Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light
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The Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light
(#) michae1ange1o 2008-11-04
Hmm, nearly 100 chapters. Gotta say, I have honestly tried to read this story on and off for the past couple of years. I finally had enough a day or so ago and was determined to give it a damn good try and got a pleasant surprise, once I skipped over the BTVS part it turned into a very VERY good story with some intelligent ideas. I can only assume the reason you have so few reviews is because a lot of people are turned off by self insertions/Mary sues. After reading Fan Fiction for several years I would definitely say that if you did away with the Adam character, who seems to remind me of a cross between Q and Ace Rimmer (what a guy!), This would undoubtedly be one of my all time favourite stories...
Now the rants over =) when are we going to see the ministry punished for stealing Potter booty by the Goblins? c'mon! we wanna see Fudge packing... sent packing I mean. I won't critique your grammar and spelling because I understand you don't have a beta and I'm not anal enough to care. I DID notice though that Fleur had to tell Harry TWICE that her accent was false. I can also tell where you have been influenced by other stories here and there, but that's to be expected really.
Keep up the good work, more Harry less Adam. BTW are you American or English?. Reason I ask is because ... well ... google "Anne Summers" and you'll know what I mean.Author's response
I am unfortunately well aware how bad the BTVS bit is but at this point it is not really something I can change.
Ace Rimmmer!! I can just about understand Q as regards his powers but Ace Rimmmer of all people, god what on earth did I write to cause that comparison.
As regards Adam's inclusion, I origionally created the Adam character over a decade ago when I was 10 (albeit it in a much more simplistic form) and I wrote this story in order to release my imagination for that character so unfortunately he is rather compulsory to this plot.
Did Harry get told twice by Fleur about her accent where were the two occurrences as I only remember one?
As soon as you asked the question about my nationality I realized what you meant as in America you spell Anne without the 'e' don't you, that didn't occur to me when I named the character, my bad.
Oh and as you probably guest I am English.
Thanks for the review.
GuardianOfLightThe Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light
(#) michae1ange1o 2008-11-05
Hahahe Heck yeah, Ace Rimmer. All the men admire him, all the women want him, he's always right, knows everything and everyone, has unlimited skills in everything, rushes in to save the day =), has dramatic near death experiences that would kill a normal person. Almost godlike perfection... hmmm now why would I compare him to Adam? heh...or Gilderoy Lockheart.
The Fluer accent thing was mentioned first when Harry was still training at Delaceur mannor, then later near the end of the fic. Please don't ask me where =).
I honestly still stand by my guns and say this story is mostly a very good story and if you redid it without Adam it would be a very very popular one.
I know it's too late to do it now because you are realy into it, but I'd rewrite it after so you can compare it.
Chop off the beginning and take out any mention of BTVS for now, replace Adam and James with gods, Thor and Loki for example. Have the Harry/Voldie show down at the end then transport Harry/Fluer to the BTVS verse and others if you wish. I'd guarantee, heck I'd put money on it that people would eat it up and you'd get awards accolades and a huge fan base.
I realy am sorry about the agro you seem to be recieving over the Adam character from me, it isn't meant maliciously. I just see a brilliant story that people arn't reading because of the character and it's a damn shame. And I'm also sorry but Adam IS a Mary Sue since he fits all the criteria, heres a snippet from wiki.
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Mary Sue, sometimes shortened simply to Sue, is a pejorative term used to describe a fictional character who plays a major role in the plot and is particularly characterized by overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors. Perhaps the single underlying feature of all characters described as "Mary Sues" is that they are too ostentatious for the audience's taste, or that the author seems to favor the character too highly. The author may seem to push how exceptional and wonderful the "Mary Sue" character is on his or her audience, sometimes leading the audience to dislike or even resent the character fairly quickly; such a character could be described as an "author's pet".
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It took me around two years to read the story properly due to the fact I disliked Adam, I'd complete this story then redo it like I suggested above, under a different title, I bet it'd shock you the ammount of feedback you'd get.
PS: I'm English too heh.
Mike.Author's response
Oh God not Lockheart, I would even prefer the normal Rimmer to Lockheart.
I did actually think about doing a rewrite of this without the Adam Character and just having it as a HP fic without the crossover but I have at least 2 more stories I want to write before I get that far, I always planned to do a sequel to this set in the LOTR Universe (another idea I came up with when I was younger that I have to do just for myself) and a Harry/Multi fic unrelated to this one with no crossover.
Blimey, reading that description it does actually fit Adam to a 'T' Maybe I will rewrite it afterwards, you may have to remind me in a review when I eventually finish this fic.
I didn't think you meant anything maliciously, I took it as constructive criticism which is always good to receive.
Regards
GuardianOfLightThe Slayer, The Avatar And The Guardian Of Light
(#) michae1ange1o 2008-11-06
lol glad you never bit my head off there. Those ideas sound good, can't wait to see what the future brings.
PS: I wish I had your drive to write, I get up to about the 5th chapter of a story (if that) then lose interest.
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