FicWad

For the last 45 minutes tears had been falling down Gerard’s face smudging his eyeliner and making the skin around his eyes have a blotchy appearance. But now the tears had run out and he was left feeling detached and remote from any overruling feeling. The same lurid thought stuck in his head ‘she’s dead and it’s entirely my fault, I wasn’t there for her…I was away too fuckin’ long. She died alone because of me, all because of me’
He had only an hour ago woken up and gone up into the kitchen to be told by his mother that his Grandmother had died. His Mom had gotten up from the kitchen table and hugged her eyes becoming glossy with tears. Gerard stood there paralysed to the spot, hardly blinking. His brain struggling to process what had just been said to him. He quietly replied ‘oh’ and nothing more then turned to go back into his room where he could pour out the tears that were just beginning to well up.

He sat for a few more minutes before total anxiety and anger over- took him. It made him want to rip at his flesh, it made him gasp for air. He felt the urge to escape. Grabbing his sweater he ran upstairs and through the house and out of the door. His ears refused to let his parent’s worried questions on ‘where he was going’ pass them. It was like his mind was on autopilot being driven by grief. Then almost automatically he began to run, adrenaline making him sprint faster and faster until he was in the woods. He got far into the thicket before he stopped. Breathing hard Gerard became increasingly frustrated that he had not been able to outrun his angst. He kicked and punched at the nearest tree until his hands became bloody and scraped almost to the bone and the pain rushing to his feet made him collapse onto the wet dewy grass.
He knelt there sobbing uncontrollably for what seemed like hours. Yet something made him look up. Not something he saw, but felt. He didn’t feel alone. He was abruptly drawn to a presence that lingered near him. A woman was watching him with concern. Something about this woman made Gerard get up and approach her.
As he got closer to where she was standing, which Gerard noticed was by a stream he saw that she was beautiful. She had milky white skin like porcelain that was flecked with freckles. Her hair was wavy and red, yet her eyes were the most alluring of all. They were almost violet in colour with large pupils that gave Gerard the impression that she could see right through him. She appeared timeless, her face was unlined, and no hint of age marked it. She wore a cream coloured silk dress with pink flowers embroidered into it. Her lips were full and red with upturned corners that made her appear that she was smiling softly.

‘You lost someone didn’t you?’ She asked in a calm and breathy voice.
Gerard looked at her in amazement how could she tell? He began to feel a little embarrassed at the though that she had been watching him take his anger out on a tree. Gerard nodded to her question ‘How did you know?’
‘I knew her, I saw her die’
Inside anger began to rise inside of him. Was this a sick joke he thought? No. Impossible why someone would do that? Besides he had never met her, well at least he thought he hadn’t.
‘Who the fuck are you?’ He almost screamed at her, the pain of his Grandmother’s death seemed to come back and taunt him.
‘My name’s Rosie’
Gerard was about to tell her his name until she quickly took the words out of his mouth.
‘Your name’s Gerard’
Gerard looked around him wondering if there was someone lurking in the trees that was directing her and telling her what to say. Again, like before he cast the thought rapidly out of his mind, deeming it ridiculous.
‘Don’t be unsure of me Gerard. I’m a friend of your family I’m here to help you. I’m your guardian angel’
Gerard frowned at her, was she trying to take the piss?
‘Why are you doing this to me, who the fuck are you? This time he really did shout at her.
‘I told you my name. I’m here to help you. You’re in pain.’
Gerard rolled his eyes then glared back at her in disgust ‘Fuck off’ he hissed at her. He turned to go half bemused and irritated at the ‘angel’ that stood before him.
‘It wasn’t you’re fault Gerard. She was happy you were living your dream by touring. She wasn’t angry and she wasn’t alone when she died. I was there. She wasn’t in pain.’
Gerard hung his head, he sighed deeply and turned back to face her yet she was gone.
On the way home Gerard questioned everything bad that had ever happened to him and why she hadn’t turned up then ‘why now?’ he whispered to himself as he walked down his street. But then he remembered he had seen her before….