FicWad

“Is there anything else I can do for you?”


“No. Thanks.”

The sound of footsteps faded, swallowed up by the soft crash of silverware and the clinking of glasses.

The table was black.
Black marble, black something.

She stared at her reflection, as if staring into a dark, deep lake...somewhere far off...somewhere in her dreams.
She came upon her eyes, covered by a large pair of dark lenses.
She pulled them off.
Raked her fingers across her bangs, pushed the hair away from her eyes....

“So what makes you think....that I’m going to eat this up?”

A pause.

Fidgeting.

“I mean, I’ve seen it all...I know bullshit when I see it...I know fakes...I know a rip off.”

Her eyes shifted to the glass of water before her.
Condensation had gathered, drops sliding down the frosted surface, forming a small ring of water on the table.
She brought her fingers to it....

“I know you know fakes...do you think I would beg you like this if they were FAKE?.”

Fingers tapping impatiently.
A sharp, skeptical intake of breath...

“Listen, this is the real deal...”

Pause.
“The label would really like it if you would...support these guys on tour.”

A laugh.
“I’m sure they would.”

A metallic click.
The sound of a flame licking paper....the soft crinkle of ash being pulled towards a filter..

“Well..”
A pause.
An exhale.
“I’ll appease the Gods.”

Lily could hear his smile...mischievous and very self satisfied.
Smug.

A sigh,
“Great....just...great.”

She could hear the relief in his voice.
“And, Ms. McKay....what do you have to say?”

Lily looked up from her spot at the table.
“Fine.” she replied with a shrug and a nod,
“I’ll check them out.”

“Check them out.” Gerard repeated with a grin.

Lily locked eyes with him as he took another drag from his cigarette.
His gaze was unfaltering...and maybe even unforgiving, in her case.

“You know, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t smoke around me.” she said quietly, tone almost tired.

Gerard raised an eyebrow,
“Ah yes...” he said slowly, taking the cigarette from his lips and crushing it in the crystal tray before him,
“I forgot you were...” he brushed his newly black strands from his face, raising his eyebrows and nodding, a forced frown on his face.

His hazel eyes were flickering in the filtered light...it was almost as if there was a fire burning behind his irises.

The waitress refilled her glass of water, pouring clear, chilled water from a blue pitcher.

“Mint?” she offered, a small bouquet of green leaves in a tiny ceramic vase.

Lily shook her head.


She stared up at the balding label representative.
He sat across from her in a chair crafted out of scrap metal.
Apparently he had something to do with Guns and Roses back in the 80's.
But here, in 2006, he sat in a restaurant in Hollywood.
It was the kind of place where the paparazzi were chased off the sidewalk every half hour.
Where celebrities dine in secret in dimly lit corner booths.

And here he was, trying desperately to get the lead singers of My Chemical Romance and Saint Lily to take the label’s pet project on tour.

Lily stared at the neatly cut wedge of lemon floating serenely on a bed of ice cubes.

“How much longer until they get here?” she asked cooly...a bit impatiently.

He frowned, took a look at his diamond encrusted watch,
“They should have been here five minutes ago..” he replied with a frown.

He was beginning to sweat,
“I’ll give them a call..” he mumbled, digging into his denim jeans for his cellphone.

As he pulled out his Motorola, loud voices pierced the hush-hush atmosphere.
It was like a small boulder being thrown into a lake, disturbing all the fish below the surface.

There was a commotion at the hostess podium.

He stood up in his seat, his diamond stud earring sparkling in the light,
“Leo, they’re with me ” he called, a bit of panic in his voice.

Gerard sighed,

“Fuck.”

Neither Gerard or Lily looked behind them at the group of people.
The truth was...they didn’t want to.
They wanted to prolong the event for as long as possible.
Because both of them knew they wouldn’t like what they saw.

A nervous laugh and a blur of voices brought them to attention,
“Gerard, Lily,” he began, “I would like you to meet the newest edition to the Reprise family,
‘Morwenna Blessed’.”

Next to him was a group of people, all appropriately dressed in casual clothes...band shirts and ripped jeans.
They all looked very disconnected.
Very awkward.

Lily could hear Gerard repeating their name under his breath.

“Hi.” Lily replied,
“Nice to meet you.”

They gave a collective mumble.

Gerard gave them a single wave.

“Why don’t you all take a seat...” the label representative, whose name Lily believed to be Bret, said as he looked around, “We’re just waiting on Tiffany.”

They all shuffled into their chairs, saving one empty seat.


Gerard took a sip of water,
“Whose Tiffany?” he asked, eyebrows raised, smirk on his face.

“Our lead singer.” a boy in a black beanie replied.

Gerard smiled,
“Of course.” he said, giving Lily a glance.

Lily exhaled.

Gerard crossed his arms.

The rest of the band was silent.

One of them asked for a menu.

And then...the anticipation was over.

“Ah,” Bret sighed, “There she is.”

Lily and Gerard looked up simultaneously to the girl standing in front of them.

She was bleach blond.
Her roots, a dark brown, were beginning to show.
Lily could spot the hair extensions spilling down her shoulders.
She was wearing a mini skirt, a t-shirt, and boots.

She pulled off a pair of large Chanel sunglasses with her neatly manicured pink nails, revealing
unnaturally blue eyes rimmed with eyeliner and fake lashes.

Her eyebrows were dark..

She was chewing gum.

She reached out her hand to Gerard, leaning across the table,
“Hey, I’m Tiff.” she said with a grin.

“Tiff.” Gerard replied with a smile, taking her hand,
“Gerard.”

“I know who you are ” she replied with a laugh.

Gerard laughed back.
But Lily could see, in his eyes, a glazed expression.

Tiffany turned her attention to Lily,
“Hey.” she said, giving her a wave.

“...Hey...” Lily replied politely, staring as she took a seat.

Gerard was still smiling.
“Tiffany..” Gerard began, fingers tapping the table top,
“Have I met you before, because you look...” he paused, tracing his finger tips across the table,
“Awful familiar.”
He finished, a soft smile on his face.

“Umm...” she replied, placing her purse on the side of her chair,
“Noooo, I don’t think so.”

Gerard nodded, a smirk on his face,
“Must’ve been someone else.” he replied with a shrug.

“SO,” Bret interjected,
“This is our next big thing.”

Tiffany laughed,
“Oh please ”

The rest of the band sat silent.

Lily frowned,
“So,” she began, “How long have you guys been together?” she asked, staring at each of the unresponsive members.

“About a year now.” Tiffany replied, her pink nails running through her bangs as she nodded.

Gerard sat silently, his eyes piercing her across the table.

A silence followed.

“Well...” Lily pushed, “How did you all meet?”

Tiffany looked up from her menu,
“In the studio.” she replied casually, scanning over the pages with a frown.

And everything seemed to fade off into a blur...as Gerard’s voice slithered across the table, sarcasm dripping from every word...like a dagger.
Like pain.

It took Lily a few moments to realize why Gerard insisted on being so incredibly passive aggressive.
She listened partially as he asked her about her songwriting, her past.

“So you DON’T write your own songs? I just wanted to clarify that.”


And this girl....
This girl across the table from her... was everything she used to be.
With her hair and her clothes...her contacts and pink nails.

She was her in her early 20s.
She was her just as the wind was sweeping her off her feet, bringing hopes and dreams with the promise of a record deal.

She remembered how her hands shook as they handed her that silver ball-point pen...the way she was screaming hysterically on the inside as she signed that contract.

And she had cried when they went out to dinner that night.

She was her as she stepped onto that tourbus for the first time.
She was her when she first heard her voice on the radio.

And she remembered the way it felt that day, her feet on that pavement....the moon up in that southern sky as she stared at the bright, plastic sign of that chain restaurant.
If she had known then what she knew now...she would’ve done everything in that moment to stop time.

But...she wasn’t her.

As much as Warner Bros tried...this girl across the table was NOT her.
No amount of bleach, blue contacts and personal stylists could make it so.

Because what this girl was missing
was fire.

Was the fire Lily had burning inside her all along.

It was there in back of that old club...with the rain and the gravel in her knees.
And it was there as she stood atop a speaker, arms outstretched as the crowd screamed.
And it was there when she cried the first time Gerard had broke her heart.

When her father had passed away.

And it was there now...as she realized it was over.

She stared up at Gerard.

His face wasn’t so bright anymore.

He was frowning....his eyebrows furrowed as he listened to this girl speak.

His eyes....

Lily took in a breath.

His eyes used to have LIFE.

He used to laugh.

He didn’t look so damn serious all the time.

She remembered the way he used to smile at her.

Oh god, it made her stomach twist even now.

And she remembered....the way he used to whisper...

His eyes caught hers.

He gave her a small, sad grin.

And in that moment...in that over priced restaurant with the mint leaves and the paparazzi outside...with the studio-produced band in front of her...

Lily realized


it was over.


Like when she was 6 years old, realizing that one day, her grandmother, her mother, EVERYONE would die.

And it was unfair and horrible and it made her feel sick but there was nothing she could do about it.
So she cried.

But now...in the dim lighting...her past was playing slowly in her mind.
The lights were out...and her life was projected on a screen before her eyes.
There was no sound.
Only images.
Only old home movies...crackling.

She stared up at Gerard, one last time.

There was a line on his face that hadnt been there two or three years ago.
Right under his eye.

And it occured to her...as she remembered the way he used to chase her through rows of tour buses in the warm, summer air, her laugh bouncing off the metal walls and fading into the mountains...

It would never
happen again.

There would never be another Gerard.
There would never be another man that could ever break her heart the way he did.
There would never be anyone else that could make her feel like she was filled with a million butterflies...a million happy thoughts ready to take her off in flight.
And there would never be anyone with that smile.

The time that she had had could never be recreated by any producer.
They couldn’t capture those moments if they tried.
They could never capture that bittersweet innocence.
The hope.
The love and the friendship.
The regret.
The passion.
And the longing for something so much better.

They could never recreate Will or Adam, or even Ryan...
They could never make those 4 strangers in front of her fall in love in the most purest of bonds...like Saint Lily had.

No one could.

She cleared her throat, straightening up in her seat.

“Mint?” the waitress asked.

The girl nodded and gestured to her glass, continuing to speak about growing up in the suburbs.

Gerard stared at her blankly.

The band members ate silently.

Warner Bros could never recreate Saint Lily...
But maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.

Maybe that was the way it should be.

Gerard exhaled loudly, pulling a cigarette from his pocket, tapping his fingers against the table.

The door opened behind them.

Footsteps came closer as the memories started to fade...

Tiffany stopped speaking abruptly.

The footsteps stopped.

Bert slid into the booth next to Lily,

“Hey," he said, grabbing her hand and kissing her on the cheek,
"sorry I’m late.”