FicWad

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, don't own the basic plot and quotes you recognise from Californication.

WARNINGS: This story is based on the television series "Californication", if you didn't like it or were offended by it, please do not read. I have changed a lot of the plot to suit my own wicked ways but it still includes a lot of swearing, alcohol and drug use, sex in every shape and form and some volgarity. Please do not read if this offends.


Chapter Eleven - You're hands were all up in my pants! (Part One)


"I'm sorry Alicia but you lost me. What exactly did you call for?" Frank asked, rubbing at his extremely tired eyes as he pushed the mobile closer to his ear.

He had been rudely awaken at an un-Godly hour that morning by a rather surprise phone call from none other then Mikey's wife. That in itself was strange enough, sure Frank liked Alicia, they were friends, but rarely did they actually call each other on the phone.

What was even stranger was that she had not stopped blabbing on about shit for the past twenty minutes. Frank wasn't stupid, she had called for a reason, other then to tell him how many pairs of socks she has to wash for Mikey every week. Whatever it was she had called him for, she was trying to avoid bringing it up.

There was a heavy sigh from the other end of the line as Alicia finally stopped talking shit and prepared herself to say whatever the fuck it was she actually wanted to say.

"It's Mikey, I'm really worried about him," she finally spat out after one last impatient groan from Frank.

"Why? Because he goes through so many socks or something else?" he joked, still not quiet awake enough to take anything seriously.

"Something else," Alicia said simple, ignoring Frank's usual casual demeanor.

"Oh, well what's that weird little chicken been up to now?" Frank asked, staying flat on the bed as he put a cigarette to his lips and lit it. Instantly the poisonous fumes calmed him and prepared him for Alicia's answer.

"That's just it Frank, he hasn't been up to anything! He barely leaves the house he just mopes around all day and he refuses to talk to me about anything serious. His temper is so awful I have to watch everything I say or deal with another one of his screaming matches and ... well - Frank, we haven't had sex in a long while," she admitted, her voice lowering quite a bit by that stage.

"Oh I know! I don't know how you two are even fucking alive," Frank said thoughtlessly. Immediately he regretted his rudeness, but Alicia apparently didn't even hear him.

"Just give it to me straight Frank ... Is Mikey sick of me? I mean, has he said anything to you about being bored with me or wanting to move on - anything Frank, anything at all he may have said."

Frank hated hearing the desperation in Alicia's voice, he knew how much Mikey meant to her and vise versa, it was hard even hearing her suggest such a question. Frank sucked on the end of his cigarette as he thought over just how fucked up relationships could be.

"Come on Alicia, don't ask me that. You know better then anyone that Mikey fucking Way loves the absolute shit out of you. He's just going through a phase," he decided on saying. If she could only hear the way Mikey still talked about her she'd know that whatever his problems were, they definitely weren't to do with her.

"I know he loves me Frank, but that doesn't mean he's not getting sick of me. I mean, I know him, shit I've known him for years and he's definitely just not as into this whole marriage thing like he used to be. We were talking about kids and having a life together Frank, now he doesn't even want to hear a thing about it. I just don't think he's attracted to me anymore." Her voice was slightly shaky now and Frank couldn't help but let out a small groan, because he really wasn't in the right mood to have her start breaking down in tears.

"Come on Alicia, you're being silly," he said as he finished his cigarette and thought about lighting another one.

"Frank! It's been a whole fucking year since we've had sex! And we've tried and - well, Mikey's just not up for it - if you know what I mean. You try and tell me that that's normal!"

"Well, you are married. I thought that's how it went when you got hitched," Frank joked, desperately needing to take a piss now.

The problem was, Frank wasn't worried about Mikey like Alicia was, mainly because he knew what the problem was and he was already working on fixing it. The only reason he was beating around the bush and having a good old laugh at poor Alicia's expense was because he had no idea how he was going to explain to Alicia what Mikey's problems really were.

If he explained it was all because the poor guy was feeling useless and missed playing in a band that had purpose and direction, how would she take it? By the state she was currently in, probably personally. She'd think it was because Mikey wanted to run away from her and be with the boys again, she wouldn't take it for what it really was; her husband just being fucking home sick for their old stinky tour bus.

"Anyway Frank, I called because I actually had a favour to ask of you," Alicia said after a heavy sigh.

"Oh yeah and what's that?"

"I need you to ask Mikey about ... sexual fantasies."

Frank laughed, waiting for Alicia to join in as it had clearly been a joke. When she simply waited patiently for him to stop, he sat up right, scratching his tattooed chest as he thought over what she had just said.

"You're joking right?"

"I know it's kind of personal Frank, but you guys tell each other everything and well, we've never really talked about this sort of stuff because we never had any problems before. Just ask him what sort of sexual fantasy he has - I mean, every guy has one right?" Alicia asked, sounding more and more unsure of herself with every word she spoke.

"Well yeah, but I honestly don't think that you want to -"

"Please Frank, I don't care how weird or creepy it is, just find a way to ask him and then let me know what he says. I just really want to make this work Frank and this is the only thing I'm yet to try. Will you help me?"

That desperation was back in her voice again but Frank sensed something else now to. It was determination. Alicia had a plan and she was dead set on doing it. Frank respected her for that. She was throwing herself out there and trying desperately to do something different and all because she wanted to please the man she was with. There was nothing in the world forcing her to do it, but it was something she wanted to do. That right there was love.

"Look Alicia, I want to help, I really do - hell, I'd even ask just so I can hear Mikey's sexual fantasy myself, it's got to be fucking good - but, you don't have to do this, it probably wont help the situation any," Frank admitted, feeling bad that he had the upper hand because he knew more then she did.

"Look Frank, I have tried everything! I can't take this anymore; I just want my husband back, not this empty shell that seems incapable of holding a proper conversation with his wife. I have no idea if this is going to work, but it's all I've got. Please Frank, all you have to do is ask," Alicia asked one final time. She was calmer now, worn out even and he didn't have the heart to say no.

"Alright Alicia, I'll ask him. But listen; don't beat yourself up over this. Believe me when I say you're doing nothing wrong. Mikey should feel very flattered actually, not one single person that I've been with has been willing to try out my sexual fantasy."

At those words Alicia finally started to laugh.

"I'm sorry Frank but I can't say I'd blame them. There's some freaky shit running around up there in that head of yours."

"I'm going to disregard that comment and put it down to sexual frustration. Now I really have to go because I'm about to wet my pants," he said quite simply as he grabbed hold of his dick trying to keep himself from going before he even made it to the toilet.

With that, Alicia laughed once again and this time Frank couldn't help but smile to. He remembered a time when they would all hang out together and simply laugh and carry on as though they didn't have a problem in the world. Apparently those days were long since over. Still, Frank knew that for now, he could slowly do his part.

Promising that he would ask Mikey one last time, Alicia and Frank parted ways. The moment he hung up the phone it was tossed on the bed as he sped off in the direction of the bathroom.

"Oh man that's fucking better then sex," he exclaimed loudly as he leant his forehead against the bathroom wall as he finally released himself into the toilet.

------------------------------------------------------

Frank loved having Jack around, but he had been living on his own for over a year now and he was beginning to notice just how much of a life-style change you needed to adopt when dealing with kids.

For starters, Frank had to cut back on all the swear words that had been his only source of vocabulary for quite a while now and he also had to cut back on any talk of sex as Jack was far to young and he definitely didn't want to be the one to have to give him the whole talk on penis' and vaginas.

That was probably why Frank found it extremely difficult to try and talk to Mikey about sexual fantasies when Jack just wouldn't leave them alone.

Gerard had called Frank not long after Alicia's call of desperation that morning. He had his own problems; there was a comic book meet and he needed someone to watch Jack. Naturally Frank had no objections, especially if it meant seeing Gerard again. After all, he hadn't seen or heard from him since the kiss.

But it was clear Gerard was in one of those moods because he didn't go to the door, he didn't get out of the car at all in fact. He merely drove up to Frank's house, let Jack out and took off in quite a hurry. Frank didn't really care, if anything, he had been expecting that sort of reaction from him.

So Frank spent most of the day feeding Jack, teaching him guitar, feeding him some more, playing board games, answering pointless questions that only a kid could ask and feeding Jack one last time before he claimed he was feeling sick and promptly threw up. Frank figured that chips, chocolate and soft drink weren't the best things to constantly feed a growing child who was bouncing around all day long.

Frank loved the kid to pieces but the second Mikey rang and said he was coming around because they hadn't spoken in a while; Frank was ready for some adult time.

Yet as he quickly learnt, there was no adult time when it came to kids, because Jack wouldn't leave them alone for a second. He became quite clingy when Mikey got there and Frank just didn't have the heart to ask him to take a nap or play outside whilst he had some grown-up time. It was beginning to become quite clear why Gerard was often in a mood when Lindsey was away; six year olds were hard work.

Naturally, Frank was a genius and he decided to put on a DVD of SpongeBob Squarpants and turn it up really, really loud. It was the one show that, for some unknown reason, Jack always had to sit really close to the screen for.

Sure enough, the moment the pirate in the picture frame came up on the screen, Jack was jumping off the lounge and moving closer to the TV. Finally he positioned himself, cross-legged, inches from the flashing screen. His big brown eyes stayed glued to it as he just sat and watched.

"So Mikes, how you been?" Frank began his conversation with Mikey, satisfied that Jack couldn't overhear.

"Um, fine Frank ... why do you ask?" he replied, glaring at him suspiciously.

"Oh you know, just curious. How's Alicia?" he continued to push, unsure how exactly he was supposed to precede with asking the one question he had to.

"She's fine Frank," Mikey answered quite bluntly, shifting in his seat as he too tried to focus on the TV rather then Frank.

It was at that moment that SpongeBob seemed to save him, because there he was on the screen with a sheet over his head. Two eye-holes were cut out of the thing so that he could see and he moved around wailing like a ghost. A Halloween special - saved by Halloween once again.

"Man I fucking love Halloween. You know, I tried to get Gerard to wear a sheet like that once ... nothing else, just a sheet with two holes for his eyes and one down the bottom for his -"

"Fuck Frank! I don't want to hear that shit," Mikey whined, covering his face with his hands. But Frank noted the hint of a smile before he disappeared.

"Come on Mikes, I’ve been locked up with a kid all day, humour me. Surely you've got some sort of sexual fantasy to. Share it with me buddy, I'm all ears."

Frank put his feet up on the coffee table and rested his hands behind his head. Honestly, it was a question anyone could expect of Frank as of late, but just the fact that he knew he was asking it for Alicia made him feel like he had to try really hard to act cool. He didn't want to give the game away.

"What? No Frank, I'm not telling you anything about that sort of shit," Mikey said firmly.

"Come on Mikes, what is it? Bondage? Handcuffs maybe? What about costumes or roll play? Have you seen that Star Wars porno? It was pretty hot I must say."

"Frank what is this about?" Mikey asked, finally catching on that something was a miss.

"Nothing man, I'm just curious that's all."

"Well stop it okay. Some things I like to keep private," Mikey finally said, a slight red tinge rising to his cheeks.

When the whole seriousness behind that question was over and done with, Frank made a mental note to ask Mikey again sometime when he was very drunk. Simply because Frank realised right then and there that he had to know. If it got Mikey all embarrassed just at the thought of his sexual fantasy then it had to be good.

For now though, Frank could tell he wasn't going to get anything out of Mikey, so he tried a different question. One that had been bothering him ever since his walk with Jack the other day.

"I hear you and Gee had a bit of an argument," Frank said, wiping the smile completely off Mikey's face now.

"Yeah, we did. It was a pretty big one to, he told me to stay out of his life and concentrate on my own for a change," Mikey said, shrugging his shoulders as though he was beyond caring now.

At that moment, Jack spun around from his spot on the floor as though checking that they were still there. Frank froze immediately, concerned for a moment that Jack could hear them after all. But he merely smiled at them before; he turned back around and was once again glued to the television. Frank just shrugged it off as Mikey kept talking, his voice much quieter now.

"Gerard said some pretty messed up shit Frank, I don't even know what he was going on about to tell you the truth. Jack called me straight afterwards on their home phone, apparently he heard it all from his bedroom. I think he thought I wasn't going to see him anymore, you know how kids can get," Mikey continued to say.

"Explains why he's acting so clingy," Frank said as Jack glanced over his shoulder once again.

"You do know he's drinking again right?" Mikey suddenly announced, watching Frank closely as a deep crease spread across his forehead.

"It's all good Mikes, I thought the same thing, but he told me straight out that he wasn't."

Frank hoped that the worry lines on Mikey's face would disappear with those words, but they didn't.

"Come on Frank, you know him better then that. He was lying to you! I know my brother and I don't care what bullshit he tells me, I know he's drinking again! Fuck, he was drunk that night we had the argument, Jack even told me over the phone that he was drinking the 'party' drinks," Mikey continued, running a hand through his hair as he shifted uncomfortably in the seat.

Frank didn't know what to say, his mouth had seemingly stopped working because he just couldn't open it, he couldn't speak. It was a real punch in the fucking gut because somehow Frank knew what Mikey said was true and he knew that Gerard had lied to him the other day. Yet, naturally, he desperately didn't want to believe it and so he didn't. Now however, he couldn't really deny what he had just heard.

Instinctively, Frank just reached for the remote and turned the television up louder and louder until SpongeBob and Patrick’s insistent laughter filled the entire living room.

"Fucking hell!" Frank exclaimed loudly clenching the remote tightly. "Why?"

"I don't fucking know Frank. You know him as well as I do in that department. He'll just keep it all bottled up inside of him until he just can't take it anymore and tries to do himself in again," Mikey responded, waving his arms around in frustration.

His words were harsh Frank had to admit but they weren't out of line. That seemed to be the way Gerard had always done things, even before Frank had met him for the first time at that Eyeball records party all those many fucking years ago.

Since the day he met Gerard the only melt down he had ever really seen him have, that was so bad he actually wanted to die, was the one he had right before he got clean and sober. Yet, Mikey had assured them that it definitely wasn't the first time, when they were teenagers Gerard pulled stunts like that quite often.

It had never really bothered Frank because Gerard had been out of that slump for years now. Still, old habits never really died and he often wondered and feared when Gerard's old habits would all come out again.

"Sorry Frank, you know I don't mean it like that," Mikey said, shaking his head as he let out a heavy sigh.

It was unclear whether he was apologising to Frank for getting angry and saying something bad about Gerard; himself for digging up the past and letting himself get consumed by it; or to Gerard who he was quite notably badmouthing.

"It's just that, he really worries me sometimes Frank. And there's no use us trying to talk to him about it either, he's more stubborn then anyone I've ever met. He'll talk about it when he's at rock bottom and only then because he knows it's too fucking late and he realizes he wants to be saved. One day I just think that he's going to ask for help a little too late, you know what I mean?" Mikey continued, watching Frank with sad eyes.

"Frankie, Uncle Mikey?" a small voice said, snapping Frank from his distant thoughts.

Both Mikey and Frank immediately sat upright at this new voice, simply because neither of them knew how long Jack had been standing there or how much he had heard. Frank inwardly cursed himself for being so stupid. The last thing he needed the fucking kid to hear about his already messed up life was about his father’s inevitable breakdown if he continued down the path that he was on.

"Yeah Jack, what is it buddy?" Frank asked, putting on a particularly gentle voice as he secretly prayed the TV was too loud for him to overhear anything.

Jack let out a small almost sad little sigh as he reached forward and gently pried Frank's fingers apart so he could get at the television remote. Once he had it, he pointed it at the TV and switched it off with the press of one button. Frank exchanged a worried glance with Mikey.

"I don't want to watch SpongeBob anymore," Jack said with a shrug as his big brown eyes bore into them both one at a time.

"But you love SpongeBob Jacky, what's wrong?" Mikey exclaimed, reaching forward to brush a stray hair from Jack's eyes.

Frank simply smiled at the small gesture. It was done out of routine almost, he doubted very much if Mikey even knew he had done it. There were just some things that didn't need any thought.

"I don't like how everything’s always so fun and that everyone's always so happy."

Frank would never ever understand why, but at that exact moment all he wanted to do was run around and destroy everything and anything that had ever made a six year old child feel that the world wasn't always a fun and happy place. At that moment he just wanted to pick up Jack and take him somewhere else. Somewhere far a-fucking-way from anything that had ever upset him.

"What are you talking about Jack? That's the point! You're a kid, you should always be having fun, you should always be happy," Mikey said, looking at Frank for some sort of approval or back-up. Frank just nodded his head enthusiastically as Jack sighed once again.

"Besides, SpongeBob has bad days too. That episode just before when he lost his job - that was pretty sad," Frank added, taking a slightly different approach that had Mikey nodding his head in agreement this time.

"But it all worked out for him in the end," Jack said sadly, staring at them both as though they just weren't understanding him.

"That's called a happy ending Jacky, everyone has those," Mikey explained, but it was clear from the look on his face that he knew that wasn't true. They could both pretend though, for Jack's sake.

"There's no such thing as happy endings."

Frank and Mikey both just stared, eyebrows raised. How could they not? The way Jack spoke, it was so harsh, it was so final, it threw them off completely.

"What? Don't be silly, of course there is," Frank protested as Mikey just shrugged his shoulders, apparently giving up on the conversation.

"Dad said there wasn't," Jack continued, shaking his messy head of hair around.

"Well your Dad's an idiot," Mikey argued, causing both Frank and Jack to stare this time.

"Alright Jack, I think it might be time for bed," Frank cut-in before anyone else could speak again; they were just digging themselves deeper and deeper into this pit of despair.

The small boy argued and fought to stay up longer, but Frank knew that enough was enough. He didn't want to have this conversation with Jack, he didn't want to talk about Gerard and his problems anymore, he just wanted some time alone for awhile. Realising his defeat, Jack stormed off to Frank's bedroom to settle in for the night.

Even though he clearly wasn't happy about being sent to bed, he gave Mikey a tight hug before he left the room. It was quite obvious that a huge part of Jack still thought he was never going to see his Uncle again and it seriously made Frank wonder just how badly Mikey and Gerard had argued in their phone conversation.

"Smooth move moron. You can't just call Gerard an idiot in front of his son, even if he is your fucking brother," Frank said, slapping Mikey hard on the forearm.

"Ouch Frank! You know I'm right though. What sort of a heartless bastard tells their kid not to believe in happy endings?"

"Your brother, that's who! Just remembered he's a good guy ... he's just - I dunno, on a bender I guess," Frank defended him; not liking that he too didn't particularly agree with Gerard's parenting techniques at that moment.

"Whatever Frank, I'm done defending him. I've tried to help him, I really have tried, but he doesn't want to listen to me. He's happy being miserable so I'm done," Mikey continued to rant, shaking his head furiously.

It was clear Mikey's own words hurt him deeply, but he didn't take them back. Frank wasn't really sure he blamed him. They all had their own problems and everyone liked to think there's was far worse then everybody else’s, it was just human nature. Still, there comes a time when you start to realise that certain people are suffering more and when you can't help them, there comes a time when you tend to just give up.

"Anyways Frank, I've got to head off. Alicia's probably wondering where I've got to," Mikey explained, putting out a hand to tap Frank lightly on the shoulder. "Show Jack some Disney movies or something, maybe that will change his mind."

Frank just rolled his eyes. He had so had enough of Disney movies for one life time.

"Don't worry Mikes, I'll sort Jack out. But it's actually you I'm worried about man. You seriously need to talk to that wife of yours," Frank explained, deciding he was done with Alicia's promise; he would just give it to Mikey straight.

"What do you mean?" Mikey asked, looking suspicious.

"Just go home and talk to her Mikes, she's worried about you. God knows you Way brothers have enough fuck ups in relationships as it is, don't push her away Mikey. I'm sure your parents actually want more Grandkids."

Somehow it seemed Mikey read his mind, or perhaps he knew his wife and Frank to well, either way, to Frank's great relief he didn't ask anymore questions like how exactly he knew that his wife was worried about him. Mikey merely nodded his head, pulled Frank into a hug and headed out the door.

"Oh and Frank," Mikey said, turning around and starring at his feet for a moment, looking thoroughly embarrassed. "The whole fantasy thing ... its pirates."

"Pirates?" Frank asked in disbelief, raising his eyebrows in shock.

"Yeah ... don't tell Gerard. It's kind of weird," Mikey finished as an afterthought.

With that, he gave a small wave before he zipped up his jacket and headed for his car. Despite the grim conversations they had been having that night, Mikey walked with a little more swing in his step.

Even Frank couldn't help but smile as he made his way back into the house and shut the door behind him. Pirates weren’t so bad, but there was no way he was going to tell Alicia. Mikey would know he told her in a second.

Trying desperately to keep his mind off Gerard, Frank decided to clean his home. Well, just the lounge room anyway. He wasn't sure how long exactly he was cleaning up the mass amounts of candy wrappers and chip packets before there was a loud knock on his door.

For a minute he thought that Mikey had forgotten something because it hadn't been that long since he had left. Regardless, he made his way to the door, yawning loudly and was surprised when he opened it and found Gerard standing there.

"Frank," Gerard said a little coldly as he brushed past him and walked straight into the house.

"Gerard ... how was the geeky meeting thing?" he asked, desperate for a smile or anything from him.

Truth was though; his words were a little flat. Now that he was seeing Gerard right in front of him he felt a slight tug at his heart.

He was drinking again. Gerard was drinking again. The man in front of him had officially given up.

"It was alright ... Jack asleep?" Gerard asked quickly, no doubt noticing the strained sort of look on Frank's face.

"Yeah he is. Just a question though before you go grabbing him and racing out of here - what on earth possessed you to tell a six year old that there was no such thing as happy endings?" Frank let slip before he could stop himself.

Gerard just let out a slight snicker as he shook his head in disbelief.

"It's none of your business what I tell my son Frank," he said rather bluntly and right at that moment, Frank wanted to throttle him.

For some reason all he wanted to do was walk up to Gerard and hit him hard across the face, hoping to God that he knocked some sense into that man. Because fuck, what was he doing?

Apparently noticing that he hit some sort of nerve and that his words were probably a little too harsh, Gerard cleared his throat and tried again.

"Besides, I never said I didn't believe in happy endings in general, I just said I don't believe in them in my particular story," Gerard explained further, moving his hands around like he usually did when trying to explain something. "Especially not in the Frank and Gerard story."

"Oh so that's what it was about! Us!" Frank stated as though it all suddenly made sense. A smile spreading across his lips at the realisation that Gerard and Jack had been discussing their past relationship. "May I remind you that we did make out - there may still be a happy ending, that's progress."

Gerard didn't smile, he just shifted around uncomfortably, but Frank felt slightly better now because for some reason he liked that he was trying to prove Gerard wrong. It felt good trying to teach an adult that Peter Pan and Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella had it right.

Yup, definitely no more Disney movies for a long while.

"That was an accident Frank, we both know it," Gerard explained, shaking his head again, but he fidgeted with the collar of his shirt this time and looked slightly uncomfortable.

Frank immediately saw his window because, after all, this was how he dealt with things. If Gerard was drinking, if he was depressed, if he had seriously given up then Frank would just have to find a way to make it alright again. He remembered the kiss, remembered how into it Gerard had been, how light-hearted the air had been between them afterwards.

It may have been his own selfish desires coming through but Frank knew that there was still something there and if it got even the hint of a smile out of Gerard then he was more then willing to play on that.

"I dunno Gee, didn't seem that way to me, you're hands were all up in my pants. Ten bucks says you'll have your dick all up in them by the end of the week to," Frank said, taking a few steps forward.

Gerard did smile this time but it was more out of disbelief that Frank was still playing this game then anything else. When Frank continued to walk toward him, just to see how long he could play the game for, Gerard clearly started to recognise the look in his eyes as he took a few steps backwards until his back collided with the wall in Frank's lounge room.

"Nowhere to run," Frank stated quite simply as he placed each of his hands on the wall, either side of Gerard's head.

That was when Gerard simply looked at him with defiance in his eyes. Frank had been too soft when he had backed away from him by the pool, Gerard trusted him too much now, he knew Frank wouldn't do anything. But Frank already had everything he needed at that point. Gerard backing away from him, Gerard even letting him get that close to him; he could see it in his eyes ... Gerard still loved him.

"Alright Frank, you've had your fun. It's getting late," Gerard said as he placed a hand on Frank's chest and gently pushed him away from him.

Frank let himself be pushed away because he had what he needed and he couldn't keep the goofy smile from forming on his face. Sure, just because all of his knowledge on the character of Gerard told him that all the signs where there, he did still care more then he let on, didn't mean that it was necessarily true. Yet, somehow, Frank just knew and although he thought the smile would be permanently fixed to his face at that news, he suddenly felt something else ...

What if Gerard was drinking again because of him? Did he only start again when Frank wouldn't leave him alone, when he kept pushing and pushing and telling Gerard to leave Lindsey and marry him instead?

Was he the reason Gerard was slowly falling apart?

"Now what?" Gerard asked, apparently watching him closely.

"What do you mean?" Frank said, snapping out of his daze and realising that Gerard was studying him very closely.

"Well one minute you’re grinning like an idiot the next you look like I've just killed your puppy," Gerard stated, still watching him closely.

Frank couldn't tell if the concerned look on Gerard’s face was due to his sudden change of emotions or whether it was about something else but he came to the conclusion right then and there that he had to stop obsessing over the whole drinking situation.

Gerard was a big boy now, if he wanted to drink then that was the risk that he wanted to take. After all, how much did Frank actually know about the whole situation? Maybe it was just an experiment, to see if Gerard could finally drink again, only this time with the responsibility he never possessed before. Frank had no idea, but he was more then happy to run with that idea.

Lately Frank's old habits were all coming back to haunt him. His biggest habit; he had to fix everything. It was just what he did. Not fixing things as in mechanically fixing things, more so people. Fixing the problems that people found themselves with. It brought him too close to some and it pushed him too far away from others when he realised that he couldn't actually fix everything. It was perhaps his biggest undoing despite it being his greatest gift.

At that moment, he wanted to fix Gerard, but he didn't want his efforts to push him away. So he decided on a more casual approach.

"Stay here tonight," Frank suddenly announced, unsure which one of them looked more surprised at that declaration.

"What? You're kidding right?" Gerard said, laughing slightly as he just shook his head.

"I don't mean like that ... you can have my room with Jack, I'll sleep on the lounge. Just ... stay - please?"

It was then that it became Gerard's turn to show a whole range of emotions all at once until he finally just crossed his arms across his chest by means of some kind of protection. Just to make sure that there was a barrier between them perhaps.

"Why?" he finally asked, inspecting Frank closely.

"I don't know Gee, it just gets lonely here. Besides, Jack's already asleep and Lindsey's not at your place, I just figured you might like the company to," Frank tried to explain, begging Gerard to see logic.

He wasn't exactly sure where it was coming from but he figured that if he could get Gerard to stay at his place for one measly night then anything was possible. If Gerard stayed, he would have the strength to keep fighting for the band, to find a way to make everything alright for everyone once again.

If Gerard stayed it would be the biggest step forward that Frank would have taken in a long fucking time.

"Okay ... but you have to stay on the lounge," Gerard finally said, laying down the laws.

Frank felt his heart skip a beat, he felt dizzy with anticipation and yet, did Gerard just say he would stay?

"I swear my ass will not leave that spot," Frank announced, raising one hand as though making an oath as he gestured to the lounge with his eyes.

"And we're done talking to ... it's been a long day, I need to sleep," Gerard continued, almost as though waiting for Frank to finally say that he changed his mind and didn't want him to stay anymore.

"That's fine, I'm beat anyway," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders.

Gerard opened his mouth as though to lie down another law, but apparently he was fresh out as he merely closed it again and uncrossed his arms.

"Well ... goodnight, I guess," Gerard settled on saying after a few moments of complete silence passed over them.

Frank just smiled, not realising that hearing that simple word again could make him feel so happy.

"Goodnight Gee."

With that, Gerard tried to hide his smile by turning away and heading for the bedroom, but Frank had been to quick for him and had seen it right before his face disappeared completely. Naturally, it only made the smile on Frank's face grow in size.

Pulling off his shirt and shoes, he grabbed the spare blankets from the bathroom cupboard and settled himself down onto the lounge.

He didn't care that it was slightly uncomfortable and full of food crumbs all he cared about was the fact that his family; Gerard and Jack, where sleeping soundly, just in the next room.

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The moment Gerard stepped into Frank's room he cursed at his stupidity.

He was letting Frank get under his skin, he was letting him have his way and yet, he was just too fucking exhausted to care anymore.

Lindsey had been gone for a week now, there was still one more week to go until she was back and Gerard had honestly just had enough. It was almost like a picture of things to come. Lindsey would always be away, Gerard would always be stuck home with Jack and Jess, handing his son over to Frank whenever he needed a babysitter.

But lately he had realised something. Frank was there for him and why wouldn't he be? They had only been separated for a year, Frank was still attached, hell, Gerard was still attached. When he was finally married though, how long would Frank stick around? Certainly not for long, Frank had away of making himself scarce at all the wrong times.

Was Gerard ready to let go of Frank completely?

Even though they had been separated for a while, Frank was still there, trying to win him back. He wouldn't fight forever and somehow Gerard had come to the realisation that when Frank was finally gone again, he knew he would want him more then ever.

It was all one big messed up circle and he was caught in the middle of it. Doomed to go round and round until something just finally broke and he would continue to circle right down the fucking middle, into that giant empty whole of oblivion.

"Daddy, are we going home?" Jack's small voice interrupted his thoughts from somewhere in the middle of Frank's bed.

"No Jacky, go back to sleep, we're staying here tonight," Gerard stated, pulling off his shoes and his jacket as he made his way over to the bed.

He knew it would be incredibly uncomfortable to sleep in jeans but he wasn't really sure he trusted Frank enough to have them off whilst he was in his house.

"We're staying? How come?" Jack asked, a hint of excitement in his sleepy voice.

Gerard thought for a moment, because he seriously wondered what the fuck he was doing there. Frank had asked him to stay, pleaded with him almost, how the fuck was he supposed to say no?

There were times when they had been together when Gerard would have killed to hear that tone of desperation in Frank's voice. Asking him to go with him on a tour, asking him to stay with him and the Leathermouth crew at whatever hotel they were hanging out in and partying in that particular night.

Yet, somehow, he knew that wasn't the reason he stayed. Whilst it was part of the reason, that wasn't why he did it. Truth was, he didn't want to go home and drink. He had confessed to himself last time that he had wanted Frank to save him, but how was he supposed to do that if he wasn't given the chance?

It was a step forward for them both. They had to learn to trust each other. Their friendship didn't have to suffer just because their relationship failed.

"We're staying because I needed the company. We're staying because this felt like the right place to be tonight," he finally answered rather simply as he climbed into Franks bed and ran a hand through Jack's hair.

"I'm glad we're staying," Jack announced, leaning forward to kiss Gerard on the forehead. "Goodnight daddy."

Gerard smiled at his son as he pulled the blankets up high around him. It was then that he noticed something clutched tightly in his small hands. At first Gerard thought it was another blanket or perhaps a pillow of some kind but on closer inspection he realised what it was straight away.

It was Frank's leather jacket, the one he used to wear when they were on stage, the one he actually wore during the 'I don't love you' video. He had loved the jacket so much that he had practically begged Gerard to be allowed to wear it as his costume for the video. Gerard was certain he hadn't seen it since 'My Chemical Romance' had broken up.

Gerard just laughed quietly, he couldn't help himself. It was amazing how Jack was six years old now and yet he still had the same mannerisms he had when he was a baby.

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"Fuck!" Gerard cried out as he slammed his fist hard into the wall. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

His mind was racing, his heart was hammering in his chest, he couldn't even think straight. There was this odd ringing in his ears and he felt light headed. Swearing again he tried to calm himself down, he wasn't going to be any good to anyone if he panicked.

Finally one thought made itself clear in his very messed up head. He had to call Frank, he needed him, he couldn't do this without him.

Gerard pulled the mobile from his jeans and fumbled with the keys. His hands were shaking so much from shock that he couldn't even press the right buttons. That was when he remembered that he had Frank on speed dial and he managed to steady his hands enough to hit the '1' key and the green phone button before Frank's name flashed across the screen.

"Hey, hey Gee, this better not be another booty call, I'm fucking worn out," Frank announced the moment he answered the phone.

"Frank! Fuck ... I lost him, I fucking - shit!"

"What? Gee, calm down ... talk to me man, what's happening?" Frank asked, realising straight away that Gerard was in some kind of trouble.

"Jack, Frank! I can't find him! I don't know where he is and ... FUCK! What do I do? I mean, do I call the police? I've fucking looked everywhere!" he shouted, his breathing coming in short, harsh gasps.

"Okay Gee calm down, just breathe for me buddy. I'm coming over, just stay put. Have a glass of water or something?" Frank suggested, clearly trying to be helpful.

"Please hurry Frank, I'll keep looking," he said, hanging up the phone and desperately trying to think where he hadn't searched yet.

He had looked in every room, behind every piece of furniture and in every single cupboard. Gerard had even called out to his son loud enough for the neighbours to ask what was going on and help him in his search. By the time Frank got there, Gerard was sitting on the front step of his house just staring at the ground, trying to swallow the lump that seemed permanently fixed in his throat.

"Gee ... you find him yet?" Frank asked, running up to him and snapping him out of his daze.

Gerard just stared at him with bloodshot eyes, his chest felt tight and his hands wouldn't stop fucking shaking.

"I've lost him Frank ... I fucking lost him!" he said, finally just letting go as the tears fell from his eyes and slid down his face.

Frank bent down and pulled him close. Gerard was lost in the strength and the warmth of his body, just allowing himself to cry and cry for his missing two year old son. But Frank only allowed him to stay pinned to him for a minute or two and then he fiercely pulled him away.

"Stop it Gee, stop crying - I'll fix this, I promise you. Tell me what happened, what were you doing when you realised he was missing?"

It appeared as though time for grieving was over; Frank was done just sitting back and letting Gerard give up. It was at that moment Gerard realised just how much he needed Frank. Since the break up with Lindsey he had distanced himself from Frank a bit, refusing to let him move in as he needed time to get over what he had lost and so did Frank. After all, he had lost Jamia too.

But Gerard still had a responsibility to his son and he was forever grateful that Lindsey never once threatened to keep Jack from him. Visitations were often, Gerard was lucky that she was so understanding, but was this how he was going to repay her? By fucking loosing their baby boy!

"Gerard!" Frank shouted, shaking him roughly to bring him back to the present. "Answer me man, help me fix this."

"He wouldn't stop crying when I put him in his crib so I let him sleep on the lounge whilst I drew. I only turned my back for a second Frank and he was gone - the front door was fucking wide open and - fuck ... I can't find him," Gerard finished, positive he wasn't being very helpful.

"How long have you been looking for him?" Frank continued to push, speaking firmly but wiping away his tears with gentle fingers as he spoke.

"I don't know ... twenty minutes - maybe half an hour. Shit! He could be anywhere! He's only tiny Frank, someone will grab him ... what if he got hit by a car?" Gerard was suddenly on his feet, pushing Frank away as he resumed his search blindly.

Frank didn't try and stop him, he seemed to encourage his new found determination and before Gerard knew it they had nearly all the neighbours in on the search.

By the time it started to get dark, Gerard was exhausted from grief, he couldn't take it anymore. He had failed; he was officially the worst father in the world. Correction, he wasn't even a fucking father anymore.

"I think we should call the police," he heard one of the neighbours say as that sickly feeling returned to his gut.

Gerard just stood there feeling numb as he felt a hand rest upon his shoulder. It was the smiling face of the old man that lived next door, but there was a deep sadness in his eyes.

"Come inside son, we'll keep looking but - these things happen you know. Kids ... they just wonder off," the old man explained, clearly not liking the words that were leaving his mouth but feeling Gerard needed to know.

"Where's Frank," was all Gerard managed to say as the old man took his hand away and pointed towards the road.

There was Frank, hood drawn up and over his newly multi-coloured hair as he directed people here and there to look for the missing child. There was not a hint of sadness in his expression, there was just determination.

"I'll tell him to come inside to," the kind old man continued to explain, as Gerard just nodded.

It was pointless, they had checked everywhere, there was no sign of his son, Frank was just going over the same spots over and over.

Gerard was handed over to and led inside by a lady he recognised. Her name was Linda and she lived up the street with her three young boys. She would always stop by to visit and make sure Gerard was doing alright with his young son; she knew how hard it was for single parents as she was one. He had been surprised to hear that at the time as her kids seemed fine. He was so sure that every child of separated parents grew up with a chip on their shoulder.

Now here she was, leading him away from his kid, tears already in her eyes as she sat him down and said she'd make him some coffee. That was when the front door flung open and a large man Gerard didn't recognise was practically carrying a wriggling Frank inside.

"I haven't found him yet, I'm not done, what does it matter if I stay out there a little longer?" Frank practically shouted at the larger man, staring him down as though he couldn't kill him with one punch.

"We'll call the police, they'll do a proper search, you'll just get in the way," the larger man explained, grabbing Frank round the middle with great ease as he tried to dash out the door.

Finally realising his defeat, Frank stepped away from the man and the front door with a string of swear words and paced around the dining room cracking his knuckles impatiently. He was mumbling something under his breath, Gerard couldn't hear it though, he was too busy wallowing away in self pity.

Eventually Linda walked up to Frank and pulled him into a tight hug. Gerard watched him cringe and eventually pull away as he stared at her in confusion.

"Why don't you go sit with Gerard, he needs you," she explained, realising that Frank wasn't ready to just give up and cry into her shoulder like Gerard had.

That was when Frank's eyes locked with Gerard’s and it was at that moment he did look defeated. Gerard could just make out one stray tear rolling down Frank's worn-out looking face as he shoulders sagged. It was then Gerard had to look away because Frank never cried, not unless the situation really fucking called for it.

If Frank was crying, that was it ... Jack was gone.

Gerard risked one more glance, just to make sure it hadn't been a trick of the light, just to see if Frank was really crying. When he looked up, Frank was still looking at him, that stray tear still lingering on his check for a moment before it was hurriedly brushed aside.

"No! I said I was going to fix this and I'm fucking going to fix this. I'm going to find our kid!" Frank shouted, surprising Linda and Gerard.

Gerard shouldn't have been surprised. He had known Frank for far too long, he should have known he would never just sit down and give up when there was still something he could do.

What Gerard was surprised at though was what Frank had said, 'I'm going to find our kid!' Gerard couldn't explain it, but something inside of him just seemed to switch on and he was on his feet and following Frank back outside, a new determination in his step.

They searched high and low and when the police finally arrived Linda explained the situation and handed over a photo of Jack whilst Gerard and Frank just kept looking. It wasn't usual for police to come to the aid of any missing persons, especially if they hadn't been missing for over twenty four hours, but the missing person in question was two and it was Jersey. The lucky missing person also happened to be the son of a wealthy rock star. Gerard had never been happier to have connections.

When the sky was finally pitch black, that feeling of dread once again washed over Gerard and everyone was encouraging him to call it quits once more. He didn't want to. Frank was nowhere in site and it didn't feel right to leave him out there looking all on his own.

"Gerard, come inside!" a voice called out to him, but he brushed it aside.

"No! I have to find Frank!" he instructed, wishing that he could just have a few more hours of daylight.

"Gerard, he's inside! He's found Jack!" the voice he now recognised as Linda's shouted back to him.

He couldn't think straight, did he hear her right? Was he dreaming? Had he just fallen asleep from exhaustion?

Somehow he had to find out and he made his way back into the house, slowly but surely, still doubting very much that Linda's words had been true. When she continued to smile, a warmth spread through his body and he was suddenly aware that his heart was beating again.

As he stepped into the house the police were smiling and so were the neighbours. It had to be a good sign ... right?

And there was Frank, stepping back into the house from the back way, but he was empty handed and Gerard almost felt himself die all over again. But when he put a finger to his lips as though telling Gerard to be quiet, he felt almost confused.

"He's sleeping," Frank explained with a simple shrug of his shoulders. It was then that Frank put out one arm and wriggled his hand around, signaling for Gerard to take it.

Gerard took a deep breath and grabbed the outstretched hand. He was then pulled closer to the back door and that was when Gerard saw him. His tiny two year old son was curled up in an old blanket underneath the outdoor table and chairs setting. He was blended in so well that the only thing that gave him away was the messy mop of thick black hair that surfaced just above the blanket.

"I don't understand, why is he sleeping out here?" Gerard asked, still clutching tightly onto Frank as though unsure he was really seeing his son just lying there so peacefully.

"Look," Frank explained, dragging him to a different angle so he could see more clearly what Jack was cuddling in his tiny arms.

Gerard moved around, his body almost itching to hold Jack especially after the shock of almost loosing him. But he let himself be led by Frank and eventually he saw what his son was so eager to get out of the house for. There in Jack's arms, being cradled like a teddy bear was Frank's black and white converse shoes.

"Guess I found my shoes to," Frank announced rather proudly.

All Gerard could do was smile at him weekly as he felt relief hit him at the realisation that his son was fucking alive. Before he knew it he was crying again. And Frank was pulling him in close once more, only this time he was laughing.

"Come on Gee, don't tell me I went to all this effort only to have you cry again," Frank said as he tried to make himself taller by standing on the very tips of his toes.

Frank was the one that eventually went back inside to thank all the neighbours and the police for all their help. Linda was in tears when she hugged Gerard goodbye stating that when Jack woke up he had to give him a big hug for her too. He promised that it was the very least he could do for her.

When everyone was finally gone, Gerard couldn't stand it any longer, he reached under the table and woke up the sleeping Jack.

"What you doing under the table Jacky?" Gerard asked, wiping the remnants of tears from his cheeks as Jack shoved a tiny fist into his sleepy eyes and yawned.

He studied Gerard for a moment or two as thought trying to figure out what he was asking before he held out one of the black and white shoes for Gerard to take.

"Frankie daddy - look!" the little boy explained happily as he practically waved the shoe around in front of him.

"That's not Frankie Jack, that's a shoe!" Gerard said, feeling slightly emotional again at the fact that he had nearly lost this tiny human being in front of him.

With great difficulty Gerard finally managed to get Jack out from under the table, apparently noticing his distress, Jack allowed himself to be clutched onto for dear life by his father before he began to get a little fidgety and rub at his eyes again.

"Somebody looks tired," Frank said as he stepped out of the house to join them, that smile still on his face at the site of Jack.

"Frankie! Daddy, Frankie!" Jack squealed excitedly, wriggling around in Gerard's arms as he pointed one chubby little finger at Frank.

Frank took the wriggling child from Gerard with great ease and squeezed him tightly. Kissing him on the top of his messy black hair before handing him back to Gerard. As much as he didn't want to let his son go, he knew he had to put him back in his crib so that he could sleep. It had been an emotional day, all he wanted to do was spend the rest of it with Frank, just showing him how fucking grateful he was to have him around.

"Come on Jack, bed time," Gerard instructed as he put Jack back into his crib, but the moment he was back in there, he thrashed around under the blankets and stood up, crying his eyes out once again.

"What's wrong with him?" Frank asked, scrunching up his face as he still wasn't quite accustomed to how much crying kids could actually do.

"I don't know," Gerard said, rubbing at his own eyes now. He was too tired for this.

Jack continued to attempt to climb out of his cot as he cried rather over-dramatically like any two year old demanding attention would do. Gerard was tempted to just ignore it but he suddenly had an idea.

Instructing Frank to watch him, he left the room and headed back into the lounge room where Frank's black and white cons now where. He picked one up and took it back into his son’s room.

"You're going to give him a shoe?" Frank asked, laughing in disbelief as Gerard just shrugged his shoulders.

Sure enough, Gerard’s plan worked. The moment he forced the now slightly damp Jack back under the covers he placed Frank's shoe in his arms. This time he quickly backed away before Jack even realised he was being left alone and sure enough, he didn't get back up. There was still a few pathetic whimpers and small whines but for the most part he was more settled.

"I don't believe it," Frank said, shaking his head. "All that for a fucking shoe!"

"It's not just a shoe to him Frank ... it's you," Gerard explained as though it was simple.

Frank just raised an eyebrow.

"Is that what you do when I'm not here? Go to bed with whatever items of clothing I leave behind and pretend it's me?"

Gerard just rolled his eyes as he made his way back into the lounge room. The moment he sat on the lounge he just wanted to sleep. He had had enough for one fucking life time; he never ever wanted to go through anything like that again.

"God what a day," Frank said as he collapsed onto the lounge right next to him.

It was at that moment Gerard though about kissing Frank. Perhaps crawling all over him and fucking him right then and there on the lounge just to say a proper thank you, but he just didn't have the energy. Instead, another suggestion came out, one he wasn't expecting.

"Frank ... move in," he stated, before he could stop himself.

"You serious?" Frank asked looking skeptical, after all, it was Gerard that had made such a big deal about them not living together just yet.

"Yeah I am Frank. Please move in," he said again, knowing that he wasn't going to go back on it this time.

Frank just shrugged his shoulders as though it was no big deal and shifted a little on the lounge.

"Alright ... guess that's cool," Frank said, with another simple shrug of the shoulders.

And then, they just sat there. Not one of them making another sound, not one of them moving closer to the other. They were just happy being there, happy that they were together and happy that everything was alright.

Out of the corner of his eye, Gerard could just make out Frank's extremely exhausted looking face. That smile was still there, only this time it was different, it just seemed so natural, like Frank was finally at peace - as weird as it seemed.

At that moment Gerard made a mental note.

Whenever Frank said he was going to fix something, he fucking meant it. With ever fiber of his being.

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Gerard barely noticed that he still had his fingers gently brushing through Jack's hair as his thoughts seemed to snap from the past and straight back into the present.

Jack's breathing was steady and he was already fast asleep, Frank's jacket going limp in his arms just like Frank's shoe did years ago when Gerard went back to check on his sleeping son after Frank had long passed out from exhaustion, that peaceful smile still on his face.

He had never really thanked Frank properly for finding his son that day, he had never needed to. Frank never worked like that. Just by asking Frank to move in, Gerard knew that he had somehow gone so far beyond a thank you that for months afterwards Frank was still trying to make up for the fact that Gerard had finally invited him into his house.

For a while Gerard had forgotten about that memory, pushing it to the back of his mind was easiest, after all, he didn't really want to linger on the day his two year old son went missing for almost six hours.

But now that it had resurfaced Gerard couldn't help but feel a very strong tug at his heart. That day was another day that seemed to define quite nicely exactly who and what Frank was. It was a shame that over time you tended to forget the good times, replacing them only with the bad.

Gerard wasn't sure if he was trying to make himself feel better or not, but it really wasn't working. At that moment, staring at Jack clutching onto that jacket, remembering a smaller Jack many more years back clutching onto Frank's shoe much the same, he couldn't help but wonder what the fuck he was doing.

Hadn't it all been for Jack? Wasn't going back to Lindsey supposed to be for Jack? Sure, he loved her, she would always hold a special spot in his heart, but was it really the same?

Did Jack really care who Gerard ended up with?

Maybe Frank was right after all, Jack would be happy so long as he was happy. He had to find his own happiness, only then would Jack finally get his.

And now, in trying to make his son happy, he had only made himself miserable! But what would it take? Was Lindsey right for him or was he supposed to give Frank a second chance? Could he give Frank a second chance? He wasn't sure if he could stand going through all the emotional turmoil to get Frank back only to have him disappear with whatever band he decided to be in after they were together again.

Still, he had to face facts and the facts where that whether he was with Lindsey or Frank, both would be away for a majority of the time. He had to learn to deal with that, it was part of the package. So the only real question was who did he want to be with more?

The only problem was, it wasn't the same question he had been asking himself for a whole year now. Which was actually, who could he stand being away more? Frank or Lindsey?

He ran to Lindsey because at the time it didn't hurt so much when she would leave him for days on end, at least not in the same way when Frank disappeared.

He had gotten it all fucking wrong!

Finally forcing himself to stop thinking before he simply exploded from all the confusion, Gerard shook all the racing thoughts from his head and just allowed himself to enjoy the moment and sleep.

He loved Lindsey, he did ... but Frank was Frank...

He couldn't deny that there was just something about him that he couldn't fucking shake, no matter how hard he tried.

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AN: I'm sorry, this chapter is in two parts only because I wasn't happy with the second part. There were bits I didn't want in there and blah, blah, blah ... you don't care. So anyway, LOL! I was almost going to leave this chapter/episode out all together, but I decided to just make it more important instead. Hope you like, part 2 tomorrow - I'm sleepy.