Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Rehabilitation
I'll Never Give Myself To Another
5 reviewsI know I love Frank; that I've always loved him. And I'm going to make this work. I'm going to make sure he's taken care of and that he doesn't get hurt anymore.
1Exciting
Ch.23--- I'll Never Give Myself to Another ((Rehab Rhianna))
Frank's POV
When I woke up, as I expected, I was in the hospital. I was laying a bed with a needle in my arm, connected to the very familiar sight of an IV. Nothing new. I was alone but that didn't bother me. I didn't want Mikey there, I'm sure Bob's busy with Cassidy, Gerard's god knows where (well God and Ray), and Ray's probably off selling drugs. I'm where I belong as is everyone else. The painful realization that was coming to me was that maybe we aren't supposed to be with each other anymore. Any of us really. I mean, we hardly hang out. The person I see most is Ray and that's because he's always taking care of me.
Now though, just like before, I lie in this bed all alone. Some doctor will come in soon and tell me that I passed out. They'll tell me that I'm weak and that I need to start eating. But, why? I obviously can't even please my boyfriend; hell, I fucking cheated on him. With his little brother on top of that. I won't go as far as saying I don't deserve to live because everyone deserves that; no matter how fucked up their lives or how many sins they carry. No one deserves to die. But that doesn't mean my life has to be easy. No, I could make it very difficult. Not eating is doing that. I feel so weak; so useless.
God I hate when Ray's right. What am I doing right now? I'm attempting to convince myself that I'm not good enough for Gerard. The bastard would beat the fuck out of me. There were times that the air would sting my skin. I started to think I was going permanently turn purple with all the fucking bruises I got. I shouldn't be wasting my time on him. We ended our relationship. I have no idea why we're attempting it again. I know where he is. He's with Bert. I just...know. Gerard isn't going to change. He's going to fall back into his old habits. And I, I can't let myself fall back into them with him. I'll die.
Being weak really blows. I haven't felt this week in god knows how long. But just breathing is making me tired. With a heavy sigh, I turned onto my side and pulled my knees up to my chest. I grabbed the top of the blanket and yanked it over my shoulders, holding it tightly around my body. Being enclosed by a blanket makes me feel safe. I would often do this after a fight with Gerard. I felt protected and secure. My heavy eye lids fell shut and it wasn't long before I was asleep.
"Look, Gerard, don't lie to me." I said as he sat on the couch of our tour bus. "Just tell me. Have you slept with him?"
"I don't see why it's any of your business." Gerard told me. He was high; I knew it. He was trying to be serious but he couldn't wipe the smirk from his face. His eyes were distant and he smelt of it. I was used to this all by now though.
"Because I'm supposed to be your boyfriend and as we've gone over many times, you're not supposed to want to sleep with anyone but me." I told him with aggravation. I'm lucky if Gerard remembers my name anymore. "So just tell me; have you slept with Bert?"
"Yeah." Gerard replied with laughter. I bit my bottom lip and nodded to myself, exhaling slowly. I knew he was but to hear it just really seemed to put weight on my chest. I slowly sat down across from Gerard, trying to get myself used to the idea. Hearing it really brought it to reality. I've known all along but still, there was that small part of me that wished it wasn't true.
"Gerard, why do you do this to me?" I asked, holding back tears. "Why do you get wasted, cheat on me, then use me as a punching bag to top it all off? Am I bad to you? Am I not loyal enough or am I there too much? Please tell me so I can fix it." I said a little pleadingly.
"You can't fix it Frankie. I need the alcohol and the drugs. They're-they're part of me now. I-I need them to survive. And Bert; he's just a bonus." There was more laughter in his voice.
"No, they're not who you are." I told him coldly. "At least not who you used to be."
"That person's long dead. This is me." Gerard said, his smile wiping from his face completely. "Now I love you but if you don't love me then just leave me alone."
"I don't love you?!" I snapped. "I love you more than anyone could ever imagine! I do everything for you! I have come so close to death so many fucking times that I'm starting to think I'm immortal! I have no fucking clue why I keep chasing after you! All you do is shove me, literally, so you can down some more alcohol and swallow some more pills!" Tears started to escape my eyes. Everything that's been locked inside me for at least a year is now flooding out. "You don't love me because if you did you would realize that you don't need this," I grabbed a bottle of his pills, "shit," I threw them at him, "to survive. You would know that my fucking love for you would help you survive!"
"Don't take your anger out on me Frank." Gerard said as he tossed the bottle to the ground. The cap burst off and the tiny pills covered the floor.
"You're the one that gave me this anger so you deserve every fucking ounce of it." I said sharply. "I don't know what goes on inside your head, but I'm done with it. If you think that you can treat me however you want because I'll always be here waiting for you, ready to take you back instantly and forgive everything, think again. I'm not taking your shit anymore. No more lies, no more drugs, no more alcohol, and no more fucking bruises." I wiped my eyes quickly. "So let me make this as clear to you as I possibly can; I love you Gerard. I love you more than I thought I could ever love one thing. But I can't take this anymore. So you either change," I stood up, "Or I'm gone." I wiped a few more tears away. "For good."
"Things get a little rocky and you run away?" Gerard asked me with a scoff. "Pussy."
"I have been fucking stuck in Hell because of you for a fucking year at least now. I have tried and tried and tried again to make you realize that I love you with all my heart only so you could crush it. Not just emotionally but physically too. How many fucking times has your fist driven somewhere into my flesh? How much blood have I lost when you were angry because I was trying to make you feel better?!" I was yelling angrily at him now.
"How many times have you drove me abso-fucking-lutely insane with being there; never giving me air or space?!" Gerard shot right back at me. "I didn't want to get physical but it was the only to get you to leave me the fuck alone!"
"Fine! You want me to leave you alone?!" I yelled at him. "I'll do it." I made my way towards the bunks, kneeling down and grabbing my bag of things.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Gerard snapped at me as I headed back out with my bag.
"I'm leaving you alone you ungrateful rude ignorant bastard!" I yelled at him. "You're a pathetic waste of time and space. Go get yourself high, wasted; go fuck Bert who doesn't give a damn about you. I'm done with you. Don't fucking try to come back to me either; ever!" I basically screamed at him as I walked towards the steps. I had no idea where the others were but I would tell them eventually that I left.
"We're in the middle of a fucking tour!" Gerard yelled after me, getting off the bus. "You have an obligation to this band. Just because you're mad at me-" I turned around to see Gerard right behind me as he caught up to me. He grabbed my arm and glared at me. "Doesn't mean you can walk out."
"Let go of me Gerard!" I yelled, yanking my arm but was unable to break free of his clasp. "You have two seconds to let of me."
"Or what? You'll cry?" Gerard narrowed his eyes as his sharp words flowed from his mouth. That was it. I balled my hand into a fist and drove it right into his face; his hand instantly letting go of me as he used it to catch the blood coming from his nose.
"I'm not your fucking boy toy anymore." I said with heavy resentment as I shook my hand a little. "So turn your ass around and go call Bert to make things better. I'm sure he has plenty of things to give you; from drugs to STD's."
"I fucking hate you Frank Iero!" Gerard yelled at me as he desperately tried to stop his bleeding nose. "I fucking hate you and I want you out of my life!"
"Honey," I said with a little laughter, "I've been out of your life the moment you met Bert." I turned and headed for our staff who quietly watched the entire scene. I had them drive me to the airport where I bought a ticket back to Jersey; crying the entire trip.
Gerard's POV
"W-what do you mean you bought this for us?" I asked Bert a little hesitantly as I unbuckled myself.
"Don't you remember?" Bert turned to me with a frown. "You said you would leave Frank to come be with me." His head titled to the side a little. "You said we would be together because you really didn't love Frank." My heart stung now. How could I do that; say that? I already know I love Frank; I could tell in my spontaneous memories that I loved Frank too. I could feel it. "How hard did you hit that pretty little head of yours?"
"I-I love Frank." I told Bert. "I've always loved him."
"Gee, babe, it was clear you didn't love him." Bert replied with a smile. He opened the door of his car and headed for the house. I debated getting out to just leave but it was getting late so I followed him inside. I stood there for a moment before seeing a couch which I went and sat on. That's the point of them isn't it? To give guests a place to rest their ass?
"Well if I didn't before, I do now." I said as Bert joined me. "H-he's been so good to me since the accident."
"He's always been good to you." Bert said with some more jealousy. "The guy's like a fucking stray cat that you feel bad for; making the mistake of feeding it then never being able to get rid of it."
"W-what?" I asked, nervously playing with my hands.
"It was so fucking obvious how much he cared about you. He basically put you on a golden pedestal. You asked for something, he got it. You told him to do something, he did it. Every ounce of the guy was in your command." Bert opened a small chest on the coffee table, pulling out a small baggie of a very familiar drug; pot. "I thought it was hilarious the way you used him. Always telling him you loved him when he questioned you then beat the living fuck out of him?! Priceless."
"What the fuck is your problem?!" I shot at Bert suddenly. "How could you find something like that amusing?! I hurt him; I hurt him really bad! That's not the least bit amusing!"
"Gee, baby, calm down." Bert said, his amused mood dying. "What the hell did they do to you after that accident? You never freaked out about this before." He opened the small bag and grabbed a little box with checkered paper. "You would always tell me about how you would teach him lessons then you would start laughing as you told me about the blood or tears."
"I-I" My stomach knotted. "I'm going to be sick." I mumbled to him before quickly getting off the couch and finding myself the bathroom. No sooner did I make it to the toilet did the contents of my stomach (and body) started coming out of my mouth. I couldn't believe what Bert said. I would laugh about hurting Frank? Boyfriend or not; that's awful. How could anyone be so amused about the pain and suffering of someone else? No matter how much you dislike them? I mean, you have to be heartless. And I wasn't; I felt my heart. It was heavy with hurt and regret.
"Gee babe, you ok?" Bert asked from the other side of the door. "You need something?"
"Stop fucking calling me 'babe' or 'baby'!" I yelled as I wiped my mouth. "I only called you to take my mind off Frank! I have no feelings for you! I didn't even know who the fuck you were until Mikey or Ray or maybe even Frank told me!"
"B-but you love me..." Bert mumbled through the wood.
"No, I don't love you." I said as I stood and opened the door. "I love Frank." Bert looked at me with hurt but I didn't care. I didn't feel anything for him. Not even sympathy or even pity. Nothing. He was nonexistent as far as I'm concerned.
"Yes-yes you do." Bert told me; his eyebrows pushing together with disbelief. "You love me. You told me. You said that we would be together and-and I believed you." Bert told me. "Don't believe their lies!" I tried to push past Bert but he wouldn't let me through. "You love me; not him."
"You're the one feeding me lies." I told Bert, again trying to get past him. "I don't love you; no matter what you tell yourself. I never will. That was never me speaking. It was whatever drug you put into my body." Bert glared at me then grabbed my wrists and slammed me against the wall; forcing his lips against mine. The taste of them made me want to be sick. "Get the fuck off me!" I said, shoving him backwards.
"I'm going to remind you that you love me." Bert said with a somewhat sadistic tone. He grabbed my wrists again, twisting this time, and as I cried out in pain, Bert put his mouth to mine; sliding his slimy tongue into my mouth. "Do you remember yet?" He asked as he pulled away. I felt like I was going to throw up all over.
"You're nasty." I spat at him; literally. I was desperate to get his taste out of my mouth. It was putrid. "Now let go of me you sick fuck so I can go back where I belong."
"You belong here." Bert hissed at me. "You belong here and you know it. Why should I let you go back to Frank? So you can beat him some more?"
"Fuck...you!" I snapped, trying to break free of him but he only twisted my wrists more.
"You know what?" Bert smiled, releasing my wrists and sliding his hands to my waist. "That's not a bad idea." His dirty fingers slid into the top of my jeans before finding their way to the button which they instantly got undone; the zipper falling down not long after.
"Get off!" I yelled at him again but Bert simply slammed me against the wall; hard. I finally realized it; this is what I used to do to Frank. I knew Bert had intentions of raping me. I knew I probably raped frank. The feeling, the pain, both emotional and physical is awful. And this is nothing compared to what I did to Frank. I'm amazed he's still alive. "Bert; I don't want this!" I said, desperately trying to get away.
"Don't lie to me." He said as my pants instantly flew around my ankles so his face was level with my crotch. The amazing thing is that my body wasn't even responding to him. Even as he rubbed his nasty hands all over my thighs. I remained calm. Well my body did. My mind, my hart, my breathing was going a mile a minute. It wasn't long until his fingers were in my boxers.
"Get off me you nasty pervert!" I said, clasping his hair with my hand and forcefully pulling him from my body then throwing him to the ground. I quickly hoisted my pants back around my waist, doing them up and heading for the door. I didn't make it. Bert got up and came after me; grabbing my arms and twisting them behind my body.
"I'm not done with you." Bert hissed at me again. A few tears ran down my face as my arms burned. I was about to fall to my knees when the door burst open and Ray was standing there with a gun; like some fucking action movie or something. I'll admit; he has incredible timing. Though I seriously was waiting for someone to yell 'cut' or something.
"Let go of him McCracken or your blood with will no longer be in your body." Ray's voice was very, very threatening and it honestly scared the hell out of me. When I heard the gun lock, Bert instantly released my arms and I stumbled a bit. "Gerard, go to my car." I nodded quickly and made my way to the door. "If you ever, ever come near him or any of us again, I will paint your house in every ounce of blood in your nasty body." Ray warned Bert before heading outside with me.
"T-thanks." I mumbled as I quickly got into his car, trying to calm myself down. My body was shaking slightly. "H-how did you know?"
"One, you texted me and told me you were leaving with him." Ray said as he opened the driver's door and threw the gun into the back seat. "Two, I figured that Bert would do something along those lines since your memory isn't with you." He started the car.
"H-he tried to rape me." I said quietly as I buckled myself in.
"I'm not surprised." Ray told me as he buckled himself in then pulled onto the road. "Bert's not mentally right. The only reason none of us, well beside Frank, tried to stop you from hanging out with him before was the drugs put you on the same mental level as him. You did that with him voluntarily. He thinks that you still want to. But you're above that now since your body is clean of the drugs."
"I-is Frank ok?" I asked after a few moments of silence.
"He's in the hospital." Ray told me and my heart only picked up more speed. "He passed out from not eating in so long. He's wasting away." Ray said with some sorrow.
"I shouldn't have left him like that." I said as I looked to my hands. "I just got so confused and upset when he told me about him and Mikey..."
"Woah; what about them? I mean, I know something happened but Frank told me not to talk about Mikey." Ray said.
"Frank said that he and Mikey...when I was asleep...he didn't mean to..." I was trying to forget those words. To forget the images that were forming. "I couldn't believe that he had sex with Mikey."
"What the-?!" Ray suddenly snapped. "Frank and Mikey had-" I swallowed hard, nodding as my eyes shut. "You might be attending your brothers funeral in the next day or two." Ray said as he headed for the hospital. "He fucking knows that Frank's always liked him to a certain degree. I can't believe he took advantage of Frank when things were finally starting to get good for him again."
"Is it all ruined again?" I asked fearfully as Ray pulled into the hospital's main entrance.
"Not yet." Ray said as he pulled up to the doors. "Frank's anorexic. It's not intentional but he is. You need to learn your place in the relationship. That is that you need to be there for him. You need to help him." I nodded, willing to do anything to help Frank get better. To return things to normal; whatever normal is. "That means no randomly taking off when you get upset." I unbuckled myself and opened the door; about to get out when Ray grabbed my arm. "If you ever cause another bruise or cause one drop of blood to escape his body, I will personally rip you to pieces." Ray told me. It was just like with Mikey; only I knew Ray meant it. Mikey, I have no clue what his problem is. But I could tell Ray was dead serious. "I'll be back later."
"T-thanks again. For helping me." I said before I climbed out and shut the door. I went inside the hospital while Ray drove off. There was a lady sitting at the desk; volunteer I think.
"Can I help you?" She asked with a large smile.
"Iero. Frank Iero." I told her quickly; desperate to get to him as fast as I could to apologize. She opened a drawer; revealing a list of names (that I couldn't read).
"435. Take the elevator to the fourth floor and it's down the hall to the left." I said a quick 'thanks' and made my way to the elevator. The door opened and I stepped inside, pressing the '4' button then watching the doors close. When I reached the fourth floor, I basically jumped out of the elevator and headed to the left. My eyes darted from room number to room number until I found 435.
I wrapped my hand around the handle and twisted it; opening the door. Once inside, I quietly shut the door behind me and went to the bed by the window to see Frank asleep; the blanket pulled securely over his body. He must be really cold. The heart monitor was making a very steady pattern so I knew he wasn't in any immediate danger. He looked so peaceful; so adorable. I smiled as I quietly slid a chair close to his bed then sat down; gently stroking his face with my hand. A few moments later his eyes slowly opened. "Hey Frankie." I whispered to him.
"Gerard?" He asked with a little confusion. "You...why are you here?" Frank asked sleepily.
"I came to apologize about earlier." I told him softly. "But that can wait. Get rest for now babe. You need the sleep." I said as I continued to stroke his face. I don't care what Bert told me. I know I love Frank; that I've always loved him. And I'm going to make this work. I'm going to make sure he's taken care of and that he doesn't get hurt anymore. I'm going to make sure he eats and that he's happy.
"Mmmkay..." Frank mumbled, his eyes shutting again. I noticed the hoodie I had given him for his birthday in a bad by the window so I got up and went to the bag, pulling the hoodie out then walking back to Frank and gently draping it over his shoulders. He loved it; I knew that. And it would help keep him warmer. "Gee..." Frank mumbled as I sat back down. "Don't leave me."
I smiled and slid my hand under the blanket, lacing my fingers into his as I found his hand. "I never will." I said as I kissed his head and went back to stroking his face gently with my other hand. "No matter what."
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A/N--- We haven't seen the last of Bert. Don't worry ^^
but I had to end it on a happy note. The next chapter will be fluffy too. Just cuz I'm in a fluffy mood.
xoxo Tabi
Frank's POV
When I woke up, as I expected, I was in the hospital. I was laying a bed with a needle in my arm, connected to the very familiar sight of an IV. Nothing new. I was alone but that didn't bother me. I didn't want Mikey there, I'm sure Bob's busy with Cassidy, Gerard's god knows where (well God and Ray), and Ray's probably off selling drugs. I'm where I belong as is everyone else. The painful realization that was coming to me was that maybe we aren't supposed to be with each other anymore. Any of us really. I mean, we hardly hang out. The person I see most is Ray and that's because he's always taking care of me.
Now though, just like before, I lie in this bed all alone. Some doctor will come in soon and tell me that I passed out. They'll tell me that I'm weak and that I need to start eating. But, why? I obviously can't even please my boyfriend; hell, I fucking cheated on him. With his little brother on top of that. I won't go as far as saying I don't deserve to live because everyone deserves that; no matter how fucked up their lives or how many sins they carry. No one deserves to die. But that doesn't mean my life has to be easy. No, I could make it very difficult. Not eating is doing that. I feel so weak; so useless.
God I hate when Ray's right. What am I doing right now? I'm attempting to convince myself that I'm not good enough for Gerard. The bastard would beat the fuck out of me. There were times that the air would sting my skin. I started to think I was going permanently turn purple with all the fucking bruises I got. I shouldn't be wasting my time on him. We ended our relationship. I have no idea why we're attempting it again. I know where he is. He's with Bert. I just...know. Gerard isn't going to change. He's going to fall back into his old habits. And I, I can't let myself fall back into them with him. I'll die.
Being weak really blows. I haven't felt this week in god knows how long. But just breathing is making me tired. With a heavy sigh, I turned onto my side and pulled my knees up to my chest. I grabbed the top of the blanket and yanked it over my shoulders, holding it tightly around my body. Being enclosed by a blanket makes me feel safe. I would often do this after a fight with Gerard. I felt protected and secure. My heavy eye lids fell shut and it wasn't long before I was asleep.
"Look, Gerard, don't lie to me." I said as he sat on the couch of our tour bus. "Just tell me. Have you slept with him?"
"I don't see why it's any of your business." Gerard told me. He was high; I knew it. He was trying to be serious but he couldn't wipe the smirk from his face. His eyes were distant and he smelt of it. I was used to this all by now though.
"Because I'm supposed to be your boyfriend and as we've gone over many times, you're not supposed to want to sleep with anyone but me." I told him with aggravation. I'm lucky if Gerard remembers my name anymore. "So just tell me; have you slept with Bert?"
"Yeah." Gerard replied with laughter. I bit my bottom lip and nodded to myself, exhaling slowly. I knew he was but to hear it just really seemed to put weight on my chest. I slowly sat down across from Gerard, trying to get myself used to the idea. Hearing it really brought it to reality. I've known all along but still, there was that small part of me that wished it wasn't true.
"Gerard, why do you do this to me?" I asked, holding back tears. "Why do you get wasted, cheat on me, then use me as a punching bag to top it all off? Am I bad to you? Am I not loyal enough or am I there too much? Please tell me so I can fix it." I said a little pleadingly.
"You can't fix it Frankie. I need the alcohol and the drugs. They're-they're part of me now. I-I need them to survive. And Bert; he's just a bonus." There was more laughter in his voice.
"No, they're not who you are." I told him coldly. "At least not who you used to be."
"That person's long dead. This is me." Gerard said, his smile wiping from his face completely. "Now I love you but if you don't love me then just leave me alone."
"I don't love you?!" I snapped. "I love you more than anyone could ever imagine! I do everything for you! I have come so close to death so many fucking times that I'm starting to think I'm immortal! I have no fucking clue why I keep chasing after you! All you do is shove me, literally, so you can down some more alcohol and swallow some more pills!" Tears started to escape my eyes. Everything that's been locked inside me for at least a year is now flooding out. "You don't love me because if you did you would realize that you don't need this," I grabbed a bottle of his pills, "shit," I threw them at him, "to survive. You would know that my fucking love for you would help you survive!"
"Don't take your anger out on me Frank." Gerard said as he tossed the bottle to the ground. The cap burst off and the tiny pills covered the floor.
"You're the one that gave me this anger so you deserve every fucking ounce of it." I said sharply. "I don't know what goes on inside your head, but I'm done with it. If you think that you can treat me however you want because I'll always be here waiting for you, ready to take you back instantly and forgive everything, think again. I'm not taking your shit anymore. No more lies, no more drugs, no more alcohol, and no more fucking bruises." I wiped my eyes quickly. "So let me make this as clear to you as I possibly can; I love you Gerard. I love you more than I thought I could ever love one thing. But I can't take this anymore. So you either change," I stood up, "Or I'm gone." I wiped a few more tears away. "For good."
"Things get a little rocky and you run away?" Gerard asked me with a scoff. "Pussy."
"I have been fucking stuck in Hell because of you for a fucking year at least now. I have tried and tried and tried again to make you realize that I love you with all my heart only so you could crush it. Not just emotionally but physically too. How many fucking times has your fist driven somewhere into my flesh? How much blood have I lost when you were angry because I was trying to make you feel better?!" I was yelling angrily at him now.
"How many times have you drove me abso-fucking-lutely insane with being there; never giving me air or space?!" Gerard shot right back at me. "I didn't want to get physical but it was the only to get you to leave me the fuck alone!"
"Fine! You want me to leave you alone?!" I yelled at him. "I'll do it." I made my way towards the bunks, kneeling down and grabbing my bag of things.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Gerard snapped at me as I headed back out with my bag.
"I'm leaving you alone you ungrateful rude ignorant bastard!" I yelled at him. "You're a pathetic waste of time and space. Go get yourself high, wasted; go fuck Bert who doesn't give a damn about you. I'm done with you. Don't fucking try to come back to me either; ever!" I basically screamed at him as I walked towards the steps. I had no idea where the others were but I would tell them eventually that I left.
"We're in the middle of a fucking tour!" Gerard yelled after me, getting off the bus. "You have an obligation to this band. Just because you're mad at me-" I turned around to see Gerard right behind me as he caught up to me. He grabbed my arm and glared at me. "Doesn't mean you can walk out."
"Let go of me Gerard!" I yelled, yanking my arm but was unable to break free of his clasp. "You have two seconds to let of me."
"Or what? You'll cry?" Gerard narrowed his eyes as his sharp words flowed from his mouth. That was it. I balled my hand into a fist and drove it right into his face; his hand instantly letting go of me as he used it to catch the blood coming from his nose.
"I'm not your fucking boy toy anymore." I said with heavy resentment as I shook my hand a little. "So turn your ass around and go call Bert to make things better. I'm sure he has plenty of things to give you; from drugs to STD's."
"I fucking hate you Frank Iero!" Gerard yelled at me as he desperately tried to stop his bleeding nose. "I fucking hate you and I want you out of my life!"
"Honey," I said with a little laughter, "I've been out of your life the moment you met Bert." I turned and headed for our staff who quietly watched the entire scene. I had them drive me to the airport where I bought a ticket back to Jersey; crying the entire trip.
Gerard's POV
"W-what do you mean you bought this for us?" I asked Bert a little hesitantly as I unbuckled myself.
"Don't you remember?" Bert turned to me with a frown. "You said you would leave Frank to come be with me." His head titled to the side a little. "You said we would be together because you really didn't love Frank." My heart stung now. How could I do that; say that? I already know I love Frank; I could tell in my spontaneous memories that I loved Frank too. I could feel it. "How hard did you hit that pretty little head of yours?"
"I-I love Frank." I told Bert. "I've always loved him."
"Gee, babe, it was clear you didn't love him." Bert replied with a smile. He opened the door of his car and headed for the house. I debated getting out to just leave but it was getting late so I followed him inside. I stood there for a moment before seeing a couch which I went and sat on. That's the point of them isn't it? To give guests a place to rest their ass?
"Well if I didn't before, I do now." I said as Bert joined me. "H-he's been so good to me since the accident."
"He's always been good to you." Bert said with some more jealousy. "The guy's like a fucking stray cat that you feel bad for; making the mistake of feeding it then never being able to get rid of it."
"W-what?" I asked, nervously playing with my hands.
"It was so fucking obvious how much he cared about you. He basically put you on a golden pedestal. You asked for something, he got it. You told him to do something, he did it. Every ounce of the guy was in your command." Bert opened a small chest on the coffee table, pulling out a small baggie of a very familiar drug; pot. "I thought it was hilarious the way you used him. Always telling him you loved him when he questioned you then beat the living fuck out of him?! Priceless."
"What the fuck is your problem?!" I shot at Bert suddenly. "How could you find something like that amusing?! I hurt him; I hurt him really bad! That's not the least bit amusing!"
"Gee, baby, calm down." Bert said, his amused mood dying. "What the hell did they do to you after that accident? You never freaked out about this before." He opened the small bag and grabbed a little box with checkered paper. "You would always tell me about how you would teach him lessons then you would start laughing as you told me about the blood or tears."
"I-I" My stomach knotted. "I'm going to be sick." I mumbled to him before quickly getting off the couch and finding myself the bathroom. No sooner did I make it to the toilet did the contents of my stomach (and body) started coming out of my mouth. I couldn't believe what Bert said. I would laugh about hurting Frank? Boyfriend or not; that's awful. How could anyone be so amused about the pain and suffering of someone else? No matter how much you dislike them? I mean, you have to be heartless. And I wasn't; I felt my heart. It was heavy with hurt and regret.
"Gee babe, you ok?" Bert asked from the other side of the door. "You need something?"
"Stop fucking calling me 'babe' or 'baby'!" I yelled as I wiped my mouth. "I only called you to take my mind off Frank! I have no feelings for you! I didn't even know who the fuck you were until Mikey or Ray or maybe even Frank told me!"
"B-but you love me..." Bert mumbled through the wood.
"No, I don't love you." I said as I stood and opened the door. "I love Frank." Bert looked at me with hurt but I didn't care. I didn't feel anything for him. Not even sympathy or even pity. Nothing. He was nonexistent as far as I'm concerned.
"Yes-yes you do." Bert told me; his eyebrows pushing together with disbelief. "You love me. You told me. You said that we would be together and-and I believed you." Bert told me. "Don't believe their lies!" I tried to push past Bert but he wouldn't let me through. "You love me; not him."
"You're the one feeding me lies." I told Bert, again trying to get past him. "I don't love you; no matter what you tell yourself. I never will. That was never me speaking. It was whatever drug you put into my body." Bert glared at me then grabbed my wrists and slammed me against the wall; forcing his lips against mine. The taste of them made me want to be sick. "Get the fuck off me!" I said, shoving him backwards.
"I'm going to remind you that you love me." Bert said with a somewhat sadistic tone. He grabbed my wrists again, twisting this time, and as I cried out in pain, Bert put his mouth to mine; sliding his slimy tongue into my mouth. "Do you remember yet?" He asked as he pulled away. I felt like I was going to throw up all over.
"You're nasty." I spat at him; literally. I was desperate to get his taste out of my mouth. It was putrid. "Now let go of me you sick fuck so I can go back where I belong."
"You belong here." Bert hissed at me. "You belong here and you know it. Why should I let you go back to Frank? So you can beat him some more?"
"Fuck...you!" I snapped, trying to break free of him but he only twisted my wrists more.
"You know what?" Bert smiled, releasing my wrists and sliding his hands to my waist. "That's not a bad idea." His dirty fingers slid into the top of my jeans before finding their way to the button which they instantly got undone; the zipper falling down not long after.
"Get off!" I yelled at him again but Bert simply slammed me against the wall; hard. I finally realized it; this is what I used to do to Frank. I knew Bert had intentions of raping me. I knew I probably raped frank. The feeling, the pain, both emotional and physical is awful. And this is nothing compared to what I did to Frank. I'm amazed he's still alive. "Bert; I don't want this!" I said, desperately trying to get away.
"Don't lie to me." He said as my pants instantly flew around my ankles so his face was level with my crotch. The amazing thing is that my body wasn't even responding to him. Even as he rubbed his nasty hands all over my thighs. I remained calm. Well my body did. My mind, my hart, my breathing was going a mile a minute. It wasn't long until his fingers were in my boxers.
"Get off me you nasty pervert!" I said, clasping his hair with my hand and forcefully pulling him from my body then throwing him to the ground. I quickly hoisted my pants back around my waist, doing them up and heading for the door. I didn't make it. Bert got up and came after me; grabbing my arms and twisting them behind my body.
"I'm not done with you." Bert hissed at me again. A few tears ran down my face as my arms burned. I was about to fall to my knees when the door burst open and Ray was standing there with a gun; like some fucking action movie or something. I'll admit; he has incredible timing. Though I seriously was waiting for someone to yell 'cut' or something.
"Let go of him McCracken or your blood with will no longer be in your body." Ray's voice was very, very threatening and it honestly scared the hell out of me. When I heard the gun lock, Bert instantly released my arms and I stumbled a bit. "Gerard, go to my car." I nodded quickly and made my way to the door. "If you ever, ever come near him or any of us again, I will paint your house in every ounce of blood in your nasty body." Ray warned Bert before heading outside with me.
"T-thanks." I mumbled as I quickly got into his car, trying to calm myself down. My body was shaking slightly. "H-how did you know?"
"One, you texted me and told me you were leaving with him." Ray said as he opened the driver's door and threw the gun into the back seat. "Two, I figured that Bert would do something along those lines since your memory isn't with you." He started the car.
"H-he tried to rape me." I said quietly as I buckled myself in.
"I'm not surprised." Ray told me as he buckled himself in then pulled onto the road. "Bert's not mentally right. The only reason none of us, well beside Frank, tried to stop you from hanging out with him before was the drugs put you on the same mental level as him. You did that with him voluntarily. He thinks that you still want to. But you're above that now since your body is clean of the drugs."
"I-is Frank ok?" I asked after a few moments of silence.
"He's in the hospital." Ray told me and my heart only picked up more speed. "He passed out from not eating in so long. He's wasting away." Ray said with some sorrow.
"I shouldn't have left him like that." I said as I looked to my hands. "I just got so confused and upset when he told me about him and Mikey..."
"Woah; what about them? I mean, I know something happened but Frank told me not to talk about Mikey." Ray said.
"Frank said that he and Mikey...when I was asleep...he didn't mean to..." I was trying to forget those words. To forget the images that were forming. "I couldn't believe that he had sex with Mikey."
"What the-?!" Ray suddenly snapped. "Frank and Mikey had-" I swallowed hard, nodding as my eyes shut. "You might be attending your brothers funeral in the next day or two." Ray said as he headed for the hospital. "He fucking knows that Frank's always liked him to a certain degree. I can't believe he took advantage of Frank when things were finally starting to get good for him again."
"Is it all ruined again?" I asked fearfully as Ray pulled into the hospital's main entrance.
"Not yet." Ray said as he pulled up to the doors. "Frank's anorexic. It's not intentional but he is. You need to learn your place in the relationship. That is that you need to be there for him. You need to help him." I nodded, willing to do anything to help Frank get better. To return things to normal; whatever normal is. "That means no randomly taking off when you get upset." I unbuckled myself and opened the door; about to get out when Ray grabbed my arm. "If you ever cause another bruise or cause one drop of blood to escape his body, I will personally rip you to pieces." Ray told me. It was just like with Mikey; only I knew Ray meant it. Mikey, I have no clue what his problem is. But I could tell Ray was dead serious. "I'll be back later."
"T-thanks again. For helping me." I said before I climbed out and shut the door. I went inside the hospital while Ray drove off. There was a lady sitting at the desk; volunteer I think.
"Can I help you?" She asked with a large smile.
"Iero. Frank Iero." I told her quickly; desperate to get to him as fast as I could to apologize. She opened a drawer; revealing a list of names (that I couldn't read).
"435. Take the elevator to the fourth floor and it's down the hall to the left." I said a quick 'thanks' and made my way to the elevator. The door opened and I stepped inside, pressing the '4' button then watching the doors close. When I reached the fourth floor, I basically jumped out of the elevator and headed to the left. My eyes darted from room number to room number until I found 435.
I wrapped my hand around the handle and twisted it; opening the door. Once inside, I quietly shut the door behind me and went to the bed by the window to see Frank asleep; the blanket pulled securely over his body. He must be really cold. The heart monitor was making a very steady pattern so I knew he wasn't in any immediate danger. He looked so peaceful; so adorable. I smiled as I quietly slid a chair close to his bed then sat down; gently stroking his face with my hand. A few moments later his eyes slowly opened. "Hey Frankie." I whispered to him.
"Gerard?" He asked with a little confusion. "You...why are you here?" Frank asked sleepily.
"I came to apologize about earlier." I told him softly. "But that can wait. Get rest for now babe. You need the sleep." I said as I continued to stroke his face. I don't care what Bert told me. I know I love Frank; that I've always loved him. And I'm going to make this work. I'm going to make sure he's taken care of and that he doesn't get hurt anymore. I'm going to make sure he eats and that he's happy.
"Mmmkay..." Frank mumbled, his eyes shutting again. I noticed the hoodie I had given him for his birthday in a bad by the window so I got up and went to the bag, pulling the hoodie out then walking back to Frank and gently draping it over his shoulders. He loved it; I knew that. And it would help keep him warmer. "Gee..." Frank mumbled as I sat back down. "Don't leave me."
I smiled and slid my hand under the blanket, lacing my fingers into his as I found his hand. "I never will." I said as I kissed his head and went back to stroking his face gently with my other hand. "No matter what."
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A/N--- We haven't seen the last of Bert. Don't worry ^^
but I had to end it on a happy note. The next chapter will be fluffy too. Just cuz I'm in a fluffy mood.
xoxo Tabi
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