- This is a promising beginning and with a little assistance from a beta it could be very good indeed.
Specific suggestions include being more careful with your grammar (homophone confusion in "Your being a total prat", number disagreement in "every other Christmas presents") and the phrasing and word choice in a few places; and I think that the story would be better trimmed of a few words here and there (e.g: "...presents that had been given to him in this life" could be "...presents he'd been given").
In short: good but not perfect and I'll be sure to read further chapters.
- Well a bit of jumping the timeline but still all connected and driving the point across of having them become closer and learn to fight together, and with others given your list of characters.
Well i expect a talk between them to clarify their relationship, dealing with Ron & Ginny and having Neville & Luna help out!
I hope this is updated soon!
- Well, it's certainly an attention grabbing start and I'm looking forward to seeing how they sort out their relationship and their relationships with others (the youngest two Gingers in particular). I'll echo the cry for a good beta as described above. The basic concept and writing seems strong and I'm most definitely looking forward to future updates.
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