Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > My Only Sunshine

I'm Going Home; To The Place That I Belong

by ipanicdaily 12 reviews

"Welcome to Italy." Frank said and Gerard looked down at him before falling down beside him.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Fantasy,Romance - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Ray Toro - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2009-03-02 - Updated: 2009-03-03 - 3705 words - Complete

A/N--- Ok so I did have a third story going but I deleted that as well as the end of this story because I couldn't come up with anything new. The story was going to end this way anyway. Sorry I wasted all your guy's time.

xoxo Tabi


one year later

"Just please, let me do this alone." Gerard asked Ray with frustration.

"Fine." Ray sighed heavily, finally giving in. "You have a half hour. If you're not back by then I'm coming to get you and you're not coming back for awhile." He warned Gerard who nodded, giving Ray a small smile of gratitude as he unbuckled his seat belt and opened the door of the car. "Remember; half hour." Gerard got out of Ray's car then shut the door, walking towards the woods to head to Eden; the clearing Frank had named for them.

He stuck his hands in his pockets, following the barely visible trail of x's on the trees to lead him to the spot he missed so much. It had been awhile since he had been here, everyone constantly bothering him about one thing or another and he just really needed to clear his head. His thumb twisted the little golden band on his finger, his eyes focused on the bushes ahead of him that was the entrance point to Eden.

Pushing the bushes aside, Gerard walked into the warm clearing and smiled, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath as his heart instantly felt much lighter and his head much clearer. Letting the gentle breeze ruffle his hair, Gerard walked towards the large beautiful willow that instantly attracted anyone's attention. The stream calmly flowed through the center of Eden and Gerard listened to the water trickle as he walked across the soft grass.

Gerard carefully parted the long branches of the willow which curtained its trunk, letting them fall again behind him as he carefully sat on the ground. He sat on his knees, eventually sitting back on his heels as he reached a slightly shaking hand out before him, running it slowly along the marble tombstone in front of him. "Happy birthday baby." Gerard said with a smile, tracing the engravings of Frank Anthony Iero-Way with a finger. "I wanted to bring fresh roses but Ray was being mean and wouldn't stop anywhere because we have to go celebrate Halloween with Bob and Mikey. I can't believe how fast time goes. I did bring you this though." Gerard sat up on his knees and pulled out his wallet, sliding a picture of a tiny infant out and laying it carefully on the ground. "That's Aubry. She gets bigger every day."

He laughed a little as he put the wallet back into his pocket. "I'm sorry I don't get here more often. I've been really focusing on the comic lately because it's selling like crazy. I even won an award!" Gerard proudly told the tombstone. "Then I've been helping Bob and Mikey look after Aubry a lot because she's can be very fussy at times but she's a lot of fun to be with. Her first birthday is in a few months." The warm breeze picked up a little and Gerard smiled wider, shutting his eyes and keeping them shut for a moment before opening them again.

"So your mom brought me a box of your stuff not too long ago. I found so many pictures in there. I spent that night going through them all, making a scrapbook. Well I plan on making one." Gerard laughed to himself quietly. "You have a shit load of pictures of us." He said, his smiling slowly fading as his eyes ran over the engraved marble again. "God, I can't believe you're gone Frankie." He whispered. "Each morning I expect to wake up and see lying next to me, smiling warmly like you do." Gerard felt his eyes begin to burn with the familiar feeling of tears. "Please forgive me but I can't wear this anymore." Slowly, Gerard slid the ring off his finger. "It-it hurts too much." He held the small gold band between his thumb and pointer finger. "I'll always love you Frankie, you know that. I'll never love anyone like I love you either." Extending his arm, Gerard gently laid the ring on top of the marble tombstone.

"Don't think I'm going to go out and replace you either. I could never replace the only person I've ever loved more than anything." Gerard looked to the grass surrounding the marble where a few dead roses laid from his last visit. "I just can't feel the ring on my finger because then I think about you; and that really hurts. It's not like I'm searching out to forget you or anything either so please don't think that. I-I just, I cry every night Frankie and my eyes constantly burn now because I cry so much." A few tears fell from his eyes and into the grass below his knees.

Feeling a little lightheaded from crying, again, Gerard pulled his legs out from underneath him and sat flat on his butt, wiping his eyes. "So I was thinking of maybe taking a trip somewhere. I have no idea where to go though. Maybe to Italy; that'd be cool. I'll bring you back something nice because I know you always wanted to go. I was going to make it our anniversary gift this year but going a bit early won't hurt." Gerard choked a bit so he waited until he stopped crying enough to gather his thoughts again.

"Melissa and Ray finally got married too. It was a beautiful wedding. That happened not too long after Bob and Mikey adopted Aubry." He said heavily. "You should have seen when Aubry was trying to walk;" The smile returned to Gerard's face as he recalled the memory. "Poor baby kept sliding on the floor so Mikey finally decided they needed a carpet. Remember when we did that? Every time I look at that couch I think about flipping over it or watching you fly face first into the door." A warm laugh escaped Gerard's mouth.

"I know I'm being selfish by saying this but I think it's really un-fucking-fair that God took you away from me so quickly. We were only married a couple of days." He became a little bitter. "I just love you so fucking much and after all the times I've almost lost you before- to have this one be real, it just feels wrong. But I'm sure you're having a lot of fun wherever you are now. If you see Dahlia and Elena, say 'hi' for me would ya?" Gerard tilted his head back and looked at the pale blue sky through the long branches hanging from the trunk of the willow. "I don't know when I'll be back Frankie. It might not be before Christmas. I hope you understand." Gerard grabbed his scarf and used it to wipe his eyes as he tilted his head back forward.

Looking at his watch, Gerard saw his half hour was almost over and Ray stuck firmly to his word so taking a deep breath, Gerard picked himself up off the ground. "I love you baby." He blew a kiss to the tombstone and shut his eyes one last time, envisioning Frank's smiling face before him which allowed him to smile himself as he turned around to head back to Ray who was waiting for him in the car. The warm breeze started to get colder and Gerard's smile dulled. "I know Frankie; I don't want to leave you either." He whispered to the wind.

"Then don't." Gerard heard a voice suddenly speak to him, causing him to stop and turn around quickly. Standing behind him with a smile on his face was Frank; looking just as beautiful as he did when Gerard married him.

"I-I'm imagining you." Gerard said, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. "God Ray was right; I really need to let go." He told himself, turning back around when his wrist was suddenly grabbed.

"Gee, please don't go." Frank said sadly with a frown and Gerard rubbed his eyes frantically. "You're not imagining me."

"I-I have to be!" Gerard said, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Y-you''re..."

"Dead?" Frank finished and Gerard nodded. "Psh, don't I know it." Frank said, rolling his eyes a little. "You try pinching yourself a few hundred times to realize that you're not just sleeping. Instead, you just get a sore red arm." Gerard laughed a little, still apprehensive. His mind was playing tricks on him but he didn't care too much because all he's wanted for months was to hear Frank's happy voice again.

"H-how can I see you?" Gerard asked, figuring that if his mind was playing tricks on him it better give him a pretty good excuse for him to give Ray later.

"Because you chose to." Frank said simply.

"W-what?" Gerard asked, genuinely confused now.

"I've never left your side Gee." Frank said with a smile. "You always erased images of me from your mind, desperate to relieve the pain. But you're not doing that right now so you can finally see me."

"No my mind is doing this." Gerard told himself, shaking his head. Frank sighed, grabbed Gerard's head, and pulled him into a kiss sweeter and softer than anything he had ever experienced.

"Could your mind do that?" Frank asked with raised eyebrows and a smirk as he pulled away. Gerard just stared at him, mouth opened a little and eyes wide before he suddenly threw his arms around Frank.

"Frankie!" He cried out and Frank coughed a little as he tried not to laugh.

"Yeah; that's the reaction I was hoping for the first time." He gasped a little as Gerard squeezed him.

"I-I can't-" Gerard felt warm tears push out of his lidded eyes and into Frank's shirt. "I miss you so fucking much!"

"I've missed you too babe." Frank said, putting his arms lovingly around Gerard. "It's not the same being able to see you every day but know that you can't see me or talk to me. Hurts as much as the pain you've been feeling." Frank said quietly and Gerard nodded, still holding onto Frank tightly. "Come on, let's go for a little walk."

"W-where?" Gerard asked, letting go of Frank to look at him. Frank just smiled and reached his hand out, Gerard hesitating then sliding his hand into Frank's; instantly being filled with a warmth and comfort he hadn't experienced since the night before Frank's death.

"Shut your eyes." Frank said softly and Gerard obeyed, closing his eyes and suddenly becoming overpowered with a strange feeling that made him sick to his stomach. "Ok." Frank said and Gerard opened his eyes to see they were standing on a hill next to a large body of water; possibly the ocean.

"What the..." Gerard was shocked and confused as he stared at the beautiful scenery surrounding him. Frank laughed a little and let go of Gerard's hands, sitting down on the hill.

"Welcome to Italy." Frank said and Gerard looked down at him before falling down beside him.


"You know being dead has some pretty cool tricks." Frank said cockily and Gerard couldn't help but smile. He's missed Frank's dorky childish behavior so much. "Dahlia's a really good instructor."

"How is she?" Gerard asked, sitting cross legged on the hill and staring at the water. It was an absolutely stunning sight. The sun was starting to set behind the large body of water and the breeze was just as warm as it was in Jersey. He really figured he was imagining this now but he didn't care one bit. He was somewhere warm and beautiful, watching the sunset with his husband.

"Awesome." Frank said, resting his head on Gerard's shoulder. Gerard smiled and wrapped his arms around Frank's body, holding him tight like he always used to. "She's helped me...cope with being dead."

"I wish someone would help me cope with your death." Gerard sighed, leaning his head on Frank's.

"You know, nights when you would cry a lot, I would come sit in this very spot and watch the sun set; thinking about you and hoping that it would make you feel better." Frank said and Gerard kissed his head. "That's the only pain I feel; it hurts when I see you or hear you cry."

"It's because I can't stand being without you." Gerard whispered, looking back to the gentle waves of the water crash against the shore. "What I wouldn't give to have you back."

"Would you give your life?" Frank lifted his head off Gerard's shoulder and looked him hesitantly in the eyes.

"W-what do you mean?" Gerard asked, looking back into Frank's hazel eyes with slight fear.

"I lied to you. You can see me because I've been allowed to give you the option to die." Frank said quietly. "God, She's not all that bad. You know all of mankind is Her children and She doesn't like to see them in pain either."

"But...I mean...h-how?"

"You would basically have to...kill...yourself." Frank choked on the word a little because the very thought made him shake.

"I-isn't suicide like...bad? A sin?" Gerard asked with confusion and just over all fear.

"Yeah." Frank replied. "But, God's the one who decides where one's soul goes. You know, that whole judgment thing." Frank looked back to the water. "She's a lot nicer than they want you to believe in church. She's a lot more forgiving."

"Y-you want me to kill myself?" Gerard asked, really panicking because his mind was slipping back to suicide again.

"No." Frank said with a heavy sigh. "But I miss you so fucking much and I obviously can't resurrect myself." He gave Gerard a shaky smile, trying to make it sound less frightening. "It's your choice but this is the only time I can come see you. If you choose to continue living then I understand. I mean, this is unfair of me to even bring up. You have a long life ahead of you. But tonight is the only night God will turn a blind eye I guess I can say."

"I...suicide..." Gerard let go of Frank and hugged his knees to his chest. "Frankie...I love you but..."

"It's ok." Frank assured Gerard, rubbing his back gently. "Like I said, I understand. I thought I would tell you though." He smiled and kissed Gerard's head. "We gotta get back." Frank stood up. "I only have a limited amount of time and you have to get back to Ray before he kicks your ass." Gerard nodded and stood up, taking Frank's eyes again. "Just shut your eyes again. It's a lot easier on the body."

"What about you?" Gerard asked before closing his eyes.

"I'm not alive anymore, remember?" Frank said sadly, the pressure feeling coming over Gerard again. "I love you Gee and I'm always right beside you." Gerard opened his eyes again, seeing he was back in Eden; alone.

"Frankie?" Gerard called, looking around in confusion. "Frankie..." He mumbled, his voice carrying on the breeze. His heart felt heavy and pained again.

"Gerard!" Gerard whipped around, seeing Ray walking towards him. "Come on! I know you don't want to leave but we're going to be late!" Ray said with stress and Gerard sighed heavily, nodding his head and looking back to Frank's tombstone.

"I-I..." Was all he could get out before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking towards Ray who escorted him out of the woods and back into the car.


"Hey Gee, you ok? It's getting cold and dark out." Mikey said, joining his brother on the back porch of their house.

"'s know..." Gerard mumbled as he stared into the darkness behind his brothers huge home.

"He knows." Mikey said, rubbing Gerard's back. "It hasn't even been a year yet Gee; of course it's still going to hurt a lot. Why don't you come inside and have some coffee or something warm."

"No, I want to be out here." Gerard said quietly, his hands gripping the wooden railing tightly.

"Ok...well, don't stay out here too long." Mikey said with concern before turning around and going back inside to join the others. Bob had put Aubry to bed so it was the adults hanging out now. Gerard stared silently into the darkness, thinking about what Frank had said to him. He missed Frank so much but, suicide? The band has always been so against it. He has told so many kids that suicide was never the answer.

He would leave his brother and his friends behind. He would leave his mom and his comic. He would leave Aubry and the house and all his art. But, he already lost the one thing he valued more than anything. Frank. Gerard's heart was already broken and no one or nothing could ever fix it; except for his departed husband. "I'm already in Hell; can't get much worse than this." Gerard told himself with a heavy sigh, shutting his eyes and pulling himself on to the railing.

"Gerard!" He heard one of them yell from inside the house before he heard the glass door flew open. "Get down before you fall!" It was Mikey; of course.

"No Mikey." Gerard told him calmly. "I'm going home."

"Your house is not at the bottom of the fucking cliff!" Mikey yelled.

"Gerard, get the fuck off that or you're going to fall and hurt yourself!" Ray joined Mikey on the porch. No one dared touch him because that would only increase his chances of falling. "This isn't the answer! You know that! We all miss Frank but-"

"You don't fucking understand!" Gerard snapped, a few tears escaping his pained eyes again. "I loved him! He was, is, my husband! I can't do this anymore! I can't go each day pretending I'll be able to move on and live out my life! Frank is my life!"

"Gerard, don't do this!" Mikey pleaded. "I don't want to lose you."

"Mikes, you already have." Gerard said quietly. "The real Gerard left when Frank did."

"Gerard just please get down." Ray asked fearfully. "We can go talk for as long as you want and get you a psychiatrist or something." Gerard just shook his head. "What about everything you've told our fans? What do we tell them when you end up dead too?"

"Tell them I went home, to the place where I belong." Gerard said with a smile, taking a deep breath and ignoring the rest of the comments coming from the men behind him. "Teach me to fly Frankie." Gerard whispered into the wind.

"Gladly." Gerard turned his head and saw Frank standing beside him with a giant smile. He held his hand out to Gerard who smiled warmly and took it. "Ready?" Frank asked and Gerard nodded.

"Gerard! Don't!" He could tell Mikey was in tears now but he didn't care; he was finally going to be happy again with the man he loved.

"Don't be afraid." Frank told him softly. "It'll hurt, but only for a moment." Gerard took a deep breath and nodded, shutting his eyes. "On the count of three;"

"Please Gerard!" Mikey begged.

"Don't do it Gerard!" Ray was just as frantic. Gerard figured Bob was with Aubry as he tuned out their voices, focusing on the soft and gentle tones coming from his husband.


"Frank wouldn't want you to do this!" Ray said and Gerard laughed a little.


"I love you Frankie." Gerard whispered.

"Three." Gerard stepped off the ledge, holding tightly to Frank's hand, feeling the wind rush past him as he heard his brother scream from the balcony of his very expensive house.


"Welcome home baby." Gerard opened his eyes to see Frank standing before him with a warm, loving smile.

"Am I-?" Frank nodded.

"Don't worry babe." Frank assured him. "Nothing bad is ever going to happen to you again. You're safe now."

"What about God?" Gerard asked fearfully.

"I told Frank to bring you home." A gentle, peaceful voice spoke and Gerard turned to see Dahlia standing beside him. She was in a long white gown made of silk, her long brown hair hanging beside her body and her big brown eyes shining joyously.

"D-Dahlia?" Gerard stuttered. "Y-you're-"

"Formally, yes." She laughed a little. "I much prefer 'Dahlia' though." Her voice made Gerard feel relaxed and peaceful. "It's true I do discourage suicide because each life is a special gift; a privilege. But, as Frankie told you, I can't stand seeing my children in pain. Still, I wanted to give you the choice so I sent Frankie to you."

"So...I'm not...going to go..." Gerard looked down some to avoid direct eye contact. He was standing face to face with God; God! She's been to see him before but this changes everything knowing that She's the person he's learned about in church.

"No, of course not." Dahlia, God, laughed some more. "You're to spend the rest of eternity up here with myself and your husband." Frank slid his hand back into Gerard's. "Speaking of which," Dahlia reached into her pocket, "You might want this back." She extended her hand to him and in the middle of her palm was a small golden ring. Gerard smiled and took it; his wedding ring. "Now, why don't you let Frank show you around."

"T-thank you." Gerard said, sliding the ring back onto his finger; never to take it off again.

"Any time." Dahlia smiled then slowly disappeared, Gerard staring into space a moment before turning to Frank.

"Shall we?" Frank asked with a smile and Gerard nodded. They turned around and headed for the large golden gates standing before them, hands locked tightly as Mr. and Mr. Iero-Way; just like it was always meant to be.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. So please don't take, my sunshine away.
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