Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Harry Potter and the Distaff Side


by Clell65619 15 reviews

The Malfoys meet the express and meet Harry. Harry and Luna and Harri and Orestes go on a date.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres:  - Published: 2008-11-07 - Updated: 2008-11-08 - 5719 words

A/N: I own none of this. I do not own Harry Potter or any rights to his image or personality. I do not own the moon or the stars. I do not own human genders, other than my own personal original factory equipment. Honest. Nope, not me. I most certainly do not own the rights to a billion dollar literary work. Damn it.

Harry Potter and the Distaff Side



Lucile Malfoy stalked through the crowd on Platform 9 ¾ like a woman on a mission. The crowds parting to allow the infamous head of the Malfoy family pass. Her husband, Narcissus Malfoy nee’ Black followed meekly behind recognizing the signs of what was to come. Lucile was almost incoherent in her rage. How dare that dimensional hopping half blood male threaten her daughter? The Dark Lady had forbidden approaching the boy after the debacle that day outside the Shrieking Shack, but he was threatening Thubani!

The head of the Malfoy clan came to a stop at the point where Narcissus had always met their daughter when she returned from school. The Malfoy heir had to be safe. After the first of the year, everything would change, but for now…

Lucile felt rather than saw or heard a zone of silence bloom all around her. She began to pull her snake head wand from its cane sheath when the voice of a young man stopped her.

“My, both the elder Malfoys. It’s good to see that my warnings have gotten your attention.”

The regal blond woman turned to face the dimensional traveler. “Boy.” She growled. “How dare you threaten my daughter?”

A smile crept across the boy’s face. “I’m not threatening her Death Eater, I’m warning her. All my life I’ve wanted a family, and now I’ve finally got one. Neither you nor your ‘Dark Lady’ are going to interfere with that.”

“Don’t call me that, I was under the Imperus!”

The young man shrugged. “That really makes no difference either way does it Death Eater? Either you’re a murdering bitch too cowardly to actually stand up for what you believe in unless you can hide behind a mask, or you’re a weak minded fool who is easily controlled. Either way you wear a Dark Mark on your left forearm, and either way you are not an acceptable guardian for my sister.”

Lucile Malfoy again started to draw her wand from its cane sheath, but the young man’s hand blurred to cover her own atop the snake’s head handle, and squeezed. The Malfoy Matriarch almost went to her knees in pain as the bones of her knuckles ground together. How did the boy move so fast? How could he be so strong?

“Now, is that nice? Please, don’t make me kill you here in front of everyone, that might spoil the whole afternoon. If you really want me to kill you then we can wait until after you adopt my sister, that way she will inherit the Malfoy fortunes after I wipe out your pathetically inbred family.”

Through clenched teeth Lucile spoke, “Damn you. When the Dark Lady hears of this…”

“You really need to make up your mind Lucy, either you were a weak minded fool imperiused into doing Riddle’s bidding, or you are an unrepentant Death Eater who is going to tattle to the Tommi all about how I’ve been picking on you. You know, the apples don’t fall far from the tree with you Malfoys. Thubbi says exactly the same thing, except it’s ‘when my mother hears’. I mean really, how pathetic is that?” The boy smiled. “By all means Death Eater, tell your Dark Lady all about me and how mean I’ve been to you. I would be quite interested in seeing how long you survive after telling her you were bested by a fifth year Hufflepuff boy. Stay away from my sister Death Eater. If you value your spawn, you’ll tell her to stay away as well. Leave my sister alone, I’ll let your pathetic offspring live.”

Narcissus Malfoy gathered his courage. “You can’t threaten us Potter. I’ve known boys like you all my life, you put on a brave front and fall apart as soon as a real woman calls your bluff.”

Harry turned to look the man in the eye, while squeezing his wife’s hand all the harder, causing the woman to cry out. “Speaking from experience, are we, Sissy? You’re making the same mistake your Death Eater Wife is making. You think that I’m like you, like the weakling males of this reality. I made a promise to your daughter, and I’ll make the same promise to you. If your wife attacks me, I will hurt her, just as I’m doing now.” Harry twisted his grip on the Malfoy Matron’s hand evoking yet another hiss of pain. “If anyone in your family hurts my sister in any way at all, I will force them to watch as I torture you to death. Then I’ll kill them both. The philosophy of my reality is an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth… though I tend to get carried away.”

“You’re bluffing.”

Harry nodded to the man. “Perhaps I am. Did your dear wife tell you what I did to her Death Eaters when they attacked my girlfriend and me while dear Lucile cowered in the distance? No? That’s telling all by its self isn’t it?”

Luna Lovegood approached the trio, wrapping her arm around Harry’s. “You’re starting to attract attention Harry.” She said in her dreamy breathless way. “Good afternoon Auntie Lucile, how are you today?”

“Lovegood…” Lucile hissed through the pain. “I had no idea that you had taken up with a half blood.”

“I’m hurt Auntie. Didn’t you recognize me when you set your thugs on Harry and me outside the Shrieking Shack?” The lithe blond smiled happily. “Come now Harry, we’ve so many things to do, and the Malfoys will need to help Thubani and her friends escape from their compartment. They seem to have locked themselves in.”

Harry released Lucile’s hand, and the woman took an immediate step back.

“That was your only warning. The next time I come for you it won’t be to hurt you. I’m all for live and let live, you know?” The raven haired teen said smiling. “But cross me and you and your family will die. If I were you, I’d make sure I had a creative way to lose the custody challenge for my dear sister… Your dark lady would probably punish you for losing but I will definitely kill you for winning. Your choice, it makes no real difference to me.”

Lucile Malfoy cradled her damaged hand as the boy and her niece walked away. There was absolutely no doubt in the woman’s mind that the boy could have killed her without expending any real effort on his part. She was also certain that the boy’s situational awareness allowed him to know exactly what she was doing, and would react instantly if she drew her wand.

For the first time since the death of her mother, Lucile Malfoy feared someone other than the Dark Lady.


Moody observed the encounter between the male Potter and the adult Malfoys from under her invisibility cloak. What was the boy up to? Potter’s silencing charm was surprisingly good, none of Moody’s normal tricks could pierce it, but it wasn’t the first time that she had run up against a powerful silencing charm.

There was a reason Moody had learned to read lips. Listening by watching a person’s lip movements was patchy at best; perhaps one word in three, but it was usually enough to get the gist of a conversation. The disfigured retired Auror concentrated on what the Potter boy was saying since he seemed to be doing most of the talking. “kill…we’ll… after… adopt… sister… fortunes… wipe out… family”

Damn. The boy had big brass rocks, facing down the first assistant snake like that, and succeeding if Moody was any judge of body language. Potter, hell, both the Potters were playing a very dangerous game. Moody silently wondered if the pair of teens were aware of that.

Moody was still trying to wrap her mind around the concept of an ‘alpha male’ which was clearly what this boy was. This wasn’t to say that she had never encountered strong men in the past. Her late husband had been a real rock crusher, always having to have the last word in their arguments. No, it wasn’t the attitude or the willingness to insert himself into dangerous situations that set the Potter boy apart from the rest of his gender, it was the impression he gave that it was natural for him to be taken seriously and the aura of surprise that he gave off when ever someone didn’t. Potter wasn’t a man pretending to be a woman; he was a woman in every way except gender.

Potter was joined by the Lovegood girl, and a few more words were exchanged, though Moody couldn’t make any of them out. The Potter released the Malfoy Matriarch, and he and Lovegood walked away from the encounter to their waiting friends. The Malfoys watched the pair leave, and then hurried toward the train… In search of their daughter?

Once she was satisfied that there would be no danger to either of the Potters here at Queens Cross, Moody apparated to one of her safe houses for some serious thinking and drinking. Dumbledore had set up a protective watch at the Weasley home, on top of the protective wards that the eldest of the Weasley Daughters, the curse breaker, had beefed up around her parent’s home. As far as Moody had been able to ascertain, no such precautions were being taken at the Granger home. Still, the Muggles should be safe, given that they had offered refuge to a young man who was probably the fourth or fifth most dangerous human alive.

The old retired Auror smiled to herself. If she was to hear of an attack planned on the Granger home while the boy was in residence, she would probably not bother to report it. It would be far more fun to simply show up at a safe distance with a comfortable chair and a bottle to enjoy the show when the Death Eaters found out that they had made quite a large mistake.


The return to the Burrow was a quiet affair by Weasley standards, Malcolm Weasley had collected his brood and guided them home via the Floo Station of Platform 9 ¾. As soon as everyone was through the door, he sat all five of them down at the kitchen table for a light lunch. As usual, Harri insisted on helping, despite Malcolm’s protests and the teasing from the twins that she would make some lucky witch a good husband some day.

Following lunch, Ronnie dragged Harri up to the room they shared.

“So.” The redhead said, “Did we bring the wrong Potter home with us? Missing Orestes already? Is that why you’ve been all quiet and moody since the train?”

Harriet Potter continued to stare out the window. “No. Well, yes, give the opportunity to share a room with Orestes instead of your snoring ass; I’d take that in a heartbeat. I’m worried about Harry. He’s having to do things he hates to try and keep me safe from the Malfoys.”

“Oh, I’m hurt by your cruel words.” Ronnie smirked. “Don’t worry about Harry. He may be a Hufflepuff, but he’s tough. You’ve seen what he goes through with his Riddle. I always thought you were the scariest witch I’ve ever seen with a wand, but him… To be honest I was having trouble seeing him as anything more than a nice ass until the first time he took us into the Room. Now I know he’s dead scary as well as smoking hot. I may have to steal him from Luna.”

That made Harri smile. “Luna would kill you dead. And even if you were to break them up, he still sees his Ron when he looks at you, and he assures me that Ron Weasley was not a pretty sight as far as he was concerned.”

“Hmph! I’d wager I’d be dead sexy as a man.”

“Oh, please. I just ate.” Harri punched her friend in the shoulder. “Come on, let’s go get started de-gnoming the garden.”

“What? Why? Dad didn’t ask us to do it.”

“A little secret I learned living with the Dursleys.” Harri said conspiratorially. “The secret is to just go ahead and do the chores you know you can’t get out of. It throws the adults off their game and prevents them from coming up with more meaningless chores for you to do.”

Ronnie stared opened mouthed at her best friend. “That’s bloody devious.”

“And it works too.” Harri laughed. “Come on; bet I can throw them farther than you.”

“Oh, it’s on now. You’re doomed seeker girl. You throw like a boy anyway.”

From his kitchen window, Malcolm Weasley watches as the pair of teens rushed out to start removing pests from his garden, and shook his head smiling. He went to his cupboards and began removing the ingredients for the evening meal. Now he needed to make treacle tart for afters. It had seemed to be such a safe bet that Harri couldn’t get Ronnie out to de-gnome the garden without his youngest daughter kicking up one of her trademark fusses. That girl was decidedly Slytherin sometimes. Malcolm resolved to keep a closer eye on his not-quite daughter.


Luna Lovegood arrived at her home via the floo. The hearth connected to the floo network was in the kitchen, and what she found caused her to more than a little despair. It was evident that her mother hadn’t spent much time in this room since Luna left September first.

The Ravenclaw made her way through the house, ignoring the state of the rooms, to her mother’s office. It was there she found her mother in the middle of a manic episode.

“Mum?” the Ravenclaw asked.

“Oh hello Poppet. Are you back from Hogwarts so soon?”

“Mum, you’ve not been looking after yourself.” The blond knelt beside her mother’s chair. “You promised me that you would.”

The woman sighed. “I know Poppet, I’ve just been so busy. So much to do, deadlines to meet, so many reports to track down. You know what it’s like.”

“I do Mum. But you’ve got to take care of yourself. Who will meet your deadlines and track down the reported sightings if you’ve taken to your sick bed?”

“You’re right of course…” the woman sighed. “I always depended on your father to take care of me, and now I guess I’m depending on you. I’m not being fair to you Luna. If you spend all your time with your old Mum, how will you find the time to find your own love?”

“I’ve invited a friend over for Boxing Day.” Luna said quietly.

“Young Arthur? I’ve always like that boy. Good family the Weasleys, a bit set in their ways…”

“No Mum, not Arthur. A young man I met on the express this year.”

“Does this young man have a name?”

“Of course he does Mum.” Luna said gently. “Harry Potter.”

“Potter? The Dimensional Traveler? I look forward to meeting him.” Xena Lovegood paused. “Should I be concerned about this boy? Does he have relatives that might come to me looking to defend his honor?”


“Don’t ‘Mum!’ me young miss. I remember what it’s like to be a young woman. I hope you aren’t taking advantage of the poor lost boy.”


“I’m telling you Blanch, that Potter boy has done something to Thubani Malfoy. Ever since the incident with the pentagram in the Dungeons, she’s been terrified and trying to hide it.”

Blanch Dumbledore regarded her Potions Mistress with a gimlet eye. “Are you suggesting that Miss Malfoy, who has by your own admission been terrifying students throughout her tenure here, has been so thoroughly intimidated by a single young man? One that she isn’t even in a relationship with?”

“Blanch, you and the Dark Lady are making the same mistake.” Silvia Snape snapped. “You both look at the Potter boy and see a normal boy. He is NOT what we would consider ‘normal’ by any extent of the imagination.”

“I’ve had him in class at least as much as you have Silvia.” Marcus McGonagall said swirling the Scotch in his glass before continuing. “I’ve seen nothing abnormal about young Harry. He is studious, polite, and quite talented with the practical application of transfigurational magic. His theory lags behind, but that isn’t all that unusual. What are your impressions of the lad Filia?”

The Charms Mistress pondered the question for a moment. “There is more to the boy than meets the eye. I agree with Marcus that the boy is studious and talented, though a bit weak in theory. On the other hand I also agree with Silvia, Mr. Potter is most specifically NOT a normal boy. I know you all heard about what happened to Amanda Strews. I was in the infirmary with Paul discussing his coming to my 6th year class to discuss healing charms when Moody brought Strews in. Moody witnessed their ‘practice duel’. He reported that Amanda cast first, and the boy responded. I was intrigued, so I dug a little deeper. In their ‘practice session’ she was only hit by three spells. Three bone breakers. According to Moody, those bone breakers were the only things the boy cast. Paul’s diagnostics said that all three curses hit Amanda in less than two seconds.”

“And this is important how?”

Filia Flitwick shook her head. “Silvia, there was a time you fancied yourself a duelist, has your time in the potions lab killed your memories of the fight?” The small woman lifted her snifter of brandy to her lips and sipped. “I couldn’t have cast three bone breakers that quickly, much less that accurately when I was on the circuit, to say nothing of now. That’s quite a bit of magic to force out in a short period of time. Potter was in class the next day, with no discernible change in the level of magic available to him. Is Potter responsible for what happened to Miss Malfoy? I haven’t a clue. But he isn’t a ‘normal boy’.”

“He’s certainly arrogant.” Snape groused.

“You evidently have a unique definition of arrogance Silvia, seeing as he has told no one of what he can do.” The small woman said a bit miffed at the Potions Mistresses attitude. “Further I would suggest that it isn’t arrogance if you can do it. From what I saw of what he did to Amanda, I wouldn’t get onto a platform with him unless I could get very good odds and a cut of the gate. He would destroy you and Marcus. Until I can actually see him fight I wouldn’t hazard a guess at to his level, but I doubt many at this school could stay on the platform with him.” She looked directly into Dumbledore’s eyes. “Very few indeed.”

“There’s more on your mind Filia. What is it?” Marcus McGonagall said.

Flitwick grimaced. “Mr. Potter started out this year a young man with an above average level of power. Since September, both his level of power and skill have increased tremendously beyond any and all expectations.”

“We’ve all seen this Filia.” Dumbledore said gently, “What about that has you so concerned?”

“It’s what I’ve noticed about his friends. Miss Potter has exhibited a sudden unexplained increase in both power and skill over the last month. Not to the boy’s level, but she is markedly improved. Mr. Granger has also had a spike in his level of power, though his skills are still top notch, I’m not sure how they would have… well, grown I guess. Perhaps most startling is the level of improvement seen in Miss Weasley. Where before she had little in the way of skill, getting by on force of will, she now has a skill level approaching that of Mr. Granger, and her already considerable level of power has increased.”

“Are you sure?” Marcus asked. “I haven’t noticed anything like that.”

“Nor have I” Silvia Snape added.

“It’s a duelist’s habit, always evaluating those around you.” The Charms Mistress confirmed. “I’m very sure.”

Blanch Dumbledore sat quietly contemplating this new information. This was unexpected. How would this affect her plans?


“Sit down Harry.” Danielle Granger said when Harry rose to start in on the evening dishes following dinner.

Seeing the questioning look on the young man’s face, Emmit Granger smiled. “Don’t worry Harry, you aren’t in trouble. We just want to have a word with you.”

Harry glanced to Orestes and saw that his friend had carefully schooled his features to tell him nothing. Harry settled back down into the chair.

“Orestes told us about what is being done to Harriet.” Danielle started.

“And it occurred to us that something like it could happen to you.” Emmit continued. “We have petitioned the Ministry of Magic to become your guardians. They agreed to allow it, provided you agree.”

“Really?” Harry was shocked. He hadn’t even thought about that.

“Unfortunately,” Orestes interjected, “We can’t adopt you in the Muggle world. You don’t… well exist really.”

Harry hesitated. “I’m not this is the best idea…”

“Being associated with you would make us bigger targets.” Orestes interrupted sarcastically. “Because after all, Riddle and her Death Eaters haven’t been killing Muggle borns and their families for the last six months, right?”

“Sarcasm has no place in a civil discussion Orestes.” The bushy haired wizard’s father said. “Harry, our offer is sincere. We know that you’ll reach your magical majority in a little over a year and a half, but we would like to offer you our home.”

“I… I…” Harry’s eyes dropped to the table in front of him. “Thank you.”


Life at the Burrow was vibrant, busy and most of all loud. Harriet Potter loved the Weasleys to the depths of her soul, but sometimes they were just a little… too much. Missing Orestes wasn’t helping much either. Harri found herself on the brink of hiking into Ottery St. Catchpole in search of a telephone box. The only thing stopping her was she wasn’t sure if she had any pounds in her money bag up in her trunk.

“Hello Harri Potter.”

Startled by the voice coming from behind her, Harri fell off the bench she had been sitting on.

“Luna! You startled me.”

“Obviously.” The blond witch said reaching down to help the Girl-Who-Lived to her feet. “I came by to get you. I thought it would be nice to visit Harry today, and you would distract Orestes nicely.”

“Visit Harry?” Trying to keep up with Luna always gave Harriet a headache. She wondered how Harry managed it. “What makes you think that I could distract Orestes?”

“Please Harri, don’t be insulting. When you are in the room, you are all Orestes sees. If I were to go without you, Harry and I wouldn’t get a moments peace.”

Harri wondered why she was hesitating. “I’ll need to let the Weasley’s know I’m leaving and get some money.”

“Yes, do let them know, but don’t worry about money, I’ve got plenty to show both our men a good time, you can pay me back later.” The blond said.


To say that the appearance of the two witches on the Granger’s doorstep had been unexpected was something of an understatement. The two young men gathered their wits about them, and Orestes made a quick call to the elder Grangers dental surgery, explaining that they had been invited out for dinner by some school friends and would call by six. On the way to the Grangers, the girls had spotted a funfair, so their afternoon plans were taken care of.

The two couples strolled along the midway trying to decide what ride to do next. Oddly enough Luna was the only one among them who had ever actually been to a funfair before, the Potters had never been allowed, and Orestes’ had never had any interest in them the rides or the games.

“Ooh!” The blond said as she took a bite of the caramel apple she had just purchased. “A carousel! Let’s ride that, everyone likes a carousel.”

Orestes gave the rotating structure a critical look. “Is it safe?”

“It’s not that fast Orestes.” Harry noted. “How dangerous could it be?”

The quartet offered up their tickets for the ride. Harry discovered that he was expected to ride ‘side saddle’ on the fiberglass horse like a ‘proper gentleman’. He did, but felt like he was betraying generations of movie cowboys by doing so. Luna and Harri were showing off, hanging off the horses and grabbing at the boys while Harry laughed and Orestes looked on disapprovingly.

After that ride slowed to a stop, Luna made a show of assisting Harry to dismount while he tried not to laugh at her gallantry. As soon as the quartet returned to the midway, Luna made a beeline for the closest vendor, and returned with a pair of paper cones topped with large puffs of candy floss. Handing one to Harry, she tore into hers while Orestes huffed about sugar and tooth care.


“That Lovegood girl certainly can eat.” Dionysodoros Tonks noted.

“Yeah. She’d give my youngest sister a run for her money. She’s a good kid though, if a bit mad.” Wilhelmina Weasley said while maintaining eye contact with the four students. “This gig would be a lot easier if Harriet had stayed at the Burrow like she was supposed to.”

“Right.” Dionysodoros said sarcastically. “After all, you spent all your time at home at that age.”

“Yeah, I know.” The eldest of the Weasley siblings said. “But I didn’t have anyone trying to kill me Dionysos.”

“Tonks! You know I want to be called Tonks Billie…”

“Ok, ok. You weren’t so excitable when you were in school.”

“I’m trying to be taken seriously in my career. Being named “Gift from Dionysos" doesn’t contribute to that.” The Metamorphmagus huffed. “And as far as anyone trying to kill you, I seem to recall the mothers of more than a few boys who wanted to have rather pointed conversations with you.”

“Oh yeah.” Billie Weasley smiled. “Wasn’t I something?”


Luna proudly presented Harry with a stuffed Teddy-Bear, having successfully knocked down six of the nine milk bottles.

“For my Hero!”

“Thank you Luna” Harry said in what he imagined was a demure manner, while smirking at Harriet only managing the next size smaller for Orestes. He eyed the large purple rabbits as tall as he was and wondered if Luna would like one, but decided that hauling the stupid thing around would be more trouble than it was worth. Besides being able to win one would be an extremely un-masculine thing to do, and would only attract attention.

Out of the corner of his eye Harry spotted that same green ball cap that had caught his attention as soon as they had arrived at the funfair. It proclaimed it’s wearer a fan of the Chicago Cabs… At first Harry had assumed that it was a joke cap, but every time he turned around, that cap was there. So he made it his business to see who or what was under the cap. An attractive young woman, which he guessed to be approximately in her mid twenties. She had red hair and wore her clothing in a casual manor that suggested that she wasn’t unused to Muggle attire… A series of tall men seemed always to be near the woman with the ball cap without appearing to be with her. The men near the woman had different faces; different hair, even different skin colors, but wore more or less the same outfit. A team of some kind? It seemed what when ever he looked at them they were looking intensely at Harriet, though if either of the watchers noticed Harry watching them, they immediately looked away.

Harry needed to speak with Harriet, but Luna was standing in queue for a hamburger. He wasn’t going to leave her. He satisfied himself by fingering his wand where it sat in his inside jacket pocket and maintaining eye contact on the watchers.


“I think the boy-Potter has spotted us.” Billie Weasley said.

“Damn it.” Tonks swore. “It must have been you; I was first in my class in concealment.”

“Yeah, right.” Weasley said. “You’re the professional, what do we do now? Should we report we were spotted to Dumbledore?”

Tonks thought for a moment. “No. We maintain our surveillance.”


Harry accompanied Luna to a table where Orestes and Harriet were waiting. Luna set her meal (which had expanded to a ‘burger, hot dog, plate of chips and a soda) on the table, then pulled out Harry’s chair for him. Harry accepted the gesture in the spirit in which it was made, though he felt very stupid when she pushed his chair closer to the table for him.

As Luna dug into her meal, Harry leaned over to Harriet. “Some people are watching you.”

“The ‘Chicago Cabs’? Yeah I saw her.” Harriet dimpled. “That’s Billie Weasley. The Headmistress probably has minders on me. I’m going to raze her later for making such a goofy mistake. Old Mad-Eye has me paranoid enough that I’m checking around me every few seconds.”

Harry relaxed. Odd that ‘Billie’ Weasley didn’t resemble ‘Bill’ in the slightest… He idlely wondered if she had a fang earring or dragon skin boots… “Did you notice the men with her? They’re all tall and wearing more or less the same outfit.”

“Those are all the same person.” Luna said having finished off her hamburger and picking up the hot dog. “A Metamorphmagus I think. They’re really rare.” She took a bite.

Orestes looked a bit annoyed. “So I’m the only one not to notice anything?” He stole a chip from Luna’s plate and dabbed it in the mayonnaise. “It’s not fair, I’m supposed to be the observant one.”

“You can find the spy next time Orestes.” Harri said and smiled when her date stuck his tongue out at her.

“So.” Harry said rubbing his hands together. “Do we behave ourselves and make the minder’s, who we didn’t ask for and don’t need, jobs easier,” A huge grin twitched at his lips. “Or do we prank them back to the stone age?”


A/N: A few thoughts.

A few reviewers took exception with my suggestion in the last chapter’s author’s notes that in the Fem-Universe women come from the XY chromosome pair and men from XX. The gist of this exception boiled down to “You don’t know anything about DNA, dumbass”

Back in the day when I picked up my BS in Computer Science, my minor was in world History, but I took a bio class or two. I haven’t stayed current on the topic, but back then I was fairly intrigued with the concepts of base pairing pushing purines to become pyrimidines through hydrogen bonding, though I suspect that in the intervening years much of what I learned has been superseded by new science. Hell, I may have boogered up the terminology; it was a long time ago. (But then I still remember the all clear numbers for radiological contamination “less than ten to the minus ninth micro micro curies per cubic liter” so the memory isn’t all that bad)

That being said, while I am most certainly not a real world expert in DNA, in regards to the Fem-Universe I am the all knowing God Creator. Biology works the way I say it does in my fictional universe… Just like Magic works the way I say it does. Anyone who has problems with this should write their own fics.

I find more than a little amusing that when confronted with a fictional universe where in human beings manipulate quanta via force of will and stick waving, some people find my fictional DNA most worthy of snarky comments…

Acknowledgements: Thanks to tarkas1956 for his suggestions that improved the interactions between Narcissus Malfoy and Harry.

I also called for assistance in coming up with an appropriately embarrassing name for a male Tonks after trying several variations of ‘Satyr’. Many excellent suggestions came in, such as Satyriasis from Random_Placeholder (using a disease name tickled me, but I’d already don that joke with ‘Rubella’ Hagrid), Satysadore from shermanjrc, ‘Nymph Adorer’ from ubereng (who may have been drinking… because he also came up with ‘Bob’ ‘Sue’ and ‘Jayne’), ‘Don Juan, Casanova, or Leon Phelps’ suggested by wt4dave, ‘Ephebedore’ from Earl Cauthridge, ‘Panamour’ came from bjdibbins, and suggestions for using a Satyr variant came from Dapstccg1972 and Red Jacobson . The best suggestion (IMHO) was Dionysodoros from AmberDragon, thanks guys.

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