FicWad

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, don't own the basic plot and quotes you recognise from Californication.

WARNINGS: This story is based on the television series "Californication", if you didn't like it or were offended by it, please do not read. I have changed a lot of the plot to suit my own wicked ways but it still includes a lot of swearing, alcohol and drug use, sex in every shape and form and some volgarity. Please do not read if this offends.

Chapter Ten - The real question you've got to ask is are you happy?

Grocery shopping was stressful, mainly because Frank could never find anything that he actually liked to eat. He didn't eat meat, but lately fruit and vegetables were getting boring. So that was probably why, when he looked down into his shopping cart, he found it filled with chips, chocolates and two minute noodles.

It was fucking depressing to say the least. Eating junk food on your own was no fun and it merely reminded Frank that he had no one around to try and make him eat properly anymore.

That was most likely why he found himself hunched over the shopping cart, pushing it along with his elbows, so that one hand was free to hold his lit cigarette whilst the other was free to lift the bottle of beer, he had bought at the bottle shop next door, to his mouth.

Not exactly a socially expectable way to do your shopping, that was probably why Frank always did his grocery shopping at least a half hour drive from his home. It was in the slightly rougher parts of town. Away from the beautiful beaches at California to the dark shadows that lay in dirty alley ways of the inner-city.

He didn't exactly hate places like that, in a way; it reminded him of Jersey; of home. But in turn, that only upset him more. It reminded him of what had been, it reminded him of when he was a kid. He missed those days, that was probably why, in turn, he actually did hate places like this one. It reminded him of another thing he missed.

But if he visited it during the day, he could just get by. After all, so long as he could smoke and drink whilst doing his shopping, what the fuck did he care where he was?

Turning into the toiletry isle, he pulled down the sunglasses on the top of his head so that he could cover his eyes. Sometimes he loved the cover that they brought him, made him feel like he could stare at anyone or anything for hours and no one would ever know.

Tossing a new toothbrush into his cart and moving on to the deodorants and body sprays, he yawned loudly as he realised how mundane his life had become.

The night before he had done a show with 'Pledge for the broken', it had gone terrifically. A magazine wanted to do an article on them, which in turn meant a photo shoot, which in turn meant that pretty soon they were going to be getting a lot more people at their shows.

Frank knew he should have been excited, but he wasn't. Truth was, even that seemed boring now. He had done it all before and he didn't really want to do it all again. All he really wanted to do was pick up where he left off. On the top of the world with Mikey, Ray, Bob and Gerard.

"Trying to figure out how good you'll smell if you buy that one?" a female voice asked him.

Immediately his eyes shot upwards until they locked with those of a pretty blonde girl in a bikini top and a mini skirt. She looked like she had just come from the beach and whilst that usually wasn't a look that attracted Frank to a woman, something about it just seemed to suit this girl. She definitely had his full attention.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, glad that he had decided to put his sunglasses on, at least the girl wouldn't see him checking her out.

"Well, you've been staring at that particular bottle for about ten minutes now. Got a lot on your mind?" The blonde brushed a curl out of her face as she smiled sweetly at him.

"No, I just really want to make sure I get the right scent for me," Frank said, causing the blonde to laugh lightly.

"I'm Ashley," she announced boldly, sticking out a tanned hand towards him. He didn't put down his beer; he merely stuck the cigarette in his mouth to free up a hand before taking hers in it and shaking gently.

"I'm Frank. So tell me Ashley, what do you think - um, 'Arctic Berry' - is going to smell like on me?"

Ashley smiled warmly at him as she took the can of deodorant and sniffed the nozzle warily.

"Definitely better then cigarettes and beer," she stated simply, tossing the can into Frank's shopping cart.

With that, the blonde chewed on her bottom lip as she walked towards him slowly. For a moment Frank honestly thought she was going to make out with him right then and there, but instead she merely brushed past him and kept on walking.

The old hard to get game. She did it well. But Frank did it better and he didn't even bother chasing her. Secretly marking her off as nothing but more bad news, he kept on walking in the opposite direction. At that point, he was quite proud of himself for not giving in to the temptation of not just another pretty girl who was probably great in bed, but a companion for what no doubt promised to be a lonely night.

He sighed inwardly, wishing that he at least had a show on that night. It had been a few days since he had even had a second to be left with his own thoughts. He wasn't looking forward to arguing with them again.

Frank was sure he had come to the shops with some kind of list or other of what he actually needed, but writing it out when he was bored at home was one thing, finding it when he was at the shops and actually needed it was a completely different story. Taking another sip of his beer when he realised he had no idea what it was he truly went there for, he decided that he was bored of shopping for the time being.

Making his way to the register, he found himself standing right behind the bikini clad girl that had just been talking to him in the toiletry isle and she seemed to be having some sort of problem. Whilst all she was purchasing was a few simple items to cook something, that would no doubt be too difficult for Frank to make, she didn't have enough money.

"Hold up, I know I got some more money here somewhere," Ashley said as she rummaged around inside her bag.

"Here, just take this," Frank offered, handing her a small note from his wallet.

"No, honestly I'm fine, I've got some somewhere," Ashley argued, shaking her head at the offered money.

"Then you can pay me back when you find it. Honestly, it's not that big a deal."

Instead of waiting for her approval he merely handed the note to the cashier who simply rolled her eyes and put it towards the sale.

He wasn't too sure if Ashley was pissed off at his offer or not but she muttered a very bitter sort of thanks before grabbing her shopping bag and walking out of the store.

"And how are you today?" Frank asked the very disinterested cashier as she began scanning his rather poor collection of items.

The cashier didn't answer; she just shook her head at his cheeriness and continued scanning the items in silence.

"And you have a lovely day," Frank said as he grabbed his bags, pleased to manage to piss her off even further by his happy demeanor.

The moment he stepped out of the shop he realised he truly had no idea what he had just bought. It didn't matter though, it never mattered.

Deciding he'd rather hire out some new movies then watch the ones he had at home and had already watched a thousand times before, he began to head in the direction of the video store.

"Lonely night planned?" a girls voice asked as he went to swing open the video shop door.

"Are you following me now?" he said with a cheeky grin as he turned around to find Ashley standing there grinning at him.

"I just figured, if you had nothing to do, maybe I could come around and cook you dinner. After all, half of this stuff is yours," she said, waving the grocery bag around.

For a second or two, he seriously thought about her offer. Usually he would say yes faster then his brain could actually comprehend what the hell he was about to say, but lately he had definitely changed. Still, even though his common sense was telling him to forget her and just go home alone, his body and the other half of his rather complicated mind was telling him something completely different.

He didn't want to be alone that night and he would never get companionship if he didn't try. This girl could very well be the next Mrs. Frank Iero. How was he going to know if he didn't give her a chance?

"Um - I'm a vegetarian," he decided on saying. If she was going to cook him something with meat, the deal was off. He would let fate decide.

And just his luck, she smiled sweetly at him and brushed a stray curl from out of her perfect eyes.

"So am I."

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Frank woke up the next day slightly hung-over. Okay, who was he kidding, he had the fucking worst hang-over he could remember having in a very long time.

It turned out that Ashley was quite the drinker. It also turned out that she was quite the cook. And it also turned out that her and Frank were a match made in heaven.

As he brought her home and directed her to the kitchen, she cooked whilst he asked the questions. They liked the same music, they liked the same movies and they even liked the same fucking food. That was hard to come by as Frank liked some pretty messed up combinations.

Then, they ate dinner and drank beer on his lounge with The Misfits blaring out of the speakers set up all around them. Dinner was finished, the music kept playing, they kept drinking and the next thing Frank knew they were both naked and heatedly making out on his rather cold and uncomfortable floor boards.

It had been a good night. Ashley was a good chick.

He could have slept on that cold floor all fucking morning he was that content. Could have if there wasn't a loud knock on the door right at that very moment.

Frank fucking hated visitors in the morning.

"Just a second," he called out, finally opening his eyes and stretching out.

It felt like there was a million elephants line dancing in his head, but somehow he managed to get up off the floor, locate some pants and pull them on.

That was when he noticed that his guitar was not where it should have been - that was when he noticed his favourite DVD's were missing and that was when he noticed that all of his fucking CD's were missing!

"FUCK!" he shouted out, over the now constant knocking on his front door. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

First of all, he couldn't believe that he hadn't seen this coming. Second of all, he couldn't believe he fucking didn't see it coming!

Sure, whilst he didn't really know Ashley all that well nobody really knew anybody all that well when they went on a date (not unless they had been friends for a very long time and as Frank had found out, that didn't work anyway). There was no way he could have anticipated that she was a fucking thief, but god he wished he had of.

He picked up the phone, thought about calling the police then swore loudly and threw the phone against the wall. He just stood there wondering what the fuck he was going to do when he heard another, much louder, knock on the door. Deciding he was better off seeing who the hell dared to disturb him first, he marched to the door and flung it open.

"Oh you are the last fucking person I want to see at the moment," Frank practically screamed the moment he opened the door and saw who was standing there smiling at him very inappropriately.

"And you are the only person I want to see at the moment," Jess said with a rather heavy sigh as she looked him up and down, clearly pleased he was only wearing pants and nothing else. "God I love tattoos."

"Please just go away," he whined, finally just giving up as he turned away from Jess and heard her following him into the house.

If he felt capable of crying he would have done it then and there, simply out of sheer frustration.

"What's wrong with you?" Jess asked, in a disinterested tone.

"I was fucking robbed, that's what's wrong with me! So if you could just tell me why you're here and then get the fuck out it would be very much appreciated."

Frank ran a hand through his hair as he once again inspected his strangely desolate lounge room. Man he loved that fucking guitar.

"I want another piece of music. You know, like the one you gave me last time," Jess announced, freely glancing around his house as though she owned the place.

"You mean like you stole from me last time. What the hell do you want it for?"

"I have an assignment, it's due today. The teachers expecting a lot from me after the piece I handed in last time, I didn't want to disappoint. So, what other unfinished song have you got for me?" Jess started going through the piles of unfinished lyrics he had on his coffee table, instantly he dove on them, pushing the young girl aside.

"You can't have any of those, they're for the band. Just write something your fucking self and if you want I'll look it over and give you some tips," he said, deciding that the tough guy attitude was getting him nowhere and trying for a more logical approach.

"What band? Not the old band I hope. I heard Jack say something about touring with you guys. You really have to get over it Frankie, Gerard just isn't interested anymore. He's not still stuck in the past like you are," she said, reaching around him and grabbing one of the pages with scribbled guitar rhythms on it.

Frank instantly snatched it back, trying to ignore the comment she had just made. It pissed Frank off to no end that this girl actually got to live with Gerard. At the moment, he hated her, because she knew more about Gerard then he did lately.

He fucking hated that so badly.

"Look Jess, you really just have to get the fuck out of here. I'm not in the mood, leave me alone," he snapped. He must have looked and sounded pretty pissed off because Jess' usual smile faded instantly.

"Fine. When I'm suspended for not doing my assignment, I'll be sure to let daddy know that it was because I was too busy thinking about the great fuck I had with his best friend."

Inside, Frank was ready to kill someone. Outside, he merely took a deep breath, grabbed Jess' arm and dragged her out of his house. She gave a sly little wave before he slammed the door in her face.

Somehow, he knew she wouldn't tell. It was empty threats. And, even if it wasn't, he no longer cared. Frank just felt sick, physically and mentally. Not just because of the thought at all he'd lost that morning, but because of all the things Jess had just said.

Daddy? He shuddered at the word. For some reason Frank found himself insanely jealous of Jess. She got to live with Gerard, over hear things, maybe even get spoilt rotten by him. Frank still remembered way back when Lindsey had first found out she was pregnant and Gerard had secretly admitted to Frank that he had always wanted a daughter. Jess was now the closest thing he had to one, he couldn't stand that what she had just told him was probably true. Because if Gerard was going to open up to anyone, he knew it would be her. She seemed to have a way of reeling people in.

Hook, line and fucking sinker.

At that moment, he wanted nothing more then to just jump off the tallest building or drive his car off a fucking bridge. It wasn't really that he wanted to die, it was more or less a statement that Jess could fucking drive people to the very edge of all sanity.

It was at that particular moment though that his phone started ringing.

"For fucks sake, why can't people just leave me alone," he whined, collapsing into his lounge chair as he pressed the green button on his phone. "Yeah, what is it?"

"Oh - hey Frank - um ... everything okay?"

It was Gerard and Frank instantly sat further up in his chair, thoughts of driving off any bridge suddenly miles away. Gerard just had that sort of soothing effect on him lately.

"Yeah, yeah everything’s - but enough about me, hi, how are you?" he said, trying to make up for his rather rude first greeting.

Gerard laughed and Frank actually smiled at the sound.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I was just calling to - er, well ..."

There was a long pause and Frank found himself holding his breath as he waited to hear what Gerard was struggling so hard to say. He didn't want to push him, but he couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"Yeah Gee, you're actually going to have to finish that sentence other wise I'm never going to know what you're trying to say."

"I just wanted to know if - well, if maybe you wanted to ... I dunno - get coffee or something with me today ..."

Frank raised his eyebrows as he ran over the stuttered out words over and over again in his head.

He could not believe Gerard had just asked him that. It wasn't so much the fact he had asked him for coffee, he did it all the time when he wanted to talk about serious stuff, but the way he said it this time, well, Frank didn't have to be a genius to realise it sounded much less hostile.

"Gerard Way, are you asking me out?" he teased, a smile spreading across his face.

"W-what? No! I just - well Lindsey's - I just though that maybe you could - I'm only asking because ... you know what, forget about it. I was just being stupid," Gerard said, sounding really fucking miserable. Immediately Frank wanted to kick himself in the balls - he was an asshole.

"Wait Gee, I'm only kidding man. To tell you the truth I could really fucking do with a coffee and well, I'd kind of appreciate the company."

Frank wanted to go, boy did he ever want to fucking go, but he didn't want Gerard to be sitting there all awkward during their coffee date or feeling bad that he was doing something wrong. Frank knew that if he made it all about him, Gerard would feel like he was only doing it to keep him happy and therefore wouldn't feel so badly about it.

It was the perfect plan.

"Cool as Frank. Well, did you maybe want to meet at the Starbucks round the corner from here? O-or I could go there, we could go to that one that's -"

Frank had to interrupt; he just had to, because he knew why Gerard was trying to put other options on the table. The Starbucks he had first suggested was theirs. Every single time they would try and meet up somewhere when they were together, it would be there. It was the only place that truly felt like theirs.

The fact that Gerard had offered that place first was too perfect.

"Gee, the Starbucks near you is fine. I'll see you there in half an hour."

With that, Gerard sounded far more chirpier as they said their goodbyes and see ya soon's.

Whilst Frank had a gapping hole in his chest for the loss of his guitar, he was willing to let Gerard try and fill that gap.

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Honestly, Frank could never remember Gerard having said so much so fast in all of his life. Not that he minded of course, but he had to admit, it was getting a bit excessive, even for him.

They had met at Starbucks as promised, got their coffees and went to sit down. But Frank had a change of heart and told Gerard he was up for a walk. Convincing Gerard that he had been sitting on his ass all week and really needed to do some exercise, Gerard had caved in and followed Frank to the local park.

There they found themselves, walking through the cold, wet grass; warm coffee's in their hands and hoods up, to protect their hair from the wind.

Frank was the one to make the mistake of asking Gerard how his comic book was going and since then he had not stopped talking about. Frank practically knew what every character was going to do, where they were going to do it, why and with whom. Yet still Gerard kept talking about it.

If he didn't know any better he'd say that nobody had asked Gerard how his lives work was going in quite a while, either that or Gerard honestly had nothing else to talk about. When was the last time he had left his fucking house?

When Gerard finally stopped talking, it was a long while before Frank even noticed and a silence fell between them causing Gerard to blush furiously.

"I'm sorry, you probably have a million better things to do then hear about my stupid comic book," Gerard said, giving a sad sort of smile.

Frank almost stopped to slap Gerard hard across the face. He had no idea what was going on, but Gerard had not looked this nervous or unsure of himself since My Chemical Romance had first started going on television interviews.

"I don't think it's stupid. I happen to think it's really great that you're finally doing what you were born to do," Frank told him, hoping to god that his words brought the present Gerard back.

For a moment he seriously thought he had stepped back in time, traveling all the way back to when he had first met that drunken, quiet, vampire looking dude at an 'Eyeball Record' party.

"Oh shit! Is that the time? Fuck, I've got to pick up Jack from school in twenty minutes!" Gerard suddenly announced, looking quite alarmed.

"Relax Gee, his schools only like five minutes away," Frank said, unable to hide a laugh at how scattered Gerard seemed to be.

"I know that but ... guess we have to cut this short, sorry Frank."

At those words, Frank actually did stop. Only so that he could place all of his effort into staring at Gerard in complete and utter confusion. Because he wasn't cutting anything short, they had been walking for almost an hour and a half! That was the most time they had spent together in a long time. Frank had no idea what was going on and he wasn't sure if he liked it.

Sure, he still wanted Gerard; boy did he still want him. But, Gerard wasn't supposed to want him back, Gerard wasn't supposed to be disappointed that they were cutting a break short. This person before him wasn't Gerard anymore.

Gerard was independent, he was strong, he spoke his mind and he didn't take anyone's shit. This Gerard was shy, uncertain, scattered and withdrawn. What the hell had happened?

"Gee? Seriously dude, you're scaring me a little bit ... are you okay?" he finally decided to ask when Gerard just stared at him in slight confusion.

"What? Of course I am ... why?"

"Well it's just that - well, Jack said something to me the other day, just got me thinking I guess," Frank said, trying his best to come up with a way to ask Gerard if he was in fact drinking again, there was no other explanation for this odd behavior.

"About what? What did he say?" Gerard asked sounding rather concerned.

Frank studied Gerard for a moment and then decided that he wasn't ready to have this conversation just yet. If Gerard was drinking again, it was none of his business. He knew that no matter what he said, no matter what he did, they would just end up fighting. They had had such a good day, there was no way he wanted to ruin that just yet.

Also, he didn't want to ask and risk an argument because somehow, he already knew the answer.

"It's nothing Gee, don't worry about it. But I was thinking, it'd be cool to see Jack. Maybe we could pick him up and take him out to get ice-cream of something?" Frank decided on saying, just to see how far he could take this new mood of Gerard’s. It was worth a try after all.

"You know what Frank, I think Jack would really like that," Gerard said, a large smile spreading across his pale face. Frank smiled back, he couldn't help himself.

They got to the end of the park and back onto the main road near Jack's school with plenty of time to spare. So much time in fact that the second they passed a music store, Frank just had to stop. When Gerard turned around to see where he had gone, he came walking up to him, shaking his head and laughing.

"Come on Frank, you've got hundreds of guitars at home, what are you looking at those for?" Gerard asked, nudging him gently to snap him out of his daze.

"Um - well, I'm kind of down one ... it was my favourite. I'm just seeing if they have one the same here," he explained without actually realising what he was saying.

"What do you mean you're down one guitar? What happened to it?"

It was a simple question and Frank could have just said he broke it but when Gerard asked, he cringed and tried to shrug the question off, which usually wasn't the best start if you were trying to tell a believable lie.

"Let me guess," Gerard said, suddenly turning quite angry, it was clear he knew that look far to well. "Someone stole it from you. But wait, there's more, that someone was actually invited into your house weren't they?"

Gerard put his hands on his hips as his eyes bore into the side of Franks head. He cursed because, fuck, Gerard knew him to well. When he didn't answer, Gerard just shook his head and sighed.

"God Frank, don't you ever fucking learn? Remember that chick you let stay the night a few months back, the one that stole your wallet with all of your credit cards and about a thousand bucks worth of cash? I mean, do you just choose to forget that shit sometimes?" Gerard practically yelled at him.

It appeared as though the real Gerard was back, just like that; it certainly didn't take long for Frank to find him again. This was the one that knew better, the one that liked to tell him what he did wrong and why he was failing. Frank suddenly wasn't sure which one he actually preferred.

"Apparently I do. I didn't fucking know she was going to end up taking all of my shit Gerard, it was a simple mistake. It's a risk you take for a little companionship," he argued back. Frank didn't want to fight, but he didn't think he deserved to be told off either. He wasn't a child.

"Frank, there are plenty of decent people out there you can go out with. People that would actually date you, respect you and perhaps even fucking love you. Why do you always have to go for these one night stands? Don't you have any self respect?"

Gerard wasn't yelling anymore, he was merely making a statement as though trying to help Frank, trying to fix his life. He was sure he would have preferred the yelling, he didn't like being told how to live his life and he didn't need Gerard trying to fix it after he was technically the one that ruined it.

"You know what Gee, no, I don't have any self-respect. You took it from me a year ago, you remember that? Maybe I don't want to be with someone I could actually love again. It hurts too fucking much," he stated boldly. But he didn't walk away like he wanted to, he just refused to look at Gerard.

There he was, just a few minutes ago, not wanting to ruin the good day that they had been having. Now, here they were, as per usual, bitching to one another. He was too tired for it today, so he decided to change the subject; after all, it was now or never.

"Why are you drinking again?" Frank asked outright, causing Gerard to stop and stare at him in surprise.

"What? Frank I'm not -"

"Don't lie to me Gee, I can see right through you just as well as you can see right through me. Why are you drinking again?" he asked once more, not taking his eyes off Gerard.

But Gerard tore his eyes away from Frank and he looked to the side and shook his head as though he couldn't believe what Frank was asking him. When he finally looked back, he made quite certain to look Frank straight in the eye.

"Frank ... I am not drinking again!" he said, far more firmly this time.

He watched him closely, looking him up and down then straight in the eye. And suddenly he realised that he couldn't read Gerard as well as he thought. He was sure, he was so certain. Gerard showed the same signs he did all those years ago when he would sneak a couple of extra beers back stage so that they wouldn't be able to keep track of how much he drank.

Yet, he wasn't lying. Frank knew him well enough to know that, or did he, there was no way he could be sure.

So Gerard wasn't drinking again?

"I was just making sure, you just seem different lately. Anyway, it's three, we got to get Jack," Frank announced, desperate for the fighting to stop. He knew Jack would help with that matter.

"Yeah, lets go," Gerard said, turning around and walking away. Frank followed, grateful that Gerard clearly wanted to stop the senseless bickering as much as he did.

When they got to the front of the school, they only had to wait a few minutes in awkward silence before Jack came rushing out to jump into Gerard's arms. By that time they both had cigarettes lit to deal with the silence they had put each other in.

"Hey Jack," Gerard said, hugging Jack with a little less enthusiasm then he normally had. "Look who else is here."

"FRANKIE!" Jack squealed, running at him so fast that Frank almost didn't have time to brace himself for the crash. "What are you doing here? You never come to see me on a week day!"

"We thought we'd take you out for ice cream Jack, would you like that?" Frank asked, ruffling up the kids hair even though it was already messy enough.

"Together? You and dad are going to take me?" Jack looked between the two of them as though he couldn't quite believe it. Frank just shrugged whilst Gerard continued to smoke his cigarette and ignore the question.

"That's the plan. Of course, if you want me to leave, I can," Frank teased, slowly backing away. But Jack reached out and clasped tightly to his hand.

"No stay Frankie, please stay!"

"I was only kidding Jack. Now come on, I've been craving a waffle cone all freaking day," he announced letting Jack continue to hold is hand as they walked along.

Gerard followed close behind but didn't say much. It was off putting to say the least. Jack had a way of making Gerard happy even on even his darkest days, perhaps Frank had upset him more then he realised with the drinking question.

"My teacher said I'm a really good drawer daddy," Jack said, not letting go of Frank's hand as he twisted around and spoke to Gerard. "Maybe you could teach me how to draw like you do in the grown-up books this weekend."

"Maybe Jack, we'll see," Gerard said, not really looking at Jack as he tossed his cigarette in the gutter and fell behind a little more.

"What's up with him?" Frank asked, keeping his voice low, hoping Gerard wouldn't hear him asking a six year old what was wrong with an adult.

"He's been really upset since the fight he had," Jack explained, just shrugging his shoulders as though it wasn't that big of a deal.

"What fight?" Frank asked curiously.

"The fight with Uncle Mikey yesterday. I don't know what it was about but he was really upset afterwards," Jack explained, staring at his feet as he jumped from concrete slab to concrete slab, trying not to step on any lines.

Frank didn't push the question any further because that feeling of being kept way to far out of the loop was bothering him again. Everyone seemed to know what was going on a lot better then he did. He hated not being a real part of Gerard and Mikey's and even Jack's lives anymore.

When they finally reached the ice-cream shop Frank and Jack put in their order whilst Gerard lagged behind stating that he didn't want anything. Regardless, Frank bought him a cookies and cream in a waffle cone.

"I got you something anyway and before you complain that you didn't want anything and blah, blah, blah - I only did it to say sorry. I shouldn't have pried and I shouldn't have asked you about the drinking, I know you're better then that," Frank said, feeling like a kid again as he offered someone an ice-cream in return for their forgiveness.

Something in Gerard’s expression instantly seemed to crack and he frowned slightly as he reached out and took the cone.

"I don't want Jack to turn out like me," Gerard finally said as he took the cone and watched it closely.

"Well so far it's either an artist like you or a rock star like me. You don't know any doctors he can start hanging around do you?" Frank joked, hoping his good mood would catch.

It did, because Gerard finally cracked a smile, even if it was a little slanted.

"I'm doing an okay job aren't I Frank? You know at the whole parent thing. I can't believe I'm going to ask you of all people this question but, am I doing the right thing marrying Lindsey? Jack tells you everything, I just wanted to make sure he was happy," Gerard said, throwing Frank off completely.

He couldn't believe what Gerard was asking him because all he wanted to do was stand up and scream at him. He wanted to beg him to reconsider, to marry him instead, to be with him again. But, that wasn't really the question he was asking, he was concerned with Jack. How did Jack feel about the whole thing? That's all he wanted to know.

And there it was, he suddenly realised what Gerard's problem was.

At the end of the day, Frank could hand Jack back to Gerard and not worry about a thing. Jack was the closest thing he had to son, but Jack wasn't really his son. He could never truly understand how Gerard felt about the kid. To him it was like having a play mate, a best friend; to Gerard it was someone that looked up to him, relied on him, expected things from him.

It was all for Jack ... everything.

Sure, he knew that Gerard did in fact love Lindsey, no matter how much he convinced himself otherwise. But what if the band thing, what if the marriage thing what if everything had to do with Gerard trying to put himself aside just so that his son could be happy.

Instantly Frank hated the situation, because no one should feel like that. Sure, Jack mattered, but he was still just a fucking baby! The most important thing was that Gerard was happy, that was the only real way Jack could find happiness.

The whole thing was one big messed up circle and for a fleeting moment Frank truly understood how Gerard felt.

Trapped.

"Gee, you don't have to worry about Jack you know, he's a tough kid. I think the real question you've got to ask is are you happy?" Frank asked, cleverly turning it all back on Gerard.

"I am if he is," Gerard said stubbornly making Frank almost shout out in frustration. Instead he just laughed, because it was so typically Gerard.

"Right now, I'd say he's the happiest kid in the world," Frank admitted, pointing to the small boy who was sitting cross legged on the concrete, eyes fixated on the ice-cream that was now dripping all over his hand and his pants.

Jacks face was covered in the sticky dessert and as he moved up his free hand to push aside his over-grown fringe, Frank couldn't help but laugh. Because, next to him, Gerard was licking at his own ice cream and reaching up a few fingers to gently flick aside his own over-grown fringe.

At that moment, Frank couldn't be happier ... that was, until his phone started to ring out in his pocket.

Furious at the interruption, he pulled it out, saw the unknown number, excused himself from a curious Gerard and walked away as he answered the call.

"Hello? Who is this?" he said, biting off a section of his cone.

"Frank! It's me Jess, before you say anything or start yelling at me, let me explain. I seriously need your help!"

"Jess? How the hell did you get this number? Where are you and what the hell do you want?"

Frank couldn't believe his luck today, why couldn't she just leave him alone to enjoy what precious time he had left with Jack and Gerard.

"Listen, I did something really stupid. You know my music teacher? Mr. Thomas ... Ted!"

"The pervert?"

"Yeah ... well, I'm kind of at that perverts house and well ... he's done a lot of cocaine Frank and I'm really scared," she said, her voice breaking slightly.

"Oh for fucks sake, you're kidding me right? Now is a really bad time to be fucking with me."

Frank could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him as he turned around to see Gerard and Jack sitting side by side, both with matching looks on their faces as they eagerly ate their ice creams. He didn't want to walk away from this.

"I'm not fucking with you Frank, I'm serious. I'm hiding in the bathroom, he's waiting for me. I'm scared, I don't know what to do."

Then, the crying started and Frank knew that he had to go. He hated her, at that moment he wanted to leave her there to learn a very valuable lesson, but what sort of a person would he be? How could he live with himself knowing he just let her there to rot?

"God damit! Where are you?" he said, trying to compose himself.

She gave the address in-between hysterical sobs and he hung up the phone, shoved it in his pocket and swore loudly. Taking a deep breath he approached his two favourite people in the world and prepared to tell them he had to leave.

"You okay? Who was that?" Gerard asked, flicking his fringe out of his eyes this time as his hands were too busy trying to hand Jack enough serviettes to clean his face and hands.

"That was Brad from the band, he needs me there as soon as possible, apparently there's been some trouble with tomorrow nights show. They need my advice or something like that," he lied, hating himself straight away.

He couldn't believe that was the only excuse he could come up with. His dedication to his last band was the reason Gerard had left him the first time, now he was proving that he was right to leave him. He hadn't changed at all!

"You serious? Wow, that sucks," Gerard said, watching him closely. There was bitterness in his voice and Frank instantly knew why. Gerard could tell he was lying. Somehow, he always could.

"Yeah. Sorry man, but this seriously was so much fun. See ya Jack, see ya Gee."

He kissed Jack on the forehead as the boy scrunched up his ice-cream covered face and moaned in protest. Gerard got a pat on the shoulder at the same time Frank received a bitter look from him; he knew he deserved it though.

Jumping into his car, he took off in the direction Jess had given him, remembering just how much of a screwed up day he was having. First he got robbed, then he got criticized by Gerard only to have to turn around and then try and lift Gerard's crushed spirit. Now, he had to go rescue Lindsey's fucking step daughter from some sicko. Why did he get stuck with everybody’s problems?

The moment he made it to the apartment that Ted apparently lived in, he knocked on the door and was greeted almost instantly by a young girl about Jess' age. She was dressed in a school uniform but clearly didn't look to upset about being there, she merely looked bored.

"Who is it?" Frank heard Ted ask her from somewhere in what was probably a living room.

"Dunno, some guy," the other teenager said as she looked him up and down with an unimpressed look on her face.

Frank just pushed past her and stepped into one of the messiest, most filthiest places he had ever seen. Sure enough, there was Ted the fucking perverted music teacher, sitting in his underwear whilst he snorted a line of cocaine.

"Frank fucking Iero! We've been waiting for you to get here. Sit down my brother, have a line, hell, have two!" Ted offered, jumping up from his seat and speaking very rapidly as he put an arm around Frank's shoulder. Frank recoiled at the smell emitting from the man, it was disgusting.

"Where's Jess?" he asked, pushing the man off him in a fit of rage. Because something about what Ted said stuck and he suddenly realised just how stupid he had been.

"I'm right here," Jess' voice said and Frank spun around to see the girl standing behind him.

There were no more tears as she simply looked at Ted in a bored fashion before grabbing her hand bag and folding her arms across her chest.

"Good, lets get out of here right now," he said, not even giving Jess another glance as he shoved roughly past her.

"W-what? Aren't you going to stay Iero? I got a girl for you to! And I even got extra coke cause I know how much you rock stars are all into the drugs and shit." Ted tugged on his arm as he spoke, his eyes slightly unfocused as he pleaded with him to stay.

Filled with a fit of rage that honestly had nothing to do with Ted, Frank pulled back one fist and brought it flying forwards - right at Ted's face. The larger man doubled over, clasping at his face as he moaned and groaned. Frank just grabbed Jess' arm and dragged her roughly all the way out to the car.

She didn't say anything as he drove her back to Gerard's place; she merely sat there with her arms folded still looking completely unfazed by everything that had happened. The second Frank pulled up, far enough away from the home so that Gerard wouldn't accidentally see Frank dropping Jess off, he turned on her with an incredible fury.

"You weren't in any fucking trouble at all were you? In fact you even had the nerve to tell him I was coming before you had even called me up pleading with me and fucking crying for me to come and get you!" he shouted, unable to keep from punching the steering wheel in frustration.

"I was in trouble Frank. If I stayed there any longer I was going to die of boredom. After all, you didn't give me anything to hand in for my assignment so I had to make up for it by sleeping with my teacher. I thought I'd just go back there and be done with it but no, guy wanted to turn it into a fucking booze and coke fest. Boring!"

Jess apparently didn't even realise how furious Frank was. He had been trying to do the right thing and instead ended up walking away from the right thing to help somebody who was too selfish to think of anyone but herself. At that moment he had had enough.

"You know what, just get out of my fucking car and stay out of my fucking life," Frank settled on saying. He didn't yell, there was nothing left in him, he was too tired.

Rolling her eyes at how much of a kill-joy he was being, she climbed out of the car and snuck around to the back entrance of the house. Frank just sat there, shaking his head when he suddenly had a bright idea.

It didn't have to be a wasted night and it didn't have to end with Gerard pissed off at him. After all, Lindsey was still away, he could just walk in the house to appologise and then at least he would leave with a clear conscious.

Deciding it was a good idea; he drove around to the front of the house, parked the car and jumped out gracefully. He approached the front door and knocked, hoping that Gerard was actually there and Jess wouldn't answer it thinking she was being clever.

To his great relief, Gerard did answer the door, even though he looked slightly less then happy to see Frank.

"So, how was the band meeting? Problem all fixed?" he asked sarcastically as he just leaned on the door and shook his head. "Honestly Frank, I'm not that stupid."

"Look Gee, I don't care if you don't believe me, but I just had to come here to appologise. I honestly didn't want to leave and I wouldn't have unless it was really important, you should know that," Frank explained; glad to see Gerard’s scowl falter slightly at his words.

"I do know that. We were just getting along so well today that's all," Gerard finally said, his frown actually turning into a small smirk. "Wanna come in for a drink or something?"

"Hell yes!" Frank exclaimed and he hurriedly pushed past Gerard and bounced into the house before he could change his mind.

Gerard grabbed Frank one of Lindsey’s beers and grabbed himself a Coke Zero. They headed out to the pool and each took a seat. It was dark now and the stars where out. Frank gave a heavy sigh of contentment and leaned back into the chair.

"Did you ever think, when you first started the band that, that one day you would have all this. I mean, if someone had of told me back then that shy, chubby little Gerard who refused to take showers and was quite happy sleeping on basement floors and in puddles of his own puke was going to live in a big two storied home with a pool and fancy furniture, I would have just laughed in their face," Frank joked, giggling at the memory of how bad they used to be when they were constantly on the road.

"I think I would have laughed to. Sometimes I really miss it you know," Gerard said, leaning back in his own chair.

"What? Touring or the sleeping in puke thing?"

"Very funny. Touring you idiot. I just stay at home in my big fancy house and fucking draw all day now, I miss the road trips." Gerard looked thoughtful as he took a rather large swig of his Coke.

"So what do you think Jack's better off doing? Being locked in a house all day or getting out there and seeing the world for what it really is?" Frank asked, already knowing which one he preferred.

"Who knows, guess that's up to him. Oh and do me a favour, don't show him your tattoo's anymore. He's already talking about getting 'batman' tattooed on his chest. He'll be covered in them by the time he's actually legally allowed to get one!"

Frank couldn't help but laugh at that, even Gerard had to join in eventually. It was nice to see him happy again.

"Gee, you never answered my question from before. Are you happy? Does Lindsey make you happy?" Frank questioned now that they seemed to be in higher spirits again.

Gerard looked up at the starry sky and seemed to seriously think about the question. Finally, with a thoughtful sigh he looked back at Frank and smiled.

"Yeah Frank, she really does."

"Did I make you happy?" he continued to push, hating the previous answer but expecting it nonetheless.

"You made me happy Frank, god did you make me happy. But it fucking ripped my heart out when I realised I had to share you with your band. Sometimes I just felt you didn't love me back. You said it, just not often enough," Gerard admitted.

Gerard didn't try to avoid eye contact or look away; he kept it the whole time which made it even harder for Frank to hear. He knew it was true, he knew he never said it enough. But it was only because he thought if he said it out loud it gave Gerard the chance to throw it back in his face or refuse to say it back. He wouldn't have been able to handle that rejection, so he only ever told Gerard he loved him when Gerard said it first.

"I swear, some mornings I wake up and I fucking miss you so much," he let slip before he realised what he was saying. Gerard didn't look away or show any signs of objecting the words; he merely nodded as though in understanding so Frank continued. "Mostly, I think it's the coffee and the smokes."

"That's what you miss the most about me?" Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow and cocking his head to the side.

"It's your smell Gerard. I swear to god it's still on my fucking sheets," Frank explained further. He rubbed a hand through his hair for the distraction - he needed a hair cut.

"You're not in love with me Frank; you just think you are because you haven't found anybody else yet. If we got back together again, I guarantee that nothing will change. You want me cause you can't have me, the moment you get me again is the moment you find other things to busy yourself with again," Gerard said with a heavy sigh.

Frank felt like arguing the point further, but he didn't. A part of him knew it was pointless, Gerard had made up his mind and Frank had no right to try and ruin what he was putting all of his time and effort into fixing.

"It's getting late dude, I'm sure you want your beauty sleep," Frank settled on saying, not wanting to push his luck by over staying his welcome.

Gerard smiled and nodded, clearly understanding. Frank stood up and stuck out both his hands for Gerard to take, those pool side chairs could be a real bitch to get out of and he was secretly glad for the contact.

He pulled, Gerard allowed himself to be lifted up and then, Frank had no idea who moved in first but all he was aware of was having Gerard standing much closer to him then he had anticipated and then the next he knew his whole body was on fire as his lips finally pressed against Gerard's again.

He was filled with a hunger he just couldn't seem to fill, no matter how much he pressed his lips and his tongue right back against Gerard’s. Neither of them pulled away, they were both just too caught up in the moment, Frank still had no fucking idea what was happening but god did he love it.

Frank placed his hand on Gerard's lower back, just to keep him there, just to keep him close. Gerard put one hand on Frank's shoulder whilst the other ventured lower ... and lower still. Frank barely even noticed he was hard, to distracted on what was going on with his mouth, until Gerard's clumsy hand gently brushed across the intrusion in his pants. He moaned into the kiss and thrust forward, dying to be touched again, even if by accident.

But then, it was as though someone had switched a movie on inside his head. It played out that moment, the first moment, all those years ago. The moment when Frank had been overrun with some sort of horny demon because he remembered, for no reason other then he was curious and very drunk, how he had pinned Gerard against the wall, kissing him all over, sucking at his neck.

Gerard had told him to stop had told him he wanted it but had begged him to stop. Not because of Lindsey, not because of his own need to, all Gerard had said was; "Jamia Frank, you've been with her for so long. I'm not worth loosing that for."

Frank had done it anyway. Taking that plunge, pushing him down onto the bed and grinding into him until they were both just a moaning, sweaty mess. But, Gerard had given him that option, had warned him, had told him what he was doing when he had been too caught up to think about the consequences. Now, Frank owed it to him to do the same.

Reluctantly, Frank pulled away from Gerard.

"Lindsey Gee, you've been trying so hard to fix it. I'm not worth loosing that for," Frank said, each word a struggle.

With about as much strength and will power he had left in his body, Frank took a step back - only to see Gerard’s face light up in surprise as he shot out a hand for Frank to take. But, too late, Frank lost his balance and the next thing he knew he was falling straight into ice cold pool water. When he resurfaced, Gerard was standing at the edge, laughing his head off.

"I'm so sorry Frank, I tried to catch you," he managed to say in-between that perfect melody that was his laugh.

Frank just treed water there for a few minutes taking it all in. After a while he to couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm going to need to borrow some towels. I don't wanna put water on my leather seats," he said, feeling slightly embarrassed as Gerard kept on laughing at his misfortune.

Not only did Frank get towels but a spare change of clothes to, which he put on straight away as it was fucking freezing. There was a slight awkwardness between them, but neither brought it up, it didn't seem important. What happened, happened, it suddenly didn't even seem that big a deal.

As Frank said goodbye they both seemed to want to say something but neither did. Instead Frank thanked him for the clothes and leapt into the driver’s side of his car. With one last wave he drove towards home, breathing in the scent that was all over Gerard's clothes. It was the smell of Gerard, of course, cigarettes and coffee.

He was barely aware when he pulled up home, probably because it didn't feel like home anymore.

Frank kicked himself over and over for breaking the kiss, he'd done the right thing but he wished he hadn't. Home wasn't this place, it was where Gerard was and now that he was away from him, he suddenly hated where he lived. It wasn't right. It was lonely, it was dark and he fucking hated it.

Yet, a figure sitting, hunched over, on his front porch caught his attention instantly. Because he recognised the curly blonde hair, he recognised the sharp eyes and he recognised the kind smile. It was Ashley from the supermarket and there she sat a bag full of his DVD's and CD's and his precious guitar.

"I'm so sorry Frank. You were so nice to me and this was how I treated you," she said, the moment he stepped out of his car and approached her.

With that, she simply stood up leaving the guitar and everything behind. She walked up to him and kissed him quickly on the lips before turning around and walking away. Frank almost called out and begged her to stay, but his heart just wasn't in it. Nothing was anymore.

For the first time in a long time he felt stranded. This wasn't his home, he had nowhere to go.

-------------------------------------------

Gerard made his way upstairs to make sure Jack and Jess were safely in bed.

He checked on Jess first. She was still awake which didn't really surprise him, but at least she was home. Whilst she wasn't exactly any sort of relation to him he had grown slightly accustomed to having her around. He hoped to god that if he ever had a daughter she didn't turn out like her, but still, she had character and Gerard admired that.

Making his way to Jack's room, he was met with the gentle rhythm of the boys breathing. He stood in the doorway just watching his son for a few minutes before a stray tear fell down his cheek.

He loved his son, god did he love him, but lately, he would have done anything to just take a break from being a father. When he had been with Frank, he was still a Dad. Frank got to tour, Frank got to play, Gerard, he had to stay at home and take care of Jack. Now, it was the same thing. Lindsey went off to play, she went off to do what she loved, Gerard, he had to stay home and take care of Jack.

Lindsey had a band, she had a record label, she had the hard life. Gerard, he was just some comic book geek that could stay at home because his job allowed it. He didn't have a band anymore, he had a family.

Swallowing an extremely painful lump that had been building in his throat he turned his head away from the sleeping boy and walked numbly down to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard, he got out what he was looking for and he closed it again.

Then he walked.

Not into another room, not out to the pool, but out of the house altogether. Just to clear his head because he fucking needed the space.

There was no destination in mind, there wasn't even any purpose in what he was doing whatsoever but he did it anyway, carrying the item from the cupboard with him the whole way. His thoughts scattered out into the air all around him and as he walked he would pass through each different one.

Mikey had called him in a fit of hyperactivity and excitement. "The band is back bro, I can feel it," he'd said. Gerard had just let loose. To him, the band would never be back again. He had a responsibility to his son; he couldn't just up and leave him behind.

Lindsey, she wouldn't understand and he wasn't even sure if he expected her to. So many times, even when she was pregnant, he would have to leave to go to a show with My Chemical Romance, was it really fair to do it again just because he wanted, not only his dream to be a comic book artist but his dream to be in a band to?

The fact of the matter was, Gerard just wanted to fucking play again, he wanted to take that stage and he wanted to see those excited faces of the fans again. He just wanted his old life back again, no matter how wrong that felt.

And, perhaps worst of all, he wanted that time with Frank again. He missed him, with every fiber of his fucking being. He missed him and it fucking hurt.

Every time Lindsey disappeared he'd get the same way. He was supposed to miss her, but he only missed Frank. But Frank was still Frank and they had tried and it didn't work out. Why would the second time around be any different?

Fatherhood felt like a prison, he was marrying someone only because he knew deep down that it was for the best and he was still in love with someone that would only shatter his already broken heart over and over again.

Nothing was working, everything was falling apart.

With those thoughts in his head he walked and walked and he didn't stop. And somewhere in the back of his mind he wished Frank had of just stayed with him all night long then perhaps he wouldn't find himself trapped in his own horrible thoughts once again.

Because Frank made it all better, he really did. That's why he called him, that's why he wanted to spend the day with him. Gerard needed to be saved again and only Frank could save him, but he was just too fucking scared to let him.

Finally, Gerard just raised one arm and put the item from the cupboard to his trembling lips again. Swallowing the burning liquid he embraced the sensation of the one thing that had never really let him down.

"I know the minute I touch a drink again is the minute I loose everything that I've got."

His own words played out in his head as he lifted the bottle again and again until it finally began to warm him from the cold night air and silence most of his agonising thoughts.

"I shouldn't have asked you about the drinking, I know you're better then that," Frank had said, but never had he been so mistaken.

Gerard Way had everything, least that's what everyone thought. But the real truth was he had nothing.

Nothing at all.

----------------------------------------------------

AN: I just ... I dunno. I think I may have tried to be to ambitious with this one. Some parts just didn't go well, I dunno. Anyway, I'm pretty happy I got it finished so thats the plus side. But yeah, he he he. How funny. Hope you like it xxxxxxx