FicWad

A/N: Okay, okay, so I know this is starting to get a little old. I promise that the next Keefe O'Kane oneshot will have nothing to do with Jessie. Well...actually...I can't really promise that, but whatever!

Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to "Can't Take It"

Song Used: The All-American Rejects' "Can't Take It"

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Fifty-One: Can't Take It
Puppet: Keefe O'Kane

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You speak to me,
I know this will be temporary,
You ask to leave,
But I can tell you that...

Hunger makes a guy do stupid things.

Take a starving thief, for instance. They were willing to risk their freedom (which I think some people valued more than their lives), their lives, and, depending on what they believed, even their souls for just a little morsel of food. It made sense to me, willing to do anything to keep one's life force up; that was human nature, after all. Survival instincts.

But I still thought it was retarded.

Especially when someone gave in to a different sort of hunger. Instead of the hunger of the stomach, the body, which a regular kid like me didn't experience as often as others, I gave in to the hunger of the heart, the soul; passion.

Which was also natural, and also retarded.

But it was so hard, impossible, even, to resist her. That soft, smooth skin felt so good against my hands and her fingers were both soothing and exciting, dug deep into my tight curls. Her body pressed close to mine made me feel as if maybe we were a single entity, one heart racing instead of two trying to outrun the other. Two pairs of lips, both starving and eager to drink up the taste of the other, worked against each other, sighs and moans of hungry lovers slipping through them.

And then it was interrupted by the sharp, annoying twitter of a cell phone.

She pulled away from me, out of my arms, away from my body. I growled irritably and went after her, clumsily kissing her cheek. “Leave it,” I whispered desperately, “please...”

She turned away from me, ignoring what I had to say. “I can't,” she murmured back, “it might be important.”

I curled my lip into an animal-like snarl of disdain, but didn't resort to primal ways of getting what I wanted. I crossed my arms and stared after her, wondering angrily what could be so important that she would refuse my kisses.

So absorbed was I in the process of slowing my heartbeat down and wiping the sweat from my brow that I didn't even hear what she was saying to the person on the other line. All I knew was that when she came back, her eyes were wide. “I have to go,” she whispered hoarsely, standing up on her tip toes and pecking my cheek, “I'm sorry.”

I didn't like it, but I nodded. “Okay,” I said, kissing her harder than I probably should've, “I love you.”

I sensed a lie, but ignored it. It was only temporary. There was always tomorrow.

I've had enough,
I can't take it,
This welcome is gone,
And I've waited long enough,
To make it,
And if you're so strong,
You might as well just do it alone,
And I want you gone...

“She just left?”

I nodded in response to my brother's question. When I'd arrived home late and he was sitting right there on the couch waiting for me, I knew I was in trouble. He'd asked me what had happened, and I really wasn't capable of telling lies.

Of course, I didn't have to tell him the whole story; that wouldn't really be a lie. I left out the part about how we had been sucking each other's face off.

“Because of a phone call?” But as always with Mac, he wasn't really the brightest light bulb out there and had to ask a bunch of dumb questions.

That was the one reason why I didn't really like talking to my twin. But then again, I didn't have much choice. I did live with him, after all, and I was going to have to answer all these questions sooner or later. “Yeah,” I answered, looking up at the ceiling as if it would answer my questions, “that's what I was thinking, too.”

“Do you realize how bad a sign that is?”

I blinked and sat up from my place on my bed. Truth be told, I hadn't realized how bad of a sign it was. All I had figured was that maybe her parents had called and she had to leave. But now that I thought about it, I realized I'd been so caught up in the heat of the moment that I hadn't asked who it was, or why they'd called, or why she needed to leave so suddenly.

“No,” I admitted softly, scratching the back of my neck, “no, I didn't.”

“Really?” Mac too, sat up from across the room (for we did share one still, even though most thought we'd outgrown that stage), “that's a first.”

I shot him a look but didn't say anything right away. “What do you mean, exactly?” I asked, not entirely sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

“Mean by what? That it's a bad sign?” yeah, he definitely wasn't the smartest kid out there, “I mean that maybe she's got another...interest?”

That certainly got my attention. I stiffened, blood pulsing with a strange fire, at the very thought of her running off to go meet with some other boy. I would never do anything like that to her. She couldn't do it to me, could she? Could it really be that there was another guy out there who was enjoying my Jessie Rusher?

Step up to me,
I know that you've got something buried,
I'll set you free,
You set conditions but...

That night was only the first one.

Three times the same thing general thing happened. She didn't always get a call; sometimes, she would just ask to leave. It would always be around the same time, no matter what we were doing or where we were. I let her go, of course, because I wanted desperately to believe that this wasn't really happening to me. Maybe she just had a new curfew.

But why wouldn't she just say so, then?

She couldn't be doing this to me. She couldn't be lying to me. She couldn't be cheating on me. That wouldn't be fair. Couldn't she see that I was a hopeless fool for her? Couldn't she see that I would die as soon as kiss another girl the way I kissed her?

It was ironic, really; I'd always prided myself in being a truth seeker, and now that I had the learn to face up to it, I wouldn't. How could I? I loved Jessie. I trusted her. To think that she'd chosen to betray that love, that trust...

It hurt.

But the only thing that held my heart together was the thought that maybe that wasn't what she was doing, the fragile hope that she would stop and things would go back to normal. It was the soul reason why I hadn't asked about it yet.

And the reason why I kept letting her go.

But right now, I would just enjoy my time spent with her as much as I possibly could.

“Keefe?” She said my name in that tone that made me shiver; she wanted something, just as she almost always did.

“Yeah, love?” I answered, almost choking on the sweet term of endearment that was starting to mean less and less. The two of us had been sitting in a coffee shop, sipping at warm drinks and only half enjoying the other's company.

“I've been meaning to talk to you about something,” she said slowly, but not hesitantly, “I hope you're not gonna be too mad.”

I tried to make it look like I wasn't really all that interested, but in reality I felt my ears prick the way I'd seen a curious dog's did. “'Course I won't.” I murmured, more to my coffee then to the girl across from me, knowing it was a lie.

“My parents set a new curfew,” she explained, even though her voice quivered oddly, “that's why I've been leaving at weird times.”

I've had enough,
I can't take it,
This welcome is gone,
And I've waited long enough,
To make it,
And if you're so strong,
You might as well just do it alone,
And I want you gone...

And like a fool I believed her.

When I found out that she really was cheating on me, I was heartbroken.

I'd given her everything I could. I'd respected her; even though it came close several times, that part of me I wasn't to understand until later remained a mystery. Her, I wasn't quite so sure about. I'd loved her; I meant it when I told her so, even if she hadn't. I'd cared for her; even now that she'd put a bullet through my chest and I didn't want to see her ever again, I still needed to know that she was all right.

I knew that I was just a teenager and that wasn't really much, but who was she to decide that she, also young, deserved more than that? It wasn't as if the little harlot had given me the same devotion; she'd been lying when she told me she loved me. She didn't care for me; she'd nearly killed me.

When I found her waiting for me out in my lawn that day, it had been all I could to not break her pretty little face. Of course, I'd been Keefe O'Kane; the calm, quiet boy who never seemed to take much interest in anything.

But I'd turned her away. She'd worn out her welcome. She'd made me wait for too long. She'd hurt me far too much.

Come back home,
Won't you come back home,
You step in line you've got a lot to prove,
It comes and goes,
Yeah it comes and goes,
A step in time yeah it's a lot to move,
Know this will temporary,
I know this will be temporary,
I know this will be but...

It was hard to say goodbye. Harder than anything I'd ever imagined. She'd had me so close, her arms around my neck and heart beating so close to my own, and I'd almost given into the hunger again. I'd come so close to kissing her, my lips hovering just centimeters from hers, my heart screaming at me to let go and love again.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't do it. My mind wouldn't allow me to. It was only temporary, after all. Who was to say that she wouldn't abandon me again?

I've had enough,
I can't take it,
This welcome is gone,
And I've waited long enough,
To make it,
And if you're so strong,
You might as well just do it alone,
And I want you gone...

She begged me to take her back. Asked me to forget the hurt she'd caused me. Tempted me with those big, pleading dark eyes and pretty smile. I'd come so close to giving in. I'd almost let my mind slip away into the stupid blindness of love. I'd been so Goddamned eager to let her lead me back toward that road of hurt.

But I said no.

I did myself a favor and said no.

I was smart enough to ignore the discontented growling of my hungry heart and listen to the more sensible advice of my mind, unlike I had been before. Don't trust her, I'd told myself, she lied to you once, took advantage of you, made you feel so sick you could hardly stand; she can do it again. Don't let her. Don't trust her, don't trust her, don't trust her...

So loud, so commanding had the murmuring of my own head that it had been impossible to ignore it. My hands had shot to my sides on their own accord, but I couldn't find the strength yet to pull entirely away from her. “I can't,” I murmured softly to her, hoping she could understand that and not come around again, “I just can't.”

Tears trickled down her face, but for some reason my eyes remained dry as the desert sand, unmoved by her facade. Who was to say that she wasn't lying now, as she'd lied before? I could never trust her. “Please, Keefe,” she begged, tilting her head upward and brushing her lips against my cheek despite all my efforts, “I still love you.”

With a hiss of displeasure I drew back, fully out of range. With a hardened heart I crossed my arms across my chest, refusing her the way a stone refuses to let water slip inside. “You should've thought of that before you went off with him!”

“Leave,” I commanded, only this time she obeyed, “don't come back.”

I watched her go, feeling hollow, but my hunger for revenge satisfied.

I can't take it,
This welcome is gone,
And I've waited long enough,
To make it,
And if you're so strong,
You might as well just do it alone,
And I'll watch you go.

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A/N: I know this one is really similar to "One More Sad Song," but if you really hate it that much you can think of this one as the re-done version of it, 'cause I think it knocks the message home way better.