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Ch.4---- Relationships

It was already Wednesday so I only have three days left to get Gerard to agree to go with me. I wasn't lying when we played truth or dare; I think I actually am falling for Gerard. Now, it may not seem like a big deal for you but for me it's everything. I'm a man whore; I don't date or fall for just one person. This is how it started with Pete; but he's so happy with Patrick. I wonder if I could have that with someone. I wonder if I could have that with Gerard.

I don't know exactly what it is about him that's suddenly changed me. I think the main thing is that he's fighting me; giving me a challenge. I adore challenges. That and he really is good looking. You would think that jet black hair contrasting with snowy white skin wouldn't work, but Gerard can prove you wrong because it work's really well on him. His art skills are amazing on top of that and while he's usually rude when speaking to me, I know he's a kind person. I mean, he puts his rude remarks into a polite form to make it less hurtful or something.

And I fully stand by my words of making him come to the dance as my date. I honestly don't give a fuck about the dare anymore. Now I'm doing it because I want to. I want to get Gerard to the dance, I want to kiss him, and I want to fuck him; but not all in one night. I want this to be more than a one night stand; I want it to be a nightly thing. I want what Pete has with Patrick and what Brendon has with Ryan. Hell, even Bob and Ray have it even if they can't see it.

"God I suck at art." I complained, looking at my...well I'm not entirely sure what to call it. I was drawing, but it looks more like I murdered the paper.

"No one sucks at art." Gerard said as he continued his comic. He's given up fighting the fact that I'm not going to leave him alone anytime soon so he'll occasionally talk to me; usually in a monotone voice. "Art is an expression of an individual."

"Well I'm pretty damn bad at expressing myself." I said and Gerard looked up, glancing at my (murdered) paper then up at me.

"There is more than one way to express yourself." He told me with (drum roll) sincerity. That's the most emotion Gerard has conveyed towards me over the past few days; and he actually meant it. I can see it in his hazel eyes (which have yellow and green in them sometimes. I've been noticing). "Art simply isn't your forte. Have you tried music or something?"

"I love to play guitar." I said with a slight shrug.

"Then music is your way of expressing yourself." Gerard said before looking back to his paper. I've always been told that but for some reason, when Gerard said that, I finally understood what he meant. Probably because I saw how good he was at drawing and how bad I was. I had a comparison.

"Still, it would be nice to be able to draw something." I mumbled as I crumpled my paper up.

"Start with something simple." Gerard told me, leaving his work again and reaching to the desk next to us where the glue, pencils, paper cutter, etc sat. He grabbed a container of broken colored pencils and set it in the middle of the table. "Draw what you see." He instructed, picking up his pencil and going back to his comic.

I grabbed a new piece of paper then picked up my own pencil, staring at the container then looking back to my blank paper. "Don't look at it as objects." Gerard said, noticing I wasn't doing anything. There were like a million pencils in the damn thing. "Find shapes and draw them where you see them. In the end you can go back and add detail. Take your time too." I nodded though Gerard kept his eyes on his sketchbook the entire time.

Studying the container again, I realized that the actual cup or whatever it was was a slightly curved rectangle. I drew a rectangle that bulged a little on the sides in the middle of the paper, keeping it towards the bottom so I would have room for the pencils and whatnot. At various lengths, I drew slim cylinders which were the pencils; angling them inside the rectangle I had. I went back and added little triangles at the top of the cylinders which represented the tips. Once I had basic shapes, I did as Gerard told me and went back to add detail.

The container had a simple design painted on it of mainly swirling lines. I erased the line separating the cylinder and the triangle of my pencils, making it a sharp jagging line to make it look like it was sharpened. I made a tiny triangle out of the tip of my previous triangles, coloring it in to represent the tip. "If you want to make them look realistic, a bit of shading will help you." Gerard told me as though he had been watching me the entire time; his eyes never leaving his sketchbook though.

"I don't know how to." I told him. Hey, the only amount of art I've ever done was finger painting in elementary school. You know, the times when you slam a few paint covered fingers against a paper then bring it home to your parents who proudly display it and tell you you'll be the next great artist.

"It's easy." Gerard looked up again, taking my paper towards him and towards the top he drew roughly five squares. "First you determine where the light is coming from." He drew a quick little light bulb next to one of the end squares. "The parts closest to the light are the lightest." Gerard left the square by the light bulb completely white, very lightly rubbing the tip of his pencil against the second box. "Very carefully, you rub your pencil gently back and forth; gradually adding a bit of pressure as you head farther away from the light source." His pencil marks got darker and darker as he moved through the squares. "In the end," Gerard completely blackened the last square then handed my paper back, "the point farthest away should be the darkest; usually black."

"Thanks." I said with a smile as I looked at the little squares. They looked real. I'm not sure what they would be but they had dimension.

"It's called a value scale." Gerard told me as he resumed his comic drawing. I nodded then picked up my pencil, looking at the container in front of me to figure out where the light was. I did what Gerard did on the squares and to my complete surprise, my drawing almost looked real.

"Holy fuck." I said with a smile. "It actually looks good." I said proudly.

"Because you took your time." Gerard told me, switching his pencil with his pen.

"Because you helped me." I told Gerard, showing him the drawing. He kept his eyes on his sketchbook though and I sighed silently, resting the paper near him.

"I told you no one sucks at art." Gerard said as he traced the pencil lines with his pen. It was a special pen; like it had dark black ink in it. I thought it looked really neat.

"But there are people like you who are really good." I told him, trying to get actual conversation going between us again.

"Art is my form of expression." Gerard replied, focusing more on his drawing than me. I'm kinda used to it by now. "I'm sure you are very good at guitar where your form of expression lies." I swear that was a compliment; well I'm taking it as one. He's softening! "Did it take you awhile to learn to play?"

"Yeah." I told him, pushing the jar of pencils aside. "Time and blood." I joked a little. "I practice whenever I can to get better. I'm even starting to create my own stuff instead of repeating songs."

"Art and music are very similar." Gerard said, turning his sketchbook some. "It took me practice in drawing. Like you, I've begun to create my own," He picked his sketchbook up and showed me what he had done of his comic, "instead of copying other work." Gerard flipped back a few pages and showed me really good drawings he did of superheros. But, that fits to his whole comic book motive. "The key is persistence, practice, and patience." Gerard lowered his sketchbook again and resumed drawing; well, inking. "You didn't give up playing when your fingers started to bleed because you were determined to learn how to play and to get better. I didn't give up drawing when my sketches didn't turn out the way I wanted because I was determined to them right and to create my own comic."

"Exactly." I said with a smile. Gerard understands things that no one else seems to. "It works that way for most everything, doesn't it?" I asked Gerard who nodded. "Well you understand why I won't leave you alone now, don't you?" Gerard looked up at me. "I want you, I'm determined to have you; I'm not giving up until I get you."

"You've mastered persistence alright." Gerard said with slight traces of annoyance. "Keep working on practice." Everyone started to clean up their supplies as we had a little over a minute left in the period. Gerard closed his sketchbook and put in his bag, sticking his pencils in a smaller pocket. "And I hope you have a lot of fucking patience." The bell chimed and Gerard got up, heading to his next period which I had with him but didn't sit by him in.

I was cracking him; slowly. At least we were making progress. Still, I'm determined to get him to the dance with me. And call it my imagination but I sure he has interest in me because he took the time to show me how to draw plus actually seemed like he cared. I'll work on 'practice', whatever that may be, and while a lot of people would think otherwise, I do indeed have a lot of patience. I'm not giving up anytime soon and the faster Gerard learns that, the easier this will all be.

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At lunch I decided not to eat but rather attempt my drawing skills again. I sat at the wooden bench we claimed outside with a folder underneath my paper. "Frank, why aren't you eating?" Brendon asked with a frown as they all approached the table; the sad excuse for food this school produces clutched in their hands. Dinner is always better than lunch because it's more like real food and less like school food; but it's still pretty bad.

"Not hungry." I mumbled while continuing to sketch. The table was round because it was the easiest way to fit all of us and still allow us to all communicate easily; especially since our group keeps growing. Ray has unofficially become a member of our 'popular possi' as a lot of students put it. At least he's enjoying the attention that seems to follow us around.

"You're skipping lunch to draw?" Pete asked with confusion and some shock while sitting on my left. "Since when do you draw?" He always gets a shit load of food and barely eats anything. I tell him not to waste it. He says he'll eat it all but when it actually comes to the eating part, he doesn't touch much of it.

"Since I decided I was bored." I told Pete without removing my eyes from the paper.

"More like since he has a crush on Gerard." Bob said with a teasing voice and I raised my eyes, leveling them with him and giving him the death glare. Bob's smile instantly vanished as he sat down and stared at his food.

"Woah;" Pete grabbed the paper, causing me to sigh heavily and look at him. "You mean you're actually falling for him?!" There was disgust and shock in Pete's voice that made me really just want to punch him in the face.

"So what if I am?" I snapped at Pete, attempting to grab the paper back. "What fucking business is it of yours?"

"I'm your best friend!" Pete put up in his defense. "I can't let you do this to yourself!" He dropped the paper, letting the wind carry it away. "Gerard is totally below you Frankie!" Everyone looked silently at their plates as Pete continued to yap at me. "He's a freak! No, he's worse than that! He's like a nobody! You've earned too much for me to let-" Without really thinking about it, I balled my hand into a fist and drove it right into Pete's face; blood starting to slide out of his nose a moment later. "What the fuck?!" Pete yelled, grabbing his nose in pain.

"Shut, the, fuck, up!" I said slowly and sharply for him so he would get every word. "Gerard is not a freak. He is not a nobody. He's a very talented, nice, somewhat rude, boy just like the rest of us at this fucking table! So what if he doesn't have any social status?! I get so fucking tired of everyone following me around or dressing how I do or doing something because I did! I don't want a bunch of fucking mindless people doing whatever the fuck I do because they're not me!" I practically yelled at Pete.

"Frank, calm down." Brendon said with a slightly shaky voice. I shoved my things into my backpack and swung it over my body. "You know Pete; he spoke before he had time to think about it."

"Yeah well he went too fucking far this time." I said coldly as I stood up from the table. Patrick gave Pete some napkins to help with the blood. "I don't give a fuck what you think about Gerard but if you open your fucking mouth to me like that again about him, there will be a lot more blood." I warned Pete before turning around and heading away from them.

"Frank-Frankie wait up!" Brendon came running after me, grabbing my wrist and forcing me to stop walking. I wiped my eyes of a few tears because I didn't mean to freak out like that on my lifelong best friend but I wasn't going to let him talk like that either. "Are you ok?" Brendon asked with concern, looking to me with his large brown eyes.

"How could he talk about him like that?" I asked Brendon, my eyebrows pushing together in confusion yet angst. "He doesn't even know Gerard!" Brendon exhaled a little loudly and placed his hands on my shoulders, looking directly into my eyes.

"Frank, think about it for a minute. Until Patrick gave you this dare, you used to say the same exact things about Gerard. Hell, we say that kind of shit about everyone we don't know. It's wrong, we know it is, but we do it anyway. Pete didn't mean to get you upset like that. He's just shocked is all." Brendon said calmly as he continued to stare at me. "Pete is your best friend Frankie; he really cares about you. He thinks that," Brendon took a deep breath, "He thinks that you'll get hurt if you get too involved with this whole Gerard thing and he's worried about you."

"Well I can handle myself." I said with stubbornness, wiping my eyes again. "I know when something isn't going to work out for me." I glanced at the table and saw them all trying to discreetly watch us. Well, everyone but Pete who was still dealing with a bloody noise with the help of Patrick. "I've never done this before; this whole dating thing. You know that." A small smile formed on Brendon's lips and he nodded a little. "But the way I feel about Gerard; It's different than I've felt about one night stands and everything. Something about him really interests me and I like being around him."

"I know exactly how you feel." Brendon told me, his smile growing some. "It's the same way I feel about Ryan; the same way Pete feels about Patrick. Hell, I'm sure Bob and Ray have something going too." I laughed a little, wiping my eyes since they slowly still leaked empty tears. "Why don't you go for a walk to cool down and I'll talk to Pete, ok?" Brendon rubbed my arms a little and I nodded. "If you want you can come sleep with me tonight." Again I nodded and Brendon slid his arms completely around me, hugging me tightly. "It'll all be ok Frankie." He whispered before letting go of me and smiling then turning and heading back to the lunch table.

I turned in the opposite direction and started towards the path to the pond; hoping that Gerard would be there. Even if he won't talk to me or even if he's rude to me, I know just being around him will make me feel better. If nothing else, being next to the quiet pond will help me clear my head so my friendship with Pete won't be completely ruined. He means so much to me; as does everyone that sits at that damn table. Including Ryan and even Ray who's making his way into my heart.