FicWad

As usual, Slash was the first one to wake up. It was well past morning, but early for the members of GN’R. He sat at the kitchen table and picked at the waffles he had made on impulse, before realizing that he wasn’t hungry at all. The door creaked open, and Duff walked in. There was a moment of silence as their eyes met.

“… Morning.” Duff finally said, breaking the silence.

“Hey.” Slash replied, shifting his gaze back to the waffles as he moved them around with his fork.

“… Listen, Slash… Even though we’re in an awkward…” He swallowed and forced himself to continue, “Situation involving Axl… You’re still my best friend, and I was hoping we could keep it that way?”

“Yeah.” Slash replied quickly. “Of course.”

“… Wow, you two have some kind of awkwardness thing going on here.” Izzy commented, suddenly walking out of the pantry. Duff and Slash both jumped, but couldn’t speak.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Duff replied sarcastically. “You see, Izzy, some people, when they figure out they like another guy, don’t take it quite as well as you.”

“What, are you two, like, straight or something?” Izzy asked, taking a carton of milk out of the fridge and chugging it down.

“Yes.” They both replied at the same time. Izzy started choking.

“Then why the hell are you hitting on my Axl?!” He demanded.

“That’s what we’re trying to find out…” Slash explained, twitching ever so slightly.

Izzy stood perfectly still for a second, then started laughing slightly. It took him just a few minutes to develop the slight laugh into complete hysteria, with him rolling on the ground and gasping for breath.

“… Izzy? Are you okay?” Slash wondered.

“Yeah.” He replied, sitting up. “I just kind of felt like laughing for a second. You know, makes the rest of the day seem brighter. Anyway, what were we talking about?”

Suddenly, the door slammed open, making Slash and Duff jump yet again. Izzy, however, never jumped at anything, and never seemed to get surprised. He didn’t seem to be planning on breaking that record now.

“Wow, Ax.” Izzy commented with a smile. “Nice seeing you up… Though it is kind of weird. You do realize it’s not 3:00 yet, right?”

“You guys… Are so **ing loud…” Axl replied, standing there looking tired, with his hair messy, but not as badly as it was when he did it intentionally. “I woke up eventually.” He walked over and leaned over Slash’s shoulder, taking the fork out of the guitarist’s hand and eating his waffles in that position.

“You want to get a chair or something?” Izzy asked.

“Not really.” Axl shrugged. “It’s easier this way. How long have we had waffles, anyway?”

“They’re Slash’s.” Duff pointed out.

“Well, that’s just too damn bad, now isn’t it? No offense, Slash.” Axl patted him on the head.

“Uh… Right.” Slash replied. He glanced apologetically at Duff, who just shrugged.

“Anyone seen Steven?” Duff asked, trying to change the subject and possibly kill some of the awkwardness in the room.

“Oh, right.” Axl finished the waffles and finally gave Slash some space, not noticing his sigh of relief. “He was kind of pissing me off last night, so I locked him outside.”

Meanwhile, Steven was sitting outside, still knocking on the door, as he had been all night. He was wet and shivering, since it had been raining all of last night.

“Axl?” He called. “I’m sorry for stealing your chocolate… I didn’t think you wanted it… I’m really sorry. Can I please come back inside now? Slash? Duff? Izzy? Somebody? It’s cold out here…”

“Yeah.” Axl nodded, as if remembering something very near and dear to his heart. “That was fun.”

“How long has he been out there?!” Slash demanded.

“Probably… Let’s see…” Axl started counting on his fingers. “I’m not very good at math… But I locked him out about five hours before I went to sleep… So maybe… Around midnight?”

Slowly, taking deep breaths, Slash looked at the clock. 1:00pm.

“He’s been out there for thirteen hours now.” He stated, gritting his teeth. His concern for his friend temporarily made him forget about his newfound crush on Axl.

“Oh.” Axl looked at the clock. “Well, thirteen’s an unlucky number, so we should probably leave him out there for another hour at least.”

Slash shook his head as he stood up and walked over to the front door. Duff followed. Izzy and Axl exchanged an understanding glance that clearly said, ‘People just don’t understand luck like they used to…’

When Slash and Duff opened the door, the first thing they saw was that Steven wasn’t there.

“Steven?” Slash called, walking outside.

“Hey, Adler, you out here?” Duff looked around, trying not to be concerned.

“Axl! Izzy!” Slash called, “He’s gone!”

“Maybe he went to hang with one of his friends.” Duff reasoned as Axl and Izzy appeared in the doorway. “You know, since Axl locked him out, I’m sure he didn’t want to just stay there.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s logical.” Axl agreed, “Except for one thing…”

“What?” Duff wondered.

“STEVEN DOESN’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!”

“Then what the hell happened to him?” Slash demanded.

-A few minutes ago-

“Guys?” Steven continued weakly tapping on the door, knowing but not wanting to admit that they couldn’t hear him even more even if they listened.

“Hey, isn’t that the drummer for Guns N’ Roses?” A girl with wavy blonde hair wondered as she walked by. She had a friend with her; Asian, whose hair was shoulder-length and straight. They both stopped.

“Oh yeah.” Her friend replied. “I think it is… Steven, right?”

“Yeah.” The blonde agreed. The two walked over to him. “Hey, are you okay?” She asked.

“… No.” He admitted, his bottom lip quivering. Contrary to popular belief, Steven was actually rather cute before all the drugs took effect. “Axl locked me out… Again.”

“Again?!” The Asian girl demanded angrily. “What a jerk!”

“That asshole.” The blonde agreed. “Hey, we were just going to go get lunch. You want to come with us? Our treat.”

“Is that really okay?” He asked, doubting that he could have such good luck.

“Of course!” The Asian girl replied. “Hey, you deserve something for putting up with Axl. I’m Lina, by the way.”

“I’m Christine.” The blonde added.

And that is how Steven ended up leaving, a mere thirty seconds before Slash and Duff opened the door to look for him.

-Present Time-

“I told you we have to wait at least an hour!” Axl exclaimed.

“Well, we have to find him.” Duff commented.

“Why?” Axl and Izzy asked at the same time.

“Because we can’t just leave him out there!” Slash exclaimed. “He’s Steven. Not exactly the toughest person in the world.”

“Poor Popcorn.” Axl agreed. “Ah well. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“And if not,” Izzy added, “We’ll just get more money each. It’s very convenient, really.”

“Uh, wrong.” Duff argued. “Because we need a drummer, and it’s either Steven, or someone we don’t really know.”

“And what’s wrong with someone we don’t even know?” Izzy wondered.

“Think about it. Most drummers have muscles, and could probably kick all of our asses. Steven’s an exception because he’s Steven.” Duff pointed out. “Now, supposing we get a body-builder type of drummer…”

“And he happens to not like us.” Slash added.

Axl and Izzy, scrawny little people they were, exchanged a fearful glance.

“As I was saying,” Izzy smiled. “Let’s go find our little Pop-Pop!”

“Yeah.” Axl agreed. “Preferably… Now.”

Thus, the rest of the band set out to find their long lost drummer…

“OHMIGOD!!!” Some random girl squealed as soon as they had gotten out in the streets. “IT’S GUNS N’ ROSES!!!”

Immediately, there was a chorus of…

“WHERE?!”

“OHMIGOD! WHERE’S SLASH?! IS SLASH THERE?!”

“AHHHH!!! AXL I LOVE YOU!!!!”

“DUFF, WILL YOU MARRY ME?!”

“IZZY YOU **ING ROCK!!!”

“Is Steven there?”

The rest of the group stopped for just a second to stare blankly at the last girl who had asked about Steven. They shook their heads in disbelief, and she shrunk back.

Immediately afterwards, they all charged at the rock stars.

“… This isn’t good.” Axl decided as the army of fan girls ran toward them.

“So… You guys wanna… Get the ** out of here?” Izzy suggested.

There were some murmurs of agreement, and they all took off, despite the girls’ whines and pleas for them to stop and come back.

Axl was by far the fastest, due to the fact that he participated in cross-country during high-school. Izzy, being light, could almost keep up. Slash and Duff, therefore, were slightly irritated at their lack of interest in letting them catch up.

Eventually, Axl came to a sketchy looking store in an ally. He pointed to it, and Izzy nodded, so they both ran in. Slash and Duff, who barely saw which way they went, managed to hurry inside as well and slam the door shut behind them. The horde of fan girls ran by the ally, for some reason not noticing they had disappeared.

“That was close.” Axl sighed.

“Good day, children.” A man with a white beard and long white hair was standing in the building. “Welcome to my store. I’m Joseph Hudson.”

“… Uncle Joe?” Slash’s eyes went wide.

“Saul!” The man exclaimed with a smile. “Why, the last time I saw you, you were only this tall!” He held his hand about two feet off of the ground, “And you didn’t look in the least bit like a freak! What happened to you?” He said it with a very non-offensive smile.

“Oh, you know.” Slash laughed. “Sometimes, when you get new friends, you change a little.”

“… Is he talking about us?” Izzy wondered.

“More like you two.” Duff corrected. “You’re the freaks.”

“I take great offense to that, my good sir!” Axl exclaimed in a British accent. For some reason, he was wearing a fake, Italian-looking black moustache.

“Axl, where the hell did you get that?” Duff demanded, snatching it off of his face.

“Over there.” Axl replied, pointing to a shelf where there were various wigs, masks, and the like.

“Oh, I forgot to mention.” Slash turned to his band-mates and smiled. “This is my Uncle Joe. He owns this costume shop.”

“Costume-“ They looked around to see the various costume pieces around.

“… This could help.” Duff decided.