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Ch.22---- I've Never Been More Scared To Be Alone ((Folkin Around Panic at the Disco))

Gee's POV

"B-Bert?" I asked hesitantly. "It-it's me; Gerard. Gerard Way."

"Gee baby!" His overly happy voice chimed from the other end of the call. "It's been months! How are you?"

"I, uh, was in a car crash. But I'm better now." I told him frantically before he started asking me questions about it. I wanted my mind off that right now; off Frank. "H-how are you?" I don't even know why I called him. Maybe it's because he's the only one that won't freak out on me about what happened with myself and Frank? I know Ray will only try to kill me and well Mikey's half the problem. Still not sure what goes on with Bob so, yeah. That leaves Bert.

"I'm fabulous babe." Bert replied. He didn't sound right; he was overly happy. He was probably high or wasted. "Where are you?"

"I'm at a coffee shop down the road from Frank's." I replied. High or not he was making me feel better. I have no idea why. I've only been on the phone with him for a few minutes. Still, my tears have stopped and now I'm simply wiping the remains from my sore eyes. "Why?"

"I'm coming to get you." Bert told me with slight dominance. Like I have no say in the matter. Almost like I'm being told I'm being kidnapped. Well that's what it is isn't it? But, in a very, very small way, I want him to come get me. I'm desperate to get my mind off my conversation with Frank.

"Um, o-ok." I replied a little hesitantly. Do I really want him to come get me? After everything that's happened in the past? Yes, I think I do.

"I'll be there in a few minutes baby." Bert said and the line clicked dead. Was it even safe for him to drive if he's high? Oh well. I hung up the phone and ran a napkin over my face to dry the very last of my tears, waiting for Bert to arrive. I have no idea what he looks like, but I'm sure it won't be hard to figure out. He'll come after me. After all, he keeps calling me 'babe' or 'baby'. Apparently he thinks we have something we don't. Or, do we?

I should let someone know where I'm going. You know so there aren't cops or anything involved. I'll text Ray. He can go sit with Frank because I feel bad about leaving him like that. But I can't talk to him right now. Not until I have time to let the concept sink in. And believe me, when it sinks in, I'm killing Mikey. He knew Frank and I were trying to work our problems out. He should have just left Frank alone. I know Frank wasn't lying about Mikey pushing it because I could see it in Frank's eyes; hear it in his voice. Mikey's a dead man.

Going to hang with Bert for a bit. Call my phone to talk to Frank. xo G. Send. I turned Frank's phone off so I couldn't get a text back; well I couldn't read any that might be sent back, and stuck it in my pocket.

It wasn't long before Bert arrived. He looks like a dirty hobo. It's actually amusing. Bert has long black hair like me only he doesn't look like he washes it. He doesn't look like he bathes at all. Or shaves. He smells like pot and it's strong; but relaxing. I have no idea why it's relaxing but it is. "Gee!" Bert said with a giant grin as he yanked me from the chair to hug me. I was almost choking on the pot smell.

"H-hey Bert." I half coughed into his shoulder.

"Come on." Bert grabbed my hand and yanked me towards the door. "We have a lot of catching up to do." He shoved the door open and pulled me towards a car which I assumed was his. Bert let go of my hand when we reached the car; leaving me by the passenger's side as he walked over to the driver's. I opened the door and got in, buckling myself up while Bert fell into the driver's seat and shoved the key into the ignition.

"Where are we going?" I asked because, should anything happen, I needed to have someone come save me. Well come get me.

"We're going to go have some fun. My band's off tour right now. What about yours?"

"Um...we stopped it." I replied quietly. He's actually a good driver. Maybe he's not high. Or he gets high so much that he can function normally because his body's used to the drug.

"Oh well that sucks." Bert said as he drove. We did go over speed limit but not much. I think he's just really excited. "You still with the guitarist?"

"Frank?" I asked and Bert nodded. I swear I saw a hint of jealously, or disgust, flash through his slightly clouded eyes when I said the name. I smiled mentally. Bert's jealous of Frank. "Yeah...I think. We had a fight, kind of, earlier. T-that's why I called."

"I figured." Bert said as he headed down a different road. "You always call when you fight with him. I always come cheer you up." He told me with a small trace of annoyance. "I told you to leave him but you don't listen. I remember picking you up constantly in tears because of him. He's not good for you Gee babe." That was a mental slap. How often did I blow off Frank for Bert? You know I believe Frank over Bert. First, Frank doesn't smell like pot or sound like he's high.

"Yeah well I love him." I told Bert a little bitterly. It was true; I do love him. And he loves me. We're just at a wall I guess right now. I'll forgive him for this; I kind of have to. I'm sure, no, I know I've done things with Bert. That has to be why he's jealous of Frank and why he has pet names for me. Frank's always forgiven me. Hell he's forgiven me for almost killing him. I think he has at least. He still wants to be with me so I assume he's forgiven me. Still, right now is too soon to just brush it aside. I need my space from him until I cool down. I think that deep down he needs the space from me too. I know now that's why he was crying. He didn't want to tell me but he knew he had to. And I admire him for that. He wants to be honest.

"Well you know I love you and I'll always take care of you." Bert said with a smile. "You're always welcome at my place." He told me as he pulled into a driveway. "I bought this house for us, remember?" A very, very disturbing feeling flooded over me. My stomach began to knot and my heart started to race. I was regretting having called him; quickly.

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Frank's POV

"Frank?" I opened my eyes with my head still killing me to see Ray bent down beside me; worried. "Are you ok? Are you hurt?"

"W-what?" I asked, blinking my eyes a bit. I was still dizzy and lightheaded as well. I must have fallen asleep again.

"I got a text from your phone but it was from Gerard. He told me to call his phone to talk to you which had me confused but I did it; only you never answered. I was worried." Ray told me and I managed to sit myself up, leaning against the couch so I wouldn't fall down again. "So are you hurt?"

"N-no." I told Ray. "My head hurts really bad and I'm dizzy." I told him. Ray stared at me for a moment, studying me I guess. Gerard does it all the time. I've come to know the look.

"Frank, when's the last time you've eaten?" He asked me, standing up then sitting down on the couch beside me.

"Um..." I had to think about it. "M-my birthday?" I honestly wasn't sure.

"Frank! That's almost two weeks ago!" Ray suddenly said with heavy concern. "You must have passed out. You're already about to disappear into thin air. Your body is having problems working because you're not eating. That's why you feel so dizzy."

"I just forget." I told him, shutting my eyes to try and relieve the feeling. I hated it.

"Well unintentional or not, I'm afraid to tell you that you're anorexic." Ray said and I moaned. I hated that word. "Unless someone basically force feeds you, you're not eating."

"I'm never hungry."

"You are, you just don't feel it anymore because you've gone so long without food." I felt Ray get off the couch. "Look, you're going to the hospital. Bitch all you want but if you pass out again you might not wake up. Your body is incredibly weak; I can tell by looking at you." I really didn't want to go to the hospital, I hate the fucking place, but Ray was right. I knew I was weak. I've been weak for months. I manage to get through the day so I don't ever worry about it. "Then we'll find you a counselor or something that will work with you until you get back on a regular eating schedule."

"I hate you." I mumbled, opening my eyes again. Ray is way too concerned about me all the time.

"Come on." Ray said, grabbing my arms and picking me up from the couch. "You'll more than likely have to be admitted. While you're there, I'm going to fetch Gerard and sit his ass down to have a nice conversation with him."

"Where is he?" I asked, remembering that after I told him about Mikey he left. Oh god; he probably hates me now. How could I do that to him? I knew he was in a fragile state mentally; everything's coming back to him. Ray let go of my arms but kept them near me in case I fell again. I could hold myself up. I'm not that weak.

"You don't want to know." Ray said a little bitterly and that only made me want to panic. "All you're worrying about right now is getting to the hospital. So walk." I sighed and headed towards the door.

"Wait. I need to get something." I told Ray as I headed for my bedroom instead. He nodded and waited for me by the door. In the bedroom I checked the floor until I found the hoodie Gerard gave me for my birthday. I knew I would have to take it off when I got there but I wanted to wear it for now. It's cold out anyway. And being this thin, I get super cold super easy. I know they're going to stick me in a room on an IV, observing me to make sure I eat until I get stronger. This isn't the first time this has happened.

Once I had the large hoodie secured around me, I stuck my hands in the pocket and headed back to Ray. He smiled and opened the door. It was still considerably warm for November, but I was cold. I walked to Ray's car and got in while he locked my house and then got into the driver's seat. "You realize I really hate you." I mumbled as I buckled myself up.

"I know you hate the hospital, but I worry about you Frank." Ray said as he started his car and backed out of the driveway. "You don't take care of yourself. I'm going to say it and you're going to get mad, but Gerard didn't only fuck you up physically before. He did mental damage too. You always ate and laughed and played your guitar. Now your body's lucky to get substance in it once a month not to mention your absurd drinking and the fact that your guitar is probably buried in dust. Even if you won't admit it, you let yourself believe that you were worthless since Gerard would chose drinking and drugs over you."

"I really, really hate you." I told him as I slid down in the seat a little. Why did I hate Ray so much? The bastard's right; that's why. I did let myself suffer to a certain degree, telling myself that if I was better that Gerard would chose me instead of his alcohol or drugs. That's a very small part of why I never left him. I was determined to make myself good enough for him. The main part though was still love. I loved him, I do love him, and I couldn't (can't) ever let him go. "Seriously, go be a therapist. Hell, become mine." I told Ray and he laughed slightly.

"I can't be bothered with other people's problems." Ray said and that managed to put a smile on my face. "My concerns are with you, Bob, Mikey, and even Gerard."

"Don't mention Mikey." I told Frank.

"What happened between you two? He came home in the middle of the night looking like he was going to cry. I figured he would have stayed at your house after you called." Ray told me.

"Nothing." I replied bitterly. I was burying that deep in my mind. Gerard knew now so I have no other reason to think about it. I don't want to think about it. "Just don't talk about him please."

"Fine." Ray said in his 'keep the peace' voice. It's always how he would talk to us on the bus when the tension would get high. Him and Bob were always the peace keepers. Usually of myself and Gerard. We would always go at each other on the bus. But that started when Bert came around. "But if you want to talk about it, you know I'll listen."

"Yep." I mumbled, sitting back up and opening my eyes. We were at the hospital now and Ray parked in the ER parking lot. I undid my seatbelt and opened the door, my headache returning yet again. I was extremely dizzy and I held my head, leaning against Ray's car now.

"Frank?" Ray asked with worry. I couldn't open my eyes. The pain in my head was so incredibly overwhelming that thinking made me want to cry. I felt Ray touch my arm, probably holding me again. "Frank, are you ok?"

"I-I can't..." I told him before suddenly collapsing into his arms.



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A/N-- yeah I know. This chapters crap. Sorry.

I'm trying to take this story slow but I think it might be going too slow. Any one else think so?

xoxo Tabi