FicWad

It was midnight before Gerard finally stumbled into the apartment. His black hair stuck to his face and his eyes were barely open, a goofy smile across his face.
"Heey gorgoussse..." He slurred, walking over to me with his back hunched, grabbing everything he could reach to keep himself on his feet until he got to me, where he flopped down onto the sofa, instantly wrapping an arm round me. I tensed up and refused to look at him, trying to stop myself from yelling.
"I mished youu!" He giggled, kissing my cheek with flourish. I pushed away from him and got to my feet folding my tattooed arms over my chest. "Frank - ie?" He questioned. I sighed and turned to look at him, trying not to glare too much.
"How much have you had to drink?" I demanded. Gerard rolled his eyes and waved my question away with his hand.
"Meh, not this again." He said simply. I took a deep breath of annoyance and tensed my muscles.
"Yes Gerard, again. Because you got drunk - again. And you stroll in like everythings fine - again. And I spent the whole day worrying about you - again. And now, you'll probably end up puking somewhere and I'll be the one to clean you and it up - Again." I snarled each word through clenched teeth and even in his intoxicated state Gerard could sense he had crossed the line.
"F- Frankie, I was only out having a good time -" He began, but I cut across him.
"With Bert! What is it about me that you hate so much that you need to drink all the time, why do you need to be pissed out of your head and in the company of Bert Mcrackhead to have a good time! Why cant you have a good time with me? What changed between us huh Gerard? Why arent I good enough anymore!? What is Bert has that I dont!?" I yelled, getting angrier and angrier. It had only been this afternoon, when I was alone in the apartment and thinking about Mikey that I came to the conclusion that Gerard was drinking because of me, because he didnt love me anymore, or because Bert was better. I decided he wanted Bert but got too stressed to tell me and the drink was his escape - Bert the added bonus. Gerard was looking at me in confusion, his blooshot eyes squinted as he tried to focus.
"Wah?" Was all he could come up with, and it wasnt even one that showed remorse or love, just a solid - "what the hell Frank I'm too pissed to understand this shit, so leave me alone" wah. My breathing became rapid and deep, a sign of me getting angrier and trying to control it. Gerard instantly began trying to make up for his mistake, noticing my anger.
"Frank - I only had a few beers... and some vodka and... we just hung out... dont be mad at me, I love you, I'm sorry." He begged, I glared at him and shook my head, grinding my teeth.
"I dont believe you." I snarled. He looked shocked and confusion covered his face again.
"B - but... why not?" He asked. Swaying on the spot. I shook my head and came to an impulse decision, I didnt want to spend the night here with him again. Usually I could cope with this, but after the message today, after he had practically told me that he and Bert did much more than just - hang out - I wanted out. I wasnt going to help him, if he knew he could keep getting away with this then he would carry on, now I was really drawing the line.
"I'm going out Gerard." I said simply, almost apologetically as the look in his eyes caused me to feel bad.
"Out? Where?" He asked, almost whimpered. I willed my self to be strong, to stay mad at him - just a little longer. I sighed and walked away from him, going into the hallway and pulling on my jacket, Gerard struggling to follow me, stumbling and swaying as he did so.
"Look, you went out and had your fun, its only fair I get mine. Stay here and for fucks sake make sure you lock the door if you go out. I'll call you in the morning, though its about a 99% chance you'll be out boozing with Bert again." I finished pulling on my green converse and straightened up to face him. He was looking at me with wide eyes and parted lips, like he couldnt quite believe what I was doing. I sighed and touched his shoulder.
"Dont look so crestfallen Gee, I cant stay here with you like this, its shredding me. Its not like I'm abandoning you, I'm just going out to see...someone. I'll call you in the morning... please be here." Gerard nodded but I wasnt sure he was really taking anything in, he was too drunk, besides - he wouldnt remember in the morning anyway. I stepped closer to him and kissed his cheek, catching the scent of endless amounts of vodka and cigarettes. My eyes welled up but I pushed the tears back.
"I love you Gee. Dont doubt it." I whispered, and he whispered a small reply I couldnt quite make out.
I left the apartment without another word, or backwards glance.

"Frank?" Mikey opened the door wearing only his jeans, his brown hair slightly messed, guilt bubbled in my stomach.
"Sorry I woke you Mikey -" I began but he shook his head and stood aside for me to walk in.
"I wasnt asleep, I was just getting ready for bed. Whats happened?" He asked. I pulled off my shoes and jacket before speaking, Mikey stood facing me with his arms folded, waiting for my answer.
"Nothing interesting. He came in about half an hour ago, pissed as usual and I decided I wasnt doing it anymore. Not tonight, he didnt look like he was going to be sick, he could speak and was walking - badly. I told him I didnt want to be there, I just cant do it Mikey. Night after night, I'm not a fucking superhero, I needed to get away from it. He can take care of himself for once, maybe it'll teach him a lesson and he'll stop...." Mikey sighed and I looked at him with sad eyes, tears starting to spill down my cheeks.
"Oh god Mikey... does this make me a bad boyfriend?" I whimpered. Mikey gave me a small smile and didnt hesitate to pull me against him, wrapping his strong arms around me and holding me close, letting me cry quietly into his shoulder, just like this morning.
"No Frank. I was just thinking about how stupid Gerard really is, I think your right - this will teach him a lesson. I cant believe he doesnt see what he's doing to you. You did the right thing getting out of there, at least tonight you'll be able to sleep." I shook my head and sniffed.
"I dont think so, I'll just worry about him all night. Maybe I should've stayed." I whispered, thinking aloud. Mikeys reply was firm.
"No Frank, you were completely right to come here. And dont worry about him, you've worried enough, tonight let me do the worrying. Come on, I'll get you a drink." Mikey offered, I was sad to feel the warmth that had radiated around me go when Mikey released me and walked into the kitchen. I followed him and leant against the side as he began preparing a hot chocolate for me, with lots of sugar - the way I liked it. I told him about how I was certain Gerard was messing around with Bert and that he was drinking because of me, Mikey was horrified to say the least and refused to believe that that could be the reason.
"Oh my god Frank, you must never think that! Sweet Jesus, is this how badly its affecting you!?" He cried. I looked at him with scared eyes.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Mikey pulled me from my seat, clutching my shoulders tightly as if it would better get his point across.
"There is absolutely no way in hell that you could be the reason for his drinking, fuck Frank - your the best thing that ever happened to him, and if he doesnt love you anymore then he must have gone mentally insane!" He cried, I raised an eyebrow and sighed.
"Why? Whats so special about me?" I asked quietly, Mikey looked shocked at the question, it had been a while since I had seen him get so worked up about something.
"Frank... how could you ask me that? Just look at yourself, your gorgouse and smart and funny, your gentle and caring - more caring than anyone else I know, you try so hard to be good to everyone, even the people who hurt you, your talented and creative and just... Frank. Your amazing okay? I see that, and Gerard sees that too. Everyone sees it, its impossible for people not to adore you Frank. "He smiled warmly, talking about me seemed to have calmed him into a state of Euphoria, and I could feel my confidence lifting - I didnt believe a word of it but it still felt good to hear him say it. It had been a long time since Gerard had complimented me and Mikey had just given me a tidal wave of love.
"T - thanks Mikey... but come on, I have a bad attitude and too many tattoos and I annoy people -" Mikey laughter cut me off. "What?" I demanded, scowling. His sparkling caramel eyes met mine as he shook his head fondly.
"Frank, come on. Everyone has bad points, its just your bad points are funny. I love seeing you get annoyed at people, you go all red and you start jumping about and yelling -" Mikey chuckled at a memory he seemed to be having, possibly one of me going red and jumping while yelling....
"Frank your adorable. Really. The only smart thing Gerard ever did in his life was to ask you to go out with him." Mikey laughed and handed me my hot chocolate as I tried to process everything he was telling me, it could just been seen as some kind words of a friend who cared. But maybe it was more... I mean, it sounded like he was about to come out and say he loved me, and the bad thing was... I dont think I'd mind if he did.
Bad Frankie! No! Dont think like that!
I pouted in concentration as I forced - actually forced myself to think of Gerard again, but as soon as I did the guilt and worry and pure painful love for him returned with full force, I took a weak sip of my drink and decided coming here was probably bad for my health.
Mikey sat with me in the living room as I drank my drink, I could tell he was tired but he seemed perfectly content to be here with me. We didnt talk at all, enough had already been said. I kept wondering if Gee was okay... I hoped he was, that he had gone to bed still confused and was no going into a deep, alcohol induced sleep, but a small part of me wondered whether he had collapsed, was drowning in a puddle of his own vomit even as I sat here, was heaving out his insides, wasnt breathing, needed me desperately and I would be too late even if I left right now -
"Frankie... are you okay?" Mikeys voice brought me slamming back to reality with a painful lurch. I offered him a small smile and swallowed in an attempt to find my voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I offered. Mikey raised an eyebrow and gave me a worried grimace.
"Are you sure? You were shaking just then... is it Gerard? Are you worried?" He asked. I sighed and finished the last bit of my hot chocolate which had began to cool.
"You know me too well Mikester." I said, trying to sound playful. Mikey shifted closer to me and put an arm round me, letting me rest my head on his shoulder.
"Dont worry about him Frank, he'll be fine - really. He's my older brother and I know he's strong, I've seen him hit rock bottom plenty of times when we were teenagers and he always pulled through without my help. He'll be okay. I promise." I smiled at Mikey and he squeezed me tighter, making me giggle. How was it he managed to make me feel so calm... just like Gerard used to be able to do, but now he was the very cause of all my stress. I gave a wide yawn and Mikey grinned, releasing me and getting to his feet, stretching as he did, he had his back to me and I stared unconciously at his back, the muscles tensing and straining as he stretched, his waist curved in before going back out to his hips, he was practically a girl. I giggled at the thought and he stopped stretching to turn and look at me.
"Whats funny?" He asked. I shook my head silently and he challenged me to tell him but I kept my lips sealed, eventually he sighed and held a hand out which I took - getting pulled to my feet.
"Come on, I'm tired. I'll take you to the spare room." He said. I smiled and followed him up the stairs, yawning as I did - suddenly realising how tired I was. Mikey opened the spare room door, saying goodnight to me before wandering off to his own room which was next door. I thanked him and said goodnight back before going into the room, leaving the door open a crack and then stripping down to my boxers. The spare room was mainly a cream and silver theme, something Elena, Mikey and Gerards grandmother had advised, saying it would therefore be suitable for any guests. The room was decorated modernly but small things reminded me of Elena, the poperie in the bowls around the room, the floor to ceiling curtains, the vase of red roses on the dresser. It was a homely room and I was glad I was here.
I cralwed under the duvet and layed my head down, closing my eyes and preparing to sleep but I instantly knew it wouldnt happen. I began thinking of Gerard and once I started I couldnt stop, I became engrossed with worry and guilt, I shouldnt have left him. I should never have left him. I bit my lip but the sobbing came, images appeared in my minds eye of Gerard dead, dying, vomiting, bleeding - he was drunk. How could I just leave him like that? What the hell had I been thinking? I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to hold myself together as I cried as quietly as I could into the pillow.
"Frankie... aw Frankie, dude what are you like?" Mikeys voice was soft, and not patronising in any way. It was like he had been waiting to hear my tears since he went into his own room. I rolled over and saw him in the doorway, wearing just his boxers. I sniffed and wiped my eyes roughly.
"S - sorry if I disturbed you M - Mikey." I mumbled. Mikey laughed and walked into the room, casually getting into the bed as if this was the most normal thing to do in the world. I guess it was really... if it had been Bob or Ray or any other of my friends I would have seen it as just a way to comfort me, just like I should with Mikey. But for some reason my heart start going like mad and when he pulled me into his arms my tears ceased completely. He just managed to make everything seem okay.
"I just worried about him..." I whispered. Mikey brushed my hair out of my face and gently wiped my tears away with his calloused fingertips - from playing his bass along to his CDs.
"I know. I worry about him too." For a while we were quiet and I began to fall asleep just as Mikey went to leave, I sat up in a panic and grabbed him by the wrist, making him stop and look at me in confusion.
"Mikey dont go! Please... I.... I cant sleep unless your here." I said quietly, feeling myself got hot as I blushed. Mikey laughed and slipped in beside me again, once more pulling me into his arms. This time I wrapped my arms around him too and traced a pattern down his toned back, barely aware of what I was doing, but he seemed to like it, I felt him relaxing under my touch and he rested his head closer to mine. Closing his eyes.
"Night Frankie." He whispered, adding a cute yawn on the end. I sighed and smiled a little, ceasing my pattern drawing and gathering the courage to rest my head on his chest.
"Night Mikey. Thanks.. again." Mikey 'mmm'd' an acknowledgment and his heartbeat drummed me to sleep.