Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Living on a prayer
Into my arms my little girl was placed. She was so beautiful, I can’t explain it. I just smiled and laughed and cried. I turned to Kat. I was so amazed with her effort. I couldn’t believe what she had just accomplished. But as I gazed at her, tears of joy clouding my vision, I could see Kat’s eyes begin to drift and my heart went into a fit of anguish. Caught in a tornado of disorientation a nurse hurriedly took my little baby girl out of my arms. I was asked rapidly yet extremely sympathetically to wait outside. Turmoil was injected into my mind. I left, but I couldn’t understand it. I paced up and down the corridor outside watching medical staff pass to and fro. I couldn’t keep still. I leant against the wall; my heart smashing against my chest cavity. The pressure in my ears from trying to hold back bewildered tears built up and made all the noises around me seem distant.
Eventually, my legs gave way and my back slid down the wall. My energy was spent through utter dread. The smooth floor was freezing and it brought me back to the surface slightly and stopped everything that was happening seem like such a horrific dream.
I stared at my hands. There were a few spots of blood on them from where I held my tiny miracle. I prayed over and over again that both of my precious girls were okay.
Eventually Doctor Clarke came out of the room and I stood up expectantly.
‘Gerard. I can’t express how sorry I am to have to tell you this but we couldn’t save Kat.’
I’d never felt more hurt in my entire life. I’d never felt so many negative emotions go on inside of me. What she just told me echoed tauntingly in my head. I couldn’t process it. I can’t explain it. I-I felt like someone had just…I don’t know. I really can’t explain. It just hurt so much. I tried to speak, I couldn’t. I wanted to rip my skin off and destroy myself right there. I started crying and this time I didn’t hold back. I just leant against the wall like before and buried my head in my hand and sob uncontrollably while attempting to gasp for air. After a while my crying calmed slightly until tears were falling silently. I felt so detached. Half of me was now missing. I looked up to Doctor Clarke she had obviously been crying a little too.
I looked at the room where Kat now lay still and cold. My little girl; was she okay? I knew that if she wasn’t, that would be the end for me.
‘How about our baby is she okay?’ I was mumbling but I could tell Doctor Clarke was really listening and feeling for me.
‘Yes Gerard she’s healthy. So in that way she is very fortunate. The nurses have just cleaned her up and will look after her. Look, sweet heart if we go into my room, and we’ll call your family, I’ll go through what happened, yes?’
I nodded wearily. I had nothing left in me. The tiniest bit of light and hope was beamed inside of me when I found out our baby girl was alive and well. At least Kat would live on in her daughter. I dreaded seeing my parent’s and Mikey’s reaction. My Mom and Dad had loved Kat as their own daughter. They took her in when her own family pushed her away. I couldn’t picture in my head how we would all begin to move on. I just knew we had to.
Within half an hour my parent’s came in. The pain in my chest was brought back up again when I saw my family’s faces. All of them had obviously been crying. The first thing my Mom did was wrap her arms round me and hug me and repeat: ‘It will get better; you’ll be okay’ over and over again. They all followed me into the room each of us looking equally distraught.
We each sat down in the chairs in Doctor Clarke’s office. Even though I was still overwhelmed with shock and grief I just about managed to understand and take in what had happened. She slowly and delicately said that Kat had, had an incomplete uterine rupture. She was very patient will us all and explained it simply which I was grateful for. She clarified that the womb wall had started to split which caused severe bleeding which her and the medical staff couldn’t control and that the baby was very lucky to survive.
We all left feeling a little more settled and Doctor Clarke led us to where Evie (which me and Kat had decided to call her) was being cared for. I couldn’t hide the fact that despite the loss of my beautiful Kat; the women I truly loved I felt overjoyed with Evie. She was so tiny and completely angelic. Her skin was velvety, warm and soft and had a talcum powdery smell. My Mom started crying again but this time I think it was with happiness over her new baby granddaughter. They all took turns in holding her it was only when Mikey said that ‘she looked like Kat’ did my dejection began to take over my joy. My Dad put his arm round my shoulders yet I think everybody was very unsure of what to say. But I understood that. You can’t say anything to make a wound like that feel better you have to let it heal.
We stayed at the hospital for a few more hours and got Evie dressed and registered her birth and I decided that her full name should be ‘Evie Kathryn Way’. The sun was shining when we got outside and I had the inkling that it was the world’s way of trying to build up my hopefulness for the future.
Throughout the afternoon I cared for Evie, my Dad kept making encouraging comments on how good I was a taking care of her. To tell the truth I was just trying to start coping. I couldn’t just let everything fall to pieces and neglect Evie and sit in my bedroom all the while and cry. I felt very mixed, the best way I could best put it would be a bitter sweetness. My Mom and Mikey helped out loads (it was very sweet to see Mikey do so, as normally he’s dead lazy). The cot was put together and the bedroom and house was tidied, they were really were wrapping me in cotton wool.
Late that night I just lay on my bed with Evie carefully snuggled up asleep next to me. I couldn’t stop staring at her and stroking her feathery, soft dark brown hair. I knew Kat was looking down on us both and I hope she was pleased with how I was doing so far. All the old fears wasted away on whether I would be a good Da, they seemed senseless now. It was made clear to me though from having to care for Evie by myself that afternoon that they key to being a good father was simply love, trust and wanting to do the best for your child (okay so I’m sure there is way more than that , but I bet those are the big things.) All I know is I couldn’t fail with my angel Kat watching over me.
A/n: Trust me this was so hard to write!!!! In a way I really was hesitant of doing it the way I did because it was so tragic but I just thoought it would give and excellent climax in contrast to the starting chapters where everything looks like it's going just swimmingly. Let me know what you think. I worked hard again and di plenty of mind boggling research. If you are going to rate it badly PUT WHY IT'S CRAP!!! DON'T LEAVE ME TO WORK IT OUT!!! I'm sorry if I brought up any really painful stuff, I know I brought up some deep emotions for me 9and obviosly I've never even experience with this before).
BIG NOTE: The other reason I found it really upsetting to write this one is 'cos I prayed to God nothing like this would happen to Lindsey and Gerard. Again like I said I just use gerard's psysicality to express myself an be an emotional surrogate. I hope Linsey and baby stay healthy and happy for always (oh and gee too)
Lot's of good wishes and love from your emotional author,
Leahxxx
Eventually, my legs gave way and my back slid down the wall. My energy was spent through utter dread. The smooth floor was freezing and it brought me back to the surface slightly and stopped everything that was happening seem like such a horrific dream.
I stared at my hands. There were a few spots of blood on them from where I held my tiny miracle. I prayed over and over again that both of my precious girls were okay.
Eventually Doctor Clarke came out of the room and I stood up expectantly.
‘Gerard. I can’t express how sorry I am to have to tell you this but we couldn’t save Kat.’
I’d never felt more hurt in my entire life. I’d never felt so many negative emotions go on inside of me. What she just told me echoed tauntingly in my head. I couldn’t process it. I can’t explain it. I-I felt like someone had just…I don’t know. I really can’t explain. It just hurt so much. I tried to speak, I couldn’t. I wanted to rip my skin off and destroy myself right there. I started crying and this time I didn’t hold back. I just leant against the wall like before and buried my head in my hand and sob uncontrollably while attempting to gasp for air. After a while my crying calmed slightly until tears were falling silently. I felt so detached. Half of me was now missing. I looked up to Doctor Clarke she had obviously been crying a little too.
I looked at the room where Kat now lay still and cold. My little girl; was she okay? I knew that if she wasn’t, that would be the end for me.
‘How about our baby is she okay?’ I was mumbling but I could tell Doctor Clarke was really listening and feeling for me.
‘Yes Gerard she’s healthy. So in that way she is very fortunate. The nurses have just cleaned her up and will look after her. Look, sweet heart if we go into my room, and we’ll call your family, I’ll go through what happened, yes?’
I nodded wearily. I had nothing left in me. The tiniest bit of light and hope was beamed inside of me when I found out our baby girl was alive and well. At least Kat would live on in her daughter. I dreaded seeing my parent’s and Mikey’s reaction. My Mom and Dad had loved Kat as their own daughter. They took her in when her own family pushed her away. I couldn’t picture in my head how we would all begin to move on. I just knew we had to.
Within half an hour my parent’s came in. The pain in my chest was brought back up again when I saw my family’s faces. All of them had obviously been crying. The first thing my Mom did was wrap her arms round me and hug me and repeat: ‘It will get better; you’ll be okay’ over and over again. They all followed me into the room each of us looking equally distraught.
We each sat down in the chairs in Doctor Clarke’s office. Even though I was still overwhelmed with shock and grief I just about managed to understand and take in what had happened. She slowly and delicately said that Kat had, had an incomplete uterine rupture. She was very patient will us all and explained it simply which I was grateful for. She clarified that the womb wall had started to split which caused severe bleeding which her and the medical staff couldn’t control and that the baby was very lucky to survive.
We all left feeling a little more settled and Doctor Clarke led us to where Evie (which me and Kat had decided to call her) was being cared for. I couldn’t hide the fact that despite the loss of my beautiful Kat; the women I truly loved I felt overjoyed with Evie. She was so tiny and completely angelic. Her skin was velvety, warm and soft and had a talcum powdery smell. My Mom started crying again but this time I think it was with happiness over her new baby granddaughter. They all took turns in holding her it was only when Mikey said that ‘she looked like Kat’ did my dejection began to take over my joy. My Dad put his arm round my shoulders yet I think everybody was very unsure of what to say. But I understood that. You can’t say anything to make a wound like that feel better you have to let it heal.
We stayed at the hospital for a few more hours and got Evie dressed and registered her birth and I decided that her full name should be ‘Evie Kathryn Way’. The sun was shining when we got outside and I had the inkling that it was the world’s way of trying to build up my hopefulness for the future.
Throughout the afternoon I cared for Evie, my Dad kept making encouraging comments on how good I was a taking care of her. To tell the truth I was just trying to start coping. I couldn’t just let everything fall to pieces and neglect Evie and sit in my bedroom all the while and cry. I felt very mixed, the best way I could best put it would be a bitter sweetness. My Mom and Mikey helped out loads (it was very sweet to see Mikey do so, as normally he’s dead lazy). The cot was put together and the bedroom and house was tidied, they were really were wrapping me in cotton wool.
Late that night I just lay on my bed with Evie carefully snuggled up asleep next to me. I couldn’t stop staring at her and stroking her feathery, soft dark brown hair. I knew Kat was looking down on us both and I hope she was pleased with how I was doing so far. All the old fears wasted away on whether I would be a good Da, they seemed senseless now. It was made clear to me though from having to care for Evie by myself that afternoon that they key to being a good father was simply love, trust and wanting to do the best for your child (okay so I’m sure there is way more than that , but I bet those are the big things.) All I know is I couldn’t fail with my angel Kat watching over me.
A/n: Trust me this was so hard to write!!!! In a way I really was hesitant of doing it the way I did because it was so tragic but I just thoought it would give and excellent climax in contrast to the starting chapters where everything looks like it's going just swimmingly. Let me know what you think. I worked hard again and di plenty of mind boggling research. If you are going to rate it badly PUT WHY IT'S CRAP!!! DON'T LEAVE ME TO WORK IT OUT!!! I'm sorry if I brought up any really painful stuff, I know I brought up some deep emotions for me 9and obviosly I've never even experience with this before).
BIG NOTE: The other reason I found it really upsetting to write this one is 'cos I prayed to God nothing like this would happen to Lindsey and Gerard. Again like I said I just use gerard's psysicality to express myself an be an emotional surrogate. I hope Linsey and baby stay healthy and happy for always (oh and gee too)
Lot's of good wishes and love from your emotional author,
Leahxxx
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