FicWad

Chapter 23
Drew’s POV
"Pices":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzNza21A2uo


I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

Its been a couple of months since I lost the baby. I am in hell, I don’t know what too do. I know its all coming undone. I have pushed both of them so far now and I don’t know what to do. We have all changed so much, I can’t help but wonder if they both want out. I laid down on the bed and turn on some music hoping to clear my head before the guys come back.


If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own


I hear these words and can’t help but picture them, both. How it hurts to know that I have to make a decision Not knowing how or what to do. I prayed for the strength to think of what it would be like to finally choose. I close my eyes and let the words take me away.

His smile is always in my head, his laugh always in my ears. I can’t fight it anymore….I love him. My happiness fades quickly. Does he feel the same for me…What will happen to the other, I can’t break his heart…tear him down like that..I care about him still. I hate this torn feeling its been picking at me for fucking ever. I can’t take it any fucking more!
A thought then crossed my mind…I can’t face the rejection of one and crushing the other. So. I must leave them both…yes it the only fucking way. There is no way I can actually be good enough for him….he is to perfect…why would he want me. I can’t lie to the other and live with out him…yes this is how it must be.


three weeks later


This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

I promised the guys I was okay, that they should go out and have a good time, I hoped my act was good enough to pull it off, It has been for so long now and now that I have made up my mind it seemed to be failing in my mind. I kissed both of them goodbye and watched Frank give me one last smile before closing the door behind him. Frank I was pretty sure saw right trough my fake smile, but he never said anything. I turned and went into the bathroom and started the bath, yeah as if it could cleanse me.

On my own

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own



There is no way that I can choose, I know who I love truly but I can’t tell him not knowing if he feels that way, like I do for him.

I went into the bedroom and undressed down into my tank top and panties then before turning out the light I started at a picture of us. My heart sank yet again I grabbed it and took it into the bathroom with me. I can’t crush the other, I know he cares for me but I feel emptiness with him, no matter what I do to try to ignore it, its screams back at me he isn’t the one you truly want. I know it was pain I was truly asking for that day when I welcomed both into my life, and looking back I don’t regret it because maybe I would have never realized or understood how I felt, who I truly loved.

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along



I went back into the bathroom and turned off the water and climbed in still dressed and letting the warm water swallow me hoping for the warmth to sooth my coldness that won’t go away, it didn’t. I started up at the ceiling thinking back of times together when we were all happy.

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

His face seeps back into my mind there is no escaping him….or the pain that I will cause the other. This is the only way out, I knew that but yet I still searched my mind begging myself to think of another way, but still nothing. I heard the rain hitting the small window above me, and for the one time it was not a comfort, the harshness of it seemed to laugh at me, to just get it all over with. I picked up the cold metal that was by my side. The tears I couldn’t control any longer came flowing out.





"Slipping Away"
"Slipping Away":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNgdwj96aZE


I'm slipping away
In every way
I can't stay awake
(and I don't know why)
I'm slipping away
(and I don't know why)

I'm slipping away


I put the blade to my wrist and with a shaking hand, drug it across my skin watching the redness seep out. I did the other one and then dropped the blade and let the pain that I felt, the pain that I cause just wash away.
My soul screaming out his name, I didn’t feel the pain I was numb waiting for the darkness to consume me.



Frank’s POV

“I haven’t told Drew that I am leaving yet, She has just been so down lately, I still think its better this way, I mean you truly love her not like I ever could.” Gerard’s words didn’t really sink in my mind was wondering.

The look that Drew gave me as I closed the door wouldn’t leave me alone it was eating at me. Something wasn’t right.

“Frank did you hear me?”

“Gerard turn around now. We have to go back it’s Drew.” I pleaded he just gave me a look as if I was crazy. My heart started to race I need to be there something was screaming at me to go back.

I'm trying to make it through each day
I'm falling apart now in every way
I'm finding it harder to get by
There's a hole in my heart
And I don't know why
Now I've come to realize

“Gerard! Please just go back just I need to know she is okay please” I raised my voice a little and couldn’t hide the terror he did a quick U-turn horns honking as we raced the other way, the rain pounding against the windows, pleading at me to hurry before it was to late. I was out the door before he completely stopped the car, racing up the stairs to the 10th floor and to our door fighting with the keys in the hole. I threw the door open calling her name but I couldn’t hear myself it was eerie quiet in the apartment. I ran down the hall stopping before the cracked bathroom door with the light peeking out. My heart pounded in my chest, scared to death at what the sight could be on the other side of the door. I pushed it open.

I could hear Gerard’s footsteps enter the apartment as I ran to the tub and pulled Drew out of the crimson water. I couldn’t breath, move, speak I just held her tight tears streaming down my cheeks. Gerard came running in, as I felt her neck, there was a faint pulse, but one none the less. Gerard moved quickly wrapping her wrist in towels. Then left and returned seconds later on the phone pleading with an emergency operator to send help his best friend’s girlfriend was dying.

“Drew please don’t go, we need you…..I need you. Please come back to us…Please.Wake up!” I cried as I heard the sirens screeching closer and closer.