FicWad

In A Darkened Room
By Mishi

Chapter 11
Reputation

It was Friday night and Maire’s turn to close at the Stack Shack. Most of the evening had been fairly busy, so she hadn’t had too much time to read. She was feeling somewhat tired by the time Lu turned off the lights and joined her at the door. Under her new windbreaker, she was wearing a white button down cotton blouse and a nice pair of khakis with her white vinyl shoes. Lu was bundled up in his gray trench coat with his brown trousers showing under it. With November five days away, the wind was growing colder and neither of them had yet to grow accustomed to the colder temperatures. They were not looking forward to leaving the warmth of the store.

“What do you say I drive you home?” Lu suggested.

“You don’t have to do that Lu, I’ll be fine on the bus; I always am,” she replied zipping up her windbreaker.

“I’m surprised you come in, so close to it happening and all. I’m glad you’re alright, but you shouldn’t take any unnecessary risks.”

“Lu, I’ll be fine. I promise I’ll call Peggy and leave a message for you when I get home, how about that?”

“I guess that will have to do,” he said, letting it go and pushing the door open for her.

They said their goodbyes and she walked to the corner alone. There were quite a few people waiting on the bus and the bench was full, so she had to stand while she waited. Instead of watching for the bus, she turned to look back at the street from whence she had just come. She scanned the street for the Mustang. Her face lit up the moment her eyes found it. She smiled a soft and gentle smile, knowing that he was keeping his promise to watch and protect her.

When the bus had at last reached the stop, she made certain to take the back seat; so as to remain visible to him at all times as he fallowed behind the bus. It surprised him when the bus had reached her stop and kept going. She continued on for a few more blocks, which brought her to the corner where she could catch the 19th Street bus.

He parked in such a way that he would be ready to follow when the bus passed, yet close enough to her that he could keep watch. Essentially this put him on the same side of the one way street, but several cars down. He had to turn himself around in the seat to see her. She put her hands in her pockets and her hood was up. He watched her stand there bouncing up and down in an attempt to keep warm. ‘This is stupid,’ he thought with a cynical laugh. ‘I could just let her in the car and she wouldn’t have to be cold.’ He was about to open his door and go to her when the bus came into view. He started the Mustang and got ready to pull into traffic after it.

Once on the bus, she took up the spot in the back like on the last bus. This bus wasn’t so crowded, so she didn’t feel so claustrophobic. She let herself think of what she wanted to say to Iris. She was still hurt that Iris hadn’t come to her rescue, but that Touya had to be the one to save her. ‘Have I fallen out of grace or something? Why didn’t you come to help me? You never failed me before.’ She let her mind go as the streets flew by. She looked out the back window to see the Mustang following right behind the bus. ‘My guardian angel…my own personal version of the angel Gabriel.’

He was trying not to make eye contact with her as she looked back at him; he let his eyes go anywhere that wouldn’t end up making contact with hers. ‘Is she going to make everything this difficult for me? Why does she have to look at me like that? It’s like I’m the answer to her prayers or something.’

She got off the bus on the corner of 19th, and he turned the corner to be able to follow her. He made sure to park halfway down and give her time to catch up with him. He didn’t move again until she was ready to turn onto Poplar. That’s when he drove down Poplar, only to turn around in the street; so he could park in front of St Pat’s. He then watched her enter the small chapel on the side of the church.

****

Maire knelt down in the last pew and waited for Iris to appear. The chapel had three other occupants besides herself, an elderly gentleman she didn’t know and Mr and Mrs Thompson. She had worked a few times on the hospitality committee with the couple, and liked them. They were some of the few members around St Pat’s, who know of her “condition,” and didn’t treat her like she should be locked away in a hospital.

‘God, please don’t let Iris embarrass me in front of the Thompsons. I really like them and I don’t want them to be afraid for me like everyone else is,’ she prayed seconds before Iris appeared towards the front of the chapel.

Iris was smiling and signaling for Maire to come to her. She glanced over and the couple was busy reading and praying. The elderly gentleman in the front row was putting on his jacket and getting ready to leave. Maire figured it wouldn’t look too odd for her to go to the front.

“We’re going into the church,” Iris giggled pointing at the wooden door to her left. “It’s unlocked, just push it open and go in.”

She opened the door as if she had a reason for going in, not letting the surprise of the door being unlocked show on her face. Pushing the door closed, she turned to see Iris near the sanctuary lighting up the darkness with her white and gold light.

She moved in closer to Iris and began, “Why did you let that happen to me? Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not! Why would you think you did something wrong? You were saved…and healed.” Iris looked as puzzled as Maire felt.

“Yeah, by a vampire I’m assigned to help convert. Why didn’t you come?” She shouted.

“Maire, dear, the Lord works in mysterious ways. He…”

“Don’t give me that! Why didn’t you come?” She insisted. “I called for you. I begged for you, and you didn’t show up. It was Touya who came for me.”

“I wanted to, but I was told that I couldn’t. I was told that I could go no farther than the outside of the apartment door. I was trying to keep Touya a secret from Uelin.”

“Who’s Uelin?”

“The blond half breed that Touya had to fight in order to get you out.”

“Why didn’t God let you fight her yourself?”

“Touya needed to be the hero. We need him to come out of hiding somehow. He doesn’t seem willing to do it on his own.”

“Oh right, that worked! He won’t see me face to face. I still can’t get him into my apartment. He thinks I’m this super pure person that he can’t let himself get near.”

“But he does talk to you now!” Iris said with pride in her voice. “You even have his cell phone number.”

“He gave it to me for emergencies, Iris. He didn’t give it to me for chit chat.”

“But you have made progress. This has made you closer.”

“Couldn’t you have warned me? ‘Hey, Maire, you’re gonna have to take one for the team’ sort of thing.”

“We warned your friend and she warned Touya.”

“Ok, did I have to bleed?” She yelled in anger. “Did I have to go through the humiliation of him seeing me naked on that bed?”

“We know you are angry, it is to be expected. What happened, happened for a reason.”

“What reason? Just tell me what reason you had for doing that to me?”

“It made him adore you. That is what we wanted and that is what we have.”

Suddenly the sanctuary lights came on.

“Maire O’Fergus!” Michael entered from the sacristy (the room off to the side of the sanctuary). “What are you doing here screaming in the dark?”

Iris had vanished when the lights came on. “I was arguing with Iris.” She answered throwing her arms into the air. “Why are you here?”

“The Thompsons called my cell phone and told me you were here talking to someone in the church. They were concerned because of the yelling. Lucky for you, I was over at the rectory working late. Now come on, I’ll drive you home.”

“Shouldn’t you say something to Mr. and Mrs. Thompson?” She suggested, pointing towards the chapel.

“I guess I should. And I should make sure that door is locked, huh?” He ignored her look that said, “Well, duh,” and went to take care of business.

She took the time to call Touya. He jumped when the cell when off in the seat beside him. He looked at the number and couldn’t believe she had gotten in trouble inside a church.

“Yes?” He said in a soft voice.

“Michael will be driving me home. He drives a green Ford Taurus. I just thought I’d let you know that I wouldn’t be taking the bus.”

In that same soft voice, “Thank you. Will he be coming out of the parking lot?”

“Yes, he has his own space in back. He’ll take Poplar to take me home, though.”

“I’ll be right behind you, Ma-chan.”

“Ok, see you at home.”

“Good bye, Maire.”

Staring at the phone, heat creeping into her face, she said, “Wow, he really has a nice voice.”

“Who?” Michael said coming up the sanctuary steps.

“Touya…I had to call him and let him know I was ok. I was supposed to let him know I was home from work, and I’m really late. I didn’t want him to worry, so I thought I would call him while I waited for you.”

“Oh, are we talking boyfriend potential here? Maybe I should tell your mom about him.”

“Oh Lord, please don’t! That’s just all I’d need. Tell me you’ll keep your mouth shut about him. He’s my assignment from Iris.”

“Wow! Ok, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself. Still, he’s a nice guy.”

“Michael, I get this enough from mom. I don’t need it from you too. Touya is just my friend, ok?”

He held his hands up, palms facing her, “Whatever you say.”

***

“I’ve always been a writer,” Maire announced as if he was in the room with her. She was standing on a step ladder digging for a box in the top of her closet. “My grandpa used to tease that I could read and write before I could walk. All I remember was that I could write before starting school, and I have kept a diary for as long as I can remember.” Finally getting a good grip on the box she was looking for, she pulled, “This is going to be heavy. I have a lot of diaries in here.”

With the box down, she carried it into the living room and set it on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table. Then she was off to the kitchen to pop some popcorn and grab a Pepsi.

Two minutes and forty seconds later she was back in the living room, on her knees next to the box, sorting through diaries and journals. “I’ve got them all dated-that was mom’s idea. Let’s see, I need to go back to my pre-teen years.” She had to stop and do the math. “Ok, I’m looking for ’97…” She started pulling out diaries and journals and piling them on the floor. The box was half empty by the time she pulled out a sky blue diary with tiny red hearts and rainbows on the front and back covers. It had a clasp that locked and the key was tied around the clasp with a twist tie. “Finally!” She sighed, moving to the couch. She untwisted the twist tie and used the tiny key to unlock the diary.

She folded her legs so she could set Indian style on the couch and put the bowl of popcorn in her lap. “I’m looking for a day sometime around the end of July, maybe,’ she thought out loud as she started flipping through the pages. About July 23rd, she started reading little bits before going on to the next entry. “Alright, I found what I’m looking for. This was a few days after the rape. I still hadn’t told mom, and Iris hadn’t appeared to me yet.”

She took a deep breath and began, “’He was looking at me on the couch. I didn’t like it and he wouldn’t stop. So I got up and went into the kitchen to get away from him.’”

She stopped to explain, “Mom used to work nights as a waitress and he would be alone with me for most of the night. I hated it when he would give me a bath. Now I understand why.”

“’I got a glass of milk, so he wouldn’t know I went to the kitchen to get away from him. I didn’t want to make him mad again. I took a knife out of the knife drawer and started looking at it, and thinking about daddy. I know if he dies I won’t be hurt anymore. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I took the knife and hid it under my shirt, and went into my room with my glass of milk. He didn’t say anything. I put the knife under my pillow, so I could use it on daddy when he hurts me again.’”

“See, how pure is a woman who wanted to kill her father when she was only ten years old?”

The phone rang and she sat the popcorn on the coffee table, and she laid the diary upside down with the pages open. The caller ID said it was Touya, because she had programmed his number into the cordless.

“Have I tarnished my image?” She asked.

“You were a frightened child trying to protect yourself; I don’t think you are any less pure for it,” he said in the soft voice he always used with her, as if her words had not phased him in the slightest.

“My first instincts were to kill, Touya. That’s not the thought of a pure person. A pure person would forgive,” she insisted, plopping down on the couch and reaching for the popcorn. She returned herself to her previous pose and stuffed a few pieces in her mouth.

He stood from his seat and began to pace next to the window, but despite his agitation, his voice was still calm and soft when he said, “You think that forgiveness is something we’re born to do? Ok, I guess that’s why animals eat their young.”

“Oh, that’s just stupid! What does that have to do with anything?” She was surprised and annoyed by his words.

“You just told me that forgiveness was instinct, and it’s not. Forgiveness is something that you learn to do, Ma-chan. Tell me one thing that your father ever taught you about forgiveness. How about this…can you give me one instance where he taught you about kindness?”

She was staring at the popcorn in her lap, when she whispered into the receiver, “I can’t. He was horrible to both me and mom. All I remember was his anger and the violence.”

“Then how can you condemn yourself for not doing what you were never taught to do? A pure person makes mistakes, because they have no experience to tell them the correct way to react.”

She was silent only for a moment, and then went back to sorting through the diaries and journals. “I have more to tell you, so don’t hang up.”

“Why do you want to do this to yourself, baby?” He was shaking his head and standing in front of the window watching her.

“I will prove that I’m not the person you think I am. I can handle being in your life, because I’ve done things that have made me ready for it.”

“So you’ve known some vampires in your past life?” He laughed.

“Ha ha, very funny. No, I’ve known some bad people and I’ve not always been the good girl you see now.” She picked a journal and went back to sitting. She had her right leg bent under her butt and her left leg hanging off the couch. “I was fifteen when this happened.” She thumbed through the pages and read little bits to refresh her memory before telling him the story. “Ok, I think I remember the majority of it. I had a reputation around school for being the girl who hated boys. To be honest, most of the boys in school made fun of me, because I had refused to wear dresses and make up in school. They said I was a lesbian because of it. And I hated that. I hated that with a firey passion. So I had this friend named Rhonda, who was the sister of a guy on the basketball team, and she and I came up with a plan that would change my reputation. See, her brother was having a birthday party and he invited the basketball team and a few other guys over to his house. Rhonda suggested that I be the entertainment for the guys. She told me her parents weren’t going to be home during the party. So the plan was that I would take her brother up stairs and let him have his way with me while everyone else partied downstairs.” She stopped for a moment of silent thought.

“Did you go through with it?” he asked her.

“I didn’t just have sex with Donnie…I had sex with half the basketball team. I was really popular after that. I got asked out on a lot of dates that year.” She laughed a bitter laugh into the phone.

“Why do you think you went to such an extreme?” He was watching her carefully from the window.

She looked at her dairy to hide her embarrassment, because she was determined to answer, “I was told that sex was supposed to feel really good, but it didn’t. It was awkward and uncomfortable and I felt empty after it happened. I guess I wanted to try it again and again until I got it right. I wanted to see if I was doing it wrong, or if it was the person I was with.” She sounded somber. She reached out to her pop for a distraction and took a drink. Then regaining herself, she stated, “I was a slut.”

“You were trying to understand something very profound about yourself, Ma-chan, I don’t think that makes you a slut.”

“Oh, really? What was it I was trying to understand then?”

“Answer a question for me first.”

“Alright, what?” She asked suspiciously.

“Have you ever had a good sexual experience?”

“Well, considering I’ve never been married, I would say that none of them have been good.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. Have you ever enjoyed sex, Maire?”

“No, I haven’t. I’ve been told that I am too uptight to let myself enjoy it.”

“Allison told me that you haven’t cried over what happened to you Tuesday. She said you have cut off your emotion, and that Michael told her you did something similar after your rape. If you cut off your emotions you can’t enjoy sex. Sex is about wanting and anticipation and excitement. If you don’t feel those things, then you are not going to enjoy sex.” He was leaning against the window pane on his right shoulder.

She got up and walked over to the window and looked at him, happy that she could actually see him standing there. Suddenly a thought occurred to her and whispered, “There’s nothing I can say that will tarnish this image you have of me, is there?”

He gave a small laugh, and answered, “I don’t think so. Or, at least, you are going to need to do better than this.” He watched her put her hand on the window. “How many lovers have you had? Not counting the basketball team.”

She was blushing when she asked, “Why do you need to know that?”

“I can see you blushing. You just told me that you’re a slut, but I ask you about the number of lovers you’ve had and you blush. No one who’s a slut blushes during sex scenes in movies, Ma-chan.”

“You noticed, even in the dark, huh?” She smiled a nervous smile and looked down at the alley below.

“Yes, I remember thinking how easy the subject of sex made you blush and how cute that made you.”

She looked up with her mouth open, and then asked with a nervous laugh, “Are you flirting with me?”

He grinned wickedly, his soft voice giving nothing away, “Just answer the question.”

She thought about it before answering, “Four…there have been four others, and they were all boyfriends.”

“Did you love them?” The look on his face was very serious.

“I don’t know. I thought I loved my boyfriend in high school. Why, does that make a difference?” She was puzzled by his asking.

“The emotional connection, remember? That might explain why you haven’t enjoyed the sex.”

“Oh, I guess.”

“How long have you been Catholic? I assume that you haven’t always viewed sex as a sin, or else you just didn’t care at the time?”

“I wasn’t raised anything. I didn’t become Catholic until I was eighteen. I was introduced to it when I moved to Michael’s and his family took us to church every Sunday. I’ve had sex twice since becoming Catholic, and I am sorry for it. I was stupid for giving in to the guys when I did.”

“Well, that attitude is another reason why you haven’t enjoyed it, but I can’t agree or disagree because I didn’t know the circumstances.”

“I’m sort of a jerk magnet. They both dated me long enough to have sex and then dumped me.”

“You need to raise your standards.”

“Any suggestions on what I should be looking for, since you have all the answers.” She smiled as she said it.

“Someone who speaks gently to you and doesn’t raise his voice…hmm, maybe someone who tries to help you with your problems,” the wicked grin was back.

“You’re doing it again! You are flirting with me.”

“You make it so easy.” He chuckled.

“And you don’t play fair,” she whined into the receiver. “You flirt, but you won’t let me in your life? How confusing is that?”

“I’m sorry,” his mood turned serious. “I got carried away with myself. I was enjoying the conversation and not thinking what it might be causing you. Maybe I should go.”

“No! See, that’s what’s not fair. I don’t want you to go; I’ve been enjoying talking to you. Stay on the phone for a little while longer,” she pleaded.

He thought about her request, and after a moment answered, “Alright, what do you want to talk about?”

“Tell me how you became a vampire,” she said satisfied that she had accomplished her goal to keep him talking to her.

He let out a long sigh and walked away from the window long enough to pull his chair up to sit sideways in front of it. He then sat down and told her how St Francis was driven out and the healer had turned him into a monster, who murdered an innocent family.

By time he had finished his story, she had pulled one the barstools over to the window. She yawned and tried to be comforting, “I’m sorry you went through all that. It must have been horrifying. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you.”

He was looking straight ahead into the darkness of the room and his words come out sad and distant, “I wanted to die, but I couldn’t figure out how to accomplish it. I would only inflict the most excruciating pain upon myself. I couldn’t drown, and trying to starve to death only made me kill more. I tried to bleed myself to death once. That was very unpleasant. I only ended up going on a rampage after. I couldn’t behead myself, and I was too much of a coward to try fire.”

“Do you still feel that way?”

“No,” he turned to look at her, his voice returning to that soft tone he liked to use on her. “I don’t feel that way now. I’ve matured a lot since then. I’ve learned not to kill those I take blood from. And I’ve come to understand more about the world and how it works. I just wish that things could be other than they are.”

She yawned again, but asked, “What’s wrong with things being the way they are?”

“You’re getting tired, Ma-chan, we should stop talking, so you can go to bed.”

“Ah, I’m fine,” she said blowing him off.

He shook his head, but continued, “I love being alive during this day and age, but I don’t like the way vampires live as a society. I don’t like using humans the way they do and I don’t like how they flaunt it.”

“And you know a better way for them to live?” She asked knowing he had an answer.

“They could live like I do. I don’t feed off the weak and the lonely. I don’t take advantage of those who are desperate and hurting for attention. I prey on the predators, who do those types of things.”

“I can’t say that I disagree with you, but…well, this is sort of a guess…maybe I should ask you something first,” she stopped to think. “Ally said that sex with a vampire was really dangerous, but felt really good.” She tried her best to look at him for a reaction.

He shrugged his shoulders, “She would be the one to ask. I wouldn’t know, because I’m not human.”

“Well my question to you is…well, here’s part of it…does a groupie feed the vampire during sex?”

“That can happen. What are you getting at?” He was growing curious.

“Does it feel good to be bitten?” She looked away as she asked it.

“That depends on what the vampire wants you to feel. If the vampire wanted to bite his groupie during sex, he could make it very pleasurable. He could also skip the sex, and have the bite be a substitute for it.” He watched her reaction very closely.

“Ah…then I guess it would be kinda normal for a vampire to use his lover as a donor for blood? I mean, who else would you want to give that kind of pleasure too?” She still wouldn’t look at him.

“That would be fine if more of the vampires cared about their groupies in that way, but they don’t. Most vampires don’t want to be gentle and faithful. I’ve been told that it takes a great deal of restraint to have sex with a mortal.”

She looked up surprised, “You’ve never had sex with a human?”

“Not since becoming vampire. Don’t take that to mean that I haven’t had lovers…I just haven’t gotten that close to a human.”

She was puzzled and let it come across in her words, “Then how do you know if your bite feels good? Is it something that vampires just share with each other? Is there a person who teaches you all this stuff?”

“You are the most naive person on the planet,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Because I have given women orgasms with my bite, Maire.”

“Oooh…,” she said. After a second or two, she got off the stool and headed to the couch to pick up the cluttered diaries and journals. When she finished putting the diaries back in the box, she took the uneaten popcorn into the kitchen and got out a large ziplock storage bag; placing her phone between her ear and shoulder, she began to pour the popcorn into the bag.

Touya had moved over to the window across from her kitchen to be able to see her. He watched her fill the bag, and then he spoke, “Are you ok? Did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to upset you, Ma-chan.”

“You didn’t upset me, Touya. I just looked at the clock and saw what time it was. I really do need to get ready for bed.”

“You’re not a very good liar, baby.”

“I’m fine, so stop worrying about it,” she insisted, heading for the living room to get the barstool.

He was tempted to peer into her mind, but he didn’t want to violate her in that way. However, he wasn’t apposed to using a few dirty tricks. “What if I asked you and said, please?”

There was something about the way he said please that nearly made her drop to her knees. It come out too sensual so close to her ear and she had to lower the phone for a brief moment to gain control over her body.

“Maire, what are you thinking about right now?” He asked her after seeing her return the phone to her ear.

“N…nothing,” she stammered.

“Did you know that vampires can read the minds of humans? I can read yours if you don’t tell me,” he bluffed.

“Please don’t,” she whispered. Her mouth was suddenly very dry.

“Then tell me what upset you.”

“I had a bad thought when you said you had given women orgasms with your bite.”

“Which was?” He walked closer to the glass.

“I wondered what it would be like to have you bite me,” she admitted, her body shaking.

“I wouldn’t hurt you.” He whispered, seeing a vision similar to one she must have seen herself.

“I have to go. I need to get ready for bed now.” She was nervous and not sure what she should let herself feel.

He shook his head to clear his mind, then tried to explain himself, “I wouldn’t feed on you Ma-chan. I don’t feed off the innocent. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

She looked at him of a few seconds and let her nerves settle before speaking, “I’m ok. I just embarrassed myself, that’s all.”

“You’re a very curious creature, Ma-chan. Sometimes too curious for your own good. Maybe I should let you go to bed now,” he admitted.

“Can we talk tomorrow?” She stepped up to the glass.

“Possibly, I seem to be having problems with my own case of overwhelming curiosity,” he said with a smile.