Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > And I'll End This Direst: a Frerard story

Chapter 25

by xDescendingAngelx 6 reviews

Counting your face among the living.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Published: 2009-04-10 - Updated: 2009-04-10 - 3441 words

Frank's POV

Gerard wasn’t at school today either. I spent the entire school day debating on whether or not I should go to his house after school. After hours of arguing with myself, I decided to go after all. I missed him; not seeing him was like hell. I didn’t even care if he was still mad at me; I just wanted to talk to him.

School carried on as usual: I nearly got beat up by some kid I didn’t even know, got random things thrown at me during class, and Alex gave me shit about something, nearly resulting in another fight. And I didn’t even have Gerard here to save my ass this time.

I remembered my detention that I realized I had to go to, since I hadn’t gone for two days. This was going to make me late for Gerard’s house, but it wasn’t like I was supposed to be there at a certain time or anything. I sat through detention doing nothing but my math homework, and when it was finally over, I nearly leapt out of my seat.

I raced out of the detention classroom and was off-campus in a matter of seconds. Turning onto Gerard’s street, I suddenly regretted coming: if he was still mad at me, was he going to hurt me again? I stopped, but told myself that after a week, he was probably calm now. I gathered up the courage to go up and knock on the door. I held my breath as the door opened, and Elena poked her head out.

“Frankie! How are you, darling? Come in, come in,” she said, sweeping me inside.

“Hey, Elena. How are you?” I asked, hugging her.

“Fine, sugar. Did you walk with Gerard?”

“That’s why I’m here, to see—” I froze; Gerard was here, wasn’t he? Realization swept over me and I knew he’d skipped that day. I didn’t know about all the other days. I cleared my throat. “—to tell you that Gerard had to stop by another teacher’s room. He had detention today, so he’ll be home a little later today,” I lied, trying to keep Gerard out of trouble with his grandma. Hopefully this act of kindness will keep him less mad when I talked to him.

“Oh, I understand. Why did he get detention?” Elena asked.

Shit, I hadn’t thought about that yet. “Um… I think it was because he was late to class. I don’t know; I wasn’t there at the time,” I said, covering up my lack of knowledge.

“Okay. Well, since you’re already here, would you like to stay for dinner? I’ve got vegetarian lasagna in the freezer,” she offered, sounding hopeful.

I considered. Maybe staying didn’t should like such a bad idea. I’d be here when Gerard got home, and I’d surely be able to talk to him then. I imagined what might happen if he walked in to see the person he most likely hated sitting at his table, but I figured it would be okay. “Yes, I’d love to stay for dinner,” I said, smiling at Elena.

Mikey’s POV

“Okay, this is the last of the boxes,” I told Mom, setting down a rather heavy box in front of the moving van. My dad was busy talking to one of the movers, so he couldn’t help me.

“Great. Go do one last check before we go: make sure we got everything from every room, and make sure nothing’s still in the outlets. I’ll be in the car.”

I went back in the house to check all the rooms. Yep, we’d gotten everything. I couldn’t believe we were going back to Jersey now. I was really going to miss Chicago; Jersey was a shithole compared to it. I made my way back to the front door; it seemed to take forever getting there since my house seemed so much bigger.

I exited my house for the last time and got in the car. We hit the road, moving van following pursuit. I rested my head back on the seat and sighed; it was going to be a long drive out of Chicago.

Gerard’s POV

I didn’t go home after Bob left; instead, I took my notebook out of my bookbag and turned to some of the songs I’d written. I read over some of the lyrics, thinking about Frank and how much I loved him until I found out he was faking it, and how he was good as dead when Mikey got here. I pulled out a pencil and prepared to write, but no ideas came to mind. The whole reason I was trying to write something was so I could forget about Frank and my entire situation.

I tried to think of something to write, but my mind kept going back to Frank. I realized that the reason I was unable to write anything was probably because I didn’t know how I felt at the moment about the situation.

I usually tried to hide my emotions; lately I’d been hiding them from myself. I felt it was time to think about how I felt, so I analyzed my feelings to make them easier to work with. Easier to run away from.

I knew for a fact that I was angry at Frank for lying to me, and I thought I might have been sad that I could no longer have him. Maybe I was just glad he was gone, since Mikey was just going to get him anyway. Maybe it was best he was gone; he obviously didn’t need me anyway.

I think another reason this was for the better was that when Mikey got a hold of him, I wouldn’t be so sad to see him go. That’s another reason anger comes in handy, contrary to what everyone says. Anger makes everything easier to let go. I told Frank he deserved better than me, and he apparently believed me. I needed to forget this; I didn’t need any more reason to kill myself.

When I felt better reaching this slightly stupid agreement with myself, I turned to one of my songs, one that was untitled. I quickly jotted down:

Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen
And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living

I felt this best described what I felt for Frank right then. Especially ‘Counting your face among the living,’ considering what Mikey would do. But I kept telling myself I didn’t care, even though it was a lie.

I spent more time on this than I thought; the sun was starting to set. School let out a few hours ago, shit! Grandma was surely worrying about me. I was going to be in deep trouble.

I gathered my stuff and rand across the baseball diamond, out the gate, and down my street. Good thing I lived near the diamond, or else I would have gotten there later. I waked up my porch stairs, trying to hurry and think of a lie when the door opened. I was standing face-to-face with Grandma, and I still had no idea what to tell her.

“Gerard! Frankie told me you were in detention! Glad you got home in time for dinner,” she said, hugging me as I walked in the door. I breathed a sigh of relief; I didn’t have to explain anything after all.

“Yeah, I was. That’s why I’m late. Detention,” I told her. Detention. Good excuse. I’ll have to thank—wait, what the hell? Frank told her I was in detention?

“Come sit down, dear. I just made dinner.” I put my bookbag down and wandered into the kitchen in a daze. “Sit down, she directed me.

I turned to the table and pulled out a chair for Grandma, sitting down in another. Tired, I put my head back, looking at the ceiling and closing my eyes. I heard someone walk around behind me, and I thought it was Grandma.

“Have a seat, dear,” I heard Grandma say again. I opened one eye to look at her; couldn’t she see that I was already sitting? I was horrified to see that she wasn’t looking at me when she said that, she was looking at someone behind me. I’d been watching too many horror movies; I spun around to see who she was talking to, and wished I hadn’t.

Frank was standing in the doorway, looking back at me.

Frank's POV

We finished dinner after a while. I felt awkward and uncomfortable due to Gerard’s glare. I could tell I was unwanted by him, but I didn’t care; I had to talk to him. I could feel his piercing eyes never leaving me as we ate. They were full of murderous hate, full of anguish, and something else I couldn’t exactly pinpoint.

The only thing he said to me as I took small bites of my vegetarian lasagna was a very cold and frigid, “Be careful; that lasagna made me sick yesterday.” Except for that little comment and a smirk, nothing else was said.

Elena tried to keep a conversation going, but Gerard didn’t seem to want to comply, leaving me the only person engaging in conversation with her. I saw her shoot threatening looks toward Gerard’s end of the table, but kept talking to me as if she wasn’t.

After dinner, I offered to do dishes. Elena refused and shooed me away. I decided then would be a good time to talk to Gerard, and he was about to walk out the front door before I stopped him. Looking into the kitchen to make sure Elena wasn’t listening, he stared coldly down at me, shooting daggers with his eyes.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he barked, closing the door.

“Gerard, I wanted to apol—”

“Don’t give me that shit,” he cut me off. Great, how was I going to tell him how I really felt if he wasn’t going to listen?

“Gerard, please listen. I didn’t mean—”

“Save it! I don’t give a shit about you or your lies. Leave me and Grandma the hell alone.”

I was determined to get my point across. “If you’d listen, Gee, I’m trying to say I’m sorry and that I miss you.”

He stopped, anger still in his eyes. “What?”

I looked down at the floor. “I said, ‘I miss you.’ I didn’t mean what I said about the two guys in the hall.”

“So?” he sneered. “So you can lie. Why should I be moved by this reality?”

I swallowed nervously. “I told Eric about us, Gee. I told him how much I love you. Please…” I really meant what I said; I missed Gerard. I couldn’t take him hating me; not now.

I wanted to hug him again. I wanted to feel the warmth of his body against mine. I wanted to kiss him and feel his lips against mine and all that cliché shit. I just wanted him back. I hated that I was too afraid to go near him, now that he’d once hurt me. I didn’t want to be afraid, but I didn’t want to get hurt again, either. So I stayed where I was; away from him, but not too far away.

“Frank…” he said, finally speaking. I looked up at him hopefully. I couldn’t read his expression, and his hazel eyes looked empty. He sighed deeply, and said, “You lied to me once. I can’t bear it again.”

I was horrified. “What do you mean? I never lied to you! I told you the truth! I wouldn’t lie to you; I love you too much!”

“You never loved me,” he said, getting angry again. I backed away instinctively; unaware I was doing so until he took a step towards me. “Everything you did was a lie. Don’t think I didn’t trust you, Frank. You gave me a reason to trust you, and I believed you. I believed your lies and you threw me to the ground as if I were nothing.”

“No… I nearly whispered, taking a step back and hitting the wall. I was unable to get any further away, and Gerard was still taking steps toward me. I started freaking out; what if he was about to start beating me or something?

“Well, Frank, I’ve decided: you’re right. I’m nothing. I’m a good-for-nothing nobody, valueless and worthless, and you helped me re-realize that. Thank you, Frank, for letting me know that I am nothing but a no-good pile of shit.”

“Gerard, you’re not! You’re more than that. Do you even realize how much you mean to me? I would die if you left me!”

He looked to the floor, inhaling sharply. He didn’t say anything for a while. His breathing became shallower, as if he was trying to keep from crying. “Mikey...” he finally said, so quietly I wasn’t even sure I heard him. “Is moving to Jersey soon. Maybe next week.”

I wasn’t following. “Go on,” I said.

He took another deep breath. “He and Eric are… planning…” He was struggling to get the words out.

I put a finger under his chin, slowly pulling it up so I could look him in the face. He wasn’t crying yet, but he looked like he was about to start. “Planning what, Gee?” Just then, Elena walked in, about to ask a favor, but when she saw my tearstained face and Gerard on the verge of tears, she stopped and nearly spazzed out.

“Frankie, what’s the matter? Dear, what’s wrong?” she said quickly rushing over to us.

“Gerard…” I managed to say, still looking at him.

Elena’s worried gaze went from me to him. “Hun, what’s the matter? Tell me what’s wrong.” She cradled Gerard’s face in one hand, and put the other around my shoulders.

“It’s Mikey,” he said, breaking free of her grip. “He’s moving to Hawthorne next week.”

“Oh, dear…” Elena trailed. “Now why didn’t Donna tell me this?”

Gerard shrugged and wiped his nose with his sleeve. I grabbed some nearby tissues and handed them to him. He took a few and blew his nose. God, I really wanted to let him know everything would be alright. I wanted him to know I would be with him, no matter what happened. I wanted to…

“I have to go make a phone call. Good night, boys,” Elena said, interrupting my thoughts. She walked briskly past me and disappeared into her room, closing the door behind her. I knew I wouldn’t see her until the next morning. Turning back to Gerard, I saw that he’d gone to the couch and sat down. I slowly walked over to him and sat beside him.

“Gerard, please. Tell me what Mikey and Eric are planning. I want to help you in any way I can.” I sounded like I was talking to a three-year-old rather than a high-schooler.

“I don’t need help. You do,” he said, finally spilling tears. I couldn’t take it anymore; I wrapped him up in a hug and reassured him that everything would be fine. I was confused as to why I needed help, but I didn’t want to question him further, considering the state he was in now. Seeing him cry made me want to cry. I tightened my grip around him, and he took my invitation and rested his head in the crook of my neck.

“It’s gonna be okay, Gee,” I said, trying to calm him down. I put some of his hair behind his ear, in hopes that my touch would comfort him. “You’ll be just fine, I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

He sniffed, then said, “Everything’s not gonna be okay, Frank. They’re going to get you, they’re gonna kill you.”

Naturally, I was shocked to hear this. I tried to keep reassuring him; if he knew I was afraid, he’d surely be too. “They’re never gonna get me, Gee. And they’re not gonna get you, either, okay?” I heard him whimper something in response, and he nuzzled his face deeper in my neck, his breathing starting to get deeper. I smiled to myself; he was starting to relax now.

I looked at the clock; it was almost nine. Looked like I was staying here tonight; it was too late to escape a fight with my mom tonight, even though it was a school night. I continued pushing his hair behind his ear, kissing the top of his head, anything that would keep him calm. After a while, his breathing slowed to deep sighs, and he was sleeping on my shoulder.

I then realized that we were still sitting on the couch. This would have been easy if we were on his bed, but no, we were stuck on the couch. I didn’t want to leave him, but I didn’t want to wake him up just to move him to the bed. The only thing I thought I could do was lay down on the couch and have him lay on top of me: it was going to be pretty awkward and hard to explain if Elena saw, but it was the only thing I could think of.

I tried to shift him so I could reposition myself, but as I started to lie down, I realized that my shoulder, which served as his pillow, would also go down, too. I groaned, wondering how to solve his problem. I was currently half-lying down, half-sitting upright with one arm to steady myself, the other trying to hold Gerard up in an upright position until I could gently lay him on top of me as soon as I was down. Needless to say, it wasn’t working very well.

Suddenly, the arm I was leaning on gave in, sending me crashing to the couch. As a result, Gerard slid down too, and he woke up with a jerk.

“That didn’t work,” I said aloud.

“It helps if you go to bed… in bed,” he said, heavy-eyed. I gawped at him.

“I swear, Gerard, you’re a genius,” I said sarcastically, and he laughed sleepily, starting to get up. I followed him to his bedroom, which was a lot messier than when I last saw it. Gerard went straight for the bed, yawning.

“Hold on,” I said. “You can’t sleep in your clothes.”

He looked at me blankly for a second, then realized what I meant. “No,” he groaned, lying down on the bed stubbornly. “You do it.”

I sighed as I walked over to him. I suddenly felt nervous; I was about to take off Gerard’s clothes. I mean, I’d seen him with nothing but boxers on before, but I’d never actually taken off his clothes.

He was lying there, about to drift off to sleep again. “Screw it,” I said, and took off my own shirt off, jeans following after. There was nothing sexual about this; I always slept in only my boxers. Gerard opened his eyes and looked at me, finding a blanket and throwing it over himself, only letting his head show. I had to say, he looked adorable, like a little kid playing hide-and-seek or something.

I smiled and made my way towards the bed, turning the light off. I pulled the sheets back and climbed in between them, him doing the same and getting closer to me so that he could feel the warmth of my body against his. Finally. This is what I’ve wanted for a while now. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his cheek, not wanting to go too fast and risk angering him.

He sighed and took my hands, giving them back to me. “Frankie…” he whispered. Oh, God.

Trying to hide my disappointment, I replied, “Yes, Gee?”

He was silent for a second, then said, “I can’t do this.”
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