FicWad

Chapter Seven - Losing Touch

Frank lay in his bed and wrapped his arms round his stomach, he felt awful and no matter how much he tried to rid himself of the pain it didn't work. His ears were burning as he listened to the dull murmuring of his bandmates. Frank couldn't stand it, it was as if he was losing all track of reality and even of himself.

"Frank?"

Frank's eyes shot open as he heard Ray's voice but he couldn't turn himself round to look at him. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest and he lay as still as he could, only moving his head to look when he heard Ray walk away. He closed his eyes and rolled over on to his back as he tried to steady his heartbeat. He let his mind wander back to happier times, through the haze he saw her laughing, it was something really mundane that had made her and in turn himself laugh to the point they were both crying. Everything was so easy back then and now it just seemed like one big fucking mess up that he couldn't get out of.

The bus came to a halt and Frank jumped out of his bunk and grabbed his bags, he walked into the living area and immediately felt the eyes of the other four staring at him. Frank felt ashamed, he couldn't find the words to make everything better and he was so fed up feeling this way and making everyone else despise him. Bob had been right, he did need to speak to someone but here he was in a room with four of his closest friends and he couldn't let it out. He wanted to get into the hotel as fast as possible, just to get out of the suffocating atmosphere. He couldn't bring himself to look at anyone knowing they must all want to punch his lights out.

"Frank?"

As soon as the door was open Frank shot towards it, the cold air hitting him hard as he finally made it off the bus. Gerard was shouting on him, he could hear his name being called over and over again but as the unwanted tears started to fall down his face he just started to run. Throwing down his bags, he just kept running. Nobody was going to see him like this, this weak pathetic shell of a man who couldn't make it through one sodding day without a drama. He had no idea where he was going or what he was running on, the ground was uneven and to his horror he found himself falling, he cried out as his knee and then his head hit the ground. He just lay there like a heap as he struggled to take a breath. Bringing his hand to his mouth, he wiped his lip as he tasted the metallic bitter moisture across his tongue.

A strong pair of arms grabbed him as if he weighed nothing at all and he soon found himself being hoisted up.

"Don't fuck about with me Frank," Worm said as he carried Frank back to the hotel.

Frank didn't have the strength as he curled his head into his chest. Worm pulled the hood over Frank's head, the last thing he needed at this time would be for Frank to be recognised.
Frank could hear Worm speaking to someone and then they all entered the elevator. A door was opened and Worm gently carried Frank into the room before laying him on the bed.

"Frank?"

Frank slowly opened his eyes.

"Are you hurt anywhere Frank except your face?" Worm asked him.

Frank shook his head, he didn't want a fuss, he just wanted to be alone.

"Jai, could you empty the mini bar and just...?"

Frank didn't move his head as he lay on the bed but his eyes watched Worm turn his back to him, he knew they didn't trust him. He could feel the anger rise up in him again. Gerard had been allowed to self destruct almost to the point of no return and as far as Frank was concerned he was nowhere near that. He stopped himself from saying anything as he watched them empty his room of alcohol and anything he could use to harm himself with. Frank wanted to laugh with the irony of it all, they had all talked about him behind his back and now that they thought he was some kind of lunatic, they oh so subtly managed to make him feel worse without whispering a word.

"Frank, someones going to stay in the room with you tonight," Worm said as he watched the guitarist shut his eyes again. It broke his heart to see Frank like this, he had always been the most crazy in a good way and full of energy. Worm had spent many a time chasing down Frank and now the boy just look exhausted and a shadow of himself. Frank opened an eye as he watched Worm go out of the door. He pushed himself up the bed and slipped under the covers, making sure they were tightly packed around him. Again he could here the muffled sounds of people talking before he listened to his door open and close. He didn't want to look, he knew who it would be and for once he wished he would just fuck off for good.

Gerard didn't want to be there, he didn't know if it was the right thing to do and he was so sure that Frank wouldn't have wanted him to be there either. Frank had just shut down on him, he would never have believed that in such a short space of time someone could just withdraw. When Worm had come off the phone to Brian, he knew something was up. The band had all agreed that after all their earlier troubles with himself, Matt and then Mikey they would all be there for each other even if that mean't stepping in at times like this. Looking back at his own hard times, he knew Frank would be hating him right now and craving that time to be on his own. Everyone had just looked at Gerard when it had come to deciding who would look after Frank that night.

"Frank," Gerard said softly as he pulled at the covers,"please speak to me Frank."

"This is fucked up Gerard, you don't need to babysit me." Frank muttered as he slowly turned round so that Gerard could see his face.

"I know Frank I know," Gerard replied as he nervously played with his fingers.

"I'm not going to do anything stupid,"

"We're worried about you Frank, the cuts on your arm really scared me." Gerard said unable to look at his friend.

"What the fuck Gerard?" Frank almost yelled, "Do you really think I could do that to my Mom?"

"No, but you've not been yourself and you won't talk to any of us."

"That's just hilarious coming from you Gerard, man of mystery who says fuck all to any of us about what's going on in there," Frank snapped as he sat up in his bed.

"I don't want to argue with you Frank," Gerard said trying to reason with him.

"You sure about that?" Frank replied the words just tumbling out of his mouth.

Gerard just looked at Frank.

"I'm going for a smoke," Frank said as he eased himself off the bed and grimaced at the pain that shot through his knee.

"What on the balcony?" Gerard replied as he watched Frank take a cigarette from the pack and his lighter from his jacket pocket and head towards the balcony door.

"Don't worry Gee I ain't gonna jump," Frank said sarcastically but instantly hating himself for the look of pain on his friends face.

"Ha ha, so fucking not funny Frank." Gerard snapped following Frank.

"I jump, you jump Gerard," Frank quipped as he tossed his lighter to his friend.

"Pack it in Frank," Gerard said firmly but feeling relieved when Frank sat on the floor of the balcony.

They sat there in silence, Gerard every now and again hesitantly glancing over at Frank.

"You know you can talk to me Frank," Gerard finally said as Frank crushed his cigarette against the ground and nonchantly threw it over the side.

"I'm going to bed," Frank replied.

Gerard sighed knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere with Frank tonight. He stood up and watched Frank struggle to get up. Holding out his hand, Frank slapped it away before using the railing to haul himself up. Gerard stood back as he watched Frank go back into the room and lie in the bed again without even bothering to take his shoes off. As Gerard lay on the bed Frank turned away from him.

It seemed to take hours for Gerard to finally fall asleep which wasn't helped by Frank having to shove Gerard off him every half hour. He'd never really thought of Gerard being the cuddly type in bed but it was starting to freak him out. Frank never had a plan but as soon as he heard Gerard's breathing deepen, he quietly slipped out of the bed and threw his jacket on. He needed to quieten his mind and there was only one thing that was going to help him with that. He had never been so relieved to see doors shut as he quickly hit the ground floor button. Frank glanced at the darkened corridor as the doors opened and the sense of disappointment was all too apparent as he stepped out of the elevator.

"Bars shut Frank," a familiar voice laughed.

"Hey Chris, I really wanted a drink too," Frank replied.

"We were going to have a little get together in my room if you want to come," Nat smiled as she tried to hold up a rather tipsy Chris.

"Sure," Frank instantly replied as they all walked into the elevator. To his relief they were all on a different floor to him.

As Frank followed them to the room he could feel the indecisiveness creep back up on him again. Part of him wanted to turn around and go back to his room, he couldn't let his bandmates down again. However the stronger part just wanted to let loose, to do whatever he needed to do to make it easier. He knew Gerard would be mad but for once he didn't really care.

"Earth to Frank," Chris said gently pushing him.

"Sorry guys, I was daydreaming again." Frank laughed as he sat down on the chair.

"What do you want to drink?" Ben asked as he started to open bottles and fill various glasses with all manner of random stuff.

"Anything," Frank replied as he accepted the glass Ben passed to him, "Well em, this looks like it may kill me."

Frank took a sip and then spat it out in front of him, "Fucking hell."

"Nice Frank, real nice," Nat said as she threw him a towel to wipe himself.

"Sorry," Frank replied as both he and Chris started to laugh as Nat stood there with her hands on her hips.

"Nat, your turn," Brian said triumphantly as he passed her another colourful concotion.

"This is how it's done Iero," Nat said as she sniffed the drink and held it proudly in front of her.

Frank looked at Chris and they both exchanged a knowing glance. Frank watched as Nat breathed in deeply and then took a giant swing from the glass. They stared at her as she shut her eyes.

"You might want to swallow that Nat," Chris said.

Nat swallowed hard, "See all gone...oh god...."

"Something wrong Nat," Brian asked.

"I'm gonna be sick," she said grabbing on to her stomach and running to the bathroom.

Frank couldn't help but laugh, he didn't understand how it was so easy to let go with them. Nobody was watching him, noting his every move and it just felt so good.




Sorry to take so long to update this one, thanks so much for your fab reviews. Please feel free to rate/review this one as I really appreciate it.