FicWad

I was huddled in my bed, blanket pulled up to my ears and door tightly shut. I heard footsteps draw closer to my room. The door opened and clicked shut so I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to cry as my blanket was slowly pulled back. "Please! Please don't!" I cry into my pillow as my pants were pulled down. "Please!"

"Gerard! Gerard wake up!" My eyes flew open to see I was in my bed at school, not at home. A light was on and Frank sat on my bed, looking at me with fear. He had a hand on my shoulder and he only wore pajama pants, revealing his muscular torso which also had ink. "Are you ok? You started screaming and I stared freaking out."

"I'm sorry I woke you." I mumbled as I repositioned myself to go back to sleep.

"Don't worry about it." He said with a smile as he began to rub my shoulder. "Dream about your father?" Frank asked softly. I just nodded and shut my eyes again. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly." I mumbled again as I buried my head in my pillow. Frank bent down and kissed my cheek. His lips were soft and I felt my cheek turn red as he pulled away.

"Good night Gerard." Frank whispered then got off my bed, turned the light off, and went back to his own bed.

"Good night Frank." I said, smiling from our somewhat intimate moment before closing my eyes and drifting back to sleep. For the first time in years, I made it through the rest of the night without having a nightmare about my father raping me.

****************

I suffered through an apology to Lance with gritted teeth while trying to be civil just so I could attend class with Frank because somehow we ended up with identical schedules. Lance milked it of course which made the teacher supervising my apology heavily warn me not to do it again. "Now I see what you mean." Frank said as we headed to first period.

First period was chemistry and since I was shunned, I had no partner. Now though I did because Frank told Mr. Psalm that he didn't mind being my partner. Our lesson consisted of mixing stuff so Frank eagerly began. "I wonder what it would taste like." Frank said as he picked the container up and began to drink it.

"Frank! What are you doing?!" I said when I realized. He wiped his mouth and smiled at me then sat the container down.

"Try it!" He said pushing it to me. "It's nothing deadly!" I sighed and when MR. Psalm wasn't looking, I pulled the container up and let the liquid slide down my throat. It didn't really have any tasted and it burned for a moment as I put the container back on the table and looked at Frank. "Well?"

"It tastes like somebody stole my wallet!" I said and we both started laughing. Lance got up and came over to our table with a smug look.

"Hey new kid, this faggot bothering you?" He asked Frank as his buddies laughed.

"My name's Frank, not 'new kid'." Frank told Lance and I couldn't help but smile.

"What are you smiling at you little queer?" Lance shot at me and I put my head down, still smiling to myself. "That's what I thought." Lance looked back to Frank. "Name's Lance. I'm who you want to be."

"I highly doubt that." Frank told him which made me laugh. "I make friends, not buy them." The students around joined in my laughter.

"Well this pathetic waste of air is queer so watch it or he'll rape you." Lance was having difficulties being quick with comebacks like Frank was. Frank just kept going.

"I don't care if he's gay." He said calmly. "I am too." The students whispered their shock and Lance laughed.

"You're not gay! Fags are pussies! They don't get tattoos or piercings!" He told Frank noticing Frank's scorpion on his neck. "So if you're gay, prove it."

"Excuse me?" Frank became angered with Lance and took his protective goggles then set them on the table.

"I said prove that you're queer." Mr. Psalm pretended to be busy as I rolled my eyes, knowing that if anyone, I'll be the one who gets in trouble.

"I don't have to prove myself to you!"

"That's what I thought. You're not really gay." Lance laughed.

"Why do you care? Jealous you can't have me?" Mouths dropped all around as I burst into laughter. "But I'll humor you Lance." Frank as he grabbed my head then pressed his lips against mine. His lips were soft and sweet, just like I imagined after he kissed my cheek. They tasted a little like the concoction we had drank moments before and I stared at him with shock when he pulled away to look to Lance again. "Happy?"

"Oh God another faggot!" Lance burst and ran away, leaving the class doubled over with laughter. Mr. Psalm walked over to us, arms crossed and eye brows pointed down with anger.

"Principal you two." He told us and I slid off my chair, still laughing, and headed for the door with Frank following. Mr. Psalm called Mr. Gallagher to tell him we were on our way there in case we 'wandered off'. I liked going to the office because it usually meant I got the rest of the day off with dorm arrest.

"That was the best chemistry class I've ever had!" I said through my laughter.

"Before or after we put Lance in his place?" Frank asked, laughing himself.

"During!" I couldn't stop laughing. "I never thought you would kiss me!" He stopped and I stopped as well, confused about why he halted. "What's wrong?" I asked, finally calming down and gaining my ability to breathe regularly again. Frank was giving me his mysterious smile as I looked at him, a wave of excitement flooding over me for some strange reason. "What?"

"You like me!" He somewhat seemed to squeal.

"What?!" I asked smiling with confusion.

"You, like, me!" He repeated as he stepped closer to me. "Good, because I like you." He said softly as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled our bodies together.

"Frank, what are you doing?" I asked slightly nervous as he pulled my head down to his and put his lips against mine again. This time though, he took my bottom lip between his teeth and ran his tongue along it. "Frank..."

"Shut up!" He commanded me and went back to pressing our mouths together. I pulled away from him and took a moment to breathe and take it all in.

"We are still in school!" I said looking around. Luckily no one was in view to yell at us more. "At least wait until we're on dorm arrest!" I told him which made him smile at me more.

"Promise me." He said. Nerves flooded me as I debated just running. Bert made me promise him and that only tore my heart to pieces. Frank smiled at me with big beautiful eyes and I sighed then did the only thing I could think of.

"I promise." He made this weird face when he smiled which made me laugh as he half skipped to the principal's office. "Stop being so gay!" I called after him, laughing some more. He disappeared into the office, I followed a moment later.

Frank was sitting in a chair, smiling away while Mrs. Roy looked at him with concern. I was still calming down from laughing as I took a seat next to him. "What did you do to him Gerard?!" Mrs. Roy asked as she stared at Frank who looked like he was high.

"He drank our chemistry project." I told her as she slowly went back to her work. Frank got up then tried to sit on me but I kept pushing him off. "Stop it!" I said harshly to him and sitting back in his own chair. "This is still school!"

He mumbled as he crossed his arms and slumped down in the chair. Mr. Gallagher appeared and motioned for us to enter his office so we got up and shuffled inside. Gallagher gave us a long lecture on public displays of affection then told us that we had to stay in our dorm for the rest of the day which didn't bother me or Frank. I liked getting out of class and chilling in my room for the day.

We barely made it inside the room when Frank jumped on me, causing me to fall across my bed on my back. Frank climbed on top of me, smiling away. "This isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"You didn't specify." Fuck! He was right. I only promised him.

"Yeah but I don't want to-" I mumbled as Frank sat on me.

"I wouldn't do that until you're ready." He said softly as he pressed his lips to me again.

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

"I'm in no rush." Frank put his mouth to mine then slid his tongue between my lips. He ran his fingers through my hair and I shut my eyes, waves of passion coursing through me. It had been so long since I had another man's body against mine, and even longer since another man passionately kissed me."You taste deliciously like cigarettes." Frank told me with a smile.

"That's because I smoke." I told him and he pulled away.

"I didn't think we could smoke here!" He exclaimed.

"We can't." I smiled at him and ran my hand across his chest. "Pity you have to hide those muscles." He shook his head then pulled his shirt off and chucked it onto his bed.

"We're not in school anymore." He whispered. I knew we were moving too fast but I didn't care at the moment. I had a hot guy on top of me, who wanted to be on me, making out with me, now shirtless.

Frank climbed off a few moments later and dug around in his stuff before pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He sat back on me while he lit a cigarette, inhaled deeply, and put his lips back to mine, exhaling into my mouth. The sweet cigarette smoke danced in my mouth until I exhaled and he repeated the action; the whole process continuing until the cigarette was gone. "That feels so good!" He mumbled before licking my slightly cracked lips and getting off.

"What? Making out with me or the cigarette?" I had yet to figure out how Frank worked. He would be sarcastic one moment but hyper the next. He spoke in ways that made me have to question him for understanding. I sat up as Frank pulled his shirt back on, getting chilled.

"Both." He told me with an almost sarcastic smile. Still slightly confused, I pulled my sketchbook from its hiding spot and began to scribble whatever came to my mind as I often did when I was in the room. "What's that?" Frank asked me and I looked up to see him staring at me intensely.

"What?" I had gotten lost in my drawing and even though I heard the question, my mouth relayed the automatic counter question while my brain processed Frank's question.

"What's in your hands?" He asked as he straightened out his shirt and came over to sit by me. I pulled the sketchbook closer so he wouldn't be able to see my drawings. For some reason I didn't like when people watched me draw or see my drawings really at all. Mikey was really the only one who said anything because he would often sneak it out when I wasn't looking.

"Just my sketchbook." I told him as he fell down beside me.

"Can I see?" No. But he stared at me with those fucking traps of eyes and again I fell into it. It was like he was controlling my mind.

"Sure." I said quietly and handed it over. Frank smiled and began to flip through the pages while I bit my lip. As he looked, the smile began to fade from his face. "I know, they suck."

"Shut the fuck up!" He said to me as he carefully examined each drawing. "These are amazing!" Frank whispered to himself and I smiled slightly. Mikey had always liked my drawings but I assumed it was because he's my brother and must be obliged to like them. "You should take art class." He told me after. "Not that you really need it." Frank handed the sketchbook back to me and I put it carefully into its hiding spot which really didn't hide it since now Mikey and Frank knew where it was.

"Thanks." I said quietly as I stood up and grabbed a notebook. "We should probably head to lunch." Frank nodded and stood then we both headed back to the main building to eat. I kept a small distance from Frank in an attempt to convince myself to get over my stupid infatuation. The last thing I needed at the moment was a boyfriend because my heart was still healing and couldn't take another beating if Frank decided to move on or repeat something like Bert did.

At lunch, we sat outside to talk where Mikey and Bob finally admitted they were going out which we all knew was happening for a good amount of time now. We took the steps because Lance had the tables reserved for the football team and cheerleader. As we were eating, Lance chucked a sandwich at us which hit Frank right in the face while Lance laughed and yelled 'faggot' because he's original like that. I sighed and Frank threw the sandwich to ground then went back to talking to us.

"What's that guys problem?" Frank asked.

"Who knows." Ray said trying to eliminate the taste of crayon from his mouth. We all burst into laughter when he told us about it. Supposedly he was trying to impress some girl or something and he couldn't think of anything but happened to have a crayon that I guess he attempted to eat. It's the stupidest thing I had ever heard and I almost suffocated from losing my ability to breathe as I laughed which only earned me a smack upside the head. "At least you're smiling." Ray mumbled.

"I know." Mikey said, his head resting in Bob's lap even though Bob yelled at him because he was trying to eat. "You haven't smiled since;" He stopped himself. "But now you can't stop!"

"I don't think I've ever really seen you smile." Bob told me as he tried to get Mikey off him.

"I've never really been happy." I said with a shrug. "Not since Bert." Everyone looked away and it was quiet before Ray broke the silence a few moments later.

"So why are you so happy all of a sudden?" He asked with a slight smile as he looked to Frank who gave him a look of confusion as though he was drifting in and out of the conversation.

"Gee's in love!" Mikey teased and I threw my notebook at him, realizing a moment later that was a really bad idea because Mikey started looking through it. "What's this?"

"Nothing, now give it back." I demanded as I reached for it but Mikey pulled away.

"Are these," he looked confused yet enthralled as he read, "lyrics?!"

"Give it back Mikey!" I told him harshly but he just smiled as he sat up to better read them, Bob relieved that he had his lap back.

"They are!" He said excitedly as I stood up and tried to grab it, but Mikey pulled away again so I grabbed his glasses. "Gerard! I need those!" Mikey yelled.

"Give me the notebook!" I said and he finally gave in, handing me my notebook in exchange for his glasses, miserable that he lost again. "Yes, they're lyrics. No," I said looking at him warningly as he opened his mouth to speak, "I'm not singing again."

"Why not?" Frank suddenly became part of our conversation. "Why are you so afraid to do it? People already beat you up for being gay so how much worse can it get?" He was harsh but I knew it was true. "They might even stop with admiration."

"Are you always so straight forward?" I asked semi-rudely.

"Why hide the truth?" He said right back to me and I knew it was going to get ugly. When I got upset, I often lost control of myself.

"Why is it even your business?" My blood began to boil slightly.

"I'm sorry that I like to know people that I make out with other than their name and maybe even try to help them with their problems." Frank snapped right back while Ray, Bob, and Mikey all stared.

"Make out?" Bob said, not even realizing he said it aloud.

"When did that happen?" Ray asked with shock.

"In the dorm earlier after we got suspended for the remainder of the day for doing it in front of Mr. Psalm." I told Ray without taking my eyes from Frank.

"You went at it in front of a teacher?!" Mikey started laughing. "Why?"

"Lance fro-ass started harping at me and wanted proof I was gay." Frank answered then turned to Mikey. "Bi actually."

"I wouldn't have believed it either." Bob confessed then Mikey hit him. "I wouldn't have!"

"Look, all we did was kiss." I yelled at Frank, really pissed off for reasons I wasn't even sure of. "I didn't invite you into my fucking life!" Frank's eyes went from anger to pain.

"Fine." He said as he stood up. "I'm sorry I fell for you and was only doing what I thought would make you happy." Frank said quietly but coldly. He headed off for the football field and I sighed heavily, my anger turning into self hate.

"What the fuck?!" Bob shot at me, slight confusion in his voice.

"Get the fuck over yourself you drama queen!" Mikey snapped at me. I had never seen him so upset. "He only wanted to make you happy!"

"I didn't ask him to!"

"But you wanted him to." Ray said with anger yet his voice remained calm.

"Well I can't let him." I really didn't want to argue about it.

"When will you learn that Bert isn't coming back?" Mikey was really pissed. "You need to move the fuck on!"

"It's not that easy!" The anger came back as I fought with my brother.

"But holding it in is only making it harder." Ray told me.

"You just lost a possible chance at happiness because you're too fucking stubborn to accept it!"

"Don't you think I know that Mikey?!" I was ready to attach him, brother or not. "Why do you always think you belong in my business?!"

"You two are brothers. Of course you're going to be in each other's business." Bob told me but I had enough of them at that point.

"Fuck off Bob!" I yelled at him and Mikey got in my face.

"Don't take your anger out on him Gerard! He had nothing to do with this! It's between you and me!"

Before things went too far, because at that point I was close to beating the shit out of Mikey, Ray tried to keep the peace. "All of you need to stop!" He yelled at us. Lance was watching with amusement as him and everyone else stared at us though we were their lunch entertainment.

"And all of you need to stay the fuck out of my personal affairs!" I grabbed my notebook and stood up to head back to the dorms. "Especially you Mikey. Fuck off before I break your fucking face. I wouldn't think twice about it either." Of course I regretted saying it as I walked back to the dorms but I was really annoyed with Mikey always butting in.

Inside the dorm, I threw my notebook against the wall and fell onto my bed, my face buried in my pillow. My life was completely fucked up. I wanted to go back in time to make sure I didn't freak out on Frank, but more importantly I deeply regretted saying what I did to Mikey. When I sang, my father raped me and when I stopped, I let him continue mainly because by that time I knew what 'queer' meant and I could tell Mikey was as well so rather than have him go through the horrors of our father raping him, I let my father continue to abuse me as I tried to hide the noticeable things about Mikey. At the school, I met Bert and we had a great relationship, until the night he died in his room, me next to him. Now, just when I was on the verge of happiness again, I pushed myself off the fucking edge.

I'm nothing more than a screw-up, waste of breathe, fucking little faggot. Everything Lance had ever said about me was true. Wanting to just disappear, I pulled my bottle of pain-killer out that I had from when I had problems with my teeth, and dumped the whole bottle down my throat, chucking the empty bottle to the floor. After I swallowed each little pill, I pulled my gun from underneath the mattress, knowing I would get expelled instantly if anyone found it, and pointed it to my head. I took a deep breath, shut my eyes, and right as Frank walked in the door, I pulled the trigger.