Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We're Together, Still I'm On My Own- Chapter 17 up
Three Weeks Later
He’s falling apart. Oh my god. He’s falling apart. Every day. And It’s killing me.
He gets paler every single time I see him. He’s losing weight too. He has a dead look in his eyes, and it hurts. I’m afraid to leave him alone. I try not to. He doesn’t want me to leave him alone either, I think.
It’s after school. I have something due the next day. I’m nervous. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him, a long time for him to be alone. Four hours at least. He could do a lot in four hours.
I’m not even done with the project yet, but my hands are shaking so badly that I chuck my pencil half way across the room.
“Damn it.” I swear. I grab my keys and run out the door. I drive even faster than usual, getting myself up to his room in a minute and a half. I knock on the door. There’s no answer. But I saw his car in the lot. He’s here.
“Gerard?” I say. Oh shit. “Gerard! Open up, it’s Rain.” There’s no sound from the inside. The door stays shut. Oh no.
I twist the handle, putting all my weight on the door unnecessarily; it opens quickly and easily. There’s no sign of Gerard in the front. What there is are a lot of empty bottles; alcohol and pill. Too many.
“Gerard?” I call again. No. Please no.
I run to the back half. The bed is empty. It’s then that I notice the bathroom door. It’s wide open. He normally shuts it. Oh no.
I drop my coat and keys on the floor, running full speed the short distance between me and the bathroom.
He’s on the floor, facedown. There’s another empty pill bottle on the floor next to him. Tears spring into my eyes as I fall down onto my knees. I turn him over and my blood runs cold. His skin is white as a sheet.
“Gerard!” I say, touching his cheek with my hand. “Gerard, wake up!” He doesn’t move. Tears are falling full force. “Please. Please. Please.” I beg him. I’m sobbing. I lay my head down on his chest, gripping his shirt tightly. “Please.” That’s when I feel him shudder. I sit bolt upright.
“Gee?” His eyes snap open. “Gerard?” He looks scared.
“Are you ok?” He opens his mouth, makes choking noises. Oh god. I remember the empty bottle of pills. And I remember what happens when people take way too many pills, when they don’t die. I pull him up quickly as I can, turning his shoulders but still holding on. He chokes more, then vomits onto the floor. I can see all the pills. He chokes and gasps and I just wait, absolutely terrified. And yet, in the strangest, sickest way, part of me is happy. Because he hasn’t left me yet.
It takes him a minute before he stops vomiting. When he’s done he just lies there, trembling in my arms like he’s about to explode.
I don’t want to do anything to scare him, but I need to know.
“Gerard, why?” I say, my voice breaking.
His eyes widen, and he pushes himself off the floor, though it looks like it takes a lot of effort.
“Why what?” He says. But his eyes are dark, and I know he understands exactly what I’m asking him.
“Why…did you try to kill yourself?” I say, with much difficulty.
“I wasn’t. I didn’t.” He says. I don’t believe him. He knows that. “I just took too many!”
I laugh, completely disbelieving. “Gerard, you took the whole bottle!”
“I know,” He says. He bites his lip for a moment. “I wasn’t thinking, I’d had too much to drink.”
I feel more tears coming, and I blink furiously to hold them back. “Gerard, that just makes it worse!” The tears spill, and I see the pain in his eyes.
“Don’t cry Rain, please.” He says.
I get to my feet, throwing my arms into the air. “Gerard, you’re ripping yourself apart and forcing me to watch! How can I not cry?”
He’s not looking at my face. He’s staring at my wrist, which has just been exposed when my sleeve slid down my arm. His eyes widen at the arsenal of cuts.
“You’ve been cutting again?” He gets up off the floor and tries to grab my wrist. I pull it back.
“Why were you cutting Rain?” He says, even more pain in his eyes.
I choke back a sob. “I told you. You’re killing yourself. I’m going to lose you, I know it!” He waits a second, then pulls me into him. I sob into his shoulder.
“You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yes. You are. If you keep doing this, it’s going to kill you.” I can feel my tears wetting his shirt. He doesn’t respond to my last comment.
“Gerard, please. Please stop this.” Nothing. Not a word. “Gerard, please. I can’t watch this anymore.”
“Rainier, I can’t stop.” He whispers softly. I feel any hope I was holding onto slip through my fingers, leaving my shattered. I was going to be alone again.
“Yes, you can.” I whisper, one last effort, one last chance for him.
There’s a pause, and for a moment, I think it might be ok.
“I can’t.” He says. I can feel him shaking his head back and forth.
I moan softly, before pulling out of his arms. He stares at me blankly when I speak.
“Then I can’t stay.”
“What do you mean.” He says, looking scared.
“I can’t stay.I’m sorry.” I take a step back, and he grabs my arm.
“Please don’t leave me.” I can see his tears, and they burn me even more than my own.
“Why?” I ask him.
“Because I need you.” He says desperately.
“But not as much as you need them.” I pull his eyes to the empty bottles.
He doesn’t say anything.
“See.” I say, one final tear slipping down my cheek. “You don’t.”
“Please.” He says, and I can see him breaking too.
“I can’t. “ I say, shaking my head. I pull my hand out of his, and turn to walk out the door.
In the doorway, I turn and look over my shoulder. “I’ll never forget you.”
The last I see him, he sink to his knees and bursts into tears.
And I swear
It hurts more
To watch all this
Addicted
You’re addicted to destruction
You say you love me
Promise you love me
But not enough
To stop the pain
I’m not enough
You need your pain
Looking back
We never stood a chance
Together doesn’t work
We’re better off alone
You’re still with me
In my head
The worst part
Is that you promised
That you’d never leave
Unbroken
I’m the one to say
Goodbye
Because I don’t want
To watch this
Every time you break
Don’t let me
Pick up the pieces
The picture changes
Every time you put them
Back together
So now I’m
Waving goodbye
As I go I
Hear you say
Stay
And I ask why
So you can see the lights
When I explode
And these lights
They’d all be red for you
--------- My lyrics dudes. Credit me please. Hope you liked this chapter (don't worry, it's not quite over.)
He’s falling apart. Oh my god. He’s falling apart. Every day. And It’s killing me.
He gets paler every single time I see him. He’s losing weight too. He has a dead look in his eyes, and it hurts. I’m afraid to leave him alone. I try not to. He doesn’t want me to leave him alone either, I think.
It’s after school. I have something due the next day. I’m nervous. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him, a long time for him to be alone. Four hours at least. He could do a lot in four hours.
I’m not even done with the project yet, but my hands are shaking so badly that I chuck my pencil half way across the room.
“Damn it.” I swear. I grab my keys and run out the door. I drive even faster than usual, getting myself up to his room in a minute and a half. I knock on the door. There’s no answer. But I saw his car in the lot. He’s here.
“Gerard?” I say. Oh shit. “Gerard! Open up, it’s Rain.” There’s no sound from the inside. The door stays shut. Oh no.
I twist the handle, putting all my weight on the door unnecessarily; it opens quickly and easily. There’s no sign of Gerard in the front. What there is are a lot of empty bottles; alcohol and pill. Too many.
“Gerard?” I call again. No. Please no.
I run to the back half. The bed is empty. It’s then that I notice the bathroom door. It’s wide open. He normally shuts it. Oh no.
I drop my coat and keys on the floor, running full speed the short distance between me and the bathroom.
He’s on the floor, facedown. There’s another empty pill bottle on the floor next to him. Tears spring into my eyes as I fall down onto my knees. I turn him over and my blood runs cold. His skin is white as a sheet.
“Gerard!” I say, touching his cheek with my hand. “Gerard, wake up!” He doesn’t move. Tears are falling full force. “Please. Please. Please.” I beg him. I’m sobbing. I lay my head down on his chest, gripping his shirt tightly. “Please.” That’s when I feel him shudder. I sit bolt upright.
“Gee?” His eyes snap open. “Gerard?” He looks scared.
“Are you ok?” He opens his mouth, makes choking noises. Oh god. I remember the empty bottle of pills. And I remember what happens when people take way too many pills, when they don’t die. I pull him up quickly as I can, turning his shoulders but still holding on. He chokes more, then vomits onto the floor. I can see all the pills. He chokes and gasps and I just wait, absolutely terrified. And yet, in the strangest, sickest way, part of me is happy. Because he hasn’t left me yet.
It takes him a minute before he stops vomiting. When he’s done he just lies there, trembling in my arms like he’s about to explode.
I don’t want to do anything to scare him, but I need to know.
“Gerard, why?” I say, my voice breaking.
His eyes widen, and he pushes himself off the floor, though it looks like it takes a lot of effort.
“Why what?” He says. But his eyes are dark, and I know he understands exactly what I’m asking him.
“Why…did you try to kill yourself?” I say, with much difficulty.
“I wasn’t. I didn’t.” He says. I don’t believe him. He knows that. “I just took too many!”
I laugh, completely disbelieving. “Gerard, you took the whole bottle!”
“I know,” He says. He bites his lip for a moment. “I wasn’t thinking, I’d had too much to drink.”
I feel more tears coming, and I blink furiously to hold them back. “Gerard, that just makes it worse!” The tears spill, and I see the pain in his eyes.
“Don’t cry Rain, please.” He says.
I get to my feet, throwing my arms into the air. “Gerard, you’re ripping yourself apart and forcing me to watch! How can I not cry?”
He’s not looking at my face. He’s staring at my wrist, which has just been exposed when my sleeve slid down my arm. His eyes widen at the arsenal of cuts.
“You’ve been cutting again?” He gets up off the floor and tries to grab my wrist. I pull it back.
“Why were you cutting Rain?” He says, even more pain in his eyes.
I choke back a sob. “I told you. You’re killing yourself. I’m going to lose you, I know it!” He waits a second, then pulls me into him. I sob into his shoulder.
“You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yes. You are. If you keep doing this, it’s going to kill you.” I can feel my tears wetting his shirt. He doesn’t respond to my last comment.
“Gerard, please. Please stop this.” Nothing. Not a word. “Gerard, please. I can’t watch this anymore.”
“Rainier, I can’t stop.” He whispers softly. I feel any hope I was holding onto slip through my fingers, leaving my shattered. I was going to be alone again.
“Yes, you can.” I whisper, one last effort, one last chance for him.
There’s a pause, and for a moment, I think it might be ok.
“I can’t.” He says. I can feel him shaking his head back and forth.
I moan softly, before pulling out of his arms. He stares at me blankly when I speak.
“Then I can’t stay.”
“What do you mean.” He says, looking scared.
“I can’t stay.I’m sorry.” I take a step back, and he grabs my arm.
“Please don’t leave me.” I can see his tears, and they burn me even more than my own.
“Why?” I ask him.
“Because I need you.” He says desperately.
“But not as much as you need them.” I pull his eyes to the empty bottles.
He doesn’t say anything.
“See.” I say, one final tear slipping down my cheek. “You don’t.”
“Please.” He says, and I can see him breaking too.
“I can’t. “ I say, shaking my head. I pull my hand out of his, and turn to walk out the door.
In the doorway, I turn and look over my shoulder. “I’ll never forget you.”
The last I see him, he sink to his knees and bursts into tears.
And I swear
It hurts more
To watch all this
Addicted
You’re addicted to destruction
You say you love me
Promise you love me
But not enough
To stop the pain
I’m not enough
You need your pain
Looking back
We never stood a chance
Together doesn’t work
We’re better off alone
You’re still with me
In my head
The worst part
Is that you promised
That you’d never leave
Unbroken
I’m the one to say
Goodbye
Because I don’t want
To watch this
Every time you break
Don’t let me
Pick up the pieces
The picture changes
Every time you put them
Back together
So now I’m
Waving goodbye
As I go I
Hear you say
Stay
And I ask why
So you can see the lights
When I explode
And these lights
They’d all be red for you
--------- My lyrics dudes. Credit me please. Hope you liked this chapter (don't worry, it's not quite over.)
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