FicWad

Happy 2009 everyone! Be happy!

The trees become more dense and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. It's here! I know it's here somewhere! I've gotta get to the car! Gotta get out before Slash gets to me!

Weaving in and out of shadows and trunks, I search and hunt, desperately trying to find the dirty shell of a car. But it's nowhere! It's as if it's disappeared into thin air. Behind me, in the darkness, I can hear feet cracking twigs and rustling leaves. I can hear Slash's voice calling my name, a desperate plea for me to stop. But I can't. I have to keep going. Have to get out. Have to leave him before anymore ill fate befalls him. He deserves better. He doesn't deserve anything that's happened over the course of our relationship.

You'll be happy, won't you Slash? You'll move on. You'll find someone new, someone to take my place. Someone to mend your broken heart. I know you will. Because I wasn't the first in your life. And I know I won't be the last.

But no matter how hard I mentally plead with him, I can still hear him. Still hear his voice crying my name. Can still hear the heartbreak and pain that twinges it.

~~~~

There! Like a ghost, I can see him running through the trees, turning this way and that, trying to outrun me. I can hear him panting, body about to give up like the fox that's been chased to his death. I have to get to him! Have to find out what's caused this!

"IZZY!" I cry, my voice cracking in my throat. "IZZY! PLEASE!"

But he doesn't listen, just keeps running, keeps stretching those long legs into the ever enveloping darkness.

I can hear my breath come in ragged pants, can feel the dryness breaking through my throat, can feel it taking over my body. But I need him, need to talk to him. I push harder, feeling my whole body scream with the agony of running. Gaining on him, I stretch my hand out, watching as it brushes over his elbow. He screams, flinching away like he's been scalded, panicked eyes looking over his shoulder at me. He shakes his head, hair whipping across his face as he pleads with me to leave him. But I won't. I'll never leave him. Never leave his side.

A scream tears through the air as Izzy stumbles, foot caught in a rogue tree root. He sprawls to the floor, hands grasping at the earth as he tries to pull himself upright. But he can't; foot maimed and damaged. Shaking with pain and emotion, I fall to my knees and crawl up to him, looking into the fear darkened eyes.

"Izzy," I whisper. "Izzy, what's wrong?"

~~~~

He reaches to brush the hair from my eyes but I pull away.

Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me again!

I can't bear to see the hurt in his eyes so I avert my own towards the grass.

"I'm s-sorry," I manage to stutter, shaking as his hand finds my hair and begins to stroke. "I'm s-sorry. I can't d-do this. I-I can't m-marry you."

I hear his breath hitch, hear the sniffles. I can almost see the tears in his eyes.

"Why?" he quietly asks, still gently petting.

The least he deserves is the truth. Deserves to know why I can never be the one to stand by his side forever.

"B-Because." I quietly begin. "B-Because I can never let go. Can never let go of Bill."

Sighing, I look up, catching the glazed blackness of his eyes. He bites his lip yet he never stops his gentle touches. Slowly he nods, never taking his eyes from mine.

"He was your first love." Slash shrugs and I watch as his Adam's apple bobs, holding back the sobs. "I-I knew I was a-always gonna play s-second f-fiddle to him." He smiles weakly and shuffles a little closer. "I-I've come to a-accept that. A-Accept that I'll never be a replacement for him." Dark eyes look down to the ground and he shakes his head. "I wanna be with you Izz. Wanna be married to you. But." A long sigh lingers from his lips. "But if you don't want it then I'll have to accept that too."

His eyes turn to mine and I can feel tears on my cheeks, burning against my cool skin. I know that he loves me but I can't do this to him. Can't let him carry on believing that he'll be the number one person in my life. Slash shakes and brings a hand up to brush my tears away.

"I don't care," he quietly continues, shivering as I return the gesture. "I want to be with you Izz. Want to see the end of time with you. I don't care that you still carry a flame for him."

My heart twists inside of my chest. If we go through with tonight, they'll be no turning back. Whatever strange ritual Duff has prepared will join us together. Forever. Even if we do part in a few years, or even days, then our souls will still be joined and we'll still find our way back to each other. Through hate and heartbreak, our hearts and minds will unconsciously seek the other.

Biting my lip, I look up at him and whisper, "Are you sure? Absolutely sure?"

He pauses, throat moving as he carries on trying to choke back the tears. Then he nods. Sighing, I close my eyes, fingers moving down to take his hand. Gently I squeeze his fingers, heart pounding with fear and anticipation.

"You realise what this will mean, don't you?" I ask.

Again, I get the slow, languid nod. I sigh and stand, shaking as I do. Pain stabs through my foot and I cringe, wanting it to go away. But that will have to be dealt with later. Helping Slash to his feet, I walk back towards the clearing.

~~~~

I always knew it. Always knew I'd be playing second best to Axl. But what could I expect, right? They'd known each other since childhood. Bonds like that don't just break over night, no matter how much Izzy wanted them to. That bond will cross oceans of time and space to be reconnected. Even in death, even in the bowels of Hell, I know that Axl will be searching for a way out, a way to reclaim Izzy as his own.

Stepping into the clearing, I stoop to retrieve the candle fumbling for a lighter as I do. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Duff walk towards me, a lit candle in his hand. He smiles warmly, taking the one from my hand and lighting it, graciously holding it out to Izzy. I can only smile weakly as my hand is taken and I'm lead back to where I'd previously stood. With my heart aching, I look up, watching as Izzy slowly walks back towards me, the candle once more clasped before him. Tears begin to form in my eyes, different emotions flooding through my system. My knees begin to give way, turning to water beneath me. Yet a soothing hand holds me upright, supports me as Izzy stops by my side. The weak smile stays on my lips as I turn to Duff.

The blonde smiles at us, as if, deep down, he knew this was going to happen. Knew that once more, something would test us and drag us apart before throwing us back together. His eyes are soft and warm and, quietly, he begins:

"Izzy. Slash. Are you both ready?" A fevered nod from me, a tiny one from Izzy. He gestures upwards. "Tonight, beneath the light of the full moon and in the eyes of a hundred different spirits, you two shall be joined. Not just as partners in the flesh, but also as soul mates. Tonight, you each shall exchange a part of something that cannot be seen, cannot be felt but which lives deep within both of you." It's strange, hearing him talk like this. His normal speaking voice is much more. normal. More sufer dude than high priest. But it's oddly comforting.

Duff steps forward and takes the candle from Izzy, carefully placing it on the ground. His hands, strong, yet gentle, take ours and join them, encouraging us to entwine our fingers together. I hold onto Izzy's hand, smiling weakly as I look at him. His lips curve, slowly returning the smile before he turns his attention back to Duff.

"Saul Hudson," Duff began. "Also blessed by the spirits with the name Slash, do you promise to stand by Jeffrey's side for the rest of your days?" Slowly I nod. Slowly, he continues, eyes always on me, "Do you promise to protect, respect and love him?"

Again I nod, managing to whisper, "Yes." I can feel myself choking up, feel my heart swelling with warmth and I turn my eyes to Izzy as Duff focuses his attention on him.

"Jeffrey Dean Isbell," he says quietly. "Also blessed by the spirits with the name Izzy Stradlin, do you promise to stand by Saul's side for the rest of your days?" I feel tears prick my eyes as Izzy nods, my fingers tightening around his. "Do you promise to protect, respect and love him?"

There's another small nod and Duff smiles as he reaches to a hastily prepared altar behind him. Wreathes of linked and knotted white flowers are gently placed on our heads. A cool green leaf falls into my eyes and I gently blow, watching, slightly irritated, as it trembles out of the way.

"Rings?" Duff quietly asks, hazel eyes wide with anticipation.

Beside me, Izzy fumbles in his pocket, quietly cursing as he hunts around. I smile and cock my as I listen to the voice softly speaking.

"Stop cursing," I whisper. "You'll ruin the mood."

Dark eyes snap to mine from beneath a fringe of dark hair, glaring for a moment before relaxing. Izzy offered his hand to Duff, two gold rings lying in his palm. I smile as I look between them and him, a wonderful warmth flowing through me. Yet the warmth doesn't last long, quickly draining away.

"Are they...?" my voice trails off as I stare at Izzy.

Face set, my not-quite-husband nods.

"Yeah," he replies. "What about them?"

The smile fades from my lips, the painfully hot emotion I was feeling quickly following as I gaze at the two gold rings. Axl's parting gift to us.

"We can't use them. They're..."

I can almost feel Izzy's eyes boring into me. "They're what?"

"Tainted." I lick my rapidly drying lips.

Izzy sighs one of his famous sighs of frustration and I know that his body has slumped. I fon't even have to look at him.

"They're rings, Slash. Two plain gold rings that are supposed to symbolise our never-ending love for each other. That's it. Now, do you want to carry on or shall I just leave you right here?"

I look at the floor, ashamed at pulling Izzy up on something so trivial. Uneasily I look up at him, taking in an expression that's on frustrated anger. I can't let him down again. Not now that we've come this far. I flick my eyes to Duff, looking for some reassurance. Instead the blonde smiles and shrugs.

"Your call," he says.

~~~~

The rings feel hot in my hand but that's from them being in my pocket. It's not because they're from /him/. Surely it can't be because of that. I turn Duff, trying not to be angered by Slash's attitude. He knows that Axl will never truly be gone from our lives. Not while he's with me anyway. Taking the rings from me, Duff holds them in his hand, eyes closed as he quietly says something over them. A blessing I assume as I can't make out what he's saying, nor the language he's using.

Finally, the warm gaze turns back to us and he motions to Slash. I smile weakly as my lover, my soon to be husband, turns to me, a nervous smile on his pout lips.

His tongue flicks out, stalling for time before he quietly begins, "With this ring, I take you, Jeffrey Dean Isbell, as I find you. I accept everything about you; your body, your soul, your mind and all that brings with you. I give you this ring as a small token of my love for you, a never-ending band that symbolises the never dying love for you that lives within me. I want you to take me; my body, my soul and my mind, to be with you forever, no matter what may come."

A lump forms in my throat as Slash slowly slides the ring onto my finger. I look deep into his eyes, barriers falling as I mouth /I love you/. Barriers and walls are falling, crumbling away. Whatever was wrapped around my heart loosens and I feel my body swelling with love and pride for Slash. And only Slash.

Was this... ? Is this...? Is this Axl's gift to us? His way of telling us to move on without him? Surely not. It wouldn't be that easy. After all of this, even in death, he wouldn't let go so easily. And he knew that I wouldn't give up on him so easily either.

Yet why is my body filled with a new hope, love and respect for the man standing before me? Tears spring to my eyes and I tremble as I take Slash's hand in mine, looking up into the dark eyes that have never stopped watching me. Never stopped looking after me, even after I ran away with Axl. Even after he followed us and raped Slash. He's never wavered, never run, always been the rock in my life. Maybe this is what Axl had been leading to? Had he known this would happen? Had he planned it to happen? My heart skips. But how?

Nervously, I stroke Slash's long fingers before I finally manage to speak.

"With this ring, I take you, Saul Hudson, as I find you. I accept everything about you; your body, your soul, your mind and all that brings with you. I give you this ring as a small token of my love for you, a never-ending band that symbolises the never dying love for you that lives within me. I want you to take me; my body, my soul and my mind, to be with you forever, no matter what may come."

The ring eases onto his finger, a perfect fit and I gaze into his dark eyes. He mirrors me as he whispers that he loves me, tears on his smooth cheeks. Cupping his face, I run my thumbs over his cheeks, tenderly wiping away his tears.

"Don't cry..." I manage to croak, smiling weakly. "Because I'll cry too."

A hand rests on my shoulder and, through blurry eyes, I see Duff smiling at us. His face is filled with joy and happiness, eyes soft.

"It gives me great pleasure," he quietly says, "to tell you that, from this moment forth, you are joined together, not just in flesh but also in your hearts and souls. May you spend many happy years together, both here, and in other lives."

Stepping up to him, I bury my hands in his soft curls, pulling him close as I seal our lips together in a kiss that feels like the first time. Strong arms go around me, lifting me up and holding me close as we kiss.

For the first time in a long time, everything feels right. The stars are aligning for us and it's time for us to finally begin our life together.

Hopefully.