Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Behind the Smile

Behind the Smile

by lisa_lou 7 reviews

People only ever see what they want to see, they never bother looking any deeper than that. Gerard is struggling and no one seems to notice, not even the band. That is untill an old face from the ...

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG - Genres: Angst,Drama,Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008-10-24 - Updated: 2008-10-25 - 2770 words


Hey guys, sorry to any one who tried to read this earlier only to discover that there was no actual story showing up. Had some problems with the posting.

Chapter 1

Gerard's POV

Leaning back against the smooth glass of the lift he resisted the urge to bend his knees and let gravity pull him gracefully to the floor. He was exhausted, his tired limbs feeling heavy and numb, but it was not yet midday so any time to sit and rest was going to be a long way off.

As the lift continued its uninterrupted decent he let his gaze wander absentmindedly over the city surrounding him, it was grey and dreary and he pulled his coat tighter about himself as large drops of rain began to splash against the glass. This city looked much like all the others and he smiled sadly as he realised how easily he had forgotten which city he was in. In fact it took a moment of concentration to even be sure of the country. "That was when you knew things were getting bad." He thought with a sigh.

The doors to the ground floor began to slide open as a series of small beeps from inside his pocket pulled him abruptly away from his thoughts. Stepping out of the lift Gerard pulled his phone out and quickly scanned the message waiting for him.

Frank 11.23am

Where r u?! If we don't

leave on time we'll be late!!

He slipped the phone back into his jacket deciding not to waist time replying when he would be back on the bus in five minuets. As he walked swiftly across the hotel lobby he couldn't help but catch sight of himself in the huge mirrors that lined one side of the elaborately decorated room. Black hair in need of a wash fell untidily about his face just as it always had but the face behind the hair was some one he hardly recognised. He was ghostly pale, a stark contrast to the hair and dark hazel eyes. Eyes, which behind layers of heavy black eyeliner, looked tired and pained.

He frowned, small lines forming between his brows, as he took in how haggard and worn he looked. "How had people not started to notice?" He wondered. He forced a smile on to his face, the smile he had been wearing for months like a piece of clothing when ever he was around people. The face in the mirror didn't look so bad now, his fake smile covering what was really going on like a mask. Of course if you looked closely you would see that it wasn't a genuine smile, thatit didn't reach his eyes, but it was enough to convince the people he knew that he was fine. People only saw what they wanted to see and never bothered to look any deeper than that.

Pulling his hood up he let the smile drop from his face before stepping out the door into the cold winter rain. It was only a short walk to where the bus was parked but he was clearly going to get soaked getting there. Shoving his hands deeper into his pockets he set of up the road, the weather matching his mood exactly.


Sarah's POV

"Sarah, phone!"

"Just coming" She shouted as she rolled of her bed and made her way up out of the basement.

The living room was empty as she moved across to where the phone had been left upturned on the coffee table.

"I'll be back in a few hours" Her flat mate Louise called as she slammed the front door shut. "That's cool, I've got the house to myself." Thought Sarah as she picked up the phone.


"Hi Sarah, it's me. Imean Frank."

"Oh hi Frank! I didn't realise you had this number, thought I was going to have to email it to you."She replied.

"Well I spoke to your brother earlier, and he said you were back in the country. He gave me this number so I thought I'd give it ago." There was a loud bang from his end of the phone followed by a curse, "Hang on, I'll be right back". She heard a small thud as he put the phone down.

Keeping hold of the phone Sarah moved to sit down in one of the big comfy chairs that filled the room. She had known Frank for years, but it had been almost 16 months since she had last spoken to him properly. They had been exchanging emails whilst she had been working out in Spainbut that was it. She heard the phone being picked up again and then Franks voice.

"Hey I'm back, sorry about that, knocked my coffee cup over"

She giggled,it was such a typical Frank thing to do.

"I have some important news to tell you" He said, "Didn't want to say over email so I've been waiting till I could actually speak to you" She could almost hear him bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Go on then what is it?"

"Well...I'm getting married!!!!" He shouted.

"Wow Frank that's so cool! Congratulations" She said smiling, she had been expecting this for awhile now. "When did you ask her?"

"A few weeks ago on her birthday" She could hear him grinning.

"I told you that would be the best time to ask!" Letting her own grin take over her face.

"Yea yea, well done you"He laughed, "What I rang to ask you was if you had any free time in the next couple of weeks? We're in New York as of tomorrow and it would be really cool if you were able to come hang out for awhile. Get all the details in person and all that."

Sarah's smile got even bigger. "Yea I'm free most the time." She hadn't got around to getting a job since she'd been back yet.

"Awesome! We'll be at the Bear hotel at about 11.30 tomorrow morning if you're able to meet us there?"

"That's fine. Who's going to be there?" She asked.

"Every one I think." She heard him quickly counting names off under his breath. "I'll be there, Ray, Bob, Gerard and Mikey, plus Jamie and Mikey's wife Alisia. You ok with that?"

"Yea that's fine. Shall Imeet you in the lobby?"

"Yep, I'll come down and wait for you." Someone began calling Franks name on the other end of the phone."Ok I'm gonna have to go now, was great to actually speak to you instead of just writing and I will see you to tomorrow morning!"

"Yep" She chuckled. "See you then, bye bye"

"Byeeeeeeee" She heard Frank shout, making her laugh again as she put the phone down.

He had always made her laugh, right from the first day they'd met back in high school, and out of all the old group he was the one she had stayed closest to over the years. There had never been anything more than friendship between the two of them though, Frank and Jamie had been a pair for almost as long as she could remember.

Standing up she made her way back down stairs to her room and hit the play button on the DVD she had been watching. Sound filled the room as she curled her legs up under her on the bed and reached for a photograph she kept in the front page of an old journal. The photo showed the whole high school gang gathered round a picnic bench in her old back yard. Frank, Jamie and Sarah's brother Ryan were sitting on one side smiling like a group of loons, whilst Mikey, Gerard and her self filled up the other side. The table was laden with BBQ food and Gerard held a wine glass in the air pretending to make a toast, his other arm wrapped lightly around her shoulders.

In the beginning the age gap had never stopped him from joining in with them when he was home from college. There was a five year gap between herself and him with the others all falling somewhere in the middle, and he had always seemed to fit perfectly into there group. She smiled as she remembered how much she had adored him back then, he had been cute and funny, everything her 15 year old mind had wanted in a boy. He hadn't known that of course, she was the baby of the group and had always seemed like the younger sister he didn't have.

It was shortly after the photo was taken that things with Gerard had seemed to change though. He was still a cool guy but he had gradually grown distant from them until he had become just Mikeys older brother, another adult in the Way household, as apposed to one of there group. She had been surprised, when Frank had phoned her all those years ago with news of My Chemical Romance's forming, that Gerard had become involved in the band.

Sarah let out a sigh as she stared at the photo. She had seen Frank, Jamie and Mikey2 years ago before she'd gone to Spain, and had met Ray, Bob and Alsia once before that. The last time she had seen Gerard though had been at 18 when he had come to Mikeys graduation a little over 7 years ago. It was going to be weird seeing him again after so long.

The DVD ended and she uncurled her self, placing the photo back in its place in the book, and got up to turn the TV off. It took her longer than usual to get ready for bed, her mind on her meeting with the guys tomorrow, but eventually she crawled in to bed and turned out the light. She fell asleep quickly and for the first time in nearly 9 years dreamt about a certain man with long black hair.


Gerard's POV

Slumped on the sofa in the back room of the bus Gerard tried desperately to pay attention to what Brian was saying. He was already on thin ice for making them late leaving in the morning, although that was hardly his fault. He had been at the interview that Brian had made him do and they'd just kept asking him more questions. He'd still got the blame for it though some how. They were all gathered in the tiny back room so that Brian could explain to them how the schedule was going to run in New York. Gerard schooled his face to make it look like he was interested and tried to ignore the sharp bursts of pain that were forming in his stomach.

"You said we had tomorrow off right?" Voiced a worried Frank.

"Yea you don't start your first photo shoot till the day after" Brian explained.

A huge grin spread over Franks face upon hearing that. Gerard glanced suspiciously at him, "What was so important about tomorrow?" Sure it was always nice to have a day off but the small man seemed genuinely excited about tomorrow in particular for some reason.

"What's so important about tomorrow Frank?" Asked Bob, voicing Gerard's thoughts.

"Nothing much, just meeting up with an old friend" He replied grinning even more.

"Ok guys, well that's everything so I'm going to be off. I'll be there to get everything checked in in the morning." Said Brian as he made his way off there bus.

Gerard glanced at the clock, it was already 11.45.

"Any one wanna play Halo?" Frank suggested as the girls came in to sit with there respective partners.

There was a chorus of yes's from most of the group.

"I'm gonnahead off to bed guys" He said standing up.

No one was really paying much attention, they were to busy trying to set up the game. He moved slowly across the room, trying not to make the cramping in his stomach any worse but failing miserably. Moving the short distance to the bunks room, he shut the door behind him and lent heavily against it keeping hold of the handle in an attempt to keep himself upright. His knuckles turned white as the force of his grip increased, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried not to whimper in pain. It felt like some one was slowly drawing a knife through his abdomen and then, when they had finished, going back to the other side to start again. Or at least this was what he imagined that would feel like.

He forced himself to let go of the door and make his way over to his bunk, collapsing into it and pulling the curtains tightly shut. His shaking hands reached in to the cloth storage pockets on the wall and came out with a small white pill bottle. Cracking the lid he swallowed two large white tablets before replacing the bottle where he'd got it from. The pills were a muscle relaxant, given to him by a doctor in California with a repeat prescription for any where in the country. The searing pain that ripped though his lower body was the muscles inside his abdomen cramping hard one after the other apparently, a condition which could initially be caused by stress and then continued to appear almost randomly. It was not some thing the doctors where able to treat, so they had given him the pills to try and calm the muscles down when they started to cramp and told him that the attacks should gradually stop happening on there own, he just had to wait for that to happen. It was easier said than done.

He striped down for bed, his eyes drawn to his stomach as another wave of pain hit. You could see the muscles tightening and relaxing, making it look like ripples were slowly passing over his body. Once he was down to just his boxers he crawled up to his pillow, flicked the light off and slid his long legs under the covers, moving down until the quilt sat comfortably over his shoulders. He lay on his side, curling himself into a loose ball and wrapping his arms tightly round his stomach, a small groan involuntarily slipping past his lips.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there like that, alone in the darkness waiting for the pills to take effect, but eventually he heard some of the other guys making there way up to the bunk area. They busied them selves getting changed and Gerard heard the creaking of the ladder as some one climbed up to a top bunk.

"Are you coming Frank?I'm cold up here on my own." That was Jamie's voice.

The light was turned out and the ladder creaked again as Frank made his way up to his fiance. Gerard heard the bed moving and the sound of them kissing. They wouldn’t really start getting it on with him right below them would they? He wasn’t sure he could stand it if they did.

“Stop it” He heard Frank whisper, “Gerard’s in here, you’ll make him lonely.”

She giggled at that and he heard them shifting around as they cuddled down. There was the sound of more gentle kisses and some whispered I love you’s before it all fell quite.

He was grateful to Frank for stopping when they had but as he lay there in the quiet Gerard had never felt more alone his life. The pain in his stomach was slowly lessening but it was very much still there at the moment and he would have given almost anything to have some one curled up with him at that point. He wanted someone he could hold, someone to hold him when he was tired and in pain and to tell him it would be ok. He was the oldest member of the group and yet he was still the only one who was alone, his little brother was married for goodness sake, so there must clearly be something wrong with him. Something that made him every body’s best friend but nothing else.

Turning over he shut his eyes and tried to think of other things, desperately ignoring the prickling in his eyes and the large lump that had built up at the back of his throat.


Ok well thanks for reading guys, hope that wasn’t too bad. That was my first attempt at writing a fic so let me know what you think, how I can improve for the next chapters and such like. Thanks again and hope you had fun.

Lisa xox

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