen time and all the juicy bits in fanfics! What do I get? I stand in the shadows most of the time! It's not fair! It's not fair!
Xavier: Calm down Magnus.
Magneto: Oh that's easy for you to say Mr. I'm-in-every-episode! So it's happened at last. At last it's come. I'm not really needed much am I? Well what are they waiting for? Why don't they just get rid of me? Replace me with you huh? You think it's sooo easy being a villain, you try it!
Xavier: Magnus...I'm sure they have a reason not putting you in yet.
Magneto: Oh they have a reason all right! They don't wanna pay me! I create the Brotherhood and this is the thanks I get!
Who created the Brotherhood? Provides conflict with Professor Goody-Good?
But do I get the worship I adore?
I work hard, but does anyone care? It's just too hard to bear.
Magneto doesn't matter anymore!

With bunions on my feet, I worked hard through snow and sleet
To be a great villain, with many surprises in store!
But am I appreciated by them? (Points to audience) I even lost Asteroid M!
No Magneto doesn't matter anymore!
That's it! I've had it! Even Arcade has had more screen time this season than I had! Fine! I'm not bitter. I'm not. I'm not. I'm just gonna go out and kill my agent. And some writers...
The professor by the way, gets in an episode every day!
So far I'm barely mentioned. Yeah it's true.
Isn't there something I can do? I'll be lucky if I'm in an episode or two!
I may be hiding but I'm not through!
Everyone knows I'm great! I do more than just manipulate!
I can bend steel beams without my arms getting sore!
I'm really getting bored! But I'm just being ignored!
No Magneto doesn't matter anymore!
(Magneto lies down on a couch)
There, I feel better now. I was a little upset but I calmed down. I'm sure the writers know what they're doing. You know what they're doing? They're ruining my life! Aggh! (Gets up again.)
Who gave up nights of rest, to be the best of the best?
I've wanted to be a leader, ever since I was four!
My life has been in vain. These writers are insane!
'Cause Magneto doesn't matter no! Magneto doesn't matter yes! Magneto doesn't matter any moooooooorrre!
If anybody wants me, I'll be my trailer! (Storms off.)
Xavier: So that's where Pietro gets it from.
Magneto: I heard that!