Categories > Books > Harry Potter
Harry and company take matters into their own hands as the Order tries to get their act together following the acceptance that Voldemort has returned. The world screams for heroes yet is it truly r...
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Reviews
Incidental Consequences of Good Intentions
(#) 31415 2009-02-06
This is a promising beginning and with a little assistance from a beta it could be very good indeed.
Specific suggestions include being more careful with your grammar (homophone confusion in "Your being a total prat", number disagreement in "every other Christmas presents") and the phrasing and word choice in a few places; and I think that the story would be better trimmed of a few words here and there (e.g: "...presents that had been given to him in this life" could be "...presents he'd been given").
In short: good but not perfect and I'll be sure to read further chapters.Incidental Consequences of Good Intentions
(#) mwinter 2009-02-06
Not bad. Could stand a beta. Make Make sure that you make distinctions between scenes and such. Sometimes saying little says a whole lot more then an explanation.Incidental Consequences of Good Intentions
(#) dennisud 2009-02-07
Well a bit of jumping the timeline but still all connected and driving the point across of having them become closer and learn to fight together, and with others given your list of characters.
Well i expect a talk between them to clarify their relationship, dealing with Ron & Ginny and having Neville & Luna help out!
I hope this is updated soon!
Good start!
dennisudIncidental Consequences of Good Intentions
(#) Cateagle 2009-02-12
Well, it's certainly an attention grabbing start and I'm looking forward to seeing how they sort out their relationship and their relationships with others (the youngest two Gingers in particular). I'll echo the cry for a good beta as described above. The basic concept and writing seems strong and I'm most definitely looking forward to future updates.Incidental Consequences of Good Intentions
(#) siry 2013-07-16
This story is extermly hard to follow its like at one moment it sounds like he is in year three then next minuent you skip to year 5 without warningIncidental Consequences of Good Intentions
(#) qathihz 2019-03-26
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