Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Clandestine's School for the Strange
"Merry Christmas-," Yule Shoot Your Eye Out, Fall Out Boy
4 reviewsWake up mother *uckers! Christmas time pooped out to say hi ho!
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“Merry Christmas-,”
Yule Shoot You Eye Out, Fall Out Boy
Chapter Four
I REALLY wish that I didn’t get woken up, but I did by the face of my idiot brother Patrick.
His hot breath was on my face. I almost puked.
Because you know, when you wake up in the mornings and you get that really bad breath. He was the perfect example. Checkmate, King Me!
Andy was standing at the door, wearing a hoodie.
Was that, MY purple hoodie?!
“Um, sorry, I got cold.” Andy said, rubbing his arm
“S’okay.”
“C’mon, we’ve gotta go jump on Dad.”
I groaned
“Tradition?” Patrick said, his voice rising in pitch
“Fine.” I said, pulling myself out of bed. I grabbed my blanket and put it around me.
Leaving my room was a terrifying ordeal. From a nice, dry, heated room, to a cold and slightly damp feeling environment.
Not cool man!
“Patrick, are those my bunny slippers?” I said, pointing down ant the pink fluffy animals, covering his feet.
“No! Of course not!”
He was babbling, he lost already. Haha
We all stopped outside Dad’s office, which is also where the bed is.
“One – two – three. Let’s go!” I said, pushing the door open dramatically, almost falling onto my face
They both rushed in ahead of me while I slowly re-gathered myself.
I saw them both stop up ahead. I was about to ask why, but then I got my question answered.
One tatooed arm and the other one
A small skinny arm sticking out of the blankets
A familiar head of hair was seen at the top.
Soft wavy brown hair.
From behind, it was easy to see Patrick was fuming. His hands were balled into fists and the tips of his ears were glowing (oh yes, glowing) red.
Andy just kind of, didn’t move.
“Dad?” I asked, finally after a whole lot of plain staring
He stirred a little before opening his eyes.
“Merry Christmas.” he said groggily
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Patrick burst out
Liz rolled over and woke up.
“Why is she in your bad?” Patrick asked, practically spitting magma and lava
“I, um, er got cold last night. The couch was, um, really. . . freezing?”
I could tell she was feeling the total awkwardness seethe through her body
“Fuck you.” Patrick said
“Hey! Don’t talk like that to my mother!” Andy said pushing Patrick roughly
“It’s the first night and she’s in his bed. Holy fuck Andy. Wow.” Patrick retorted angrily
“Just shut the fuck up! I believe your father could of kicked her out of bed.”
“That’s it!” Patrick said. He delivered a huge swing, collecting Andy’s nose and mouth in one blow.
“HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PATRICK, CALM DOWN!” Dad said, looking at Andy, unconscious on the ground, blood pouring out of his nose
Liz got up and started to pick up Andy, whimpering just a little
“Patrick, come on!” I said, tugging on his arm
He followed stubbornly, with the same angry expression
“Look, it would have been freezing out there last night. There’s no heat in that room. Besides, Andy was right, Dad did have the right to kick her out of bed if he wanted to.”
“So you’re siding with him now?!” Patrick asked angrily. He looked at me and I noticed his eyes were turning bloodshot red rapidly.
“No, I’m just telling you the truth, okay?!” I said, “Are you going to calm down?”
His fists unclenched and the red left his face quickly
“No, I’m not.”
“Gah, what are you trying to get from me? I know you’re okay now!”
“Okay. Fine. I’ll apologise.”
I breathed out slowly
“Thank you.”
“Only because we must be, like, related or something now. Wait no. Okay. We aren’t.”
“Do you remember where Mom left the pancake recipe?” I asked cautiously, as not to break him while he was in a fragile, ready to blow state of mind.
“SHE.” Patrick began bitterly, “Kept all of the recipes on top of the fridge.”
“Thanks.” I said, deciding while Patrick was getting out directions that I was going to head to the dining room first.
“You guys, uh, better say sorry and stuff.” I said, turning on my heel. I was headed for the kitchen.
I was winning the race to the Christmas tree.
Down to the end of the hallway.
“ANDY!
WE’RE STILL RACING!!!!!!!!”
I began to run as soon as I heard footsteps chasing me very fast. Andy had apparently regained consciousness because he crashed into me, just as I knelt down to the place where I always was at 6 a.m on the 25 of December. Patrick almost toppled overtop of me, which would of ultimately knocked over the tree.
“Got here first.” I said smugly
“Andy, your presents are here.” I said reaching around, pulling presents out from under the tree.
“Cool.” he murmured quietly
“Patrick. Found one for you.” Andy said, almost throwing it at him
“Thanks Hurley.” he replied emotionessly, opening the card first.
Don’t tell me that your parents never told you it was rude otherwise
He began to read his card aloud to us:
Dearest Patrick,
Your father sent us a few pictures from your holiday in Tampa Bay. I can see that you and Crystal are growing up really fast.
By now, I expect you and her would of found out about the whole, “Dude, I totally have superpowers. Woohoo! Party!”, type thing.
It is inherited from us here in wee little Ireland. They say we have a little leprechaun magic in the tips of our fingers.
As you already know sadly, Pa Jim gave his life while saving a young man from a drowning accident.
Pa Jim had the ability to come back. At first when he told me that I was ready to call the asylum to come and get him but something made me believe him. He’s told me stories of when he was a king, all until he got executed. That was all centuries ago and he hasn’t turned into a cat and lost all of his lives yet.
The only sign I’ve had so far of him was a pheasant, his favourite game bird fly in and out of the house without stopping. If your Grandfather was alive now, I’m sure he would of killed that bird.
He and I both love you, no matter where he is.
Make sure your sister reads this Patrick!
J-Gran
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
“Whoa.”
“Man, I can’t believe your Grandma used the word, “dude”.” Andy said, stunned
“She’s quite ‘jiggy’ with the times, isn’t she?” Dad said from the hallway.
Liz was already in the kitchen reaching to the top of the fridge for the recipe book.
I gagged at what Dad said
“Yes.” Patrick said in a strange monotone.
“What’s inside?” I asked excitedly.
Patrick ripped the rest of the paper off.
“She gave me this.”
He pulled the hat out of the box. It was one of Grandad’s old hats for out on the farms. I always imagined them being called patty hats. Makes sense now doesn’t it?
“I’ve been wanting one of these.” he said, trying it on immediately
“That was his favorite hat.” Dad said, reminiscing of his days as a kid rolling around on muddy green pastures.. . .
“Hurley.” I said, hurling geddit? a rather large present toward him.
I had a terrible feeling I knew what it was.
Evidently he did as well as he ripped off the fairy wrapping paper.
I really don’t know why he had fairy wrapping paper.
Really. I don’t.
“You aren’t serious.” Patrick began for him flatly
“I love you Mom!!!!!!!!” Andy said getting up and running around.
“No worries.” she said coolly, hugging him when he tackled her against the fridge.
Liz Hurley had given away a terrible present to her son. Do you know what that was?
Take a guess. . .
Lips. Lips the multi-platform version, meaning he could play it on a computer or X-Box.
Lips. The end of all our hearing. Time to pull out those hearing aids kiddos!
Patrick rolled his eyes while Andy ran back and began to read the instruction book.
I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my dressing gown.
Hlp. Andy got lips as a xmas presnt. wtf do we do now?
send to many
message sent
reply
Gabe Saporta:
Nooooo! u wrckd my mrning fr me! emo cries in corner. dies
Bdon:
He shall be. . . extermnatd. At once!
Tinker:
Bt we live jst dwn th road frm u! jumps off the roof
Joe Trohman:
If it goes missing, dnt mk me a suspect. okay?!
ztnewetep:
slits wrists
ztnewetep:
dies
ztnewetep:
I still hear it! Owwwww!
RR:
damnit janet. p.s merry christmas!
“Stump!” Andy called.
The next second I had a present thrown at my head.
“What was that for, noobface?!”
“I called your name, boob.” Andy replied. I loved the fact he didn’t have any hesitation in calling me a boob. Ahhh, refreshing.
I picked it up off the ground.
LOVE DAD
I noted the fact that the, “& MOM”, part had been crossed out. Nice.
“I know what it is already.” Patrick said smugly, “One for me! Yay!”
I unwrapped it as fast as I could, shredding away the wrapping paper like Edward Scissorhands (yeah, I’m serious!)
Patrick held up a rather. . . nice looking gift.
So that’s who the thong was for.
I picked up the note for him and began to read it.
There was another layer of wrapping I had to go through so I just decided to wait.
“DEAR PATRICK,
WEAR THIS, AND ONLY THIS AND THAT WILL BE MY CHRISTMAS AND BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR YEARS
LOVE, TRIXI
XO.
P.S: I CHOSE A GREEN ONE SO IT WOULD MATCH YOUR EYES.
Interesting...
I'll write more after lunch. I got a super awesome present!!! (You will never guess.)
P.S: Just wanted to say, my present isn't as awesome as Patrick's from a certain somebody.
XO
(sorry, I'm not here for discussion write now.)
[*] Just wanted to say a huge thank you to alex -nods-. Probably the most loyal reviewer. God this is a crappy. Thank you for hanging in there through this! inserts fifty cookies and mini-pizzas into your mouth *
Yule Shoot You Eye Out, Fall Out Boy
Chapter Four
I REALLY wish that I didn’t get woken up, but I did by the face of my idiot brother Patrick.
His hot breath was on my face. I almost puked.
Because you know, when you wake up in the mornings and you get that really bad breath. He was the perfect example. Checkmate, King Me!
Andy was standing at the door, wearing a hoodie.
Was that, MY purple hoodie?!
“Um, sorry, I got cold.” Andy said, rubbing his arm
“S’okay.”
“C’mon, we’ve gotta go jump on Dad.”
I groaned
“Tradition?” Patrick said, his voice rising in pitch
“Fine.” I said, pulling myself out of bed. I grabbed my blanket and put it around me.
Leaving my room was a terrifying ordeal. From a nice, dry, heated room, to a cold and slightly damp feeling environment.
Not cool man!
“Patrick, are those my bunny slippers?” I said, pointing down ant the pink fluffy animals, covering his feet.
“No! Of course not!”
He was babbling, he lost already. Haha
We all stopped outside Dad’s office, which is also where the bed is.
“One – two – three. Let’s go!” I said, pushing the door open dramatically, almost falling onto my face
They both rushed in ahead of me while I slowly re-gathered myself.
I saw them both stop up ahead. I was about to ask why, but then I got my question answered.
One tatooed arm and the other one
A small skinny arm sticking out of the blankets
A familiar head of hair was seen at the top.
Soft wavy brown hair.
From behind, it was easy to see Patrick was fuming. His hands were balled into fists and the tips of his ears were glowing (oh yes, glowing) red.
Andy just kind of, didn’t move.
“Dad?” I asked, finally after a whole lot of plain staring
He stirred a little before opening his eyes.
“Merry Christmas.” he said groggily
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Patrick burst out
Liz rolled over and woke up.
“Why is she in your bad?” Patrick asked, practically spitting magma and lava
“I, um, er got cold last night. The couch was, um, really. . . freezing?”
I could tell she was feeling the total awkwardness seethe through her body
“Fuck you.” Patrick said
“Hey! Don’t talk like that to my mother!” Andy said pushing Patrick roughly
“It’s the first night and she’s in his bed. Holy fuck Andy. Wow.” Patrick retorted angrily
“Just shut the fuck up! I believe your father could of kicked her out of bed.”
“That’s it!” Patrick said. He delivered a huge swing, collecting Andy’s nose and mouth in one blow.
“HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PATRICK, CALM DOWN!” Dad said, looking at Andy, unconscious on the ground, blood pouring out of his nose
Liz got up and started to pick up Andy, whimpering just a little
“Patrick, come on!” I said, tugging on his arm
He followed stubbornly, with the same angry expression
“Look, it would have been freezing out there last night. There’s no heat in that room. Besides, Andy was right, Dad did have the right to kick her out of bed if he wanted to.”
“So you’re siding with him now?!” Patrick asked angrily. He looked at me and I noticed his eyes were turning bloodshot red rapidly.
“No, I’m just telling you the truth, okay?!” I said, “Are you going to calm down?”
His fists unclenched and the red left his face quickly
“No, I’m not.”
“Gah, what are you trying to get from me? I know you’re okay now!”
“Okay. Fine. I’ll apologise.”
I breathed out slowly
“Thank you.”
“Only because we must be, like, related or something now. Wait no. Okay. We aren’t.”
“Do you remember where Mom left the pancake recipe?” I asked cautiously, as not to break him while he was in a fragile, ready to blow state of mind.
“SHE.” Patrick began bitterly, “Kept all of the recipes on top of the fridge.”
“Thanks.” I said, deciding while Patrick was getting out directions that I was going to head to the dining room first.
“You guys, uh, better say sorry and stuff.” I said, turning on my heel. I was headed for the kitchen.
I was winning the race to the Christmas tree.
Down to the end of the hallway.
“ANDY!
WE’RE STILL RACING!!!!!!!!”
I began to run as soon as I heard footsteps chasing me very fast. Andy had apparently regained consciousness because he crashed into me, just as I knelt down to the place where I always was at 6 a.m on the 25 of December. Patrick almost toppled overtop of me, which would of ultimately knocked over the tree.
“Got here first.” I said smugly
“Andy, your presents are here.” I said reaching around, pulling presents out from under the tree.
“Cool.” he murmured quietly
“Patrick. Found one for you.” Andy said, almost throwing it at him
“Thanks Hurley.” he replied emotionessly, opening the card first.
Don’t tell me that your parents never told you it was rude otherwise
He began to read his card aloud to us:
Dearest Patrick,
Your father sent us a few pictures from your holiday in Tampa Bay. I can see that you and Crystal are growing up really fast.
By now, I expect you and her would of found out about the whole, “Dude, I totally have superpowers. Woohoo! Party!”, type thing.
It is inherited from us here in wee little Ireland. They say we have a little leprechaun magic in the tips of our fingers.
As you already know sadly, Pa Jim gave his life while saving a young man from a drowning accident.
Pa Jim had the ability to come back. At first when he told me that I was ready to call the asylum to come and get him but something made me believe him. He’s told me stories of when he was a king, all until he got executed. That was all centuries ago and he hasn’t turned into a cat and lost all of his lives yet.
The only sign I’ve had so far of him was a pheasant, his favourite game bird fly in and out of the house without stopping. If your Grandfather was alive now, I’m sure he would of killed that bird.
He and I both love you, no matter where he is.
Make sure your sister reads this Patrick!
J-Gran
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
“Whoa.”
“Man, I can’t believe your Grandma used the word, “dude”.” Andy said, stunned
“She’s quite ‘jiggy’ with the times, isn’t she?” Dad said from the hallway.
Liz was already in the kitchen reaching to the top of the fridge for the recipe book.
I gagged at what Dad said
“Yes.” Patrick said in a strange monotone.
“What’s inside?” I asked excitedly.
Patrick ripped the rest of the paper off.
“She gave me this.”
He pulled the hat out of the box. It was one of Grandad’s old hats for out on the farms. I always imagined them being called patty hats. Makes sense now doesn’t it?
“I’ve been wanting one of these.” he said, trying it on immediately
“That was his favorite hat.” Dad said, reminiscing of his days as a kid rolling around on muddy green pastures.. . .
“Hurley.” I said, hurling geddit? a rather large present toward him.
I had a terrible feeling I knew what it was.
Evidently he did as well as he ripped off the fairy wrapping paper.
I really don’t know why he had fairy wrapping paper.
Really. I don’t.
“You aren’t serious.” Patrick began for him flatly
“I love you Mom!!!!!!!!” Andy said getting up and running around.
“No worries.” she said coolly, hugging him when he tackled her against the fridge.
Liz Hurley had given away a terrible present to her son. Do you know what that was?
Take a guess. . .
Lips. Lips the multi-platform version, meaning he could play it on a computer or X-Box.
Lips. The end of all our hearing. Time to pull out those hearing aids kiddos!
Patrick rolled his eyes while Andy ran back and began to read the instruction book.
I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my dressing gown.
Hlp. Andy got lips as a xmas presnt. wtf do we do now?
send to many
message sent
reply
Gabe Saporta:
Nooooo! u wrckd my mrning fr me! emo cries in corner. dies
Bdon:
He shall be. . . extermnatd. At once!
Tinker:
Bt we live jst dwn th road frm u! jumps off the roof
Joe Trohman:
If it goes missing, dnt mk me a suspect. okay?!
ztnewetep:
slits wrists
ztnewetep:
dies
ztnewetep:
I still hear it! Owwwww!
RR:
damnit janet. p.s merry christmas!
“Stump!” Andy called.
The next second I had a present thrown at my head.
“What was that for, noobface?!”
“I called your name, boob.” Andy replied. I loved the fact he didn’t have any hesitation in calling me a boob. Ahhh, refreshing.
I picked it up off the ground.
LOVE DAD
I noted the fact that the, “& MOM”, part had been crossed out. Nice.
“I know what it is already.” Patrick said smugly, “One for me! Yay!”
I unwrapped it as fast as I could, shredding away the wrapping paper like Edward Scissorhands (yeah, I’m serious!)
Patrick held up a rather. . . nice looking gift.
So that’s who the thong was for.
I picked up the note for him and began to read it.
There was another layer of wrapping I had to go through so I just decided to wait.
“DEAR PATRICK,
WEAR THIS, AND ONLY THIS AND THAT WILL BE MY CHRISTMAS AND BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR YEARS
LOVE, TRIXI
XO.
P.S: I CHOSE A GREEN ONE SO IT WOULD MATCH YOUR EYES.
Interesting...
I'll write more after lunch. I got a super awesome present!!! (You will never guess.)
P.S: Just wanted to say, my present isn't as awesome as Patrick's from a certain somebody.
XO
(sorry, I'm not here for discussion write now.)
[*] Just wanted to say a huge thank you to alex -nods-. Probably the most loyal reviewer. God this is a crappy. Thank you for hanging in there through this! inserts fifty cookies and mini-pizzas into your mouth *
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