Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > First Date
The Lost Night
4 reviewsIt's the evening of Izzy and Slash's "marriage" but, as usual, not all is going to plan.
1TrainWreck
Night has fallen over the park and, despite the suit I’m wearing and the humid air, I shiver. I stand beside Duff, my hands clasped against my black linen pants. I’m not used to wearing this. I’m used to wearing ripped jeans and a band t-shirts, a top hat sometimes shoved down over my eyes. But not tonight. Tonight I wear a crisp linen suit, my hair, for once, tied back behind my head.
Desperately trying not to be nervous, I look around myself, taking in the clearing we’re standing in. It took us a while to get here, several hours of hot, dusty traffic. I was the one fidgeting in the back, while Izzy, Mr. Cool, sat up front. To him, this is going to be the end of our problems. It’s going to show whatever’s left of Axl that we’re serious. Not that it’ll work of course.
Trees with branches so laden with leaves and blossoms that they brush the ground. In amid the heavy greenery are a few cherry blossoms, flowers which Izzy told me signify love and life. The thought makes me smile a little, the nerves dissipating a little as I think back to that moment when his fingers held mine, eyes glazed as he recounted the tiny details of Japanese lore. Four big church candles, marking the four points of the compass, flicker beneath the low hanging trees. Duff and I stand between the north and west points, waiting patiently for Izzy. The blonde has lost his long trench coat, instead replacing it with long, ceremonial garb. The long dress-like garment that I know hides a pair of ripped jeans. He showed me, if only to take my mind of the enormity of what was about to happen.
~~~~
I sit on the hood of Duff’s car, smoking a cigarette. It may as well be my final cigarette. It will be as quiet, sensible Jeff Isbelle. In a few moments, I’ll take my final walk towards that clearing and marry Slash. Although I’m not sure if marry is the right word, seeing as our union won’t be legally recognised. Joined I suppose is a better word. I should be happy and, deep down, I suppose I am. Axl’s finally gone, leaving us free to do what we want. But do I want to spend my days with Slash? Do I want to wake up every day and realise that I’m going to have to sort out whatever shit he’s gotten himself in to? Or do I just want to be alone, like I’ve always been. Because that’s what I was when Bill was bored of me. When I became a plaything to him, he only wanted to see me when he needed someone to suck him off. Or someone for him to use as a punchbag.
And that’s why I’m scared. Even though he’s nothing like Bill, I can’t help but wonder if Slash will turn around one day and suddenly become him. I love Slash, really I do. We’ve been through so much together and he’s been there every step of the way.
But I can’t help thinking that I’m still in love with Bill. Or what was Bill before he turned into Axl.
Crushing out the cigarette, I sigh and get to my feet. I need to do this. I have to do this. Slowly, methodically, I brush down the white linen pants that I wear before carefully readjusting the flowers that are woven into my hair. Anything to delay the inevitable.
When it’s all done, and I think I look presentable, I step into the trees and towards Slash and Duff, a candle grasped in my hands to light my path into my next life.
~~~~
An elbow nudges me in the ribs and I look up. There, walking through the trunks of the trees is an angel in white. Pale face illuminated by a tiny, flicking flame and dark hair swept up to support a beautiful array of flowers, Izzy slowly walks towards us, a tiny smile on his lips. My heart flutters as I look at him and I feel myself begin to tear up. I want to run to him, want to pick him up and cradle him in my arms but a hand at my elbow stops me. Turning, I look at Duff, taking in his smile and tiny shake of his head. Returning his smile, I turn back and look to Izzy.
Who’s stopped. Stopped several feet away. His face has fallen, skin turning ashen as the candle slips from his fingers and to the ground, wax splattering. I watch, horrified and with a stumbling heart, as he shakes his head, mouth opening and closing as he hunts out the words he needs.
One word is all he needs.
“Sorry.”
Before he turns and runs into the trees. I can’t speak, all I can do is reach out, a cry caught in my throat as my beautiful prince disappears into the shadows.
And then I’m running, feet pounding the earth as I take chase after him, determined to catch him. Determined to find out exactly what’s caused this change of heart.
Desperately trying not to be nervous, I look around myself, taking in the clearing we’re standing in. It took us a while to get here, several hours of hot, dusty traffic. I was the one fidgeting in the back, while Izzy, Mr. Cool, sat up front. To him, this is going to be the end of our problems. It’s going to show whatever’s left of Axl that we’re serious. Not that it’ll work of course.
Trees with branches so laden with leaves and blossoms that they brush the ground. In amid the heavy greenery are a few cherry blossoms, flowers which Izzy told me signify love and life. The thought makes me smile a little, the nerves dissipating a little as I think back to that moment when his fingers held mine, eyes glazed as he recounted the tiny details of Japanese lore. Four big church candles, marking the four points of the compass, flicker beneath the low hanging trees. Duff and I stand between the north and west points, waiting patiently for Izzy. The blonde has lost his long trench coat, instead replacing it with long, ceremonial garb. The long dress-like garment that I know hides a pair of ripped jeans. He showed me, if only to take my mind of the enormity of what was about to happen.
~~~~
I sit on the hood of Duff’s car, smoking a cigarette. It may as well be my final cigarette. It will be as quiet, sensible Jeff Isbelle. In a few moments, I’ll take my final walk towards that clearing and marry Slash. Although I’m not sure if marry is the right word, seeing as our union won’t be legally recognised. Joined I suppose is a better word. I should be happy and, deep down, I suppose I am. Axl’s finally gone, leaving us free to do what we want. But do I want to spend my days with Slash? Do I want to wake up every day and realise that I’m going to have to sort out whatever shit he’s gotten himself in to? Or do I just want to be alone, like I’ve always been. Because that’s what I was when Bill was bored of me. When I became a plaything to him, he only wanted to see me when he needed someone to suck him off. Or someone for him to use as a punchbag.
And that’s why I’m scared. Even though he’s nothing like Bill, I can’t help but wonder if Slash will turn around one day and suddenly become him. I love Slash, really I do. We’ve been through so much together and he’s been there every step of the way.
But I can’t help thinking that I’m still in love with Bill. Or what was Bill before he turned into Axl.
Crushing out the cigarette, I sigh and get to my feet. I need to do this. I have to do this. Slowly, methodically, I brush down the white linen pants that I wear before carefully readjusting the flowers that are woven into my hair. Anything to delay the inevitable.
When it’s all done, and I think I look presentable, I step into the trees and towards Slash and Duff, a candle grasped in my hands to light my path into my next life.
~~~~
An elbow nudges me in the ribs and I look up. There, walking through the trunks of the trees is an angel in white. Pale face illuminated by a tiny, flicking flame and dark hair swept up to support a beautiful array of flowers, Izzy slowly walks towards us, a tiny smile on his lips. My heart flutters as I look at him and I feel myself begin to tear up. I want to run to him, want to pick him up and cradle him in my arms but a hand at my elbow stops me. Turning, I look at Duff, taking in his smile and tiny shake of his head. Returning his smile, I turn back and look to Izzy.
Who’s stopped. Stopped several feet away. His face has fallen, skin turning ashen as the candle slips from his fingers and to the ground, wax splattering. I watch, horrified and with a stumbling heart, as he shakes his head, mouth opening and closing as he hunts out the words he needs.
One word is all he needs.
“Sorry.”
Before he turns and runs into the trees. I can’t speak, all I can do is reach out, a cry caught in my throat as my beautiful prince disappears into the shadows.
And then I’m running, feet pounding the earth as I take chase after him, determined to catch him. Determined to find out exactly what’s caused this change of heart.
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