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Chapter 1- What a wonderful caricature of intimacy

~Ryan~
"Him." I whispered. I was laying on my bed. But there was no one beside me. Just that taunting picture of him that never left my side.

Everything about him, from his big chocolate brown eyes to his soft warm lips, I just can't get out of my mind.

Out of my mind. That's one way to describe myself. Maybe even insane. But it's not my fault. It's his.

He made me feel this way, he's the one who makes my heart ache like it caught on fire, and he's the one that left me like this. Alone.

I'm sure he didn't mean to do it. After all, I am his "best friend".

I laughed, thinking about what he said to me at his wedding.

"Ryan, no matter what happens, I'll always love you."

That would've meant something to me. If he wasn't drunk.

How long has it been since I've seen him? A month? A year? I looked over at my calendar.

Two days. Damn, I could've sworn it had been longer than that. We don't spend enough time together. Only once a week.

How can I stay away from the love of my life for 313 days and 1,144 hours out of the year?

I had to call him. Just to hear his voice. I might even hang up after he says hello.

Picking up the phone, I dialed his number that I had memorized by heart.

Ring one. Ring two. Ring three. And shortly after the third ring, he answered breathlessly.

"Hello?"

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "H-hey, Brendon."

"Hey, Ryan, how are you?" He asked warmly. God, he made the most simple phrase sound like something dirty.

"I'm fine. Um, do you want to do something tonight? I know it's not friday, but-"

He cut me off. "Of course, I always have time for you. Where do you want to go?"

My heart pounded with excitement and absolute terror. "Um, I don't know, where do you want to go?"

"Well, we could go to a bar or something." He suggested. I frowned, thankful that he couldn't see it. A bar is too noisy, no privacy at all. I wanted to actually enjoy my moments with Brendon.

"How about we go somewhere more quiet?" I hoped that he would go for it.

He stayed silent, though I could practically hear him thinking. I prayed for him to suggest something more romantic.

"What about a movie? That's always fun."

I grinned. Perfect. "Sounds great! Uh, how about I meet you there in about an hour?"

"Yeah, an hour would be great."

We exchanged our goodbyes, and I quickly hung up the phone. I had to get ready. Because as of now, I am in my pajamas and I haven't taken a shower in two days.

I turned the water on, letting it get nice and hot before I got in. The harshness of it burned my skin, but I ignored it, pouring liquid soap onto a washcloth. I made sure to wash every single inch of my body, covering myself with the strongest smelling soap I could find.

After I rinsed, I got out and immediately started to blow dry my hair. I looked at the clock on my phone.

3:15. Shit, I only have 45 minutes before I have to be there.

After my hair was completely dry, I rushed to my closet to pick out something to wear. Unfortunately, I hadn't done laundry in a while.

I finally settled on jeans and a sweater, not wanting to be too dressed up.

I checked my hair in the mirror one last time before I left.
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My heart felt like it was going to explode and my tongue started to swell. This happened every time I was expecting to see him. Why was I so nervous? He's my best friend. I shouldn't feel so...

Scared. I feel scared. Why? I have no idea.

Before I was mentally stable, I was there, sitting in the parking lot.

Okay, Ross, get it together. Remember, he's your friend. Your best friend.

I stepped out of the car and made my way to the entrance of the theater. He was standing by the front door.

"God, he looks so beautiful." I muttered under my breath. He had on a fitted t-shirt and a jacket on. Not to mention his skin tight jeans.

When he saw me, he smiled, and I forgot how to breath. It was when he said hi when I took in the cold December air, making me cough.

"Hi, Brendon." I choked out, still coughing a little.

He patted my back. "Hey, Ryan. Are you okay?"

I looked into his worried eyes. I couldn't believe that he actually cared. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go in before my lungs get frost bite."
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With drinks and a tub of popcorn between us, the movie started. I wasn't sure what movie we were watching, but it was something that Brendon wanted to see.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't concentrate on the movie. My mind, his body, were distracting me. I stared down at his arm that was at his side, begging him silently to come a little closer, just enough to come in contact with mine. He didn't move.

I sighed, giving up. Might as well enjoy the movie. I thought.

My stomach growled. I reached for the popcorn, not taking my eyes away from the screen. I felt something big and warm in the tub. I grabbed it, looking down. It was Brendon's hand. I quickly released it, blushing deeply. Out of the corner of my eye, I could've sworn that I saw him smirking.
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Stepping outside, I felt snowflakes tickle my face. Looking up, I saw the little white specks falling from the black sky.

"It's snowing." Brendon said, looking up at the sky with me.

I nodded. "Yeah, it is. It's very pretty."

"You sure are." He breathed into my ear.

I froze. Did he say what I think he said? "What?"

He didn't respond. But what he did do was press his soft warm lips against mine. My heart pounded, my body numb. His tongue begged for entrance inside my mouth, and I let it, parting my lips slightly. Though it was cold, I was starting to get over-heated.

I moaned quietly in protest when he pulled his lips away. His forehead rested on mine and both of us were breathing heavily. He kissed me lightly on my lips. "Do you love me?"

"I, uh-" I stammered.

"I said do you love me?" He repeated, demanding an answer.

A tear rolled down my cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb. "Yes, Brendon, I do." He pulled me into a tight hug, kissing my temple.

He pulled away and took my hand, walking me towards my car. It was warm and inviting, I didn't want to let it go when we reached our destination.

Pressing me against the car, he kissed me again, making it last a little longer than the previous one. Once again, my heart thumped wildly and my stomach flipped flopped.

How does he make me feel this way? I thought I was insane before, but nothing compares to how insane I am now. I actually thought that he loved me back. I chuckled, the thought tickling me.

Brendon lifted his lips from mine and stared at me with a confused look. "What's so funny?"

I giggled. "Nothing, it's just that-" I swallowed. "I keep thinking that you love me back, when I know you don't."

He frowned, a line creasing in his forehead. I felt him remove his arms from my waist and he used his hands to put on my shoulders. "Ryan, you have no idea how much I love you. I always have. Every time I look at you, my heart does this little flutter thing. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

"But what about... her?" I asked.

He shrugged. "What about her?"

"B-but, don't you love her?" I stammered. I was extremely confused.

He was about to say something, then paused. "I don't know, I guess. But I only married her because, well, I hoped that would take my mind off of you. So far, it hasn't worked."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he put a single finger on my lips. "We'll be together. I don't know how, but we will."

He opened up my car door and helped me inside. Looking up at him, I begged him with my eyes not to leave. I couldn't bare the thought of going back to my house again. Alone.

He sighed, walking to the other side of the car. Now that both of us were in the car, I turned on the engine and drove back to my house, snowflakes still falling through the sky.
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Ooooo, this is my first Ryden story! What do ya think?