Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Unspeakable
A/N: The card thing isn't gonna happen in this chapter. Just thought I'd let you know. I still need more ideas from you guys though.
Chapter Five: Fearless On My Breath
Flashback continued (again)
Mikey was released from hospital the next day, the doctors informing him that as long as he didn't do any rough activity, the arm would be fine. However, Mikey did not leave the hospital straight away, upon hearing the news that Gerard had survived the night. He instead addressed reception, a tiny glimmer of hope in his hazel eyes.
"Can I see my brother?" he asked the nurse at the front desk; the same woman who had recognised Ray and Frank the day before.
She looked up and smiled. "I'll just check for you,"
Her fingers tapped the name into the system.
"I'm sorry, he isn't allowed--"
"Please? I promise I won't be long. I just wanna see him. Please? Just two minutes,"
The nurse giggled. "Aw, honey, you're too adorable,"
She leaned forward, beckoning him to do the same so she could whisper.
"I'm normally not allowed to do this, but I'm only going to coz' Gerard's your brother and I'm a big fan of the band. If you don't tell anyone I told you, his room number is five-oh-two,"
If the desk hadn't been separating them, Mikey would've hugged her. He babbled his thanks and made his way back down the hall, stopping to check the numbers every so often until he came to 502. He smiled slightly when he realised they'd put Gerard right next to his room, before pushing the door open gently as if afraid to wake his brother. The first step into that room was the hardest he'd ever taken, but he forced his feet to move until he reached Gerard's side, where the hard plastic chair located there offered him a seat and he took it. For long moments, Mikey could do nothing but regard his brother's form. His chest bare with various wires leading to various machines. The only things keeping him alive. The rises and falls of his chest were now regular, but only thanks to the robotic respirator that breathed for him. That same deathly paleness of his skin that Mikey had witnessed in the ambulance journey still blanketed his brother's body. An IV tower with a blood transfusion stood nearby, the contents entering Gerard's vein through a tube attached by a needle to the back of his hand. The crimson liquid was surprisingly brilliant in contrast to his ashen skin. Bob was right. When Gerard woke up, he was going to freak the moment he saw that needle buried in his vein.
If he woke up.
Mikey tried to shake the thought from his mind. He wanted so much to think positively about the whole situation, but there was that little nagging voice in the back of his mind that told him that thinking positively was merely false hope if it all turned out wrong. He sighed, annoyed with his own mind, and reached out to take Gerard's hand in his own. It still felt the same: cold and limp, like it had in the ambulance.
Mikey decided that, regardless of whether Gerard died or not, he would stay by his side until the doctors had to pry him away. If there was one thing Mikey refused to let happen, it was allowing Gerard to die alone. In the past he'd mentioned it so many times; that he was either scared of or had a feeling he was going to die alone, and truthfully, the thought had also scared Mikey. He remembered, many times, that when Gerard had said that, he had thrown his arms around his big brother's waist and told him to shut up because he didn't want to even think about him dying, and Gerard would brush a hand casually through his hair and let a smile touch the corner of his mouth before arguing that everybody dies sooner or later, and the way he said it made it seem like he wasn't at all fazed by the idea of death, of non-existence. Yet he kept mentioning the prediction of his own lonely death and Mikey could've sworn he detected a hint of fear in his voice or in his eyes. That was the main thing about Gerard: his eyes. You could always tell what he was thinking or feeling by the look in his eyes. That was what made him such a bad liar. He'd always try to hide his feelings with a smile, but it was always what he truly felt that was given away. Someone had mentioned, while they were making The Ghost Of You video, that the expression on Gerard's face in the very last scene had brought him to tears because it seemed so real. Mikey watched the playback himself and was surprised at how good his brother's acting was.
"What are you doing in here?"
A voice from the doorway interrupted Mikey from his thoughts. He turned to see a stern-faced doctor standing there, glaring at him.
"You're not supposed to be here," she told him.
"I'm sorry," he replied. "I just wanted to see how he was doing,"
"He's not allowed to have visitors at the moment. I'm going to have to ask you to leave,"
He sighed and stood up, casting his eyes back at his brother's form.
"I'll be back, Gee," he said. "I promise. Hang in there for me okay?"
Mikey gave Gerard's hand one final, reassuring squeeze before he released it and left.
He was about to walk out of the hospital completely when the woman from the front desk spoke up.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you,"
"Why not?"
She stood up and stretched before answering, her bones and joints creaking and cracking. "The media. I saw your story on the news this morning. They're gonna be after blood, trust me. What happened to you isn't exactly everyday news, Mr. Way,"
Mikey groaned in frustration and sat down heavily in the nearest chair. "Perfect," he muttered sarcastically. "The last thing I need right now is the goddamn media shoving cameras in my face,"
"That's fame for ya,"
He let out a sigh. "I guess I'll go visit Bob and tell him about the media. Uh, what room is he in?"
"Four-eighty-six. Good luck, Mr Way,"
"Thanks. Call me Mikey...um, I didn't catch your name, by the way,"
The nurse gave him an embarrassed smile. "Sarah Mackenzie. Sorry, I left my namebadge at home. Tell Bob I said hi for me, will you?"
Mikey nodded with a slight smile of his own and headed up the hallway once again. He was about to open the door to 486 when the entire place turned red and a siren began screeching somewhere further up. Two nurses barrelled past him with a defibrillation system.
They entered room 502.
Immediately all thoughts in Mikey's head reverted back to Gerard, like in the Starbucks café, his hand slid from the doorknob and he found himself running as fast as the sling around his neck would allow without hurting his arm. He skidded to a halt outside the window leading to 502, and when he looked in, the first thing he saw was the nurses pressing the defib paddles to Gerard's chest.
It was clear now: Gerard had flatlined.
One of the nurses looked up then, and, seeing Mikey standing at the window, hastily drew the curtain around Gerard's bed.
"No!" Mikey cried, and thumped the window once with his good arm. The floodgates opened once again and he found his legs could hold him up no longer. He slid to the floor, not noticing nor caring about the worried glances passing patients, visitors and doctors gave him. Then suddenly there was a voice in the back of his mind that urged him to his feet and he found himself almost yelling at the window, not at the glass but what lay beyond it, something much more precious and fragile.
"Don't you die on me now, Gerard! Don't you dare! I've been through enough shit already to have this happen, so you do what you do best and you fight, got it? Tell Gramma to send you back because she doesn't want you back yet and you're not gonna die alone or now and I know you told me all that stuff about how everyone dies sometime but it's not your time yet, Gee! Do you hear me? It's not your time,"
He made as if to say something more, but the door opened, revealing the two nurses, plus a doctor and her very shocked-looking, pale assistant. Straight away Mikey approached them, brushing his tears away quickly.
"Is he okay?"
It was not a question he asked of them; it was a demand.
"For now, yes," the doctor replied. "Although, I must be frank with you: we almost lost him this time,"
"This time?" Mikey hissed, though more out of disbelief than anger. "You mean it's happened before?!"
"Twice in surgery,"
From the doctor's tone, it was as though the whole event was something that was of little or no significance at all, but when her assistant finally spoke, however, it was the complete opposite, though whatever was said was indistinct. The doctor seemed to hear her though.
"There's no such thing as a miracle in these situations," she insisted firmly. "We do only what we can. You, of all people, Naomi, should know that,"
Having said that, she walked away, disappearing down the hallway, the two nurses following close behind. Naomi stayed in the one spot, as if frozen or unwilling to move. She looked slightly hurt, as well as shocked.
"Yes there is," she muttered, and made to leave as well.
"Wait," Mikey touched her arm gently. "What happened?"
She turned and looked at him shyly. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you,"
"I'm his brother. I need to know,"
"Well, uh…his heart wouldn't restart, but we kept trying, and after a while we thought…y'know,
the worst, but the moment I went to turn off the defib thingy, his heart just started up ―BAM― like that. No warning or anything,"
"Wow,"
Naomi smiled. "That's what I said. Then I mentioned the 'M' word around Doctor Miller. Worst
thing you can really say about something like that, apparently,"
"What 'M' word?"
The assistant hesitated slightly before answering. "Miracle. Well that's what I saw it as
anyway. Your brother has God on his side, Mister--"
"Call me Mikey,"
She gave him a tight-lipped smile, the sort that was polite enough but vented her annoyance and frustration at being interrupted and shifted on her feet, almost impatiently, before speaking.
"Well, Doctor Miller will be wondering where I got to. I better get back to work. Good luck with your brother, Mikey,"
He barely had time to thank her before she hurried off down the hallway. Mikey watched until she turned the corner before returning to the door to Bob's room.
Chapter Five: Fearless On My Breath
Flashback continued (again)
Mikey was released from hospital the next day, the doctors informing him that as long as he didn't do any rough activity, the arm would be fine. However, Mikey did not leave the hospital straight away, upon hearing the news that Gerard had survived the night. He instead addressed reception, a tiny glimmer of hope in his hazel eyes.
"Can I see my brother?" he asked the nurse at the front desk; the same woman who had recognised Ray and Frank the day before.
She looked up and smiled. "I'll just check for you,"
Her fingers tapped the name into the system.
"I'm sorry, he isn't allowed--"
"Please? I promise I won't be long. I just wanna see him. Please? Just two minutes,"
The nurse giggled. "Aw, honey, you're too adorable,"
She leaned forward, beckoning him to do the same so she could whisper.
"I'm normally not allowed to do this, but I'm only going to coz' Gerard's your brother and I'm a big fan of the band. If you don't tell anyone I told you, his room number is five-oh-two,"
If the desk hadn't been separating them, Mikey would've hugged her. He babbled his thanks and made his way back down the hall, stopping to check the numbers every so often until he came to 502. He smiled slightly when he realised they'd put Gerard right next to his room, before pushing the door open gently as if afraid to wake his brother. The first step into that room was the hardest he'd ever taken, but he forced his feet to move until he reached Gerard's side, where the hard plastic chair located there offered him a seat and he took it. For long moments, Mikey could do nothing but regard his brother's form. His chest bare with various wires leading to various machines. The only things keeping him alive. The rises and falls of his chest were now regular, but only thanks to the robotic respirator that breathed for him. That same deathly paleness of his skin that Mikey had witnessed in the ambulance journey still blanketed his brother's body. An IV tower with a blood transfusion stood nearby, the contents entering Gerard's vein through a tube attached by a needle to the back of his hand. The crimson liquid was surprisingly brilliant in contrast to his ashen skin. Bob was right. When Gerard woke up, he was going to freak the moment he saw that needle buried in his vein.
If he woke up.
Mikey tried to shake the thought from his mind. He wanted so much to think positively about the whole situation, but there was that little nagging voice in the back of his mind that told him that thinking positively was merely false hope if it all turned out wrong. He sighed, annoyed with his own mind, and reached out to take Gerard's hand in his own. It still felt the same: cold and limp, like it had in the ambulance.
Mikey decided that, regardless of whether Gerard died or not, he would stay by his side until the doctors had to pry him away. If there was one thing Mikey refused to let happen, it was allowing Gerard to die alone. In the past he'd mentioned it so many times; that he was either scared of or had a feeling he was going to die alone, and truthfully, the thought had also scared Mikey. He remembered, many times, that when Gerard had said that, he had thrown his arms around his big brother's waist and told him to shut up because he didn't want to even think about him dying, and Gerard would brush a hand casually through his hair and let a smile touch the corner of his mouth before arguing that everybody dies sooner or later, and the way he said it made it seem like he wasn't at all fazed by the idea of death, of non-existence. Yet he kept mentioning the prediction of his own lonely death and Mikey could've sworn he detected a hint of fear in his voice or in his eyes. That was the main thing about Gerard: his eyes. You could always tell what he was thinking or feeling by the look in his eyes. That was what made him such a bad liar. He'd always try to hide his feelings with a smile, but it was always what he truly felt that was given away. Someone had mentioned, while they were making The Ghost Of You video, that the expression on Gerard's face in the very last scene had brought him to tears because it seemed so real. Mikey watched the playback himself and was surprised at how good his brother's acting was.
"What are you doing in here?"
A voice from the doorway interrupted Mikey from his thoughts. He turned to see a stern-faced doctor standing there, glaring at him.
"You're not supposed to be here," she told him.
"I'm sorry," he replied. "I just wanted to see how he was doing,"
"He's not allowed to have visitors at the moment. I'm going to have to ask you to leave,"
He sighed and stood up, casting his eyes back at his brother's form.
"I'll be back, Gee," he said. "I promise. Hang in there for me okay?"
Mikey gave Gerard's hand one final, reassuring squeeze before he released it and left.
He was about to walk out of the hospital completely when the woman from the front desk spoke up.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you,"
"Why not?"
She stood up and stretched before answering, her bones and joints creaking and cracking. "The media. I saw your story on the news this morning. They're gonna be after blood, trust me. What happened to you isn't exactly everyday news, Mr. Way,"
Mikey groaned in frustration and sat down heavily in the nearest chair. "Perfect," he muttered sarcastically. "The last thing I need right now is the goddamn media shoving cameras in my face,"
"That's fame for ya,"
He let out a sigh. "I guess I'll go visit Bob and tell him about the media. Uh, what room is he in?"
"Four-eighty-six. Good luck, Mr Way,"
"Thanks. Call me Mikey...um, I didn't catch your name, by the way,"
The nurse gave him an embarrassed smile. "Sarah Mackenzie. Sorry, I left my namebadge at home. Tell Bob I said hi for me, will you?"
Mikey nodded with a slight smile of his own and headed up the hallway once again. He was about to open the door to 486 when the entire place turned red and a siren began screeching somewhere further up. Two nurses barrelled past him with a defibrillation system.
They entered room 502.
Immediately all thoughts in Mikey's head reverted back to Gerard, like in the Starbucks café, his hand slid from the doorknob and he found himself running as fast as the sling around his neck would allow without hurting his arm. He skidded to a halt outside the window leading to 502, and when he looked in, the first thing he saw was the nurses pressing the defib paddles to Gerard's chest.
It was clear now: Gerard had flatlined.
One of the nurses looked up then, and, seeing Mikey standing at the window, hastily drew the curtain around Gerard's bed.
"No!" Mikey cried, and thumped the window once with his good arm. The floodgates opened once again and he found his legs could hold him up no longer. He slid to the floor, not noticing nor caring about the worried glances passing patients, visitors and doctors gave him. Then suddenly there was a voice in the back of his mind that urged him to his feet and he found himself almost yelling at the window, not at the glass but what lay beyond it, something much more precious and fragile.
"Don't you die on me now, Gerard! Don't you dare! I've been through enough shit already to have this happen, so you do what you do best and you fight, got it? Tell Gramma to send you back because she doesn't want you back yet and you're not gonna die alone or now and I know you told me all that stuff about how everyone dies sometime but it's not your time yet, Gee! Do you hear me? It's not your time,"
He made as if to say something more, but the door opened, revealing the two nurses, plus a doctor and her very shocked-looking, pale assistant. Straight away Mikey approached them, brushing his tears away quickly.
"Is he okay?"
It was not a question he asked of them; it was a demand.
"For now, yes," the doctor replied. "Although, I must be frank with you: we almost lost him this time,"
"This time?" Mikey hissed, though more out of disbelief than anger. "You mean it's happened before?!"
"Twice in surgery,"
From the doctor's tone, it was as though the whole event was something that was of little or no significance at all, but when her assistant finally spoke, however, it was the complete opposite, though whatever was said was indistinct. The doctor seemed to hear her though.
"There's no such thing as a miracle in these situations," she insisted firmly. "We do only what we can. You, of all people, Naomi, should know that,"
Having said that, she walked away, disappearing down the hallway, the two nurses following close behind. Naomi stayed in the one spot, as if frozen or unwilling to move. She looked slightly hurt, as well as shocked.
"Yes there is," she muttered, and made to leave as well.
"Wait," Mikey touched her arm gently. "What happened?"
She turned and looked at him shyly. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you,"
"I'm his brother. I need to know,"
"Well, uh…his heart wouldn't restart, but we kept trying, and after a while we thought…y'know,
the worst, but the moment I went to turn off the defib thingy, his heart just started up ―BAM― like that. No warning or anything,"
"Wow,"
Naomi smiled. "That's what I said. Then I mentioned the 'M' word around Doctor Miller. Worst
thing you can really say about something like that, apparently,"
"What 'M' word?"
The assistant hesitated slightly before answering. "Miracle. Well that's what I saw it as
anyway. Your brother has God on his side, Mister--"
"Call me Mikey,"
She gave him a tight-lipped smile, the sort that was polite enough but vented her annoyance and frustration at being interrupted and shifted on her feet, almost impatiently, before speaking.
"Well, Doctor Miller will be wondering where I got to. I better get back to work. Good luck with your brother, Mikey,"
He barely had time to thank her before she hurried off down the hallway. Mikey watched until she turned the corner before returning to the door to Bob's room.
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