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I Will Never End Up Like Him, Behind My Back I Already Am…
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Chapter Forty One: I Will Never End Up Like Him, Behind My Back I Already Am…
Keep A Calendar, This Way You Will Always Know…
~Fall Out Boy
I woke up quickly to my phone loudly blaring ‘Ready Set Go’, Jessica’s ringtone and glared at the time. 3:30 a.m. I friggin told her about the time difference.
“Ugh…hello?”I sighed sleepily, feeling William snuggle closer to me.
“Sniffle Kelsi?”Jessica said.
“Jess? Are you crying?”I said, slowly sitting up so I wouldn’t wake William up.
“No…yes!”She said, crying.
“What’s wrong honey?”I said, getting up and going into the bathroom.
“Well…”
“Did Patrick propose to you?”I gasped.
“Not exactly.”
“Well…DID HE FUCKING CHEAT ON YOU? That asshole! I’ll kill him!”I said, glaring at the mirror.
“NO! Now, Kels, calm down.”
“Well, you were the one crying!”I defended myself.
I could almost hear her rolling her eyes. “Kelsi. I’m just gonna come right out and say it. I’m fucking pregnant.”
“That’s gre—what?”I said. Did I hear her right?
“I’m preggers. My eggo is preggo.”She sighed, quoting my alltime favorite movie ‘Juno’.
“Oh my God! I’m going to be an Aunt!”I said, smiling.
“Well…”
“You’re not gonna have an abortion, right?”I said.
“Well, no, but…I’m scared at what Patty will say.”She said.
I sunk onto the toilet lid.
“Well…I’m sure he’ll be happy…I mean, he was stoked when Pete and Ashlee had Leia…that’s all he could talk about, remember? How he wanted to have kids someday?”I said.
“Yeah, I know, but I don’t think he meant now…I mean, he’s a hot lead singer of a hot band and I don’t wanna screw that up with a baby right now. Kels, my parents don’t even know and they’ll probably kill me or cut off Patrick’s dick because we’re not married. GAH! We haven’t even TALKED about marriage.”She said, starting to cry again.
“Okay, okay, Jess…calm down sweetie. Geez, I wish we could’ve had this convo after my honeymoon.”I muttered.
“I’m sorry I’m ruining your honeymoon, but I’m freaking out. I’ve already gone through six boxes of tissues and have had morning sickness. I’ve been telling Patrick it’s just a nasty flu, but I don’t think he believes me.”
“Oi, it’s okay babushka.”I said, talking like Joe Troh’s Jewish grandmother.
That made her laugh a little bit. “Remember honeybee…Patrick loved you the time you threw up all over his shoes that Prince gave him for his birthday, he loved you when you got drunk and cussed out his ex girlfriend and he especially loved you when you didn’t cut off his junk when he was trying to convince me to come out of hibernation after my first breakup.”I said.
“I guess.”She said in a small voice.
“He’ll even love you when he finds out you’re having the next Fall Out Baby.”
She sighed.
“And, well, if he doesn’t…fuck him. I heard Trace Cyrus loves him some Jessica Newton.”I said.
She giggled.
“I hope you’re right.”She said.
“What? About Patrick loving you or Mr. Trace Cyrus?”
“The first one…and maybe the second one.”She said.
“Okay.”I said.
“Thanks Kelsi.”She said, blowing her nose.
“Hey, you’re welcome. Besides, what are friends slash sisters for?”I said.
She laughed. “Kisses and hugs.”
“Right back at ya’, ho.”I said.
She laughed. “Bye.”
“Bye.”I said, making a loud kissy sound before hanging up.
I sighed, got up and went back into the room, crawling back into bed and then felt William roll over.
“Was that Jessica?”He said, wrapping his arms around my midsection.
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”He said.
“Well…we’re gonna be an aunt and an uncle, figuratively speaking.”
“What?”He said.
“Nothing, I’ll tell you when we’re more awake.”I yawned, then drifted off to sleep.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“So, baby, what were you talking about last night when you got off the phone with Jessica?”William asked me as we ordered our breakfast.
“Well, she called me crying and I asked her what was wrong…well…she’s pregnant.”
“No shit?”He said.
I shook my head.
“Wow…did she tell Patrick?”
“No, not yet…well, I don’t guess so.”I said, just as my phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Kelsi, it’s Ashlee.”Ashlee Simpson-Wentz said.
“Hey Ash, what’s up?”
“Did you know Jessica is pregnant?”She said.
“My sis or yours?”
“Yours.”She said.
“Yeah, she told me a few hours ago.”I said.
“Well, she’s freaking out.”
“I know…”
“No, I mean, full blown freaking out, like crying nonstop…I think you guys should get home soon.”Ashlee said, panic rising in her voice.
“Oh my God, okay, we’ll be home soon.”I said, before hanging up.
“What’s going on? Is everyone okay?”William asked.
“Jessica is having panic attacks, I think.”I said.
“Why?”
“Well, you know how nervous and anxious she gets…she hasn’t told Patrick about the baby and Ashlee thinks we should get home soon.”
“It’s that bad?”He asked.
I nodded.
“Well…it’ll be cutting our honeymoon a little short, but we’ll leave on the next flight out tonight.”William said.
I sighed and nodded.
Keep A Calendar, This Way You Will Always Know…
~Fall Out Boy
I woke up quickly to my phone loudly blaring ‘Ready Set Go’, Jessica’s ringtone and glared at the time. 3:30 a.m. I friggin told her about the time difference.
“Ugh…hello?”I sighed sleepily, feeling William snuggle closer to me.
“Sniffle Kelsi?”Jessica said.
“Jess? Are you crying?”I said, slowly sitting up so I wouldn’t wake William up.
“No…yes!”She said, crying.
“What’s wrong honey?”I said, getting up and going into the bathroom.
“Well…”
“Did Patrick propose to you?”I gasped.
“Not exactly.”
“Well…DID HE FUCKING CHEAT ON YOU? That asshole! I’ll kill him!”I said, glaring at the mirror.
“NO! Now, Kels, calm down.”
“Well, you were the one crying!”I defended myself.
I could almost hear her rolling her eyes. “Kelsi. I’m just gonna come right out and say it. I’m fucking pregnant.”
“That’s gre—what?”I said. Did I hear her right?
“I’m preggers. My eggo is preggo.”She sighed, quoting my alltime favorite movie ‘Juno’.
“Oh my God! I’m going to be an Aunt!”I said, smiling.
“Well…”
“You’re not gonna have an abortion, right?”I said.
“Well, no, but…I’m scared at what Patty will say.”She said.
I sunk onto the toilet lid.
“Well…I’m sure he’ll be happy…I mean, he was stoked when Pete and Ashlee had Leia…that’s all he could talk about, remember? How he wanted to have kids someday?”I said.
“Yeah, I know, but I don’t think he meant now…I mean, he’s a hot lead singer of a hot band and I don’t wanna screw that up with a baby right now. Kels, my parents don’t even know and they’ll probably kill me or cut off Patrick’s dick because we’re not married. GAH! We haven’t even TALKED about marriage.”She said, starting to cry again.
“Okay, okay, Jess…calm down sweetie. Geez, I wish we could’ve had this convo after my honeymoon.”I muttered.
“I’m sorry I’m ruining your honeymoon, but I’m freaking out. I’ve already gone through six boxes of tissues and have had morning sickness. I’ve been telling Patrick it’s just a nasty flu, but I don’t think he believes me.”
“Oi, it’s okay babushka.”I said, talking like Joe Troh’s Jewish grandmother.
That made her laugh a little bit. “Remember honeybee…Patrick loved you the time you threw up all over his shoes that Prince gave him for his birthday, he loved you when you got drunk and cussed out his ex girlfriend and he especially loved you when you didn’t cut off his junk when he was trying to convince me to come out of hibernation after my first breakup.”I said.
“I guess.”She said in a small voice.
“He’ll even love you when he finds out you’re having the next Fall Out Baby.”
She sighed.
“And, well, if he doesn’t…fuck him. I heard Trace Cyrus loves him some Jessica Newton.”I said.
She giggled.
“I hope you’re right.”She said.
“What? About Patrick loving you or Mr. Trace Cyrus?”
“The first one…and maybe the second one.”She said.
“Okay.”I said.
“Thanks Kelsi.”She said, blowing her nose.
“Hey, you’re welcome. Besides, what are friends slash sisters for?”I said.
She laughed. “Kisses and hugs.”
“Right back at ya’, ho.”I said.
She laughed. “Bye.”
“Bye.”I said, making a loud kissy sound before hanging up.
I sighed, got up and went back into the room, crawling back into bed and then felt William roll over.
“Was that Jessica?”He said, wrapping his arms around my midsection.
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”He said.
“Well…we’re gonna be an aunt and an uncle, figuratively speaking.”
“What?”He said.
“Nothing, I’ll tell you when we’re more awake.”I yawned, then drifted off to sleep.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
“So, baby, what were you talking about last night when you got off the phone with Jessica?”William asked me as we ordered our breakfast.
“Well, she called me crying and I asked her what was wrong…well…she’s pregnant.”
“No shit?”He said.
I shook my head.
“Wow…did she tell Patrick?”
“No, not yet…well, I don’t guess so.”I said, just as my phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Kelsi, it’s Ashlee.”Ashlee Simpson-Wentz said.
“Hey Ash, what’s up?”
“Did you know Jessica is pregnant?”She said.
“My sis or yours?”
“Yours.”She said.
“Yeah, she told me a few hours ago.”I said.
“Well, she’s freaking out.”
“I know…”
“No, I mean, full blown freaking out, like crying nonstop…I think you guys should get home soon.”Ashlee said, panic rising in her voice.
“Oh my God, okay, we’ll be home soon.”I said, before hanging up.
“What’s going on? Is everyone okay?”William asked.
“Jessica is having panic attacks, I think.”I said.
“Why?”
“Well, you know how nervous and anxious she gets…she hasn’t told Patrick about the baby and Ashlee thinks we should get home soon.”
“It’s that bad?”He asked.
I nodded.
“Well…it’ll be cutting our honeymoon a little short, but we’ll leave on the next flight out tonight.”William said.
I sighed and nodded.
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