Categories > Original > Drama > Beat of Their Own Drums
Don't Waste Your Time
0 reviewsHe doesn't trust her enough to take care of herself, so she decides that she's better off on her own. When will he just let go? Song used: Kelly Clarkson's "Don't Waste Your Time"
0Unrated
A/N: Once again, this is another story that I probably shouldn't have written, 'cause now I'm most definitely going to fail my history class and have to have my stupid teacher for another year. But this one has Joe in it.
Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to "Don't Waste Your Time".
Song Used: Kelly Clarkson's "Don't Waste Your Time".
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Thirty-Six: Don't Waste Your Time
Puppet: Isabel Rokit
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's over, it's over, it's over...
“Don't call me again, 'cause I won't answer next time!”
I angrily jammed my finger into the 'end' button on my cell phone, abruptly ending a conversation between the famous (or perhaps I should say infamous) Joe Jonas. But I didn't fold in up right away; no, I stared at the screen for a long time.
We'd only talked for about three minutes. In that small amount of time, Joe had managed to piss me off to the point that I wasn't really sure if I ever wanted to look at him again, much less talk to him. In just 180 seconds, he'd somehow figured out how to lose something he and I had both worked so hard to keep: a relationship.
He'd said that he was only wondering how I was doing, but I knew better. He was checking up on me to make sure I wasn't up to any shenanigans. He was reassuring himself that he was so important to me that he was all I thought about.
He didn't trust me. He never said it out loud, but I knew his biggest fear when I went off to Hawaii was that I'd meet up with some other guy. He wasn't giving me the credit I deserved.
Finally I snapped the halves together and looked up at the rolling sea that stretched out before me, feeling the irrepressible urge to fling something out there as far and as hard as I possibly could. God damn it, Joe! I thought, putting the phone down on my towel and sifting my fingers through the sand, searching for a rock or maybe a shell, I can take care of myself, you know!
He'd always been a little suspicious, but I'd kind of ignored it up until recent times. When he and his brothers left and went on tour, he'd always made a special effort to call me up and ask if anything important had happened that day. When I was living in a foster home in Texas, he always asked me how I was doing, usually over IM but sometimes while using the phone. When I was home, he never asked, but that was usually because he already knew because it was then and only then that he could keep an eye on me.
To be honest, actually, I'd thought it was kind of cute. It was just his way of showing me that he cared and that he was worried about me when he couldn't be around to be absolutely sure. Paige had always laughed when I told her about it, saying with that knowing smile of hers, “you better be careful with how you act around other boys, Izz. Joe's a really jealous guy.”
I'd known that and had dismissed it as a compliment then. But now that I was older and a little bit smarter, I realized that it wasn't okay for him to be so worried about me. Trust was a big issue for me, and if I felt like he didn't have the faith in me to keep true to him, I wasn't sure I could guarantee that our relationship could handle yet another bump in the road.
We needed a break. We needed some room to breath. We needed to take a step back. This was the only way I could think of.
One would think that a Hawaiian beach would be relaxing.
It seems like you can't hear me,
When I open my mouth you never listen,
You say stay, but what does that mean?
Do you think I honestly want to be reminded forever?
What with the calmness I was trying to achieve here ruined, I was about to get up, get my things together and go home when my cell phone rang again. The chorus of “Hold On” struggled to overpower to sound of the waves just a few feet ahead, and with a groan I recognized the ring. I'd just told him not to call back, hadn't I?
I looked at the caller ID, even though I was fairly certain who it was on the other line. Sure enough, only two letters flashed across the screen: 'J.J.'
We called him that as an affectionate nickname, so it had seemed right to put his number down under it.
I didn't want to talk to him because I knew that would get me mad at him and I really didn't want to fight with him. But then again, I was already mad at him; what difference was it going to make one way or the other, anyway?
I answered it, but made sure that he knew the call wasn't a welcome one. “What do you think you're doing!? I told you not to call back!”
“I know!” his voice was tight and a little bit desperate, the tones still detectable even after making the hard journey through the airwaves, “I still need to talk to you!”
“Why?” I snapped back, wishing that he was around so he could see me and know just how serious about this I was, “It's not like you're going to -”
“This is exactly why I keep calling you!” Joe cut in, his voice now indignant as if he wasn't quite sure what he was being yelled at for but was irritated anyway, “I've gotta make sure that we're okay. I don't want us to be like Ollie and Kev, all right?”
All right, so I could get a lot angrier at him.
Fury surged through every inch of my being at the very mention of my older sister, and once again I had half a mind to hurl something into the mockingly calm water. He made it sound as if Ollie wasn't trustworthy!
I knew better. I hadn't been born into the Rokit family, nor had I met Ollie as being part of the group unit that they were, but I knew better. It was fairly obvious that he wasn't faulting Kevin at all; it wasn't fair of Joe to try and make me think that my sister in such a negative light without him knowing the full story first.
I said nothing and seethed.
“Izz?” Joe questioned after a long time, “Izzy, I didn't mean it like that...don't. Don't hang up the -”
I jerked my arm back and sent the cell phone hurtling into the sea. I'd never have to look at it again.
Don't waste your time trying to fix,
What I want to erase,
What I need to forget,
Don't waste your time on me my friend,
Friend, what does that even mean?
I don't want your hand,
You'll only pull me down,
So save your breath,
Don't waste your song,
On me, on me,
Don't waste your time...
I regretted throwing my cell into the water for several reasons. The first one was that it was only after that day did I realize that it was a lot harder to exist without a cell phone then I remembered. My friends – my real friends – couldn't get a hold of me as easily as they could before, and I started to miss them even more than I already did.
The second was because I probably electrocuted some poor innocent fish.
The third – the order was, in fact, by importance – was because Joe didn't give up on trying to get my attention. He was still trying to check up on me, even though I'd made it fairly obvious that I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.
I glared harshly at the words on my computer screen, sent to me by the same 'J.J.' I'd thrown into the water a few days ago. His message read, “listen Izz...I'm sorry. Can't we still be friends?”
Like I really wanted to go through that again.
It's not easy not answering,
Every time I want to talk to you,
But I can't,
If only you knew the Hell I put myself through,
Replaying memories in my head of you and I,
Every night...
I shook my head and sighed deeply, my fingertips itching to type back some sort of reply. In deliberate spite of them I closed the window, following it up with the top half of my laptop so I wouldn't be tempted should he send me another message. I didn't want to be anything to him unless he could show me that he trusted me.
But that seemed so unlikely. He'd been like that since we'd first started dating, and that had been five years ago.
I slouched forward and lightly banged my forehead against the computer. God, this wasn't fair. We'd been together for so long and had been through several long term 'separations' in which one or both of us was out of state for more than a month.
He always jokingly made me promise to come back. This time that wasn't seeming so likely.
Don't waste your time trying to fix,
What I want to erase,
What I need to forget,
Don't waste your time on me my friend,
Friend, what does that even mean?
I don't want your hand,
You'll only pull me down,
So save your breath,
Don't waste your song,
On me, on me,
Don't waste your time...
I wish I knew what he was thinking when he asked me if we could still be friends. I wish I could understand just how he planned on doing that when we both knew that something much, much stronger than friendship held our hearts together. I wish I could figure out just how exactly he'd come to the conclusion that that was even possible in the first place.
We'd been through too much together. It was impossible for us to just be friends. We'd put too much time, too much effort into it for it to remain platonic.
It was going to be all or nothing as far as I was concerned. We'd already tried just being pals once already and, even though that had been quite some time ago for a different reason, it hadn't worked out. We only ended up back as lovers.
And I didn't want that. I wanted to forget all the empty words we'd wasted on one another and move on; be myself and not have to worry about him looking over my shoulder all the time. Maybe find someone else. Someone who had faith in me.
You're callin',
You're talkin',
You're tryin',
Tryin' to get in,
But it's over, it's over, it's over,
Friend...
About two weeks after I'd lost my cell, I got a new one. Glad that I already had Paige's number memorized, I'd called her up and asked her to give me everyone else's numbers and give them my new one so I could communicate with them via phone again. So, when my cell suddenly started ringing in the middle of a quiet, solo study session, I figured it was one of my friends. “Hey!”
There was an awkward pause on the line. “Man, it's good to hear your voice again.”
My blood ran cold. “Joe?”
“Hi Izzy,” he said quietly, “what's up?”
I thought I specifically told Paige not to let Joe in on the new number, but there was little I could do now. I was sure to keep my tone icy and blunt when I spoke. “Nothing. You?”
Don't waste your time trying to fix it,
So save your breath, don't waste your song,
On me, on me,
Don't waste your time...
“Not much.”
The awkward silence over the phone said a lot more about us than we probably wanted to admit. I wasn't sure what to say to him because I certainly hadn't been expecting a call, and though I really wanted to just hang up and never answer a call from his number again, it didn't feel right. If he was behaving himself, there really wasn't much to justify my actions now, was there?
“Look, Izz, I'm really sorry.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes up to the ceiling. He couldn't just go for a few sentences without bringing it up, could he? “Joe,” I said with a soft sharpness to my voice, not yelling but making sure he knew I'd been thinking about this, “do you even know why you're apologizing?”
“No,” he whispered helplessly into the speaker, “but -”
“Stop,” I growled, cutting him off the way he had done to me the day I'd thrown away my phone, “Joe, just stop right there. I don't want to hear any of your excuses.”
“They're not excuses!”
“Then what were you going to say?” I demanded.
There was another pause on the other line, and with every second spent in silence I felt my anger building up once more. I hated being mad at him like this, but he was wasting his time and mine trying to think of ways to save something that wasn't meant to be. I couldn't help it.
“I was going to say that I can't stand having to wait outside like this,” he said finally, “I need you, Izzy. Please let me back in.”
I snorted. Had it been a year ago, or maybe even just six months ago, I probably would've swooned and forgiven him without the slightest hint of hesitation. But I was older now. I was stronger. I'd learned that I could live without him.
“You had your chance, Joe. It's over.”
You held me,
You felt me,
You left me,
But it's over, it's over, it's over,
You touched me,
You had me,
But it's over, it's over, it's over my friend,
Don't waste my time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Oh noez! Actually, I probably shouldn't tell you guys this, but I really can't stand it; Izzy does eventually come back to Joe, so don't feel too bad for the kid. This was a new experiment of mine...Izzy is an odd character to write with for me.
Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to "Don't Waste Your Time".
Song Used: Kelly Clarkson's "Don't Waste Your Time".
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thirty-Six: Don't Waste Your Time
Puppet: Isabel Rokit
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's over, it's over, it's over...
“Don't call me again, 'cause I won't answer next time!”
I angrily jammed my finger into the 'end' button on my cell phone, abruptly ending a conversation between the famous (or perhaps I should say infamous) Joe Jonas. But I didn't fold in up right away; no, I stared at the screen for a long time.
We'd only talked for about three minutes. In that small amount of time, Joe had managed to piss me off to the point that I wasn't really sure if I ever wanted to look at him again, much less talk to him. In just 180 seconds, he'd somehow figured out how to lose something he and I had both worked so hard to keep: a relationship.
He'd said that he was only wondering how I was doing, but I knew better. He was checking up on me to make sure I wasn't up to any shenanigans. He was reassuring himself that he was so important to me that he was all I thought about.
He didn't trust me. He never said it out loud, but I knew his biggest fear when I went off to Hawaii was that I'd meet up with some other guy. He wasn't giving me the credit I deserved.
Finally I snapped the halves together and looked up at the rolling sea that stretched out before me, feeling the irrepressible urge to fling something out there as far and as hard as I possibly could. God damn it, Joe! I thought, putting the phone down on my towel and sifting my fingers through the sand, searching for a rock or maybe a shell, I can take care of myself, you know!
He'd always been a little suspicious, but I'd kind of ignored it up until recent times. When he and his brothers left and went on tour, he'd always made a special effort to call me up and ask if anything important had happened that day. When I was living in a foster home in Texas, he always asked me how I was doing, usually over IM but sometimes while using the phone. When I was home, he never asked, but that was usually because he already knew because it was then and only then that he could keep an eye on me.
To be honest, actually, I'd thought it was kind of cute. It was just his way of showing me that he cared and that he was worried about me when he couldn't be around to be absolutely sure. Paige had always laughed when I told her about it, saying with that knowing smile of hers, “you better be careful with how you act around other boys, Izz. Joe's a really jealous guy.”
I'd known that and had dismissed it as a compliment then. But now that I was older and a little bit smarter, I realized that it wasn't okay for him to be so worried about me. Trust was a big issue for me, and if I felt like he didn't have the faith in me to keep true to him, I wasn't sure I could guarantee that our relationship could handle yet another bump in the road.
We needed a break. We needed some room to breath. We needed to take a step back. This was the only way I could think of.
One would think that a Hawaiian beach would be relaxing.
It seems like you can't hear me,
When I open my mouth you never listen,
You say stay, but what does that mean?
Do you think I honestly want to be reminded forever?
What with the calmness I was trying to achieve here ruined, I was about to get up, get my things together and go home when my cell phone rang again. The chorus of “Hold On” struggled to overpower to sound of the waves just a few feet ahead, and with a groan I recognized the ring. I'd just told him not to call back, hadn't I?
I looked at the caller ID, even though I was fairly certain who it was on the other line. Sure enough, only two letters flashed across the screen: 'J.J.'
We called him that as an affectionate nickname, so it had seemed right to put his number down under it.
I didn't want to talk to him because I knew that would get me mad at him and I really didn't want to fight with him. But then again, I was already mad at him; what difference was it going to make one way or the other, anyway?
I answered it, but made sure that he knew the call wasn't a welcome one. “What do you think you're doing!? I told you not to call back!”
“I know!” his voice was tight and a little bit desperate, the tones still detectable even after making the hard journey through the airwaves, “I still need to talk to you!”
“Why?” I snapped back, wishing that he was around so he could see me and know just how serious about this I was, “It's not like you're going to -”
“This is exactly why I keep calling you!” Joe cut in, his voice now indignant as if he wasn't quite sure what he was being yelled at for but was irritated anyway, “I've gotta make sure that we're okay. I don't want us to be like Ollie and Kev, all right?”
All right, so I could get a lot angrier at him.
Fury surged through every inch of my being at the very mention of my older sister, and once again I had half a mind to hurl something into the mockingly calm water. He made it sound as if Ollie wasn't trustworthy!
I knew better. I hadn't been born into the Rokit family, nor had I met Ollie as being part of the group unit that they were, but I knew better. It was fairly obvious that he wasn't faulting Kevin at all; it wasn't fair of Joe to try and make me think that my sister in such a negative light without him knowing the full story first.
I said nothing and seethed.
“Izz?” Joe questioned after a long time, “Izzy, I didn't mean it like that...don't. Don't hang up the -”
I jerked my arm back and sent the cell phone hurtling into the sea. I'd never have to look at it again.
Don't waste your time trying to fix,
What I want to erase,
What I need to forget,
Don't waste your time on me my friend,
Friend, what does that even mean?
I don't want your hand,
You'll only pull me down,
So save your breath,
Don't waste your song,
On me, on me,
Don't waste your time...
I regretted throwing my cell into the water for several reasons. The first one was that it was only after that day did I realize that it was a lot harder to exist without a cell phone then I remembered. My friends – my real friends – couldn't get a hold of me as easily as they could before, and I started to miss them even more than I already did.
The second was because I probably electrocuted some poor innocent fish.
The third – the order was, in fact, by importance – was because Joe didn't give up on trying to get my attention. He was still trying to check up on me, even though I'd made it fairly obvious that I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.
I glared harshly at the words on my computer screen, sent to me by the same 'J.J.' I'd thrown into the water a few days ago. His message read, “listen Izz...I'm sorry. Can't we still be friends?”
Like I really wanted to go through that again.
It's not easy not answering,
Every time I want to talk to you,
But I can't,
If only you knew the Hell I put myself through,
Replaying memories in my head of you and I,
Every night...
I shook my head and sighed deeply, my fingertips itching to type back some sort of reply. In deliberate spite of them I closed the window, following it up with the top half of my laptop so I wouldn't be tempted should he send me another message. I didn't want to be anything to him unless he could show me that he trusted me.
But that seemed so unlikely. He'd been like that since we'd first started dating, and that had been five years ago.
I slouched forward and lightly banged my forehead against the computer. God, this wasn't fair. We'd been together for so long and had been through several long term 'separations' in which one or both of us was out of state for more than a month.
He always jokingly made me promise to come back. This time that wasn't seeming so likely.
Don't waste your time trying to fix,
What I want to erase,
What I need to forget,
Don't waste your time on me my friend,
Friend, what does that even mean?
I don't want your hand,
You'll only pull me down,
So save your breath,
Don't waste your song,
On me, on me,
Don't waste your time...
I wish I knew what he was thinking when he asked me if we could still be friends. I wish I could understand just how he planned on doing that when we both knew that something much, much stronger than friendship held our hearts together. I wish I could figure out just how exactly he'd come to the conclusion that that was even possible in the first place.
We'd been through too much together. It was impossible for us to just be friends. We'd put too much time, too much effort into it for it to remain platonic.
It was going to be all or nothing as far as I was concerned. We'd already tried just being pals once already and, even though that had been quite some time ago for a different reason, it hadn't worked out. We only ended up back as lovers.
And I didn't want that. I wanted to forget all the empty words we'd wasted on one another and move on; be myself and not have to worry about him looking over my shoulder all the time. Maybe find someone else. Someone who had faith in me.
You're callin',
You're talkin',
You're tryin',
Tryin' to get in,
But it's over, it's over, it's over,
Friend...
About two weeks after I'd lost my cell, I got a new one. Glad that I already had Paige's number memorized, I'd called her up and asked her to give me everyone else's numbers and give them my new one so I could communicate with them via phone again. So, when my cell suddenly started ringing in the middle of a quiet, solo study session, I figured it was one of my friends. “Hey!”
There was an awkward pause on the line. “Man, it's good to hear your voice again.”
My blood ran cold. “Joe?”
“Hi Izzy,” he said quietly, “what's up?”
I thought I specifically told Paige not to let Joe in on the new number, but there was little I could do now. I was sure to keep my tone icy and blunt when I spoke. “Nothing. You?”
Don't waste your time trying to fix it,
So save your breath, don't waste your song,
On me, on me,
Don't waste your time...
“Not much.”
The awkward silence over the phone said a lot more about us than we probably wanted to admit. I wasn't sure what to say to him because I certainly hadn't been expecting a call, and though I really wanted to just hang up and never answer a call from his number again, it didn't feel right. If he was behaving himself, there really wasn't much to justify my actions now, was there?
“Look, Izz, I'm really sorry.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes up to the ceiling. He couldn't just go for a few sentences without bringing it up, could he? “Joe,” I said with a soft sharpness to my voice, not yelling but making sure he knew I'd been thinking about this, “do you even know why you're apologizing?”
“No,” he whispered helplessly into the speaker, “but -”
“Stop,” I growled, cutting him off the way he had done to me the day I'd thrown away my phone, “Joe, just stop right there. I don't want to hear any of your excuses.”
“They're not excuses!”
“Then what were you going to say?” I demanded.
There was another pause on the other line, and with every second spent in silence I felt my anger building up once more. I hated being mad at him like this, but he was wasting his time and mine trying to think of ways to save something that wasn't meant to be. I couldn't help it.
“I was going to say that I can't stand having to wait outside like this,” he said finally, “I need you, Izzy. Please let me back in.”
I snorted. Had it been a year ago, or maybe even just six months ago, I probably would've swooned and forgiven him without the slightest hint of hesitation. But I was older now. I was stronger. I'd learned that I could live without him.
“You had your chance, Joe. It's over.”
You held me,
You felt me,
You left me,
But it's over, it's over, it's over,
You touched me,
You had me,
But it's over, it's over, it's over my friend,
Don't waste my time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Oh noez! Actually, I probably shouldn't tell you guys this, but I really can't stand it; Izzy does eventually come back to Joe, so don't feel too bad for the kid. This was a new experiment of mine...Izzy is an odd character to write with for me.
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