FicWad

14. Keep Your Soul Like A Secret In Your Throat

There was something wrong with his eyes.
Why I realized this thirty minutes after he left, I’ll never know. But his eyes weren’t normal when he kissed me. Usually, they’re a light brown shade, with flecks of green dancing in them like emerald flames. But then, they were so dark they were almost completely black, like his pupils had swallowed his irises completely. In addition, I felt ill almost as soon as he left. Beside his eyes, he didn’t look sick. He looked better than he usually did, actually. My hands were trembling and my balance was unsteady. I felt nauseous. Unsure of my stability, I used the phone in the art room to call Winter and have her pick me up. She was acting a lot nicer since my suicide attempt. Somehow I knew it wasn’t because my mother asked her to, either. Maybe it’s because she had a boyfriend now. I didn’t know his name, I’d never seen him, but he sure made her happy. It was almost creepy at first, Winter smiling. But I suppose it was better than her scowling at everyone all the time. I wasn’t the only one with a broken heart, actually. Winter doesn’t want anyone to know about it, but she had her heart broken majorly about the same time I had mine stomped on.
Her silver two-seater pulled up in front of the school and I climbed in. Almost immediately she sensed something wasn’t right. One hand on the wheel, one hand on my forehead, she was hastily trying to diagnose what ever had come over me. I jumped; her hands were like ice.
“You’re sick,” she declared, returning her freezing hands to the steering wheel.
“Yes, I was kind of thinking the same thing…” I replied, hinting sarcasm.
“What the hell have you been up to?” A red light, her luminous silver eyes tried to pierce a mental barrier I had put up. I could read minds, she could only tell if you were lying or not.
“Nothing Mom wouldn’t approve of…”
“Lie. Try again and tell the truth this time,” Her face was twisting with frustration and concern. She knew I wasn’t cutting myself; they hid all the sharp objects in the house after that incident.
“Why does it matter?” She was silent as the car jerked at the green light. After a few moments, realization dawned on her face.
“You’re seeing that kid again, aren’t you?” I didn’t speak. If I didn’t directly answer the question, she couldn’t determine if I was lying or not.
“What kid are we talking about now?” she groaned, I’d figured her out.
“I don’t remember his name…The one Mom grounded you from dating.” Damn. There was no use lying if she was just going to figure it out.
“Yes, I saw him for a few minutes at the end of the day.” She nodded as she came up with more questions to interrogate me with.
“Only saw him? Or did more happen then your letting me on to?” I sighed and rolled my eyes in annoyance.
“He kissed me and asked me out again.”
“You said…?” I was getting angry at her nosiness.
“I said yes, okay? What does any of this have to do with me being sick?” She pulled into our driveway and abruptly stopped the car.
“Let’s just say that you don’t really know where he’s been sticking his tongue since you dumped him.” My stomach turned over as images of him in bed with Olivia flooded my mind.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” She shook her head as she got out of the car.
“Do you honestly think he’s all that innocent?” The truth in that statement stung like a pin prick to my self esteem.
Seven days until winter formal.
Snowflakes and Christmas lights appeared all over the school almost overnight. More and more kids are riding buses and driving to school. Chatter about who’s going with who buzzes in the halls and people without dates search frantically for someone desperate enough to go with them. Gerard isn’t in school. Listening to the bathroom gossip, he and Olivia are still going together and I’m officially the most unpopular person in the school. This is going by gossip, however, and Victoria assures me that its “total bullshit”. Well, the unpopular part is, I suppose. But everyday, I see Olivia showing off some new piece of jewelry that he bought for her, or the cute little note he wrote her since his unexplained disappearance from school.
Six days until winter formal.
I find out that you need a date to get into winter formal, and almost consider Mikey. I then convince myself that he is just incredibly confused and that he really loves Victoria, not me. I play the bitch card, and when Brett (ew ew ew ew) asks me, I say yes. I know, it’s rather sick to date the ex of the girl your ex is dating. But desperate is desperate and he just might grow on me.
Or he just might not. I just hope he doesn’t want anything more than a dance.
Four days until winter formal.
My teachers all want a serious conversation with my parents. Their expressions are incredible when I tell them my mother won’t be home for three more months and that my dad’s dead. A mixture of sympathy and shock, they stutter apologies and recommend various psychologists that have apparently helped them through similar situations. Right. Like they had to watch their loved one die, that the only person that is still responsible for them only shows her face every five months if you’re lucky.
Gerard is still M.I.A. I could care less. He was probably high when he asked me out. That’s why his pupils were the size of dinner plates. I should have known it was too good to be true. I’m not feeling any better, but at least it hasn’t gotten worse. Winter wants me to stay home but as long as I can walk then I’ll go to school. It’s bad enough that my grades are slipping; at least I’ll have perfect attendance.
The day of winter formal.
I’d never felt more unattractive in my life. I pulled my ratty hair up and put a bit of lipstick on. The white fabric hugged my hips gracelessly, more cleavage showed than I had anticipated. I tugged at it constantly, wishing to show as little skin as possible. Hours passed like seconds, I spent the time cleaning my room, which I’d been neglecting like everything else. I took every picture with Gerard in it and put them in a box. I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. I pull the large canvas down from my wall, the colours still as bright as if he painted it yesterday. I couldn’t keep it, but I wasn’t cruel enough to throw it out. As I put the cover back on, a note falls out. With love, Gerard. His ‘g’ is bigger and curvier than usual; he used to try so hard to impress me…
I was incredibly frustrated. How did he fall out of love so easily with me? I hated myself for it, but I still loved him. I’d be surprised if I ever stopped loving him. I remembered his eyes. This wasn’t right, something’s messing with him and I had a sinking feeling it was a Deamon. My eyes jump to the clock; I had an hour before Winter was driving us all up to the school. I hear the door open and close three times before I go downstairs. Spring is in a pale blue dress and Ray is in a matching colour. I smile at him and give him a thumbs-up; he blushes. His ‘fro, somehow, is slicked back neatly. Winter is in a white dress with a black flower pattern heavily staining the fabric; her date, in all black. He looks familiar but I can’t put a name to his face. Summer’s in a short, pink dress and her date is casually dressed. A camera is put into my hands and I take all the pictures. Winter rushes us into Mom’s van; even then all of us don’t fit. Spring sits on Ray’s lap and four people are crammed in a spot made for two. I didn’t expect Brett to show up at my house. I’d be surprised if he showed up to the dance.
We arrive and the gym is poorly lit and decorated. The bass to an unrecognizable song booms so loud that we have to scream in each others’ ears to be heard. Not that I have much to say. Brett finds me and greets me by trying to shove his tongue down my throat. Repulsed, I try to hide myself. Apparently, white wasn’t the colour because I find myself to be the only one wearing it. I climb up into the bleachers and watch other people dance, obviously unashamed. I scan thoughts aimlessly, most consisting of silent pleas to their partners for more…an occasional ‘I love you’ or ‘I can’t believe this’…and then I spotted Gerard.
Damn, he cleaned up well.
His crisp black dress shirt was tucked neatly into a dark pair of jeans. A red tie was somewhat loose around his neck and his black hair was slicked back with gel. I was almost in shock at how amazing he looked. He was talking to Mikey and I didn’t dare read his mind, I was so scared for some reason I couldn’t even comprehend my own thoughts. As if on cue, he turns and sees me cowering in the bleacher, yet he flashes a smile that lights the whole gym up. I blush and try to push myself further into the wall behind the bleachers. Olivia sneaks up behind him and his smile drops. I feel my lungs stiffen as their lips press. They pull back and hers form words: I love you. I’m gone before I see him respond. I can feel their eyes burning holes in my back as I jump the steps two and three at a time and run towards the door that leads outside. Laughter echoes in my ears as I stumble in the heels that I was so sure I could walk in. I lean against the building once outside and take deep breaths, trying not to pass out. Then, of course, he shows up. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to say anything, I just feel his arms around me and I finally let myself cry. My head in his shoulder, his hand pulls the clip out of my hair and gently untangles the knots. I couldn’t believe this. Who did he really love? Me or Olivia? I remove myself from his grasp, my back facing him.
“Autumn…?” I shook my head.
“Who are you, Gerard?” He walked around to face me again. “I hardly recognize you anymore” His hands tipped my face up. Those eyes, they were still black. There was no way this was Gerard. But this wasn’t possessed, was it? I knew how he acted when he was possessed and it was the exact opposite of how he was acting now. And eyes don’t turn black when you’re possessed. I took a few steps away from him, scared, but making sure that whatever had him right now, it didn’t get me. I shake my head and he shrugs, walking back inside. Almost instantaneously, Olivia appears, ever so graceful in her little black dress with matching heels. She didn’t trip once. Her deep brown hair swung back and forth perfectly as she marched right up to me and slapped me across the face. I didn’t have it in me to hit her back. Yet.
“Oh-kay…are you going to explain why you slapped me or is this just how you PMS?” Her hands were clenched and she was breathing heavily. Ooh, scary. A smile spread across her face, slightly disfigured in her hatred and anger.
“You think you can save him, don’t you? Oh don’t look so clueless, I know what you are.” She moved closer, our eyes not breaking their contact as she got up in my face, still smiling. “Or rather, what you wished you weren’t.” What? She didn’t know what I was, did she? Gerard couldn’t have told her, he wasn’t that bad. Unless the Deamon possessing him forced him to…but Deamons didn’t have access to memories, did they?
“Is this a joke? You don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about…” She was laughing now, her nose pushing up next to mine, our eyes completely parallel.
“I know more than you think,” Her normally sapphire eyes, just for a second, flashed blood red. “Angel.” I watched as she danced back into the gym, leaving me in complete shock.
No. Fucking. Way.
Olivia was a Deamon, who had me completely figured out.
And she was drowning Gerard’s soul, using him as her pawn to lure me in somehow. That explained his eyes.
And when I kissed him, just as she wanted me to, I became a pawn too.
It was only a matter of time now.