FicWad

Next thing I remember after being put on the stretcher was becoming extremely numb. I couldn't feel anything and my only conclusion was that I was dead because if I was alive, there's a lot of pain I should be feeling. Lance tried to murder me; literally. I knew I had a cut on my head, a broken arm, a broken leg, some broken limbs, and a lot of bruising. Not only could I feel those wounds but the paramedic told me about them. But I was so numb that I couldn't feel a thing and when I opened my eyes I saw nothing but vast amounts of white. Totally dead.

"Gerard?" I turned to see who uttered my name to find none other than Bert staring at me with a lopsided smile. "I can't believe it's you."

"Am I dead?" I asked with frustration. I mean, I was looking at my long dead ex boyfriend. I should have been able to answer my own question.

"Well you're talking to me and I'm pretty sure I'm dead..." Bert said with a smile and I felt my heart snap (ok so maybe I wasn't totally numb). He walked to me and put his arms around me, holding me tightly. The odd yet I guess good thing was that I had no interest in holding him back. I mean, I still have feelings for him, but the only person I wanted to hold was Frank now. "Nah, I'm just fucking with ya." Bert said in his jokingly annoying voice. I breathed relief then shoved him playfully.

"You really fucking scared me." I told him, letting the relief flood through me.

"Yeah I know." Bert said with laughter. "You should have seen your face."

"So what do I owe this pleasure?" I asked him, looking around only to see the never ending realm of white.

"I thought I would come keep you company." Bert replied as he calmed himself. "See how you've been since our last encounter."

"I thought you couldn't come see me anymore." I replied with confusion.

"I thought you were smarter than to walk to what was almost your death too." Bert said with a little harshness. "You're really fucking stupid sometimes." He told me with a bit of teasing in his voice. Bert is one of the most complex people I know. Well, knew. He could manage to get two completely opposite emotions into his voice; without showing either in his eyes or body. That's one of the things that attracted me to him.

"Yeah well he kept threatening to hurt Mikey." I mumbled to Bert, looking to the whiteness below our feet.

"You're a good brother Gee." Bert said in a soothing voice now, putting one hand on my shoulder. "But don't ever do that again. Go to someone. You almost got yourself killed."

"I'm pretty aware of that." I told him, throwing my arms to the side to indicate the fact that I was roaming around in a world of pure white; no start and no end. Plus, I'm talking to a dead person.

"What'd it feel like when you punched him in the balls though? I mean, I fucking doubled over with laughter." Bert said, starting to laugh a little again as he stared at me with curiosity.

"Amazing." I replied with a smile. "Though everything else hurt like a bitch."

"Yeah; I could hear him break your arm from up here." Bert said with a small smile still. He can't help himself; if he finds something remotely funny or amusing, he'll laugh. It's just how Bert is; was. God I have to remember that he's dead. Gone; finished; no more.

"Where is here?" I asked him. White is an obnoxious shade. I mean, it's bright and soulless; emotionless. It holds no point of interest and it's boring as can be.

"Heaven." Bert replied with a shrug.

"Um...there's no one else around..." I said a little hesitantly. Ok, Bert was a pretty fucked up person (another reason I fell for him) so there's no way he's the only person in Heaven. There have to be people a lot 'holier' then he was.

"Because you're still alive." Bert told me. "You can't see it." He stuck his arm around my shoulder now so he was standing next to me. "But it's there. I can see it; but then again I'm already dead."

"Then how come I can see you?" I asked him, trying to pull out of his grip but he held onto me.

"Because I'm your guardian angel." Bert replied with a wide smile.

"I thought you got those when you were born." I said with more confusion.

"You get a temporary angel. Your real angel is whoever loves you and would give their life to guard you; when they were still alive." Bert replied, letting go of me at last.

"Ok...then what happens when you die? I mean, what happens to your guardian angel?" I asked him. I was obviously stuck there for who knows how long so I might as well have been asking him about the life he now lives.

"They retire. You know, get to enjoy all of Heaven without having to watch their charge because their charge is either in Heaven accepting their new assignment or suffering in Hell." Bert smiled for who knows what reason. He always did that though. I used to tell him he was permanently high. "Any more questions?"

"Who's Frank's angel?" I asked and Bert stared at me as though he was carefully studying me.

"I can't release that kind of information." He finally replied. I figured I wouldn't know the person anyway so it didn't much matter to me. "That all?"

"When am I going back to reality and pain?"

"Whenever you want." Bert smiled again and shrugged.

"You mean I could have been back in my body this whole time?!" I kind of shouted angrily at him. Don't get me wrong; I loved to see him but it's was a dying passion. I was finally letting him go but it was as though he couldn't let me go.

"Yeah." Bert laughed a little more. "But you're like all bandaged and broken." He was still smiling.

"I'm glad you find it amusing!" I shot at him and his smile faded.

"Gee, you're mad." Bert told me, turning his head to the side slightly.

"No shit I'm mad!" I yelled. "Frank's probably freaking out right now. I'd rather be in a bunch of pain with him on earth then in Heaven with you!" Bert looked hurt now. I didn't care though because I was furious at him. I meant every word too.

"Y-you don't love me anymore?" Bert asked.

"You took your life. You took yourself from me." I told him a little coldly. "You obviously didn't care about my feelings because I was an absolute wreck after that night. Until just very recently, I haven't been able to get over that. Though everyone told me it wasn't my fault, I kept feeling in some small way that it was. I thought I didn't do a good enough job as your boyfriend. I thought that I upset you or let you down in some way."

"Gerard, I told you-"

"But then Frank came along. At first I refused to let him into my heart because I told myself that I would never love anyone again. Yet he kept trying to get in. And in his persistent trying, I realized that he actually loves me a lot. Frank is there for me when I need him. He told me that he would watch Mikey and that he wouldn't let my father hurt me anymore. What did you ever do?" So I was arguing with a dead person. That's not at all crazy.

"You wouldn't tell me things about your father!" Bert shot right back at me.

"I guess that's because I didn't trust you. I don't know why I didn't but I feel differently for Frank then I did you. I actually think I love him;" Bert's eyes filled with tears, "more."

"So you never loved me? It was all just a lie?" His voice was sharp and quite honestly not something I would expect from an angel.

"I guess I liked you because I tried my damndest to please you; to make sure you were ok and taken care of. And how did you repay me? You fucking killed yourself by overdosing!" I was really pissed off by this point and I didn't care if he cried. I finally understood why everyone was telling me to let go of him. He was keeping me locked inside myself. This, this felt really good. Telling him the truth; telling him off. I was finally letting go. "Don't try and feed me some bullshit about how you did it because you couldn't be with anyone else but me either! You did it because you were afraid to face reality. I always did everything for you; I always took care of you. Without me, you would have been nothing. So your only logical, at least you thought logical, option was to kill yourself."

"You wouldn't have waited for me anyway! You would have moved on as soon as I moved out!" Bert snapped.

"Did I move on after you killed yourself? You moved out alright! No; I wouldn't let myself get close to anyone! I kept telling myself that you died to be with me so I shouldn't be with anyone else to honor you! That did nothing but lock my emotions inside myself!" Bert suddenly grabbed my head and forced his lips to mine. "Bert!" I yelled furiously at him, shoving him back so he fell onto his butt. "Don't you ever fucking do that again! I don't love you." I hissed at him. "I love Frank."

"I know I told you to let me go but I didn't mean completely!" Bert was more hurt than mad but I didn't care. He forced himself on me. Any 'love' I might have had left for him was now gone.

"Well I have. You need to let me go now." I crossed my arms and stared at him. "I know that's the only reason I'm still here; the only reason you can still talk to me. If you're my guardian angel then thank you for everything you've done. But I want to return to my body now." He looked at me with watery eyes. "I want to return to Frank."

"F-fine." Bert mumbled and he shut his eyes. Next thing I knew, I was alone in the white world. Then I was suddenly over come with a wave of pain. I fell to the ground and gripped my sides. It was horrible. I could hardly breathe and my entire body felt like it was on fire. I couldn't open my eyes anymore and I completely fell over, unable to move. This lasted for a minute or two when I suddenly felt my body jerk and the pain subsided greatly.

"G-Gerard?" I heard a pained voice call to me. "Gerard, can you hear me?" After a moment I recognized the voice as Frank's. It was full of pain and regret. I assume he figured he could have helped me. I also assumed that I was going to get quite a lecture from many people. "G-guess not."

"Not if you're that quiet." I managed to find my voice and even smile as I opened my eyes.

"Gerard!" Frank's face instantly bore a smile and tears fell down his face. "I'd hug you but I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care." I whispered. "I want a hug." He hesitated but then put his arms around me gently. "You can do better than that." My voice was weak but at least I could speak. At least I could talk to him and let him know how much he means to me. Frank tightened his grip slightly, resting his went face on my chest. "That's the Frankie I love."

"I love you so much." Frank told me as he clung to me. "You're going to be ok." He said with joy then let go to face me again. Frank wiped his eyes of his tears and continued to smile a little at me. "I was so scared."

"I promised you I wouldn't leave you." I said quietly and Frank's smile grew. "Not even Lance can break that promise."

"I'm going to kill him." Frank said with bitterness now. "I'm going to kill him for trying to kill you."

"I agreed to it." I said with shame. "I agreed to fight him to the death."

"He shouldn't have fucking put you in that situation to begin with. I know that he threatened you with Mikey. That's why you asked me if I would protect Mikey. I also found your drawing." I felt nauseous because I could tell Frank was really upset, but it wasn't at me. It should have been towards me because I almost let myself get killed yet he was only happy and sweet towards me. If I wasn't in love with him, that would have done it.

"Does Mikey know?" I asked with a little fear.

"Yeah." Frank took my hand and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. "Your mom pulled him out of school and he's staying at your house now."

"H-how long have I been out?" I asked a little hesitantly. At least my voice was getting a bit stronger.

"Umm...week and a half or so." Frank replied with a frown. All I could think was that Heaven's time went a lot slower then earth. My argument with Bert was a bit extensive, but not a week and half long. An hour at most. "T-they kept saying you wouldn't ever wake up." Tears started to escape his beautiful eyes again. "That's part of why Mikey had to leave school."

"What did Mikey do?" I asked Frank, lifting my arm (which was a little shaky) and brushed my fingers on his face to collect his tears. Frank just smiled then pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed it. I smiled warmly at him because he knew I was pretty fucking weak. I mean, I could feel my head bandaged. I could see the cast on my arm as well as my leg which was propped up on some pillows.

"He just freaked out." Frank said quietly. "Stopped going to class and refused to leave his room."

"I-I need to talk to him." I told Frank weakly and he nodded, going to get off the bed. "No." I said, holding onto his hand as tightly as I could. "Not now. Now, I want you." Frank smiled even sweeter to me.

"You sure?" He asked as he lowered himself again. "I mean, he's your brother..."

"And you're my boyfriend." I told him and Frank's eyes illuminated with joy. "I love you as much as I love him. He'll be fine with my mom."

"When you get better, you have to go to court." Frank said with soft sorrow. "For your dad and for Lance."

"Don't care about that right now." I said, tugging on his arm a little until he ended up falling over onto the bed. He lay mostly on the bed but partially on me. I moved myself over a little to give him room and he tried to sit back up but I wouldn't let him. "I only care about you right now."

"I don't want to hurt you." Frank said, trying again to sit.

"You couldn't hurt me if you tried." I replied softly and Frank put his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and gentle but it seemed to take half the pain I felt away. I knew I made the perfect decision in letting Bert go. I was letting him go in exchange for Frank. And if you ask me, that's an unfair trade on God's part. Bert was nowhere near as valuable as Frank. I knew my heart was safe with him.

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A/N--- I know; last few chapters have had nothing to do with the video

I'll get better xD

xoxo Tabi

title comes from "Smother Me" by the USED. I love that song ^^