FicWad

Chapter One

I sat down on my bed and leaned against the wall with a sigh. I felt the cool breeze on my skin from the open window that Quinn was leaning against. Iwatched him as he took a drag from the cigarette in his hand. Recently I'd noticed how often he'd been smoking. He started off by only having the occasional one at a party after a few drinks, but then he started to have them when he was stressed too. He said that was the only time he took them, just to calm him down. To me that wasn't a reasonable excuse but nagging at him wasn't going to get us anywhere. I knew how much stress he was under, and he didn't need any added pressure from me.
A year or so after Quinn and his four best friends had formed their band they had been so excited to send away their first demo. As expected, they were disappointed when they received their first rejection letter a month or so later, but they knew they couldn't expect to get signed straight away and they didn't lose sight in what they wanted to achieve as a band. They were so determined to make it happen that they continued to send out demos, and using the advice and criticism they were given they worked hard together to improve. I had watched them grow as a band during that time, and I admired the way they worked together, determined to make the band a success. Six months after the first rejection letter, five more had followed. Each one had been difficult for everyone in the band, but each one had affected Quinn the most. With a little encouragement and support from me and the other band members he had pulled through and remained focused on the band. It was getting harder to keep their enthusiasm for the demos up, but they knew they had to keep trying. It was going to pay off one day. It was only a matter of when.
Just yesterday they had received their seventh rejection letter and it had hit Quinn harder than any of the other letters had. It didn't say anything harsher than the others, there hadn't even been that much criticism, they had just said the sound hadn't been what they were looking for. I saw the hope fading away from Quinn. He had joined the band with so much confidence. Singing was a great passion for him and being able to make music with his four best friends had seemed like the start of a dream. It just seemed that the dream was having trouble becoming reality, but we all knew one day it was going to. Quinn could only take so much and this letter was close to being one of the final straws for him. I didn't want him to give up on his dream, not at all. I went to every band practice I was able to, and I always supported them as much as I could. Although I wasn't musically talented, I did share their love for music, and I appreciated the music they made. I was a little biased, but whenever I listened to them play their original songs, I could easily imagine hearing them on the radio or being played alongside a music video on TV. They had an alternative rock sound that was popular at the time, yet it was completely original and unique to any other band I'd ever heard. That's what made me think that this was all going to lead to something big one day for them. Although I admit their songs weren't perfect, every time I heard them play I noticed improvements, even if they were only minor. I had become far more involved in the band than I had ever intended to. Sure, my boyfriend was the lead singer, but I sometimes felt as though I was just as much a part of the band as they were. Quinn couldn't see how much I did for this band, especially recently. The other band members often thanked me for all the help with sending out the demos and overall dealing with Quinn's emotions. He bottled things up inside and expected them to just go away eventually, never wanting to ask for help. I always tried to remind him to think positively, as hard as it was sometimes. My main priority was to find a way to keep this band going. I knew they all wanted to. None of them could give it up and I could see the potential they all held together. I had to find a way to regain their ambition and drive for it.
"We just need that one break, Kate. I know that's all it's gonna take," Quinn said quietly, more to himself than to me.
I knew what he was saying was true, I really felt that once they got that one opportunity to get their foot in the door they would have no trouble starting off their music career. It was just finding out how to get that first opportunity that was proving difficult.
"You just haven't met the right people to show your music to yet," I said, getting off the bed to get ready for work.
I straightened my shoulder length black hair and then pulled it up into aponytail. I applied a bit of black eye-liner, I wasn't really allowed to wear make-up to work, but no one had told me off yet.
I stood beside Quinn and put my arms around him. He blew out the smoke he had just inhaled and stubbed the cigarette out on the window sill. He knew how unhappy I was with him smoking and he, thankfully, tried to respect that. Whenever I brought up the idea of him trying to quit, he would either change the subject or it would turn into an argument. I tried to ignore it the best I could, knowing that in the end it was his life and the choices he made weren't my responsibility. The thought of it becoming an addicting habit worried me a little bit, I already knew it was heading that way, but until things were more settled in Quinn's life I felt it was best just to let it go. As long as he wasn't taking drugs, or doing anything else just as ridiculous I knew I would be able to cope with it.
"I better go," he said standing up and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. Even his affection had started to change towards me recently and Imissed the way we used to be together. It wasn't just his hope that had started to fade away, his attitude towards life was causing our love to begin to fade away too. I couldn't let that happen. It was another reason to try my best to help the band live out their dream. I just /had /to find a way. Right now, I was clueless. But I would come up with an idea. It was only a matter of time before a perfect opportunity would come along.
"Ring me later, okay?" I asked and pulled him in for a hug, but I could tell he was distant.
He simply nodded and left my house.

"How's Quinn today?" Mom asked as I sat down at our old wooden dining table for lunch.
My parents were having money troubles. My dad had been made redundant from his office job and was having a difficult time finding another job. Mom was only apart-time cleaner, and that paid next to nothing. My parents were older than alot of others, as they discovered they couldn't have children and signed up for adoption which took a long time to come through. Twelve years to be exact. My mom had died giving birth to me and there was no other family for me to go to so I had been put up for adoption. Mom was forty and Dad was forty-two. They were ready to give up on adoption when they got the call to know there was alittle girl waiting for them - immediately. They were so thrilled, and I'm lucky to have gotten such wonderful parents who loved me so much.
"Quinn's okay I guess, but he's still being negative about the band, I think it's getting worse," I said, sadly.
I had grown independent from my parents over the past couple of years. I guess I was just growing up, but I was still close to them, just like I always had been. I wasn't home that often now, whether I was at work, at school or with Quinn and the band. I told my parents a lot about my life, or rather, I didn't hide anything from them if they asked. They got told things on a strict 'need-to-know' basis. They had gotten to know Quinn quite well in the time we'd been together and they liked him too. They knew all about Quinn and his band, and how much he'd been stressing about it for the past few months. I tried not to complain to them about it too much, I knew they had enough of their own worries.
"Oh, well he's young, things will sort out. Look how long it took us to get our dream," Mom said and Dad nodded in agreement as he joined us at the table.
I blushed. It was strange to relate my parents dream to Quinn's dream. They seemed like completely different things, yet the more Ithought about it the more I realized they were alike. The band relied a lot on talent, but both required luck and time. Maybe it was going to happen for them unexpectedly too, and we just had to be prepared for when it did. I hoped so, because the band deserved a change in luck.
"Yes, but I don't think he can wait twelve years," I pointed out. He won't be able to cope through twelve months, I thought to myself.
I trudged out of the house and headed down the road to the supermarket. I was ready for another six hour shift at the check out, serving people politely with false smiles, secretly miles away in my own head worrying about everything that my future had in store for me. Everything was so uncertain, but I had to remain positive. If Quinn couldn't, I had to at least try.

"You didn't call last night?" I asked Quinn the next day at school, during maths class.
We had most of our classes together and that was the only thing that made school bearable. We were both pleased that this was our last year in high school. We'd both had enough of school and were ready to move on to better things. I still wasn't one hundred percent sure of what I was going to do when I left, and I was keeping my options open. I was leaning towards working full-time for a year so I could save up some money, but I still had a while before I had to commit to one decision. The end of the year wasn't something I liked to bring up with Quinn, he had hoped he would have been getting somewhere with the band by now and he still wasn't sure what his back up plan was. So I tried to steer clear of the conversation as much as I could, for now anyway.
"Oh yeah, I had an argument with Dad," Quinn said indifferently.
I hated the relationship Quinn had with his family, he had gone through so much with them, yet he wasn't close to them at all. Quinn's mother had unexpectedly committed suicide four years ago. Quinn had been quite close to his mother, they had been more like friends than mother and son. Her death had been a huge shock to Quinn. As far as he knew she hadn't had any reason to resort to that and she hadn't left a note either. Since they were so close it affected Quinn more than his two brothers. Only a year after her death their father remarried to a younger woman and Quinn didn't like his step-mother at all. He blamed his dad for his mother's death, saying his mother must have known about the affair, and that's why she committed suicide. Quinn's father denied seeing her at the time, but I didn't know what to believe. That's when the relationship between him and Quinn had fallen apart, and it was only getting worse.
Quinn always told me that he didn't like any of his family. His father would practically ignore him, choosing his brothers over him. His older brother was at the top of his class in his second year of law school, while his younger brother was always bringing home sports trophies from schools and clubs. Quinn told me how his father cherished his brothers and everything they did. But he was just disappointed in Quinn, because he had never done anything. I never understood that, I couldn't imagine what it must be like to have your parents pick favourites. I was an only child so I didn't have to deal with the competition of siblings, not that anyone should have to. I knew his father loved him, he just didn't show it for some reason. As soon as Quinn got the break with his band and they got their music out to the world, he'd see what a fantastic son Quinn actually was and I could only hope it wasn't too late to repair their strained relationship. I worried for Quinn, because I knew the death of his mother must have been horrible. I hadn't known Quinn then, but Ihad been with him when his dad had remarried. It was at that time they formed the band, something for Quinn to take his mind off everything else that was happening. I was glad it worked, but now everything was just building up again. I didn't want to see Quinn that unhappy again, bringing up all of those feelings he'd had back then. It hurt me to see him like that, and I felt sorry for him because I couldn't find a way to help. He never brought up conversation about his mother, and I didn't either because I never knew what the right thing to say was.
"What was the argument about?" I asked. This was a touchy subject, just like almost every other conversation we had lately. I had to be careful how I worded things around him.
"Apparently I don't do enough around the house, and I'm not social enough with the family. He said if I don't improve, I'm going to have to leave or start paying rent," Quinn said. He looked tired and he had no motivation for anything anymore, even for the band. Nothing seemed to be going right and it was all too unfair.
"And how did you react?" I hazarded a guess that it wouldn't have gone well, Ididn't think Quinn would have been able to handle it maturely.
"Well, there was a lot of yelling. And, I stayed at Blake's house last night," he said looking down at his work book, avoiding eye contact with me. Quinn ran away from his problems instead of trying to solve them when he had the opportunity. "I was actually going to ask you for a favor."
"Yes?"I stopped pretending to do work now. The teacher was helping one of the other students with something at the back of the classroom anyway.
"It's okay if your parents don't agree with it, but I was wondering if I could stay at your place for a while," Quinn still wasn't looking at me, and he bit at his fingernails, "You know, just until I can find somewhere else to stay."
Of course that would have been fine with me but I knew my parents wouldn't be fond of the idea. I had to think of a way to put it to Quinn gently. If he hadn't had a lot of sleep last night his reaction would be more intense than usual. I also knew that these arguments with his father happened a lot, and all he needed to do was go home and sort it out with him. However, that would mean apologizing, and Quinn didn't believe he'd done anything wrong. Too be fair, he probably hadn't, but if it meant being kicked out home it would have been abetter idea just to say sorry. "Quinn, I really don't think-"
"Okay, fine," he snapped before I could explain, "I'll stay somewhere else." He packed up his things and walked out of the classroom, slamming the classroom door shut.
"Where's he gone?" The teacher asked me, looking up from the student's desk.
"I have no idea," I sighed, and walked out the door to look for Quinn. There was only ten minutes left of class anyway, so I wouldn't be missing out on anything important.
I walked out into the corridor and saw Quinn walking a few metres up ahead, I ran to catch up to him. He was walking quickly, and clearly didn't want to talk to me. I grabbed onto his arm and he turned to look at me.
"Just don't Kate. I really don't need this right now," he said and started to turn away again.
"I'll ask my parents. Please don't be mad at me. I know you've got a lot going on right now, but so do I," I hadn't meant to lay the guilt on him, but I'd felt that way for so long. I never told him though because I didn't feel like I should put it all on him either. The thing was Quinn never thought about how much all this affected me too. Because everything he felt, I did as well, he just didn't see that.
"I'll talk to you later," he said and left the building without another word.
I just stood there for a moment not quite sure what to think. I didn't know if I should be angry with him or whether he was still angry at me or not. I was only seventeen and I was still living with my parents, what had he expected me to do? My parents weren't necessarily strict, but they wouldn't want my eighteen year old boyfriend living with me. Surely he could understand it from their point of view, I knew he wouldn't though. Just because he had problems in his life at the moment, he didn't think about how other people were coping with things in their lives. I would have to deal with it and work through those problems, that was always the way.
"Should I ask?" the voice startled me.
It was Blake, I was glad to see him. He was Quinn's best friend, and the lead guitarist of their band.
"Go ahead, but I won't have an answer for you. I just don't know what to do. He's so down about everything. As much as I hate to say it, he's not in the right frame of mind for fame and fortune right now," I sighed and leaned against the wall in the corridor.
"I know what you mean. Last night when he came round I didn't know what to do, or say," Blake said, and I could tell he really was concerned about Quinn.
I had known Blake since primary school. We hadn't become friends until elementary school, but ever since then he'd always been there for me when I needed him. Besides Quinn, Blake was my best friend too.
"He thinks this big music break will change everything, but you know, I'm not so sure it would," I had been keeping these thoughts to myself for weeks, months even, and I'd never had the intentions to tell anyone. Blake was close to Quinn, so I knew he'd probably understand how I was feeling.
"I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear that. I know you guys want it all just as bad as he does," I continued.
"Hey, don't worry I totally understand. Just call me if you need anything, or if you just want to talk," Blake said and he reached out to give me a hug.
"Thanks,"I said, and hugged him back.

I texted Quinn three times that night and never got a reply, which made me worry even more about him. It got to midnight and Ihad tried to sleep but in the end I gave up, knowing it wasn't going to happen until I heard from him. I got up to watch some TV while I waited anxiously for a text. There wasn't a lot on at midnight, just some horror movies and late night commercials so I switched it off again. I had been sitting there in the dark, just thinking, when the lights flickered on, my eyes strained in the sudden light. Mom sat down beside me.
"Mom, I don't know what to do," I whispered, and felt a tear roll down my cheek.
"It's okay, he probably just needs some time to sort things out," she put her arm around me.
Mom had noticed my mood change when I got home from school and had insisted I tell her what was going on, so I'd told her about my argument with Quinn today.
"Would you have let him stay here for a little while?" I asked. I wasn't completely sure, but I had a feeling the answer would be no.
"Well, your father and I would rather he didn't, but if he had no where else to go, of course that would be okay. We could make it work, he's a nice boy. But he really should sort it out with his family," she said kindly.
I agreed with that, and I also knew my dad wouldn't be so keen on the idea of Quinn living here with me. It had taken him a while to get used to the idea of me even dating Quinn, or any boy for that matter. Although Quinn was the only serious boyfriend I'd ever had. I really did love him, and I just wished everything would sort out before it did any more damage than it already had.
My cellphone rang and I was relieved to see it was Quinn calling.
"Hello?"I answered. He certainly had some explaining to do, but I was more concerned about where he was than angry.
"I'm sorry, I just needed to be alone for a few hours," he still sounded distant, almost like he hadn't really wanted to call me.
"I see," was all I managed to say. I was one of those people who went through conversations over and over again in my head and then when I had the actual conversation I never had the courage to say what I planned.
"I didn't wake you did I?" he asked.
"No, as it happens I couldn't sleep," my sarcastic tone was lost in the worry in my voice. "Where are you?"
"I'm staying at Blake's again."
"Have you been home yet?" I asked, hoping he had come to his senses, but it wasn't likely.
"No, I haven't. Look, I need to see you," he said it more like a question than anything.
"Now?" I asked. It was already late and I was tired.
"Yeah, can I come over?" he sounded desperate to see me.
"Why? Can't it wait?" I asked, glancing at mom beside me, it looked like she wasn't paying any attention to my conversation.
"No, it can't," he said.
"Um, hold on then," I went to cover the phone and ask mom, but Quinn realized what I was doing and stopped me before I did.
"No, don't ask. Go back to bed, and you can let me in through your window," he suggested. He must have thought I was really angry at him because, again, it came out more like a question.
I ended the call and turned to explain to Mom.
"He said everything's fine, and he just needed some time by himself. So I'm going to bed now and I'll talk to him tomorrow. Thanks mom, for everything," I smiled and gave her a hug.
I headed down the hall to my bedroom, shut the door and sat down on my bed. He'd be here in a few minutes. Blake had his license and I guessed he would use his parent's car to drop Quinn off. Blake's parents were incredibly relaxed about everything. They weren't around a lot and trusted Blake more than parents of a teenage boy probably should.
I was right, within a few minutes I heard a light tap on the window. I was nervous, he hadn't sounded himself on the phone and I kept thinking he might want to end things with me. Right now, I really couldn't cope with that. I walked over to the window, shaking slightly, and opened it.
"Luckily I live in a one story house," I laughed as he climbed inside, hoping to lighten the mood.
Quinn smiled a little and sat on my bed. He beckoned me to sit down beside him.
"So, why did you need to see me so urgently?" I asked, wanting to get straight to the point. I sat down beside him and looked up at him.
"I love you," he whispered. He looked at me and held my hands in his. I waited for him to continue, but he sat there saying nothing.
"I love you too..." I said slowly, my mind racing at the possibilities of what he was going to say next.
"I'm sorry about how I've been acting lately. I promise I'll be a better boyfriend to you," he said genuinely.
I heaved a small sigh of relief. I had been so sure he was going to end our relationship, end my life. No, I wasn't being dramatic. I was so close to Quinn and next to him nothing else mattered.
I felt like if I said anything it would ruin the moment so I lay down on my bed and fell asleep in his arms.