Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Awake
“She’s very lucky to be alive considering the severity of the injuries she sustained. The breaks to her ribs are going to be slow to heal and while the internal bleeding is under control at the moment, we’d like to keep her for a few more days to ensure that everything is healing and that there is nothing we’ve missed.”
“She’ll be okay though, right?”
“Physically, she should be fine.”
Consciousness comes in slow swells, splashing up against my eyelids before receding once more. It draws back slowly, coming to rest in a crest of sluggish awareness. The heaviness drips like molasses, each limb weighing heavily down into the cool sheets swaddled around me; an undeniable fact assuring me that I’m in bed, though not my own, the strangeness not completely evading my familiarity.
My throat feels like sandpaper, swallowing a difficult task and I’m happy to avoid it for as long as possible, concentrating instead on the arduous blinds obscuring my view, my eyelids fluttering several times as I struggled to keep them open. I immediately find myself gazing through a dirty window, the images slightly blurred, fingerprints disrupting the picture I grappled for.
“Frank…” I had underestimated the sandpaper. It was covered in razors.
“Kaelin! Oh God…” Warm fingers touch my cheek, run down my neck, wrap themselves around my wrists before retreating back up to my face like they can’t decide where they want to be does nothing to distract me from the waver in his voice, the brightness of the green that I seem to be drawn towards. I would risk the razor blades for this.
“I’m so sorry Frank…are you okay?” His dark brows furrow, contracting in the center like a valley between two mountains, the crease taunting me as plaster wrapped fingers itch to smooth it out.
“How can you even be concerned with me right now? God, I’ve been such an bastard to you and still you’re worried about whether or not I’m okay!” I bite down on my lip, feeling like I’m a child being reprimanded and he must notice because tattooed fingers are weaving themselves into my hair like the most intricate patchwork, those perfect olive orbs gazing at me with something that I don’t have time to recognize right away. “I’m sorry…” His eyes close briefly, leaving me to stare at purple stained lids instead. “You can’t imagine how fucking scared I was when you disappeared.” His voice is soft enough to be a whisper, a gentle hum against the beeps and drone of the machines and my free hand inches its way to the fingers that linger on the cool sheets, intertwining the digits. His lips twitch at the contact. His eyes stay closed.
“I thought that you’d left me, that I’d finally fucked everything up and you’d left me like you left Bob, that Gerard was your angel who had swooped in just in time to take you away from me…just when I had finally figured out how much you meant to me.” I give a reassuring squeeze, my own smile making a quick appearance though it hurts too much to keep it there for long. I hoped he’d seen it. “When Gerard called and told me what had happened, what you were planning, fuck…Kaelin, I’ve never in my whole life been as terrified as I was then. I knew that it was my fault that you were there at all, that you were alone and that you would get killed.” The bob of his adam’s apple looks painful, like there isn’t enough space for it all of a sudden and he has to struggle to swallow. I squeeze his hand tighter.
“When I saw you lying on the floor and Bob just standing there like nothing was out of the ordinary, I couldn’t control myself. I wanted him dead. More than dead, I wanted to destroy him, to make him understand the pain I was in.” His head shook, my eyes following the movement, before it lay down on the mattress, my fingers instead running through his hair, relishing the softness and slight grease that lingered. “I’m so sorry that any of this happened…I’m sorry that I wasn’t the man that you needed Kaelin, that I didn’t treat you like I should have, that I became the same nightmare I promised to rescue you from. I’m not a very good hero…”
I couldn’t stand it anymore. Screw the razors. Screw the pain.
“You’re nothing like Bob. You are my hero Frank! You’ve saved me more times that you know…I just wanted to be the hero for you for once. I wanted to be strong enough to protect you, to be the one saving instead of the one always being saved…I should be apologizing for what I put you through…” The lift of his head meant that the tear streaks were visible, the red rings around his eyes prominent and the set line of his lips unmistakable. His fingers grip my face, his jaw set.
“Don’t apologize to me, please. Just stop. I don’t deserve them, but I promise that I’m going to try to. Please just don’t leave me…I can change. For you, I will.” Crystals tattoo themselves across his rose dust cheeks, the light catching each one as it glimmers on its abandoned journey.
“I love you Frankie…” It doesn’t answer his plea but my eyes are heavy, my vision swimming as I try to focus on his face, unwilling to let it disappear before I’ve had my fill. My hands are heavy again as I try to reach for his hands, his face, anything that will prove that he’s not an illusion to block out the pain for a night. The soft caress on my cheek makes it impossible to remember why I ever wished for death. Life isn’t all bad.
*
Darkness starts to drift away once again and I’m too impatient to wait for its slow ebbing, pushing it away from me, my eyes struggling to open, to remind myself that it’s not a dream.
“Hello Ms. Carver, the doctor said that you were conscious.” I hurriedly blink, my uninjured hand rushing to clear my vision, but the figure isn’t the dark haired, green eyed, smirking one I’d hoped for. Noticing my obvious confusion, he rushes on, taking a seat in Frank’s chair. My forehead creases at the intrusion. “I’m Detective Critas, I’m in charge of your case. I have a few questions I’d like to ask you, if you feel up to it.” My eyes wander uselessly for Frank, convinced that he might simply be wedged into a corner, unable to conceive that I might have dreamt him up; the most horrible nightmare of all.
“Where’s Frank?” My lips form the words before my brain can fully think them through, can determine whether or not it’s a safe question.
“I’m sorry, who? Is that a friend of yours? Was he with you?” The questions come like a racing train; I purse my lips, my eyes narrowed on the Detective, angry that he caused Frank to leave. A little huff escapes my lips.
“What exactly do you want to know Detective, I’m very tired and very sore and not entirely sure that I’m up to a full interrogation.” He seems oblivious to the chagrin, his lips widening in an apologetic smile, his teeth glimmering in the fluorescent light.
“I’ve just got a few questions actually. The doctor has informed me about your condition, so I won’t be too long.” He winked at me like we were old friends, like this was nothing more than chatting about the weather. If my throat wasn’t still on fire I might have growled. As it were, I rolled my eyes.
“Was anyone else at the residence of Mr. Bryar two nights ago? I mean, besides yourself and Mr. Bryar.” At the last second I managed to reign in the scowl that I wanted to shoot at him.
“No.” The frown was barely formed before it was replaced with the toothy grin again as he charged into his next question, undeterred.
“Can you tell me what happened between Mr. Bryar and yourself?” Surely part of humanities problem was that people like Detective Grin were in charge of protecting it. What did it look like happened? I was covered in plaster, attached to unnamed contraptions and Mr. Bryar was dead. It all seemed fairly clear to me.
“I went to talk to Bob, he’s my ex, and he didn’t like what I had to say.” Detective Wink interrupted me, the notebook I had missed poised with a pen in his hands, eagerness alight in his brown eyes.
“And he hit you?” I frowned at him in response.
“It would seem that way.” I mumbled before continuing. “It’s something he likes to do, it’s the reason we’re not together anymore.” Again he interrupted, ceasing the furious scribbling to look up at me again.
“So you killed him out of self defense!” Wow. This guy deserved a gold star, or a punch in his stupid grinning face. I could feel the dull ache between my eyes throb again, my fireworks show eager to start up again, so I nodded, my teeth clenched, to keep from saying something that might get me arrested, though I wouldn’t trust this guy with handcuffs.
His notebook was flipped shut, disappearing into the front pocket of his shirt as he stood up with a satisfied smile, teeth visible in that obtuse smile he seemed so fond of giving.
“That’s all for now Ms. Carver. I doubt we’ll even need you to fill out any sort of report. It’s all pretty obvious what went down.” I gave a silent cheer as his back turned, his retreating form heading for the door and a groan as he turned around, grin still in place. “Get better soon, eh?” I doubted he would notice my lack of response so I turned my attention to the ceiling – a far better companion.
The door was barely closed before it squealed open again and I had to resist the urge to groan again. Didn’t being nearly killed earn me any privacy?
“He’s gone, you can stop imagining ways to kill him.” My eyes flickered over to meet soft caramel, the flicker of a smile creeping across his lips as he came towards me.
“Gerard…” His smile grew a little bit as he took a seat, instinctually avoiding Frank’s chair.
“Frank sent me up, you know, just to let you know where he is. He didn’t think it would be a good idea to be in the room when the cop was here.” I noticed that he was wearing the same leather jacket I had always seen him in. I could scarcely remember a time when he wasn’t in it.
“What are you doing here?” The pain that etched itself across his features disappeared so quickly I might have imagined it. The smile hitched itself back on his thin lips.
“Just wanted to make sure you were alive. We weren’t sure there for a while.” I frowned a little bit at the information. My stomach clenched at the way his eyes failed to hide the pain that his voice managed to evade from me. I reached out a hand towards him, my fingers grappling towards his porcelain skin only to be met with air. I quickly retracted it.
“Gerard…” The question in my voice is evident though I’m not sure what I’m asking. The pain flickers across his features again, my head spinning in time with the hum of the lights and I wish again that Frank would just come back.
“I’m sorry Kaelin…I don’t think that I can hang around.” His voice sounds rough, not like the sweet angel voice of my dreams and I frown at the difference. “I just wanted to know that you were going to be okay…I can’t stay here though, it hurts too much, you know?” I shake my head at him, my vision swimming in reaction.
“What are you - ” His voice is flowing over mine, a gentle riptide pulling me under and my lips are pressing firmly together as I listen.
“Let’s just be honest,” A soft chuckle passes his lips, but his aren’t sharing the joke. “I know myself well enough to know that I’m falling for you Kaelin. I want to be the guy to protect you and make sure that you're taken care of and I can't. Being around you, around Frank, well, I’m just not that strong.” I’m frowning again, comprehension hiding behind the dirty glass. “I don’t want to watch you get hurt anymore and I certainly don’t want to be a part of it. Staying here makes me unsure of whether or not I could even be that person…”
“Gerard, no one is hurting me. Everything is going to be better now, don’t go…” My throat feels tight, the razors rampaging in protest.
“I don’t belong here, not really. I was just a substitute for a little while, just the stand-in for the main character…I need to go live my own story. I’m not a part of yours, I never will be.” My eyes sting but I don’t contest his argument. The fireworks have started again and I just want to turn off the bright lights that make it hard to see clearly.
“I’m sorry Gerard…I’ll never be able to thank you enough for everything you did.” The shadow of a smile spirits across his lips and I can see my angel again in that caramel heaven.
“Anytime.” I give into the darkness again, oblivious to the exchange between two friends, a final good bye before his seat is occupied by it’s proper owner once again. I’m lost to the world, the only indication that I’m still a part of it, the beeps and drones of the machines surrounding me and the warm fingers wrapped around my own.
-----
Buh-bye Gee.
Smores to those who review!!!!
No updates until I have at least 5 reviews...I really don't think that's too much to ask! I have more than enough readers, so take the time to REVIEW!!! Do it like your life depends on it!!!
Cheers
Kat
“She’ll be okay though, right?”
“Physically, she should be fine.”
Consciousness comes in slow swells, splashing up against my eyelids before receding once more. It draws back slowly, coming to rest in a crest of sluggish awareness. The heaviness drips like molasses, each limb weighing heavily down into the cool sheets swaddled around me; an undeniable fact assuring me that I’m in bed, though not my own, the strangeness not completely evading my familiarity.
My throat feels like sandpaper, swallowing a difficult task and I’m happy to avoid it for as long as possible, concentrating instead on the arduous blinds obscuring my view, my eyelids fluttering several times as I struggled to keep them open. I immediately find myself gazing through a dirty window, the images slightly blurred, fingerprints disrupting the picture I grappled for.
“Frank…” I had underestimated the sandpaper. It was covered in razors.
“Kaelin! Oh God…” Warm fingers touch my cheek, run down my neck, wrap themselves around my wrists before retreating back up to my face like they can’t decide where they want to be does nothing to distract me from the waver in his voice, the brightness of the green that I seem to be drawn towards. I would risk the razor blades for this.
“I’m so sorry Frank…are you okay?” His dark brows furrow, contracting in the center like a valley between two mountains, the crease taunting me as plaster wrapped fingers itch to smooth it out.
“How can you even be concerned with me right now? God, I’ve been such an bastard to you and still you’re worried about whether or not I’m okay!” I bite down on my lip, feeling like I’m a child being reprimanded and he must notice because tattooed fingers are weaving themselves into my hair like the most intricate patchwork, those perfect olive orbs gazing at me with something that I don’t have time to recognize right away. “I’m sorry…” His eyes close briefly, leaving me to stare at purple stained lids instead. “You can’t imagine how fucking scared I was when you disappeared.” His voice is soft enough to be a whisper, a gentle hum against the beeps and drone of the machines and my free hand inches its way to the fingers that linger on the cool sheets, intertwining the digits. His lips twitch at the contact. His eyes stay closed.
“I thought that you’d left me, that I’d finally fucked everything up and you’d left me like you left Bob, that Gerard was your angel who had swooped in just in time to take you away from me…just when I had finally figured out how much you meant to me.” I give a reassuring squeeze, my own smile making a quick appearance though it hurts too much to keep it there for long. I hoped he’d seen it. “When Gerard called and told me what had happened, what you were planning, fuck…Kaelin, I’ve never in my whole life been as terrified as I was then. I knew that it was my fault that you were there at all, that you were alone and that you would get killed.” The bob of his adam’s apple looks painful, like there isn’t enough space for it all of a sudden and he has to struggle to swallow. I squeeze his hand tighter.
“When I saw you lying on the floor and Bob just standing there like nothing was out of the ordinary, I couldn’t control myself. I wanted him dead. More than dead, I wanted to destroy him, to make him understand the pain I was in.” His head shook, my eyes following the movement, before it lay down on the mattress, my fingers instead running through his hair, relishing the softness and slight grease that lingered. “I’m so sorry that any of this happened…I’m sorry that I wasn’t the man that you needed Kaelin, that I didn’t treat you like I should have, that I became the same nightmare I promised to rescue you from. I’m not a very good hero…”
I couldn’t stand it anymore. Screw the razors. Screw the pain.
“You’re nothing like Bob. You are my hero Frank! You’ve saved me more times that you know…I just wanted to be the hero for you for once. I wanted to be strong enough to protect you, to be the one saving instead of the one always being saved…I should be apologizing for what I put you through…” The lift of his head meant that the tear streaks were visible, the red rings around his eyes prominent and the set line of his lips unmistakable. His fingers grip my face, his jaw set.
“Don’t apologize to me, please. Just stop. I don’t deserve them, but I promise that I’m going to try to. Please just don’t leave me…I can change. For you, I will.” Crystals tattoo themselves across his rose dust cheeks, the light catching each one as it glimmers on its abandoned journey.
“I love you Frankie…” It doesn’t answer his plea but my eyes are heavy, my vision swimming as I try to focus on his face, unwilling to let it disappear before I’ve had my fill. My hands are heavy again as I try to reach for his hands, his face, anything that will prove that he’s not an illusion to block out the pain for a night. The soft caress on my cheek makes it impossible to remember why I ever wished for death. Life isn’t all bad.
*
Darkness starts to drift away once again and I’m too impatient to wait for its slow ebbing, pushing it away from me, my eyes struggling to open, to remind myself that it’s not a dream.
“Hello Ms. Carver, the doctor said that you were conscious.” I hurriedly blink, my uninjured hand rushing to clear my vision, but the figure isn’t the dark haired, green eyed, smirking one I’d hoped for. Noticing my obvious confusion, he rushes on, taking a seat in Frank’s chair. My forehead creases at the intrusion. “I’m Detective Critas, I’m in charge of your case. I have a few questions I’d like to ask you, if you feel up to it.” My eyes wander uselessly for Frank, convinced that he might simply be wedged into a corner, unable to conceive that I might have dreamt him up; the most horrible nightmare of all.
“Where’s Frank?” My lips form the words before my brain can fully think them through, can determine whether or not it’s a safe question.
“I’m sorry, who? Is that a friend of yours? Was he with you?” The questions come like a racing train; I purse my lips, my eyes narrowed on the Detective, angry that he caused Frank to leave. A little huff escapes my lips.
“What exactly do you want to know Detective, I’m very tired and very sore and not entirely sure that I’m up to a full interrogation.” He seems oblivious to the chagrin, his lips widening in an apologetic smile, his teeth glimmering in the fluorescent light.
“I’ve just got a few questions actually. The doctor has informed me about your condition, so I won’t be too long.” He winked at me like we were old friends, like this was nothing more than chatting about the weather. If my throat wasn’t still on fire I might have growled. As it were, I rolled my eyes.
“Was anyone else at the residence of Mr. Bryar two nights ago? I mean, besides yourself and Mr. Bryar.” At the last second I managed to reign in the scowl that I wanted to shoot at him.
“No.” The frown was barely formed before it was replaced with the toothy grin again as he charged into his next question, undeterred.
“Can you tell me what happened between Mr. Bryar and yourself?” Surely part of humanities problem was that people like Detective Grin were in charge of protecting it. What did it look like happened? I was covered in plaster, attached to unnamed contraptions and Mr. Bryar was dead. It all seemed fairly clear to me.
“I went to talk to Bob, he’s my ex, and he didn’t like what I had to say.” Detective Wink interrupted me, the notebook I had missed poised with a pen in his hands, eagerness alight in his brown eyes.
“And he hit you?” I frowned at him in response.
“It would seem that way.” I mumbled before continuing. “It’s something he likes to do, it’s the reason we’re not together anymore.” Again he interrupted, ceasing the furious scribbling to look up at me again.
“So you killed him out of self defense!” Wow. This guy deserved a gold star, or a punch in his stupid grinning face. I could feel the dull ache between my eyes throb again, my fireworks show eager to start up again, so I nodded, my teeth clenched, to keep from saying something that might get me arrested, though I wouldn’t trust this guy with handcuffs.
His notebook was flipped shut, disappearing into the front pocket of his shirt as he stood up with a satisfied smile, teeth visible in that obtuse smile he seemed so fond of giving.
“That’s all for now Ms. Carver. I doubt we’ll even need you to fill out any sort of report. It’s all pretty obvious what went down.” I gave a silent cheer as his back turned, his retreating form heading for the door and a groan as he turned around, grin still in place. “Get better soon, eh?” I doubted he would notice my lack of response so I turned my attention to the ceiling – a far better companion.
The door was barely closed before it squealed open again and I had to resist the urge to groan again. Didn’t being nearly killed earn me any privacy?
“He’s gone, you can stop imagining ways to kill him.” My eyes flickered over to meet soft caramel, the flicker of a smile creeping across his lips as he came towards me.
“Gerard…” His smile grew a little bit as he took a seat, instinctually avoiding Frank’s chair.
“Frank sent me up, you know, just to let you know where he is. He didn’t think it would be a good idea to be in the room when the cop was here.” I noticed that he was wearing the same leather jacket I had always seen him in. I could scarcely remember a time when he wasn’t in it.
“What are you doing here?” The pain that etched itself across his features disappeared so quickly I might have imagined it. The smile hitched itself back on his thin lips.
“Just wanted to make sure you were alive. We weren’t sure there for a while.” I frowned a little bit at the information. My stomach clenched at the way his eyes failed to hide the pain that his voice managed to evade from me. I reached out a hand towards him, my fingers grappling towards his porcelain skin only to be met with air. I quickly retracted it.
“Gerard…” The question in my voice is evident though I’m not sure what I’m asking. The pain flickers across his features again, my head spinning in time with the hum of the lights and I wish again that Frank would just come back.
“I’m sorry Kaelin…I don’t think that I can hang around.” His voice sounds rough, not like the sweet angel voice of my dreams and I frown at the difference. “I just wanted to know that you were going to be okay…I can’t stay here though, it hurts too much, you know?” I shake my head at him, my vision swimming in reaction.
“What are you - ” His voice is flowing over mine, a gentle riptide pulling me under and my lips are pressing firmly together as I listen.
“Let’s just be honest,” A soft chuckle passes his lips, but his aren’t sharing the joke. “I know myself well enough to know that I’m falling for you Kaelin. I want to be the guy to protect you and make sure that you're taken care of and I can't. Being around you, around Frank, well, I’m just not that strong.” I’m frowning again, comprehension hiding behind the dirty glass. “I don’t want to watch you get hurt anymore and I certainly don’t want to be a part of it. Staying here makes me unsure of whether or not I could even be that person…”
“Gerard, no one is hurting me. Everything is going to be better now, don’t go…” My throat feels tight, the razors rampaging in protest.
“I don’t belong here, not really. I was just a substitute for a little while, just the stand-in for the main character…I need to go live my own story. I’m not a part of yours, I never will be.” My eyes sting but I don’t contest his argument. The fireworks have started again and I just want to turn off the bright lights that make it hard to see clearly.
“I’m sorry Gerard…I’ll never be able to thank you enough for everything you did.” The shadow of a smile spirits across his lips and I can see my angel again in that caramel heaven.
“Anytime.” I give into the darkness again, oblivious to the exchange between two friends, a final good bye before his seat is occupied by it’s proper owner once again. I’m lost to the world, the only indication that I’m still a part of it, the beeps and drones of the machines surrounding me and the warm fingers wrapped around my own.
-----
Buh-bye Gee.
Smores to those who review!!!!
No updates until I have at least 5 reviews...I really don't think that's too much to ask! I have more than enough readers, so take the time to REVIEW!!! Do it like your life depends on it!!!
Cheers
Kat
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