Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > The Melancholy of Axl Rose
Pointless Introductions
4 reviewsA chapter that has no real point but to introduce a few people.
0Original
“Sooo… Slash…”
“What’s up?” Slash replied, poking at his food with his fork, as he had forgotten what to do with it…
“Okay, first off,” Duff rolled his eyes, “You’re really OBVIOUSLY stoned right now… What the hell gave you the bright idea to smoke pot before school… again?”
“…” Slash ignored Duff’s question and the questioning stare of Jani Lane, the smaller blonde who sat with the two during lunch. He was still picking at his food. “Okay, Duff, what am I supposed to do with this?”
“Put it in your mouth,” Duff replied, rolling his eyes, “Chew, and swallow. For the love of God, Slash, how much did you smoke?”
“No comment.” Slash replied, finally eating the food that had been sitting in front of him for about an hour. “Okay, but seriously… The people in the high school are the exact same people who came from the junior high, right?”
“Right.” Duff replied, taking a bite of his sandwich. “What of it?”
“Oh, you know…” Slash shrugged. “It just seems a little strange to me that you and Jani are the only people here I’ve ever seen before.”
“… Weird.” Duff agreed. “Especially since I recognize almost everybody here… Not only that, but I could probably give you detailed descriptions of all of their entire lives… You know, Slash, I think it’s just all your drugs and alcohol finally taking effect. Sorry man, but you’re officially a goner.”
“Thanks for the support.”
Dead silence.
At the same time, both of them turned and stared blankly at Jani, who was immediately overcome by complete terror.
“So, Jani…” Duff observed, “I’ve noticed that you haven’t talked yet… AT ALL.”
“Care to join our conversation?” Slash wondered, as both he and the tall blonde crossed their arms.
“I didn’t even do anything…” Jani whimpered. “Please don’t kill me…”
“… Fine.” Duff snapped. He then turned back to Slash. “Listen, in order to advance, we’re going to need to magically move lunch to the great outdoors, okay?”
“Yeah, whatever.” Slash shrugged. “You know, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed if you hadn’t pointed it out.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Duff agreed, grinning. “You probably wouldn’t have.”
“… Wouldn’t have what?” Slash wondered.
Duff sighed, and they magically appeared outside. For some reason, none of the other students seemed to notice the sudden change in scenery.
“Now, look.” Duff pointed over to a ledge a while away, where Axl was standing, defiant looking as ever, with his arms crossed, staring at the roof of the school.
“… Who’s that?” Slash wondered.
Duff took a few deep breaths to calm himself. When it didn’t work, he turned around quickly and punched Slash in the face so that he skidded back a few feet and hit the back of his head against a wall.
“Duff!” Jani exclaimed, wide-eyed.
“What?!” Duff snapped, glaring at Jani. “Don’t even pretend you didn’t want to!”
“Oh shit…” Slash muttered, rubbing the back of his head as he rejoined his blonde friends. “Dude… I think that just somehow reversed the drug effect… I’m actually thinking clearly.”
“Thank God.” Duff sighed with relief.
“Yeah…” Slash agreed.
Suddenly, he punched Duff in the face, pushing him off of the ledge and down to the ground, twenty feet below.
“Don’t punch me, asshole!” He called down after the blonde.
“Slash!!!” Jani whined.
“Seriously.” Duff walked back up onto the ledge with a sigh. “Anyway, as I was about to say…”
“Uh, you know…” Slash commented, “The sudden lack of drug influence on my thoughts has made me realize just how little I want to hear whatever you’re trying to say.”
Duff and Jani both stared blankly, blinking.
“… You don’t care, do you?”
“Anyway,” Duff pointed over to Axl, who had not moved a single inch. “He’s really popular, because for some reason guys who think he’s a girl and girls who can tell he’s a guy think he’s hot… You can’t even tell he’s a freak when he’s just standing there.”
“… You used to think he was a girl.” Slash guessed.
“Well…” Duff held out his hands, palms upward, in defeat, grinning nervously. “You know…”
“… And you used to think he was hot.” It wasn’t so much an accusation as a statement.
“… Anyway,” Duff continued, blushing as Slash shook his head tauntingly, and the innocent Jani looked completely confused, “He’ll do a lot of weird things. Like… Once, when we came to school, all the desks were piled up in front of the door… And another day, he suddenly ran into the classroom with red paint and doused everyone with it. Serious freak. You don’t want anything to do with him. Even freakier than a half-black guy whose face you can’t see and whose name is completely unknown to everyone… No offense.”
“… Yeah.” Slash narrowed his eyes. “I can see how that wouldn’t be offensive.”
Suddenly the bell rang, much to Duff’s relief. Jani, of course, was still completely confused.
“Okay, time for gym.” The taller blonde announced.
“Let me guess, we’re going to magically transition over there as well.” Slash rolled his eyes.
“In fact, yes.” Duff replied as they suddenly appeared on the stairs next to the school track, somehow wearing their gym uniforms.
“Of course…” Slash sighed. Jani just seemed as clueless as always.
“So anyway, red-haired androgynous freaks aside, we need to be focusing on girls like her.”
Slash glanced over at the blonde, blue-eyed girl Duff was obviously staring at.
“… Courtney Love?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” Duff replied, off in his own little world. “Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous, but I bet she has a great personality, too.”
“Uh… Yeah…” Slash replied slowly, wondering how exactly he should break the news to his friend. Bluntness won out. “You do realize she’s a complete bitch, right?”
“Hey!” Yet another blonde guy complained, glaring at Slash.
“Oh, sorry.” Slash replied, sincerely apologetic as he turned his attention back to Duff. “And she’s dating Kurt… So she’s a taken bitch.”
“That’s not what I was complaining about…” Kurt muttered irritably.
However, Slash zoned out on the blonde’s complaints as he watched the people that weren’t too lazy to participate run. His eyes widened a little as he watched Axl speed way past everyone else.
“Wow… He’s fast.” Slash muttered, leaning back against the stairs.
“Have you been listening to a word I’ve been saying?!” Kurt demanded.
“… Huh? Sorry? What?” Slash looked back at him, confused.
“I hate you!!!” Kurt exclaimed, running away.
Courtney stared after her boyfriend with an obvious, ‘What the fuck is making him so emotional?’ look.
“… You wanna… Get the fuck out of here?” Duff whispered.
“Right behind you.” Slash agreed, and the two took off.
“What’s up?” Slash replied, poking at his food with his fork, as he had forgotten what to do with it…
“Okay, first off,” Duff rolled his eyes, “You’re really OBVIOUSLY stoned right now… What the hell gave you the bright idea to smoke pot before school… again?”
“…” Slash ignored Duff’s question and the questioning stare of Jani Lane, the smaller blonde who sat with the two during lunch. He was still picking at his food. “Okay, Duff, what am I supposed to do with this?”
“Put it in your mouth,” Duff replied, rolling his eyes, “Chew, and swallow. For the love of God, Slash, how much did you smoke?”
“No comment.” Slash replied, finally eating the food that had been sitting in front of him for about an hour. “Okay, but seriously… The people in the high school are the exact same people who came from the junior high, right?”
“Right.” Duff replied, taking a bite of his sandwich. “What of it?”
“Oh, you know…” Slash shrugged. “It just seems a little strange to me that you and Jani are the only people here I’ve ever seen before.”
“… Weird.” Duff agreed. “Especially since I recognize almost everybody here… Not only that, but I could probably give you detailed descriptions of all of their entire lives… You know, Slash, I think it’s just all your drugs and alcohol finally taking effect. Sorry man, but you’re officially a goner.”
“Thanks for the support.”
Dead silence.
At the same time, both of them turned and stared blankly at Jani, who was immediately overcome by complete terror.
“So, Jani…” Duff observed, “I’ve noticed that you haven’t talked yet… AT ALL.”
“Care to join our conversation?” Slash wondered, as both he and the tall blonde crossed their arms.
“I didn’t even do anything…” Jani whimpered. “Please don’t kill me…”
“… Fine.” Duff snapped. He then turned back to Slash. “Listen, in order to advance, we’re going to need to magically move lunch to the great outdoors, okay?”
“Yeah, whatever.” Slash shrugged. “You know, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed if you hadn’t pointed it out.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Duff agreed, grinning. “You probably wouldn’t have.”
“… Wouldn’t have what?” Slash wondered.
Duff sighed, and they magically appeared outside. For some reason, none of the other students seemed to notice the sudden change in scenery.
“Now, look.” Duff pointed over to a ledge a while away, where Axl was standing, defiant looking as ever, with his arms crossed, staring at the roof of the school.
“… Who’s that?” Slash wondered.
Duff took a few deep breaths to calm himself. When it didn’t work, he turned around quickly and punched Slash in the face so that he skidded back a few feet and hit the back of his head against a wall.
“Duff!” Jani exclaimed, wide-eyed.
“What?!” Duff snapped, glaring at Jani. “Don’t even pretend you didn’t want to!”
“Oh shit…” Slash muttered, rubbing the back of his head as he rejoined his blonde friends. “Dude… I think that just somehow reversed the drug effect… I’m actually thinking clearly.”
“Thank God.” Duff sighed with relief.
“Yeah…” Slash agreed.
Suddenly, he punched Duff in the face, pushing him off of the ledge and down to the ground, twenty feet below.
“Don’t punch me, asshole!” He called down after the blonde.
“Slash!!!” Jani whined.
“Seriously.” Duff walked back up onto the ledge with a sigh. “Anyway, as I was about to say…”
“Uh, you know…” Slash commented, “The sudden lack of drug influence on my thoughts has made me realize just how little I want to hear whatever you’re trying to say.”
Duff and Jani both stared blankly, blinking.
“… You don’t care, do you?”
“Anyway,” Duff pointed over to Axl, who had not moved a single inch. “He’s really popular, because for some reason guys who think he’s a girl and girls who can tell he’s a guy think he’s hot… You can’t even tell he’s a freak when he’s just standing there.”
“… You used to think he was a girl.” Slash guessed.
“Well…” Duff held out his hands, palms upward, in defeat, grinning nervously. “You know…”
“… And you used to think he was hot.” It wasn’t so much an accusation as a statement.
“… Anyway,” Duff continued, blushing as Slash shook his head tauntingly, and the innocent Jani looked completely confused, “He’ll do a lot of weird things. Like… Once, when we came to school, all the desks were piled up in front of the door… And another day, he suddenly ran into the classroom with red paint and doused everyone with it. Serious freak. You don’t want anything to do with him. Even freakier than a half-black guy whose face you can’t see and whose name is completely unknown to everyone… No offense.”
“… Yeah.” Slash narrowed his eyes. “I can see how that wouldn’t be offensive.”
Suddenly the bell rang, much to Duff’s relief. Jani, of course, was still completely confused.
“Okay, time for gym.” The taller blonde announced.
“Let me guess, we’re going to magically transition over there as well.” Slash rolled his eyes.
“In fact, yes.” Duff replied as they suddenly appeared on the stairs next to the school track, somehow wearing their gym uniforms.
“Of course…” Slash sighed. Jani just seemed as clueless as always.
“So anyway, red-haired androgynous freaks aside, we need to be focusing on girls like her.”
Slash glanced over at the blonde, blue-eyed girl Duff was obviously staring at.
“… Courtney Love?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” Duff replied, off in his own little world. “Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous, but I bet she has a great personality, too.”
“Uh… Yeah…” Slash replied slowly, wondering how exactly he should break the news to his friend. Bluntness won out. “You do realize she’s a complete bitch, right?”
“Hey!” Yet another blonde guy complained, glaring at Slash.
“Oh, sorry.” Slash replied, sincerely apologetic as he turned his attention back to Duff. “And she’s dating Kurt… So she’s a taken bitch.”
“That’s not what I was complaining about…” Kurt muttered irritably.
However, Slash zoned out on the blonde’s complaints as he watched the people that weren’t too lazy to participate run. His eyes widened a little as he watched Axl speed way past everyone else.
“Wow… He’s fast.” Slash muttered, leaning back against the stairs.
“Have you been listening to a word I’ve been saying?!” Kurt demanded.
“… Huh? Sorry? What?” Slash looked back at him, confused.
“I hate you!!!” Kurt exclaimed, running away.
Courtney stared after her boyfriend with an obvious, ‘What the fuck is making him so emotional?’ look.
“… You wanna… Get the fuck out of here?” Duff whispered.
“Right behind you.” Slash agreed, and the two took off.
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