Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Minnie's Diary
Welcome to Hogwarts, Harry Potter
0 reviewsEver wonder what Professor McGonagall's diary would be like if she kept one? Probably not like this, that's for sure!
1Funny
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, etc.
A/N: After writing "Career Advice," I got people begging me to do more of McGonagall. This fic also owes some of its existence to "Sev's Diary," by Vanyaria Darkshadow, which is the funniest thing I have ever read and inspired me heavily. Well, if our not-so-respected Potions Master can have his own (ahem) diary, then why can't our local Transfiguration Professor?
/"Minnie's Diary"/
By Quillian
(Originally named Kraeg001)
Respects to Vanyaria Darkshadow, whose hilarious fic "Sev's Diary" inspired some concepts used here.
CHAPTER 1: Welcome to Hogwarts, Harry Potter
This diary is the property of Professor Minerva McGonagall. If you're reading this and you're not Professor Minerva McGonagall, you'll be given detention for a month. You have been warned.
Year 1 starts here.
Dear Diary, I have been teaching here at Hogwarts for more than a few decades now. I have put up with all sorts of students, all sorts of problems, all sorts of homework and all sorts of detentions. What is it that keeps me going after all these years?
Well, for one thing, the food's good. Always a plus.
And this year, Harry Potter is coming to Hogwarts. I'm thrilled; odds are, he'll be in Gryffindor like his parents.
Oh shoot. I just thought about something.
If that statement about his future house was true, then I'm not going to get a wink of sleep for the next seven years. Don't get me wrong; his mother was a saint, but his father... well, I think his detention records should speak for themselves. If it weren't for the fact that James Potter got such good marks in Transfiguration and helped keep the Quidditch cup in my office for several years, I would have been forced to expel him before he was eligible to visit Hogsmeade.
Anyway, I must get back to finalizing the list of first year students. I like having things in order. I can't have my strict reputation at stake, now can I?
Next entry...
Dear Diary, Tonight's sorting was an interesting night. Harry Potter, of course, became a Gryffindor. Now if only he can be as noble as they come, then I'll be all set, and we'll have no problems whatsoever.
Yeah right. He'll probably do something worthy of detention within his first month. Which means I should get some calming Potions from Severus, and fast.
In other news, lots of children of Death Eaters entered as Slytherin students. Draco Malfoy barely put the hat to his head when it chose Slytherin for him. I'm a fair and decent person, although something about that kid gives me bad vibes. Eugh.
I also saw the looks that Snape was shooting Mr. Potter. Back off, Severus. (Insert warning hiss here.) He's not James.
I just remembered something. Harry looked awfully pale at the sorting. So thin too. When the food appeared, he looked as though he'd never seen such stuff in all his life. Could something be wrong with his relatives? I remember nearly ten years ago that night when Albus left him with Lily's relatives. The very thought of that trio of Muggles makes my skin crawl. They'd better not have done anything.
Now I'm stressed. Where'd I put my favorite cat toy?
Next entry...
Dear Diary, First week was successful; managed to stress the importance of correct Transfiguration and gave sufficient amounts of homework to keep their brains functioning properly. Dear me, I sound like a Ravenclaw. Well, it was a close choice when I was sorted that long ago.
Now would be a good time to go over my eight Gryffindor firsties. First of all, Harry seems to be adjusting fine. Then again, having grown up with Muggles, it would take some getting used to.
Then there's Ronald Weasley, sixth son of Arthur and Molly. Yet another one to look after. His parents must really love children; Molly often strikes me as a saint of childhood or something.
Next is Hermione Granger. Muggle-born student, fast learner, brilliant mind. Nothing wrong with having studious learners in Gryffindor; even Ravenclaw and Slytherin can't have them all. I can't help but appreciate having her in my house. A bit of a loner, but hopefully that will change soon enough. Only other problem is having to wait another few years to make her a prefect.
Yet another son of old Order of the Phoenix members is Neville Longbottom. He seems to be having difficulties, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. They all improve sooner or later. I can hardly blame him for his personality, having grown up with a woman like his grandmother. The thought of what happened to his parents still makes my stomach turn, like with Harry's parents.
There's really not much you can say about the other students (yet): Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Parvati Patil (her twin's in Ravenclaw, by the way), and Lavender Brown.
Next entry...
Dear Diary, Gryffindor and Slytherin first years had flying lessons today. Sometimes, however, I wonder if Severus is right when he says that the only thing which could cause such strong and much-desired Inter-House Unity is strong psychtropic drugs (not that I would approve, of course).
Longbottom accidentally took off and broke his arm (ouch!). Potter flew well, even though he did go behind Hooch's back. It seems that the Malfoy brat stole something of Longbottom's, and Potter wouldn't stand for it.
While this is Potter's first official act against the rules, I would like to comment how his Gryffindor bravery and nobility shined through in the end. What, I'm not allowed to have my own favorites?
Decided to make him the new Seeker and bring back the trophy from Slytherin. Take that, Severus! I don't care how many rich brats you have in your beloved House of Slytherin, or how many of their fathers you're friends with, or how far you'll go to achieve your goals, nobody messes with the Gryffindors while Minerva McGonagall is around.
Who the hell am I kidding? I did it purely to make sure my House gets the Quidditch Cup back since Charlie Weasley's days as Captain.
/Whoa/, those last two paragraphs seemed a little out-of-character for me. Must cut back more on coffee...
In other news, found Quirrel wandering around a lot near the forbidden third floor corridor. What was he doing, trying to hide from his own turban? Maybe he was nervous that someone would steal the Sorcerer's Stone. Yeah, like that'll happen.
Next entry...
Dear Diary, Ah, the traditions of Halloween. Spooky decorations, pumpkin pie... and the occasional troll somehow getting in and wrecking apart the nearest girl's bathroom. Oh joy. (That was sarcastic.)
Don't know why Quirrel was so afraid of something that's supposed to be his area of expertise. Am I missing something here?
On the other hand, Potter and Weasley managed to save Granger from the troll. If anything good came out of this, at least they're friends now.
Now to repair the bathrooms... and the strange part is, it's normally the Weasley twins who wreak such havoc. Good thing I put those alarms on the toilets in case they ever try to flush fireworks ever again, especially after what they did to celebrate the end of exams last year. I heard that Molly told them off and the start of this year about blowing up toilet seats.
Next entry...
First Quidditch match of the season today. This goes to show that flying just might be heredity in Potter males. Potter still managed to clinch it after his broom somehow went berserk. I'll have to make sure the broom is working right before the next match.
Sometimes, despite the occasional hassle he's worth, I just really love that Potter kid.
On a final note, practiced some more stern looks in the mirror this morning. I honestly believe that my stern, square spectacles are the best tools for a professor since Ink-Loaded Quills were invented. If any student is able to resist my "stop-fooling-around-and-get-back-to-work-before-I-give-you-detention" stare, I'll be forced to find stricter-looking glasses.
Like I'll ever let that happen; I have too many years of experience. I can even make my former students (now full grown adults) feel my strict, authoritarian power. Even Severus would be forced to admit that in the end.
Hm, speaking of which, maybe I'll find him right now and glare him into looking as though he did something wrong. He always makes good practice.
That is, as soon as I discipline a certain red-headed pair of twins for their latest shennanigans. Am I honestly not assigning them enough homework?
Okay, I could really use some cat nip right about now.
Year 1 TBC...
(End of chapter.)
A/N: So, should I continue?
A/N: After writing "Career Advice," I got people begging me to do more of McGonagall. This fic also owes some of its existence to "Sev's Diary," by Vanyaria Darkshadow, which is the funniest thing I have ever read and inspired me heavily. Well, if our not-so-respected Potions Master can have his own (ahem) diary, then why can't our local Transfiguration Professor?
/"Minnie's Diary"/
By Quillian
(Originally named Kraeg001)
Respects to Vanyaria Darkshadow, whose hilarious fic "Sev's Diary" inspired some concepts used here.
CHAPTER 1: Welcome to Hogwarts, Harry Potter
This diary is the property of Professor Minerva McGonagall. If you're reading this and you're not Professor Minerva McGonagall, you'll be given detention for a month. You have been warned.
Year 1 starts here.
Dear Diary, I have been teaching here at Hogwarts for more than a few decades now. I have put up with all sorts of students, all sorts of problems, all sorts of homework and all sorts of detentions. What is it that keeps me going after all these years?
Well, for one thing, the food's good. Always a plus.
And this year, Harry Potter is coming to Hogwarts. I'm thrilled; odds are, he'll be in Gryffindor like his parents.
Oh shoot. I just thought about something.
If that statement about his future house was true, then I'm not going to get a wink of sleep for the next seven years. Don't get me wrong; his mother was a saint, but his father... well, I think his detention records should speak for themselves. If it weren't for the fact that James Potter got such good marks in Transfiguration and helped keep the Quidditch cup in my office for several years, I would have been forced to expel him before he was eligible to visit Hogsmeade.
Anyway, I must get back to finalizing the list of first year students. I like having things in order. I can't have my strict reputation at stake, now can I?
Next entry...
Dear Diary, Tonight's sorting was an interesting night. Harry Potter, of course, became a Gryffindor. Now if only he can be as noble as they come, then I'll be all set, and we'll have no problems whatsoever.
Yeah right. He'll probably do something worthy of detention within his first month. Which means I should get some calming Potions from Severus, and fast.
In other news, lots of children of Death Eaters entered as Slytherin students. Draco Malfoy barely put the hat to his head when it chose Slytherin for him. I'm a fair and decent person, although something about that kid gives me bad vibes. Eugh.
I also saw the looks that Snape was shooting Mr. Potter. Back off, Severus. (Insert warning hiss here.) He's not James.
I just remembered something. Harry looked awfully pale at the sorting. So thin too. When the food appeared, he looked as though he'd never seen such stuff in all his life. Could something be wrong with his relatives? I remember nearly ten years ago that night when Albus left him with Lily's relatives. The very thought of that trio of Muggles makes my skin crawl. They'd better not have done anything.
Now I'm stressed. Where'd I put my favorite cat toy?
Next entry...
Dear Diary, First week was successful; managed to stress the importance of correct Transfiguration and gave sufficient amounts of homework to keep their brains functioning properly. Dear me, I sound like a Ravenclaw. Well, it was a close choice when I was sorted that long ago.
Now would be a good time to go over my eight Gryffindor firsties. First of all, Harry seems to be adjusting fine. Then again, having grown up with Muggles, it would take some getting used to.
Then there's Ronald Weasley, sixth son of Arthur and Molly. Yet another one to look after. His parents must really love children; Molly often strikes me as a saint of childhood or something.
Next is Hermione Granger. Muggle-born student, fast learner, brilliant mind. Nothing wrong with having studious learners in Gryffindor; even Ravenclaw and Slytherin can't have them all. I can't help but appreciate having her in my house. A bit of a loner, but hopefully that will change soon enough. Only other problem is having to wait another few years to make her a prefect.
Yet another son of old Order of the Phoenix members is Neville Longbottom. He seems to be having difficulties, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. They all improve sooner or later. I can hardly blame him for his personality, having grown up with a woman like his grandmother. The thought of what happened to his parents still makes my stomach turn, like with Harry's parents.
There's really not much you can say about the other students (yet): Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Parvati Patil (her twin's in Ravenclaw, by the way), and Lavender Brown.
Next entry...
Dear Diary, Gryffindor and Slytherin first years had flying lessons today. Sometimes, however, I wonder if Severus is right when he says that the only thing which could cause such strong and much-desired Inter-House Unity is strong psychtropic drugs (not that I would approve, of course).
Longbottom accidentally took off and broke his arm (ouch!). Potter flew well, even though he did go behind Hooch's back. It seems that the Malfoy brat stole something of Longbottom's, and Potter wouldn't stand for it.
While this is Potter's first official act against the rules, I would like to comment how his Gryffindor bravery and nobility shined through in the end. What, I'm not allowed to have my own favorites?
Decided to make him the new Seeker and bring back the trophy from Slytherin. Take that, Severus! I don't care how many rich brats you have in your beloved House of Slytherin, or how many of their fathers you're friends with, or how far you'll go to achieve your goals, nobody messes with the Gryffindors while Minerva McGonagall is around.
Who the hell am I kidding? I did it purely to make sure my House gets the Quidditch Cup back since Charlie Weasley's days as Captain.
/Whoa/, those last two paragraphs seemed a little out-of-character for me. Must cut back more on coffee...
In other news, found Quirrel wandering around a lot near the forbidden third floor corridor. What was he doing, trying to hide from his own turban? Maybe he was nervous that someone would steal the Sorcerer's Stone. Yeah, like that'll happen.
Next entry...
Dear Diary, Ah, the traditions of Halloween. Spooky decorations, pumpkin pie... and the occasional troll somehow getting in and wrecking apart the nearest girl's bathroom. Oh joy. (That was sarcastic.)
Don't know why Quirrel was so afraid of something that's supposed to be his area of expertise. Am I missing something here?
On the other hand, Potter and Weasley managed to save Granger from the troll. If anything good came out of this, at least they're friends now.
Now to repair the bathrooms... and the strange part is, it's normally the Weasley twins who wreak such havoc. Good thing I put those alarms on the toilets in case they ever try to flush fireworks ever again, especially after what they did to celebrate the end of exams last year. I heard that Molly told them off and the start of this year about blowing up toilet seats.
Next entry...
First Quidditch match of the season today. This goes to show that flying just might be heredity in Potter males. Potter still managed to clinch it after his broom somehow went berserk. I'll have to make sure the broom is working right before the next match.
Sometimes, despite the occasional hassle he's worth, I just really love that Potter kid.
On a final note, practiced some more stern looks in the mirror this morning. I honestly believe that my stern, square spectacles are the best tools for a professor since Ink-Loaded Quills were invented. If any student is able to resist my "stop-fooling-around-and-get-back-to-work-before-I-give-you-detention" stare, I'll be forced to find stricter-looking glasses.
Like I'll ever let that happen; I have too many years of experience. I can even make my former students (now full grown adults) feel my strict, authoritarian power. Even Severus would be forced to admit that in the end.
Hm, speaking of which, maybe I'll find him right now and glare him into looking as though he did something wrong. He always makes good practice.
That is, as soon as I discipline a certain red-headed pair of twins for their latest shennanigans. Am I honestly not assigning them enough homework?
Okay, I could really use some cat nip right about now.
Year 1 TBC...
(End of chapter.)
A/N: So, should I continue?
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