Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Three Days
Ok so…I was working on a Frank/Jamia oneshot giving a version of events leading up to him getting his first Jamia tattoo, but work on that was going realllly slowly and I didn’t even know WHY it was going slowly, because I had the whole thing planned out in my head.
But apparently my muse was just waiting for the right moment to attack me with this story.
If you’ve ever seen the Christmas movie Three Days, you’ll have a general idea of how this is going to go. If you haven’t, it’ll be more of a surprise. Either way, it’ll be its own unique thing for sure. I just…I have no idea why it even popped into my head, but I was watching Dancing With The Stars of all things, and it just grabbed me that this story would work sooo fucking well as a Ferard. So, here goes. :)
Hope you enjoy it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frank sighed, rocked his lip ring back and forth between his teeth as he listened to the phone ring…and ring…and…
“Hey, you’ve reached Gerard’s cell. Obviously I couldn’t get to it right now, so just leave me a message and I’ll get back to you, ok?”
Frank resisted the urge to sigh. “Hey, Gee, it’s me. Just wondering when you’d be home…we said we were getting the Christmas tree tonight, remember? Well, anyway, I’m home. Call when you can. Love you, bye.”
He slid the phone shut quickly, tossing it against the couch cushion beside him. Gerard was, apparently, working late. Again. Like he had every night for the past…God only knew how long. Sure, he was becoming successful, and no one was happier for him than Frank. He was really getting noticed as a manager at Dark Horse, but in the process, Frank couldn’t help but feel he was becoming less and less important. Still, they had been together almost all their lives. Surely all couples hit their rough spots. Keeping that in mind, he was trying not to worry too much about it. All the same, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
He curled onto his side on the couch, smiling a little as he felt their miniature pincher, Mama, jump up next to his chest. “Hey, little girl. You’re hanging out with me, huh?” She wiggled happily, pressing her body up against her master. “Alright then, it’s a party.” He ruffled her head affectionately before reaching over her for the master remote, turning on both the TV and DVD player. He settled in, reaching back to wrap a blanket around the two of them and tried desperately to let Nightmare Before Christmas take his mind off whatever Gerard might be doing.
~~~~~~
“How long have you been keeping this one to yourself, Gerard?”
Gerard shrugged, black hair falling slightly in his eyes. “Awhile. I’ve been writing my own stuff for forever; I guess it’s been…couple years or so I’ve been working on this one.”
The man behind the next nodded slowly and Gerard fidgeted again, anxious. “This is extremely innovative. It’s bright, original…I’m sold.”
“Seriously?”
Brian laughed, held his hand out for Gerard to shake. “Seriously. I can’t believe you’ve been letting me use you to find talent for me all these years when you had this amazing talent sitting right under my nose. Unbelieveable.”
Gerard raked a hand through his hair, at a loss for words and unable to stop grinning. This was…this was fucking incredible. Something he had dreamed of since he was a kid, and now it looked like it was really coming through. He was really going to see one of his own comics in print. “I…shit, Brian, I don’t even know what to say….”
Brian laughed again, grinning at him. “Then don’t say anything except that you’ll be heading out to Chicago tonight to run this by the last guy whose approval we need.”
Tonight? Shit. “I…”
“Listen, Gerard, I know tomorrow’s Christmas Eve but I promise, you’ll get this done fast and you’ll be home in time. You can even meet with the guy tonight, be on your way home tomorrow morning. You know what kinda chance this is…we’ve only got a slot open for so long, man. You gotta jump on this.”
It didn’t take him long to decide. This really was a once in a lifetime chance, and Brain was right, he could get it done fast. Frank would be able to understand that. “Course, yeah. No problem. Get me on the flight.”
“Great. Hey, listen, Bert knows the guy you’re gonna be talking to. I can send him with you, maybe make introductions a little easier?”
If there was anyone that made being at the office easier, it had always been Bert. They hadn’t really worked together in almost three years, but Gerard had a lot of good memories from back when they had. Half of them were obscured from the ridiculous amounts of alcohol he’d be drinking back then, but from what he could remember the two of them had had a lot of good times together. “Yeah, sure. Listen, I’ve gotta get home and explain to Frank what’s going on. When’s the flight leaving?”
“7. I’ll give your ticket to Bert, just meet him at the airport ok?”
“Sure thing.”
Brian grinned at him again as he stood. “I got a feeling Umbrella Academy’s gonna be a big thing for us, Gerard. We’re gonna be owing you a lot.”
“I just wanna see it as a real comic, that’s all.” It wasn’t false modesty either. Honestly, he just wanted to hold it, his own story in print in his hands.
“Trust me, you’re gonna get a lot more than that.”
He was halfway down the stairs leading out of the building before he remembered to check his cell phone, whipping it out of his pocket and almost dropping it. He flipped the screen open easily, wiped it on the edge of his jacket sleeve. 5 missed calls. Shit, shit, shit. He didn’t even take the time to listen to his voicemail, choosing instead to just call Frank back and hope he wasn’t too upset.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby, I’m sorry, I was in a meeting with Brian. Got some good news, I’ll tell you all about it when I got home. What have you been up to?”
“Eh, watching TV with Mama.” He paused, and Gerard knew there was more to it. “Waiting on you to go get a Christmas tree.”
Motherfucker. “That…that was tonight. Right, I…shit, Frankie, I’m sorry. We can go when I get home, first thing, I promise.” Even as he said it, though, he was rolling his arm over to check his watch. “Actually…can you meet me there? I’m just leaving work.”
“That’s fine. I’ll see you there.”
~~~~~
“How about this one, huh?”
Frank rolled his eyes, and Gerard couldn’t help but smirk at how much like a little boy he looked when he did. “Gee! Come on, that one’s too short.”
“If you say so.”
“How about this one?’ Frank ran his hands over the needles of a pretty sparse looking tree, taller but much more pitiful looking.
“That one? Seriously? It looks like the fucking Charlie Brown tree.”
“That’s why I like it. It needs us. C’mon, Gee, please?”
Gerard laughed softly, nudging Frank out of the way to pick the tree up. “Only cause you like it so damn much. Come on, let’s go.”
It was cheap, at least, and soon they were walking back down the street toward their apartment, breath heavy in the cold air.
“So…what’s the hurry for, huh?”
“Hm?”
“C’mon, you hate that tree, but you didn’t fight me. Why are you in such a hurry?”
Gerard bit his lip, shifted his grip on the tree so he could see Frank better. “I ah…I gotta fly out to Chicago tonight.”
The response was pretty much what he’d expected. “Tonight? Gerard…” The pain in Frank’s voice cut him, and he couldn’t meet his eyes. “It’s almost Christmas. I thought we could spend the day together tomorrow. Decorate the apartment. Wanted to do it sooner but you’ve been so busy…”
They were at the building door, and Gerard sat the tree down to unlock it, stopping first to face Frank. “And we can do that. Decorate together, I mean. Look, I promise, I won’t be gone long. I’ll be back by tomorrow evening, latest. Probably tomorrow afternoon. We can do all that Christmas stuff then, ok?” He reached out, cupped Frank’s face in his hands. “You know I wanna be with you, but it’s really important that I go tonight. I gotta talk to some executive about picking up Umbrella Academy.”
Frank’s eyes lit up a little at that. “Really? That’s great!”
Gerard smiled, felt some of his fear evaporating. “Yeah. It’s fucking awesome. But I have to go tonight, and I know it sucks, but you can just get started without me, and we’ll do everything else together when I get home, ok? I promise, babe, I’ll be here. it’s gonna be our best Christmas yet.”
Frank bit his lip, looked up at Gerard in that pleading-puppy way that always made his heart melt. “Promise?”
“Absolutely.” He leaned in for a kiss, pulling Frank against his chest and holding him close, one arm around his waist. It was too short, but they were still outside. He pulled away reluctantly, left a last peck on Frankie’s lips. “Ready to get our scrawny tree inside?”
Frank giggled, grinning. “Definitely. And I’m ready to make you like it.”
Gerard rolled his eyes as he unlocked the door, pushing it open with his back to pull the tree in after him. “Yeah, good luck with that.”
~~~~~
“Come on, Gerard! If anything ever deserved a drink, a triumph like this does!”
Gerard laughed a little, but it was uneasy and his eyes never left the bottle of Jack in Bert’s hands. “Nah, I don’t think so. Works better for me if I stay sober, you know? I was pretty fucked before.”
“Not even just for tonight? Promise I won’t let you go too far, just a toast.” Bert was smiling warmly at him, edging closer with the bottle and an empty shot glass ready to be filled. “Just one shot together wouldn’t hurt anything.”
He hesitated, but before he knew it he seemed to have jerked his head up on his own, and Bert took it for the halfway nod it was. A second later, the shot was in his hand.
“To you, my friend, and the fucking Umbrella Academy.”
“To the Umbrella Academy.” Gee smirked, tossed back the shot with the ease of an expert. The burn felt oh-so-good in his throat, but it wasn’t enough to calm the guilt he felt taking it. “Alright. One shot, that’s it. Put it away now, huh?”
“Yeah, alright.” Slowly, Bert screwed the lid back on the Jack, slid it into the floor to rest against the baseboard. It wasn’t out of sight, and Gerard could feel his stare being drawn to it. “Shit, we’ve had some good times with this stuff though, didn’t we? Remember that time at comic con running the booth for Dark Horse, and we kissed in front of that camera man?”
Gerard shook his eyes away from the bottle, laughed with Bert at the memory. “That was great, man. I couldn’t believe that guy; he refused to believe we were just screwing with him.”
Bert smirked, leaned across the tiny table. “Maybe I wasn’t just screwing with him. You were looking pretty good that day, I remember.”
Gerard shrugged, looking down. Bert’s touch against his cheek wasn’t entirely unexpected, and he didn’t jump.
“In fact as I remember…” he was closer now, and Gerard could feel his breathe against his cheek. “That kiss was pretty fucking good itself. Somethin’ like this…” Before he knew it Bert’s lips were on his, warm and demanding. His tongue snaked between their lips and Gerard let his mouth go slack, his own tongue working lazily against Bert’s. He tasted like alcohol, and Gerard deepened the kiss, one hand coming up to anchor in Bert’s long hair. When they broke apart, his head was a jumble of thoughts, all feeling focused on the breath he could feel against his damp lips, Bert’s hand where it rested on his thigh.
“Bert…” They had been on the edge of this before, several times, but even drunk they had never gone farther than this.
Bert’s thumb stroked against the denim of his jeans, slow and seductive. “C’mon, I know you’ve thought about this before. Just once, for old time’s sake, huh? Celebration of what’s coming. Haven’t had a trip together like this in years, and we definitely won’t once you become one of the big shots.”
Gerard giggled, soft and a little nervous. “Ah, I’m not gonna be a big shot.”
“Yeah, you are.” Bert’s lips brushed against his again, questioning. “Just once.”
Gerard pulled back, his hand brushing Bert’s on his thigh. “I…yeah. Alright. Just give me a minute, ok?” He stood up slowly, flashed Bert a smile before heading through the door connecting to his hotel room. This was happening fast, and if was going to happen at all it’d have to be that way. Quick, fun, no time to think. Hopefully, Bert had a condom. He’d never carried them, there’d never been any need. His whole life, there had never been anyone but Frank.
Frank. He swallowed hard, shook his head. This was just…this was just something between friends, just one night. It didn’t mean anything, and it would never happen again. What Frank didn’t know could never hurt him, and there was no way he’d ever know. Quickly, Gerard shrugged off his jacket, tossing it onto the bed. As he did, he felt paper slice into his hand, a thin line of blood rising to the surface. Curious, he flipped the jacket over, tugged on the corner of a scrap of paper tucked into one of the jacket pockets.
I knew you’d wear this one. (But I put I note in the leather one too, just in case I was wrong.) Wish I could be there with you to tell that guy how fucking amazing you are, but Umbrella Academy’s good enough to sell itself without either of us ever saying a word. Get some sleep tonight, I’d rather you didn’t sleep much tomorrow…I have other plans. Love you.
xoxo
Frank
The guilt was absolutely crushing, and he sat down heavily on the bed, the note fluttering to the floor as his head fell into his hands. What the fuck was I thinking? He could see Frank in his mind, curled up on their couch with Mama at his feet, probably watching Nightmare Before Christmas for the hundredth time and drinking hot chocolate. He could hardly breathe for the lump in his throat. He wanted nothing more than to be there with him, to pull him into his arms and kiss him, to have the taste of Frank and chocolate linger in his mouth. Right now, he could still taste Bert and alcohol and it was making him sick. He had known all along that he didn’t deserve Frank, but nothing had ever made him feel like he deserved him less than he did now.
~~~~~
Frank stretched on the couch, careful not to kick Mama. She was passed out on the last cushion, little legs twitching as she ran in her dreams. Frank grinned at her, resisted the urge to wake her. She was always so damn cute when she ran. His eyes fell on the picture on the end table behind her, one of his favorites.
It had been taken right after high school graduation, on the senior trip he and Gerard had taken with Gerard’s brother, Mikey, and their two best friends, Ray and Bob. They had driven cross country to LA and had finally made it to the beach with perfect timing, just as the sun was coming up. Frank had tackled Gerard in the sand, straddling him, hands on his chest as he leaned in for a kiss. The sunrise was blazing in all colors behind them, and the picture was sharp enough that he could see the love in Gerard’s eyes as he looked up at him. It had been a perfect moment, and they had both been grateful to Mikey for catching it with his camera. Looking at it now Frank could almost feel it, the heat in the air, the sand on his skin, the warmth of Gerard underneath him.
He rolled his shoulders, turned just enough to see the clock. Midnight. Gee should definitely be back to the hotel by now, or at least on his way back.
Reaching back over his shoulder he pulled the phone off the table and into his hand, dialing Gerard’s cell quickly. After three rings he heard it connect, heard him shuffle the phone around for a minute before answering.
“Hello?”
For what seemed like a long moment, he was too dazed to even hang up.
“Hello?”
The second time did it. He jolted out of his shock, sliding the phone shut quickly and dropping it to the floor like it had burned him. in a way, it had. Tears were stinging at the corners of his eyes and he didn’t bother to wipe them away, his body sliding down the cushion to curl into a tight ball. That wasn’t Gerard, but he’d have known that voice anywhere. He had known Bert had been after Gerard before, when they used to work together all the time running promotional events for Dark Horse. Gerard had promised Frank then that nothing had really happened, other than the one drunken kiss he’d seen caught on camera. But he was obviously there tonight, and answering Gerard’s phone. It was too much to think it could have been anything other than exactly how it looked.
Curling as tight as he possibly could against the pain in his chest, Frank shook with the sobs for a long time before falling into exhausted sleep.
~~~~~
Taking a deep breath, Gerard pushed off the bed and went to the door, shoving it open and leaning against the frame. “Hey.”
“Finally, I thought…” Bert trailed off, taking in the look on Gerard’s face.
“Listen, I’m sorry but…I can’t. it’s not…it’s not you, you know it’s not, but it’s just not right.” His swallowed, his thumb running over the smooth band on his left hand as if to remind himself it was there. “I’m married; I have Frank and-“
“And that never stopped you kissing me before.”
“Yeah well…I shouldn’t have.” It was a lame excuse, and he knew it. His eyes cut sideways, back down to the floor. He had been such an idiot. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do that to him. I love him.”
“You know he’d never know.”
“I’d know.” His voice was more certain now, stronger with the conviction that saying no to this was the right thing to do. The best thing he could do now would be getting back home to Frank.
Bert sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah, alright. If that’s how it is.”
“It is. I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s cool.” He shrugged, smirked a little. “But if you change your mind…offer’s always open, Gee.”
Gerard swallowed fresh guilt, feeling dirty all over again for having even considered cheating on Frank. “I won’t change my mind. But thanks, all the same.” Hs slid back, edging the door shut slowly. “Night, Bert.”
He didn’t even wait for an answer, pulled the door shut and locked it, let his body slide down against it. He felt sick, and the urge to be with Frank was overwhelming. He had come close to really fucking up tonight, and he felt almost as bad as if he had anyway. He knew he’d spend the rest of his life feeling sorry for this, even though nothing had happened. He slid a hand to the pocket of his jeans, wanting to pull his phone out and see Frank’s picture. He patted around for a moment before he realized it wasn’t there, and he vaguely remembered having taken it out to text Mikey and leaving it on the table in Bert’s room.
Sighing, he pulled himself to his feet and opened the door again, sticking his head in. Bert was still at the table, bottle of Jack open once more. He was drinking straight from it, watching the TV on mute. “Hey, Bert? I leave my phone in here?”
Bert nodded, gesturing wordlessly at it on the table.
Gerard crossed the room as quickly as he could, swiping it off and into his hand. “Great. Thanks.”
He didn’t open it until he was back in his room and in his bed. He stretched out on his back, flipping it open to see a picture of Frank in the kitchen, one hand in his pocket as he worked on some vegetarian concoction in the skillet that was definitely on fire. Gerard couldn’t resist touching the picture, mesmerized by the way the firelight cast against his lover’s skin. His thumb brushed over the tiny spot on the picture he knew to be Frank’s scorpion tattoo, his touch loving even against the screen. “I’m sorry, babe.” His whisper was harsh in the silence, and he could feel the regret soaked into the words. “I’m so sorry. God, I love you.”
He wanted to call him, then, but it was past midnight and unless he was there to keep him up, Frank usually fell asleep pretty early. He could wait, talk to him when he saw him tomorrow. That’d probably be better anyway than talking to him now, when he felt so damned guilty. Reluctantly he dropped the phone onto the end table, kicking off his shoes and sliding under the blankets without even bothering to change out of his clothes. He knew he probably wouldn’t be sleeping much anyway.
~~~~~
Gerard shifted his bags to one hand, propping his knee against the door as he tried to juggle everything well enough to get it unlocked. His flight had been delayed repeatedly due to weather, as a result he was getting home much, much later than he’d been expecting. On the bright side, it gave him a reason to be groveling-ly apologetic.
The door finally swung open and he balanced everything pretty well, sliding his key into his pocket and evening out the stuff in his hands. “Hey, babe, I’m home!” The apartment was eerily quiet except for Mama’s nails on the linoleum as she scuttled forward to meet him, wiggling happily. He brushed a hand absently across her head as he dropped his bags, keeping only the one from the airport gift shop that held his surprise for Frank. “Frankie? Ya here?”
He walked slowly, stepping into the dark living room and preparing to turn on the light when I saw Frank sitting there in the dark, knees curled up against his chest. Gerard felt warmth flood through his chest at the sight, and he couldn’t help but wonder again what the fuck he had been thinking the night before. He already had the whole world; he’d never need anything else. “Hey! Look, I’m sorry I’m so late, fucking flight kept getting delayed. Gave me some time to kill in those airport shops, though, and I found Kingdom Hospital on DVD! I know you’ve been wanting to see that for awhile, I thought maybe I’d go ahead and give it to you now, early Christmas present…everything ok? I’m really sorry…” He had rambled for a minute before he even realized Frank wasn’t smiling, was barely looking at him. His heartbeat quickened in fear.
“What were you really doing last night, Gerard?” Frank’s voice was cold, empty.
“I was in Chicago, talking to some big shot about the deal. I told you that.” True, but he could feel his stomach tying itself into knots. Was his face that plain to read? Did he really look that guilty?
“Really.” He sounded dead, utterly lifeless. “I called you last night, you know. I know it was Bert that answered, so just tell me what the hell you were really doing and how long this has been going on.”
Gerard felt the world spin, fear gripping him hard. “No, Frank, it’s not like that! He was there because Brian said he knew the guy we were talking to, that having him there’d give me an edge! That’s all it was, I promise! I’d just left my phone laying on the table and I was in the other room, I swear, he didn’t even tell me you called!”
“And why were you with him late, huh? Was that part of the discussions with whoever it was?” His voice was still hard, and it was plain he wasn’t really buying it.
“No, we were just hanging out in his room afterward. God, he’s a friend, Frank, I do have friends at work you know!” He didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, and he bit his tongue as soon as he’d said it, tasting blood.
“Just hanging out in his room? That all you were doing?” Frank stood up, stalking past Gerard and out of the room. “To think I actually believed you before when you said nothing was going on! Fuck, I saw you kissing him and I actually fucking believed you when you said you were just drunk.”
“I was! Frank, that was so fucking long ago, nothing has been happening, alright? Nothing beyond that happened back then, either.” He was following close behind him, desperate, and when Frank’s hand shot out to snatch his keys off the table by the door Gerard caught it, tried to hold him back. “Look, I swear, it’s only ever been you. I promise.”
Frank’s eyes closed, his head shaking once as he yanked his hand out of Gerard’s. “I gotta go.”
“Where?” His voice was panicked, his hands shaking with it.
“Out.” Frank grabbed his keys, sliding them into the pocket of his jeans as he yanked the door open.
Frantic, Gerard caught it in his hand, reached for Frank’s arm. “C’mon, come back inside, it’s fucking 19 degrees out there!”
Frank paused, let his eyes meet Gerard’s long enough for the other man to see the pain in them. “Merry Christmas.” He dodged his hand, sliding fully through the door and heading off down the stairs without a backwards glance.
Gerard stood frozen at the door, hearing the echo of Frank’s footsteps in his head. Mama whined, pawing at his leg and he jerked violently, eyes scanning everywhere but the floor for a moment. He scooped her up then, squeezing her a little tighter than necessary. “It’s ok. It’s ok. He’s just upset, he’s gotta calm down, then he’ll listen. It’s ok; we’re ok.” But he didn’t believe it, and his hands shook as he petted her. Walking back to the living room with her he set her on the couch, tugging his own keys back out of his pocket. He couldn’t just sit here waiting for Frank to come back; he’d go mad.
He got out the door and on the street as quickly as he could, trying to think which way Frank would have taken. When they walked Mama, they usually went right. It was as good a guess as any. Shoving his hands in his jacket pockets he walked quickly, every gust of cold wind reminding him that Frank was out in this without even a jacket. Because of him. It was enough to make him want to stop and take his off, but that would take precious seconds and he wasn’t willing to waste even one.
It took a little longer than he thought to catch up with him, but he finally saw him up ahead, about half a block down. The streets were pretty deserted, and it wasn’t hard to pick him out. He had stopped to hold his hand out to some little cowering stray dog, and if he hadn’t been so worried Gerard would have smiled. That was just like Frank, worrying about some animal no matter how much he had to worry about on his own.
It all happened so fast, really, but Gerard saw it in slow motion. The dog got nervous, darted away to stand in the middle of the street. Frank got up, kept coaxing at him and the dog rolled over on his back, submitting. Frank stepped out, eyes on the dog.
He never saw the car speeding down the road, and he probably never heard Gerard screaming for him either. Gerard could hear his own voice, the way Frank’s name was ripped from his chest when he saw the car, the horror and panic and disbelief that for a moment kept him from running.
By the time he got there the driver was out of the car, running around in front to kneel by the motionless body on the pavement. Gerard shoved them roughly out of the way, falling to the ground beside his husband and pulling him into his arms, oblivious to the blood soaking through the knees of his jeans. “Frank…Frankie…please…”
There was no response, and though Frank’s chest was still moving with shallow breaths, there was far too much blood. “Sir, I’m sorry, I didn’t see-“
“Call a goddamned ambulance!” He screamed the words, not even caring whether or not the man responded. His grip on Frank tightened, his head dipping low enough to feel Frank’s unsteady breath against his cheek. “Stay with me. Stay with me.” He repeated it like a mantra, his lips barely moving enough to get the words out.
He didn’t move until the ambulance came, sirens alerting him to the paramedics that pried Frank from his arms and laid him out on a stretcher. Dazed, Gerard followed them into the ambulance, staring in wide-eyed shock and listening without any comprehension as the EMT’s shouted frantically around him.
~~~~~
Mikey rubbed his back soothingly, held out a cup of coffee. “Come on, Gee. Gotta be awake when the doctor comes to take you to see him.”
Gerard shook his head, not even looking at the cup. “Can’t. Thanks.”
Mikey sighed and handed the cup to his wife, Alicia, before sitting down close to Gerard, his arms sliding around his brother. “Gee, he’s gonna be ok. You gotta keep thinking that.”
“You didn’t see him, Mikey, he was…” Tears slid from his eyes and he didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. “We were fighting when he left. I only followed cause I didn’t want to wait until he got back. It was cold, and he didn’t take his jacket, and even if he didn’t talk to me I just wanted him to come back inside…” Gerard trailed off, soft sobs stealing his words.
Mikey held him closer, forehead pressed into Gerard’s shoulder. “It’s ok. It’s ok, Gee. Everybody fights sometimes. No matter what, he knows you love him. And he’s gonna be just fine, I’m sure you’ll be talking to him really soon.”
Despite Mikey’s good intentions, the words weren’t comforting. Frank hadn’t left certain that Gerard loved him; he had left pretty certain that he didn’t. And now, Gerard might never get a chance to reassure him. He turned into his brother’s embrace, burrowed his head against his shoulder and let himself cry harder, tried to focus on the comfort Mikey was giving him that he didn’t deserve.
“Mr. Way?”
Gerard’s head jerked up, faced the doctor. “Can I see Frank now? Is he awake?”
She hesitated, gestured for Gerard to come with her. “Can you come with me? We’ll talk in the hall.”
Dizzy and lightheaded from the shock and the crying, Gerard stood and steadied himself on Mikey’s shoulder before following her into the back hall, hands toying nervously with his jacket sleeves. “How is he? I know he had lost a lot of blood when we came in. I told them I can donate if I need to; I’m O, that’s the universal donor right?” He was fucking terrified of needles, but if Frank needed his blood he’d do whatever it took.
She hesitated again, and Gerard put his hand out against the wall, staving off another wave of dizziness. “Mr. Way, your husband’s injuries were very severe. It’s a miracle he even survived the initial collision. I…I’m so sorry to have to tell you, but we did everything we could. There was too much internal bleeding for us to be able to stop it in time. I’m so very sorry for your loss.”
He was shaking violently, his arm trembling against the wall too hard to hold him up. “No…no, he can’t be…he can’t…”
“I truly am sorry. We tried our best to save him.” There was genuine sympathy in her voice but Gerard didn’t want to hear it. It changed nothing. Her hand came down gently on his shoulder, squeezing carefully. “If you’d…like to see him for a moment…say goodbye?”
He nodded through his tears, followed her on shaky legs down the hall to a room devoid of the typical beeping monitors. There were no more vitals to measure. Frank’s body lay in the bed, his bare chest bruised and bloody on the areas exposed around a handful of bandages.
“I’ll be just outside.”
He hardly heard her, sinking slowly onto the edge of the bed. He pulled Frank’s left hand into both of his own, crying hard at the feel of it. It was still warm, but far too horribly limp. “Frankie…” He was shocked at the sound of his own voice, how hoarse and wrecked it sounded. His brushed his lips against Frank’s palm, again against the cold metal of the wedding band that matched his own. “Baby, why’d you walk out like that, huh? I would’ve left for the night if you wanted me to, gone to Mikey’s. I…” he choked back a sob, let go of Frank’s hand to cradle his cheek. “You can’t leave me like this, Frankie. Not thinkin’ I don’t love you. No fucking way can you leave me thinkin’ that. You’re my life, baby…you’ve always been my life. Since the first time I saw you. You have to know that, you have to know…” A cold tear fell against Frank’s forehead, and he wiped it gently away. “I love you so fucking much.”
But he was too late, Frank couldn’t hear him. He had died thinking Gerard didn’t love him anymore, and now, nothing could change that. One arm wrapped around his chest against the searing pain, Gerard buried his face into the mattress of the hospital bed and let himself fall apart.
~~~~~
It was around 3 in the morning when Gerard made it back to the apartment. He hadn’t taken the ride Mikey had offered, had instead walked all the way back. It was penance he felt like he deserved, and it wasn’t anywhere near enough. Fishing around in his pocket he pulled out the keys, shifting them to find the one for the building front door.
It wouldn’t go in, and he frowned at it in frustration. He had the urge to break the glass and let himself in, but he didn’t quite have the energy. Besides, spending all night out the street just might be good for him. Penance. As he turned to sit down on the steps a light in the window across the street caught his eye and he squinted at it, curious. He couldn’t remember a locksmith being there before, but then again he didn’t always pay the best of attention.
He stood up slowly, walked even slower across the street. If he was lucky, maybe somone’d hit him while he was crossing. He stopped at the door under the neon key sign, yanking it open and stepping into the warmth, shaking snow out of his hair.
“Can I help you, Gerard?”
“Yeah, key to the building won’t-“ he blinked, registering the use of his name. He looked up, peering into the semi darkness at a young black man with an easy smile that stood behind the counter, polishing tools. “Do I know you?”
The man chuckled, sat down his rag and screwdriver. “Not really, you tend to avoid me as much as you can. But I know you.”
Clearly, the guy was nuts. “Sure. Well, my building key’s not working, so if you could come over and take a look at the lock on the complex across the street, that’d be great.”
He leaned on the counter, still smiling. “What’s your hurry, Gerard? Frank’s not there. You’ll just be sitting on the floor alone all night, watching Mama look for him and thinking about going down to the liquor store to get something that’ll make you forget.”
His blood ran cold, eyes widening at how much this man knew. “Look, I don’t know who the fuck you are-“
“I’m Jackson.”
“-or how the fuck you know so much about me and my husband-“
“I’m your guardian angel.”
That caught his attention. He took a step back, eyeing the man with incredulity. “Right.”
“Of course you don’t believe me, you wouldn’t be yourself if you did. But I’m telling the truth, Gerard. No one knows you better than I do.” He shook his head, the smile fading. “But this is a pretty big mistake, even for you.”
He was still partially wondering how some psycho knew so much about the two of them and their lives, but those thoughts were starting to dwindle as he realized he was probably dreaming. “Guardian angel, huh? You can’t be. If I had one, I’d have chased them off years ago. Loving me never ends well for anyone.”
Jackson came around the desk, fixing Gerard with a stern stare that reminded him far too much of Mikey. “And that’s exactly the kind of thinking that’ll get you back in a bottle again. No, I’d have to agree, looking after you wasn’t fun when you were drunk for three years but that doesn’t mean I stopped doing it. And I wasn’t the only one that didn’t give up on you, either. Your friends were there for you, even your boss. Brian never fired you, did he? But I’m not mentioning the most important one, the one that just might love you even more than me, if that were possible.” He smiled, gently. “Frank never had any difficultly loving you, even at your worst.”
“Yeah, and look where that got him. He’d have been better off without me to fuck his life up.”
“That isn’t true, and you know better than to say it. Frank Iero would have died at 13 if you hadn’t been there to take that razor out of his hands, and you and I both know it.”
Gerard flinched at the memory, trying to force it out of his head. It had been years ago, and up until this night it had been the most terrifying moment in his life.
“But you aren’t here to talk about that.” Jackson’s voice was gentle, soothing. “It isn’t right, you know, Frank leaving like this. Thinking you betrayed him.”
Gerard rubbed the heel of one hand across his eye, smoothing tears away. He had cried so much tonight he was amazed he still could. His eyes were burning from it. “I didn’t. I mean, I thought about it but I didn’t. I stopped. I couldn’t do it, I never could. I love him too much.”
“Which is why I argued on your behalf, Gerard. I’ve watched you all your life, and you love that man with an intensity that’s always made me proud, even when you were drunk out of your mind.” Jackson took a step toward him, drew his full attention. “And I’m allowed to offer you a deal. You can have the past three days to live over again, any way you choose. One chance to make sure Frank knows you love him.”
Gerard felt his breath catch in his chest, his heart beating fully for the first time since the accident. “I can fix all this? I can make it right?”
“Only as far as your relationship goes. At 11:52 on Christmas Eve, the same accident will take place. It’s his time.”
Whether he was dreaming or not had ceased to matter; Gerard had fallen fully into the illusion, if that’s what it was. His hands clenched angrily, nails biting into his palms. “What?! That’s fucking bullshit! I won’t let him go!”
Jackson shook his head, a warning in his eyes. “It doesn’t work that way, Gee. I fought to get you this chance, and if you take it, you’re going to have to play by the rules. Three days, that’s it. At the end of it, you have to let him go. If you try to stop the accident, that’s a deal breaker. The three days will have never happened, and you don’t get another chance.”
“How can it be his time? He’s only 27 for God’s sakes!”
“Do we have a deal or not, Gerard? Do you want to fix this?”
“I…shit, of course I do.” His heart was pounding against his ribs, the beat uneven with adrenaline, confusion, and a hundred other emotions. “Yes. I have to fix this.”
Jackson nodded, pulled a key from the work apron he was wearing. “Here. This’ll get you in your building. When you wake up tomorrow it’ll be the morning of the 22nd. What you choose to do with your time is entirely up to you, but I suggest making it count.”
Gerard took the gold key, turning it over in his hands. When he looked up, Jackson was gone. More accurately, the store was gone, and he was standing in the cold on the steps of the building, his watch showing 3 AM as if the whole conversation had never taken place. The key, however, was still in his hand. If he was dreaming, this was an elaborate one. Either way, he was too emotionally exhausted to think about the possibilities.
The key did get him in, and soon he was in the apartment, dropping his keys on the counter and his jacket on the floor. Mama had fallen asleep on the couch, and she didn’t wake when he went back to the bedroom, shutting the door and curling up on cold sheets. He hadn’t slept in their bed without Frank, ever. It felt horribly wrong, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, sure for a moment he could feel Frank against his back, arm wrapping around his waist.
Sometime near 5, he fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N:
The chapters will almost certain not all be this long, haha I just wanted to set up the story well, so you could see where it was going.
And now…I have to study for my final tomorrow. X.X
But apparently my muse was just waiting for the right moment to attack me with this story.
If you’ve ever seen the Christmas movie Three Days, you’ll have a general idea of how this is going to go. If you haven’t, it’ll be more of a surprise. Either way, it’ll be its own unique thing for sure. I just…I have no idea why it even popped into my head, but I was watching Dancing With The Stars of all things, and it just grabbed me that this story would work sooo fucking well as a Ferard. So, here goes. :)
Hope you enjoy it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frank sighed, rocked his lip ring back and forth between his teeth as he listened to the phone ring…and ring…and…
“Hey, you’ve reached Gerard’s cell. Obviously I couldn’t get to it right now, so just leave me a message and I’ll get back to you, ok?”
Frank resisted the urge to sigh. “Hey, Gee, it’s me. Just wondering when you’d be home…we said we were getting the Christmas tree tonight, remember? Well, anyway, I’m home. Call when you can. Love you, bye.”
He slid the phone shut quickly, tossing it against the couch cushion beside him. Gerard was, apparently, working late. Again. Like he had every night for the past…God only knew how long. Sure, he was becoming successful, and no one was happier for him than Frank. He was really getting noticed as a manager at Dark Horse, but in the process, Frank couldn’t help but feel he was becoming less and less important. Still, they had been together almost all their lives. Surely all couples hit their rough spots. Keeping that in mind, he was trying not to worry too much about it. All the same, that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
He curled onto his side on the couch, smiling a little as he felt their miniature pincher, Mama, jump up next to his chest. “Hey, little girl. You’re hanging out with me, huh?” She wiggled happily, pressing her body up against her master. “Alright then, it’s a party.” He ruffled her head affectionately before reaching over her for the master remote, turning on both the TV and DVD player. He settled in, reaching back to wrap a blanket around the two of them and tried desperately to let Nightmare Before Christmas take his mind off whatever Gerard might be doing.
~~~~~~
“How long have you been keeping this one to yourself, Gerard?”
Gerard shrugged, black hair falling slightly in his eyes. “Awhile. I’ve been writing my own stuff for forever; I guess it’s been…couple years or so I’ve been working on this one.”
The man behind the next nodded slowly and Gerard fidgeted again, anxious. “This is extremely innovative. It’s bright, original…I’m sold.”
“Seriously?”
Brian laughed, held his hand out for Gerard to shake. “Seriously. I can’t believe you’ve been letting me use you to find talent for me all these years when you had this amazing talent sitting right under my nose. Unbelieveable.”
Gerard raked a hand through his hair, at a loss for words and unable to stop grinning. This was…this was fucking incredible. Something he had dreamed of since he was a kid, and now it looked like it was really coming through. He was really going to see one of his own comics in print. “I…shit, Brian, I don’t even know what to say….”
Brian laughed again, grinning at him. “Then don’t say anything except that you’ll be heading out to Chicago tonight to run this by the last guy whose approval we need.”
Tonight? Shit. “I…”
“Listen, Gerard, I know tomorrow’s Christmas Eve but I promise, you’ll get this done fast and you’ll be home in time. You can even meet with the guy tonight, be on your way home tomorrow morning. You know what kinda chance this is…we’ve only got a slot open for so long, man. You gotta jump on this.”
It didn’t take him long to decide. This really was a once in a lifetime chance, and Brain was right, he could get it done fast. Frank would be able to understand that. “Course, yeah. No problem. Get me on the flight.”
“Great. Hey, listen, Bert knows the guy you’re gonna be talking to. I can send him with you, maybe make introductions a little easier?”
If there was anyone that made being at the office easier, it had always been Bert. They hadn’t really worked together in almost three years, but Gerard had a lot of good memories from back when they had. Half of them were obscured from the ridiculous amounts of alcohol he’d be drinking back then, but from what he could remember the two of them had had a lot of good times together. “Yeah, sure. Listen, I’ve gotta get home and explain to Frank what’s going on. When’s the flight leaving?”
“7. I’ll give your ticket to Bert, just meet him at the airport ok?”
“Sure thing.”
Brian grinned at him again as he stood. “I got a feeling Umbrella Academy’s gonna be a big thing for us, Gerard. We’re gonna be owing you a lot.”
“I just wanna see it as a real comic, that’s all.” It wasn’t false modesty either. Honestly, he just wanted to hold it, his own story in print in his hands.
“Trust me, you’re gonna get a lot more than that.”
He was halfway down the stairs leading out of the building before he remembered to check his cell phone, whipping it out of his pocket and almost dropping it. He flipped the screen open easily, wiped it on the edge of his jacket sleeve. 5 missed calls. Shit, shit, shit. He didn’t even take the time to listen to his voicemail, choosing instead to just call Frank back and hope he wasn’t too upset.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby, I’m sorry, I was in a meeting with Brian. Got some good news, I’ll tell you all about it when I got home. What have you been up to?”
“Eh, watching TV with Mama.” He paused, and Gerard knew there was more to it. “Waiting on you to go get a Christmas tree.”
Motherfucker. “That…that was tonight. Right, I…shit, Frankie, I’m sorry. We can go when I get home, first thing, I promise.” Even as he said it, though, he was rolling his arm over to check his watch. “Actually…can you meet me there? I’m just leaving work.”
“That’s fine. I’ll see you there.”
~~~~~
“How about this one, huh?”
Frank rolled his eyes, and Gerard couldn’t help but smirk at how much like a little boy he looked when he did. “Gee! Come on, that one’s too short.”
“If you say so.”
“How about this one?’ Frank ran his hands over the needles of a pretty sparse looking tree, taller but much more pitiful looking.
“That one? Seriously? It looks like the fucking Charlie Brown tree.”
“That’s why I like it. It needs us. C’mon, Gee, please?”
Gerard laughed softly, nudging Frank out of the way to pick the tree up. “Only cause you like it so damn much. Come on, let’s go.”
It was cheap, at least, and soon they were walking back down the street toward their apartment, breath heavy in the cold air.
“So…what’s the hurry for, huh?”
“Hm?”
“C’mon, you hate that tree, but you didn’t fight me. Why are you in such a hurry?”
Gerard bit his lip, shifted his grip on the tree so he could see Frank better. “I ah…I gotta fly out to Chicago tonight.”
The response was pretty much what he’d expected. “Tonight? Gerard…” The pain in Frank’s voice cut him, and he couldn’t meet his eyes. “It’s almost Christmas. I thought we could spend the day together tomorrow. Decorate the apartment. Wanted to do it sooner but you’ve been so busy…”
They were at the building door, and Gerard sat the tree down to unlock it, stopping first to face Frank. “And we can do that. Decorate together, I mean. Look, I promise, I won’t be gone long. I’ll be back by tomorrow evening, latest. Probably tomorrow afternoon. We can do all that Christmas stuff then, ok?” He reached out, cupped Frank’s face in his hands. “You know I wanna be with you, but it’s really important that I go tonight. I gotta talk to some executive about picking up Umbrella Academy.”
Frank’s eyes lit up a little at that. “Really? That’s great!”
Gerard smiled, felt some of his fear evaporating. “Yeah. It’s fucking awesome. But I have to go tonight, and I know it sucks, but you can just get started without me, and we’ll do everything else together when I get home, ok? I promise, babe, I’ll be here. it’s gonna be our best Christmas yet.”
Frank bit his lip, looked up at Gerard in that pleading-puppy way that always made his heart melt. “Promise?”
“Absolutely.” He leaned in for a kiss, pulling Frank against his chest and holding him close, one arm around his waist. It was too short, but they were still outside. He pulled away reluctantly, left a last peck on Frankie’s lips. “Ready to get our scrawny tree inside?”
Frank giggled, grinning. “Definitely. And I’m ready to make you like it.”
Gerard rolled his eyes as he unlocked the door, pushing it open with his back to pull the tree in after him. “Yeah, good luck with that.”
~~~~~
“Come on, Gerard! If anything ever deserved a drink, a triumph like this does!”
Gerard laughed a little, but it was uneasy and his eyes never left the bottle of Jack in Bert’s hands. “Nah, I don’t think so. Works better for me if I stay sober, you know? I was pretty fucked before.”
“Not even just for tonight? Promise I won’t let you go too far, just a toast.” Bert was smiling warmly at him, edging closer with the bottle and an empty shot glass ready to be filled. “Just one shot together wouldn’t hurt anything.”
He hesitated, but before he knew it he seemed to have jerked his head up on his own, and Bert took it for the halfway nod it was. A second later, the shot was in his hand.
“To you, my friend, and the fucking Umbrella Academy.”
“To the Umbrella Academy.” Gee smirked, tossed back the shot with the ease of an expert. The burn felt oh-so-good in his throat, but it wasn’t enough to calm the guilt he felt taking it. “Alright. One shot, that’s it. Put it away now, huh?”
“Yeah, alright.” Slowly, Bert screwed the lid back on the Jack, slid it into the floor to rest against the baseboard. It wasn’t out of sight, and Gerard could feel his stare being drawn to it. “Shit, we’ve had some good times with this stuff though, didn’t we? Remember that time at comic con running the booth for Dark Horse, and we kissed in front of that camera man?”
Gerard shook his eyes away from the bottle, laughed with Bert at the memory. “That was great, man. I couldn’t believe that guy; he refused to believe we were just screwing with him.”
Bert smirked, leaned across the tiny table. “Maybe I wasn’t just screwing with him. You were looking pretty good that day, I remember.”
Gerard shrugged, looking down. Bert’s touch against his cheek wasn’t entirely unexpected, and he didn’t jump.
“In fact as I remember…” he was closer now, and Gerard could feel his breathe against his cheek. “That kiss was pretty fucking good itself. Somethin’ like this…” Before he knew it Bert’s lips were on his, warm and demanding. His tongue snaked between their lips and Gerard let his mouth go slack, his own tongue working lazily against Bert’s. He tasted like alcohol, and Gerard deepened the kiss, one hand coming up to anchor in Bert’s long hair. When they broke apart, his head was a jumble of thoughts, all feeling focused on the breath he could feel against his damp lips, Bert’s hand where it rested on his thigh.
“Bert…” They had been on the edge of this before, several times, but even drunk they had never gone farther than this.
Bert’s thumb stroked against the denim of his jeans, slow and seductive. “C’mon, I know you’ve thought about this before. Just once, for old time’s sake, huh? Celebration of what’s coming. Haven’t had a trip together like this in years, and we definitely won’t once you become one of the big shots.”
Gerard giggled, soft and a little nervous. “Ah, I’m not gonna be a big shot.”
“Yeah, you are.” Bert’s lips brushed against his again, questioning. “Just once.”
Gerard pulled back, his hand brushing Bert’s on his thigh. “I…yeah. Alright. Just give me a minute, ok?” He stood up slowly, flashed Bert a smile before heading through the door connecting to his hotel room. This was happening fast, and if was going to happen at all it’d have to be that way. Quick, fun, no time to think. Hopefully, Bert had a condom. He’d never carried them, there’d never been any need. His whole life, there had never been anyone but Frank.
Frank. He swallowed hard, shook his head. This was just…this was just something between friends, just one night. It didn’t mean anything, and it would never happen again. What Frank didn’t know could never hurt him, and there was no way he’d ever know. Quickly, Gerard shrugged off his jacket, tossing it onto the bed. As he did, he felt paper slice into his hand, a thin line of blood rising to the surface. Curious, he flipped the jacket over, tugged on the corner of a scrap of paper tucked into one of the jacket pockets.
I knew you’d wear this one. (But I put I note in the leather one too, just in case I was wrong.) Wish I could be there with you to tell that guy how fucking amazing you are, but Umbrella Academy’s good enough to sell itself without either of us ever saying a word. Get some sleep tonight, I’d rather you didn’t sleep much tomorrow…I have other plans. Love you.
xoxo
Frank
The guilt was absolutely crushing, and he sat down heavily on the bed, the note fluttering to the floor as his head fell into his hands. What the fuck was I thinking? He could see Frank in his mind, curled up on their couch with Mama at his feet, probably watching Nightmare Before Christmas for the hundredth time and drinking hot chocolate. He could hardly breathe for the lump in his throat. He wanted nothing more than to be there with him, to pull him into his arms and kiss him, to have the taste of Frank and chocolate linger in his mouth. Right now, he could still taste Bert and alcohol and it was making him sick. He had known all along that he didn’t deserve Frank, but nothing had ever made him feel like he deserved him less than he did now.
~~~~~
Frank stretched on the couch, careful not to kick Mama. She was passed out on the last cushion, little legs twitching as she ran in her dreams. Frank grinned at her, resisted the urge to wake her. She was always so damn cute when she ran. His eyes fell on the picture on the end table behind her, one of his favorites.
It had been taken right after high school graduation, on the senior trip he and Gerard had taken with Gerard’s brother, Mikey, and their two best friends, Ray and Bob. They had driven cross country to LA and had finally made it to the beach with perfect timing, just as the sun was coming up. Frank had tackled Gerard in the sand, straddling him, hands on his chest as he leaned in for a kiss. The sunrise was blazing in all colors behind them, and the picture was sharp enough that he could see the love in Gerard’s eyes as he looked up at him. It had been a perfect moment, and they had both been grateful to Mikey for catching it with his camera. Looking at it now Frank could almost feel it, the heat in the air, the sand on his skin, the warmth of Gerard underneath him.
He rolled his shoulders, turned just enough to see the clock. Midnight. Gee should definitely be back to the hotel by now, or at least on his way back.
Reaching back over his shoulder he pulled the phone off the table and into his hand, dialing Gerard’s cell quickly. After three rings he heard it connect, heard him shuffle the phone around for a minute before answering.
“Hello?”
For what seemed like a long moment, he was too dazed to even hang up.
“Hello?”
The second time did it. He jolted out of his shock, sliding the phone shut quickly and dropping it to the floor like it had burned him. in a way, it had. Tears were stinging at the corners of his eyes and he didn’t bother to wipe them away, his body sliding down the cushion to curl into a tight ball. That wasn’t Gerard, but he’d have known that voice anywhere. He had known Bert had been after Gerard before, when they used to work together all the time running promotional events for Dark Horse. Gerard had promised Frank then that nothing had really happened, other than the one drunken kiss he’d seen caught on camera. But he was obviously there tonight, and answering Gerard’s phone. It was too much to think it could have been anything other than exactly how it looked.
Curling as tight as he possibly could against the pain in his chest, Frank shook with the sobs for a long time before falling into exhausted sleep.
~~~~~
Taking a deep breath, Gerard pushed off the bed and went to the door, shoving it open and leaning against the frame. “Hey.”
“Finally, I thought…” Bert trailed off, taking in the look on Gerard’s face.
“Listen, I’m sorry but…I can’t. it’s not…it’s not you, you know it’s not, but it’s just not right.” His swallowed, his thumb running over the smooth band on his left hand as if to remind himself it was there. “I’m married; I have Frank and-“
“And that never stopped you kissing me before.”
“Yeah well…I shouldn’t have.” It was a lame excuse, and he knew it. His eyes cut sideways, back down to the floor. He had been such an idiot. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do that to him. I love him.”
“You know he’d never know.”
“I’d know.” His voice was more certain now, stronger with the conviction that saying no to this was the right thing to do. The best thing he could do now would be getting back home to Frank.
Bert sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah, alright. If that’s how it is.”
“It is. I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s cool.” He shrugged, smirked a little. “But if you change your mind…offer’s always open, Gee.”
Gerard swallowed fresh guilt, feeling dirty all over again for having even considered cheating on Frank. “I won’t change my mind. But thanks, all the same.” Hs slid back, edging the door shut slowly. “Night, Bert.”
He didn’t even wait for an answer, pulled the door shut and locked it, let his body slide down against it. He felt sick, and the urge to be with Frank was overwhelming. He had come close to really fucking up tonight, and he felt almost as bad as if he had anyway. He knew he’d spend the rest of his life feeling sorry for this, even though nothing had happened. He slid a hand to the pocket of his jeans, wanting to pull his phone out and see Frank’s picture. He patted around for a moment before he realized it wasn’t there, and he vaguely remembered having taken it out to text Mikey and leaving it on the table in Bert’s room.
Sighing, he pulled himself to his feet and opened the door again, sticking his head in. Bert was still at the table, bottle of Jack open once more. He was drinking straight from it, watching the TV on mute. “Hey, Bert? I leave my phone in here?”
Bert nodded, gesturing wordlessly at it on the table.
Gerard crossed the room as quickly as he could, swiping it off and into his hand. “Great. Thanks.”
He didn’t open it until he was back in his room and in his bed. He stretched out on his back, flipping it open to see a picture of Frank in the kitchen, one hand in his pocket as he worked on some vegetarian concoction in the skillet that was definitely on fire. Gerard couldn’t resist touching the picture, mesmerized by the way the firelight cast against his lover’s skin. His thumb brushed over the tiny spot on the picture he knew to be Frank’s scorpion tattoo, his touch loving even against the screen. “I’m sorry, babe.” His whisper was harsh in the silence, and he could feel the regret soaked into the words. “I’m so sorry. God, I love you.”
He wanted to call him, then, but it was past midnight and unless he was there to keep him up, Frank usually fell asleep pretty early. He could wait, talk to him when he saw him tomorrow. That’d probably be better anyway than talking to him now, when he felt so damned guilty. Reluctantly he dropped the phone onto the end table, kicking off his shoes and sliding under the blankets without even bothering to change out of his clothes. He knew he probably wouldn’t be sleeping much anyway.
~~~~~
Gerard shifted his bags to one hand, propping his knee against the door as he tried to juggle everything well enough to get it unlocked. His flight had been delayed repeatedly due to weather, as a result he was getting home much, much later than he’d been expecting. On the bright side, it gave him a reason to be groveling-ly apologetic.
The door finally swung open and he balanced everything pretty well, sliding his key into his pocket and evening out the stuff in his hands. “Hey, babe, I’m home!” The apartment was eerily quiet except for Mama’s nails on the linoleum as she scuttled forward to meet him, wiggling happily. He brushed a hand absently across her head as he dropped his bags, keeping only the one from the airport gift shop that held his surprise for Frank. “Frankie? Ya here?”
He walked slowly, stepping into the dark living room and preparing to turn on the light when I saw Frank sitting there in the dark, knees curled up against his chest. Gerard felt warmth flood through his chest at the sight, and he couldn’t help but wonder again what the fuck he had been thinking the night before. He already had the whole world; he’d never need anything else. “Hey! Look, I’m sorry I’m so late, fucking flight kept getting delayed. Gave me some time to kill in those airport shops, though, and I found Kingdom Hospital on DVD! I know you’ve been wanting to see that for awhile, I thought maybe I’d go ahead and give it to you now, early Christmas present…everything ok? I’m really sorry…” He had rambled for a minute before he even realized Frank wasn’t smiling, was barely looking at him. His heartbeat quickened in fear.
“What were you really doing last night, Gerard?” Frank’s voice was cold, empty.
“I was in Chicago, talking to some big shot about the deal. I told you that.” True, but he could feel his stomach tying itself into knots. Was his face that plain to read? Did he really look that guilty?
“Really.” He sounded dead, utterly lifeless. “I called you last night, you know. I know it was Bert that answered, so just tell me what the hell you were really doing and how long this has been going on.”
Gerard felt the world spin, fear gripping him hard. “No, Frank, it’s not like that! He was there because Brian said he knew the guy we were talking to, that having him there’d give me an edge! That’s all it was, I promise! I’d just left my phone laying on the table and I was in the other room, I swear, he didn’t even tell me you called!”
“And why were you with him late, huh? Was that part of the discussions with whoever it was?” His voice was still hard, and it was plain he wasn’t really buying it.
“No, we were just hanging out in his room afterward. God, he’s a friend, Frank, I do have friends at work you know!” He didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, and he bit his tongue as soon as he’d said it, tasting blood.
“Just hanging out in his room? That all you were doing?” Frank stood up, stalking past Gerard and out of the room. “To think I actually believed you before when you said nothing was going on! Fuck, I saw you kissing him and I actually fucking believed you when you said you were just drunk.”
“I was! Frank, that was so fucking long ago, nothing has been happening, alright? Nothing beyond that happened back then, either.” He was following close behind him, desperate, and when Frank’s hand shot out to snatch his keys off the table by the door Gerard caught it, tried to hold him back. “Look, I swear, it’s only ever been you. I promise.”
Frank’s eyes closed, his head shaking once as he yanked his hand out of Gerard’s. “I gotta go.”
“Where?” His voice was panicked, his hands shaking with it.
“Out.” Frank grabbed his keys, sliding them into the pocket of his jeans as he yanked the door open.
Frantic, Gerard caught it in his hand, reached for Frank’s arm. “C’mon, come back inside, it’s fucking 19 degrees out there!”
Frank paused, let his eyes meet Gerard’s long enough for the other man to see the pain in them. “Merry Christmas.” He dodged his hand, sliding fully through the door and heading off down the stairs without a backwards glance.
Gerard stood frozen at the door, hearing the echo of Frank’s footsteps in his head. Mama whined, pawing at his leg and he jerked violently, eyes scanning everywhere but the floor for a moment. He scooped her up then, squeezing her a little tighter than necessary. “It’s ok. It’s ok. He’s just upset, he’s gotta calm down, then he’ll listen. It’s ok; we’re ok.” But he didn’t believe it, and his hands shook as he petted her. Walking back to the living room with her he set her on the couch, tugging his own keys back out of his pocket. He couldn’t just sit here waiting for Frank to come back; he’d go mad.
He got out the door and on the street as quickly as he could, trying to think which way Frank would have taken. When they walked Mama, they usually went right. It was as good a guess as any. Shoving his hands in his jacket pockets he walked quickly, every gust of cold wind reminding him that Frank was out in this without even a jacket. Because of him. It was enough to make him want to stop and take his off, but that would take precious seconds and he wasn’t willing to waste even one.
It took a little longer than he thought to catch up with him, but he finally saw him up ahead, about half a block down. The streets were pretty deserted, and it wasn’t hard to pick him out. He had stopped to hold his hand out to some little cowering stray dog, and if he hadn’t been so worried Gerard would have smiled. That was just like Frank, worrying about some animal no matter how much he had to worry about on his own.
It all happened so fast, really, but Gerard saw it in slow motion. The dog got nervous, darted away to stand in the middle of the street. Frank got up, kept coaxing at him and the dog rolled over on his back, submitting. Frank stepped out, eyes on the dog.
He never saw the car speeding down the road, and he probably never heard Gerard screaming for him either. Gerard could hear his own voice, the way Frank’s name was ripped from his chest when he saw the car, the horror and panic and disbelief that for a moment kept him from running.
By the time he got there the driver was out of the car, running around in front to kneel by the motionless body on the pavement. Gerard shoved them roughly out of the way, falling to the ground beside his husband and pulling him into his arms, oblivious to the blood soaking through the knees of his jeans. “Frank…Frankie…please…”
There was no response, and though Frank’s chest was still moving with shallow breaths, there was far too much blood. “Sir, I’m sorry, I didn’t see-“
“Call a goddamned ambulance!” He screamed the words, not even caring whether or not the man responded. His grip on Frank tightened, his head dipping low enough to feel Frank’s unsteady breath against his cheek. “Stay with me. Stay with me.” He repeated it like a mantra, his lips barely moving enough to get the words out.
He didn’t move until the ambulance came, sirens alerting him to the paramedics that pried Frank from his arms and laid him out on a stretcher. Dazed, Gerard followed them into the ambulance, staring in wide-eyed shock and listening without any comprehension as the EMT’s shouted frantically around him.
~~~~~
Mikey rubbed his back soothingly, held out a cup of coffee. “Come on, Gee. Gotta be awake when the doctor comes to take you to see him.”
Gerard shook his head, not even looking at the cup. “Can’t. Thanks.”
Mikey sighed and handed the cup to his wife, Alicia, before sitting down close to Gerard, his arms sliding around his brother. “Gee, he’s gonna be ok. You gotta keep thinking that.”
“You didn’t see him, Mikey, he was…” Tears slid from his eyes and he didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. “We were fighting when he left. I only followed cause I didn’t want to wait until he got back. It was cold, and he didn’t take his jacket, and even if he didn’t talk to me I just wanted him to come back inside…” Gerard trailed off, soft sobs stealing his words.
Mikey held him closer, forehead pressed into Gerard’s shoulder. “It’s ok. It’s ok, Gee. Everybody fights sometimes. No matter what, he knows you love him. And he’s gonna be just fine, I’m sure you’ll be talking to him really soon.”
Despite Mikey’s good intentions, the words weren’t comforting. Frank hadn’t left certain that Gerard loved him; he had left pretty certain that he didn’t. And now, Gerard might never get a chance to reassure him. He turned into his brother’s embrace, burrowed his head against his shoulder and let himself cry harder, tried to focus on the comfort Mikey was giving him that he didn’t deserve.
“Mr. Way?”
Gerard’s head jerked up, faced the doctor. “Can I see Frank now? Is he awake?”
She hesitated, gestured for Gerard to come with her. “Can you come with me? We’ll talk in the hall.”
Dizzy and lightheaded from the shock and the crying, Gerard stood and steadied himself on Mikey’s shoulder before following her into the back hall, hands toying nervously with his jacket sleeves. “How is he? I know he had lost a lot of blood when we came in. I told them I can donate if I need to; I’m O, that’s the universal donor right?” He was fucking terrified of needles, but if Frank needed his blood he’d do whatever it took.
She hesitated again, and Gerard put his hand out against the wall, staving off another wave of dizziness. “Mr. Way, your husband’s injuries were very severe. It’s a miracle he even survived the initial collision. I…I’m so sorry to have to tell you, but we did everything we could. There was too much internal bleeding for us to be able to stop it in time. I’m so very sorry for your loss.”
He was shaking violently, his arm trembling against the wall too hard to hold him up. “No…no, he can’t be…he can’t…”
“I truly am sorry. We tried our best to save him.” There was genuine sympathy in her voice but Gerard didn’t want to hear it. It changed nothing. Her hand came down gently on his shoulder, squeezing carefully. “If you’d…like to see him for a moment…say goodbye?”
He nodded through his tears, followed her on shaky legs down the hall to a room devoid of the typical beeping monitors. There were no more vitals to measure. Frank’s body lay in the bed, his bare chest bruised and bloody on the areas exposed around a handful of bandages.
“I’ll be just outside.”
He hardly heard her, sinking slowly onto the edge of the bed. He pulled Frank’s left hand into both of his own, crying hard at the feel of it. It was still warm, but far too horribly limp. “Frankie…” He was shocked at the sound of his own voice, how hoarse and wrecked it sounded. His brushed his lips against Frank’s palm, again against the cold metal of the wedding band that matched his own. “Baby, why’d you walk out like that, huh? I would’ve left for the night if you wanted me to, gone to Mikey’s. I…” he choked back a sob, let go of Frank’s hand to cradle his cheek. “You can’t leave me like this, Frankie. Not thinkin’ I don’t love you. No fucking way can you leave me thinkin’ that. You’re my life, baby…you’ve always been my life. Since the first time I saw you. You have to know that, you have to know…” A cold tear fell against Frank’s forehead, and he wiped it gently away. “I love you so fucking much.”
But he was too late, Frank couldn’t hear him. He had died thinking Gerard didn’t love him anymore, and now, nothing could change that. One arm wrapped around his chest against the searing pain, Gerard buried his face into the mattress of the hospital bed and let himself fall apart.
~~~~~
It was around 3 in the morning when Gerard made it back to the apartment. He hadn’t taken the ride Mikey had offered, had instead walked all the way back. It was penance he felt like he deserved, and it wasn’t anywhere near enough. Fishing around in his pocket he pulled out the keys, shifting them to find the one for the building front door.
It wouldn’t go in, and he frowned at it in frustration. He had the urge to break the glass and let himself in, but he didn’t quite have the energy. Besides, spending all night out the street just might be good for him. Penance. As he turned to sit down on the steps a light in the window across the street caught his eye and he squinted at it, curious. He couldn’t remember a locksmith being there before, but then again he didn’t always pay the best of attention.
He stood up slowly, walked even slower across the street. If he was lucky, maybe somone’d hit him while he was crossing. He stopped at the door under the neon key sign, yanking it open and stepping into the warmth, shaking snow out of his hair.
“Can I help you, Gerard?”
“Yeah, key to the building won’t-“ he blinked, registering the use of his name. He looked up, peering into the semi darkness at a young black man with an easy smile that stood behind the counter, polishing tools. “Do I know you?”
The man chuckled, sat down his rag and screwdriver. “Not really, you tend to avoid me as much as you can. But I know you.”
Clearly, the guy was nuts. “Sure. Well, my building key’s not working, so if you could come over and take a look at the lock on the complex across the street, that’d be great.”
He leaned on the counter, still smiling. “What’s your hurry, Gerard? Frank’s not there. You’ll just be sitting on the floor alone all night, watching Mama look for him and thinking about going down to the liquor store to get something that’ll make you forget.”
His blood ran cold, eyes widening at how much this man knew. “Look, I don’t know who the fuck you are-“
“I’m Jackson.”
“-or how the fuck you know so much about me and my husband-“
“I’m your guardian angel.”
That caught his attention. He took a step back, eyeing the man with incredulity. “Right.”
“Of course you don’t believe me, you wouldn’t be yourself if you did. But I’m telling the truth, Gerard. No one knows you better than I do.” He shook his head, the smile fading. “But this is a pretty big mistake, even for you.”
He was still partially wondering how some psycho knew so much about the two of them and their lives, but those thoughts were starting to dwindle as he realized he was probably dreaming. “Guardian angel, huh? You can’t be. If I had one, I’d have chased them off years ago. Loving me never ends well for anyone.”
Jackson came around the desk, fixing Gerard with a stern stare that reminded him far too much of Mikey. “And that’s exactly the kind of thinking that’ll get you back in a bottle again. No, I’d have to agree, looking after you wasn’t fun when you were drunk for three years but that doesn’t mean I stopped doing it. And I wasn’t the only one that didn’t give up on you, either. Your friends were there for you, even your boss. Brian never fired you, did he? But I’m not mentioning the most important one, the one that just might love you even more than me, if that were possible.” He smiled, gently. “Frank never had any difficultly loving you, even at your worst.”
“Yeah, and look where that got him. He’d have been better off without me to fuck his life up.”
“That isn’t true, and you know better than to say it. Frank Iero would have died at 13 if you hadn’t been there to take that razor out of his hands, and you and I both know it.”
Gerard flinched at the memory, trying to force it out of his head. It had been years ago, and up until this night it had been the most terrifying moment in his life.
“But you aren’t here to talk about that.” Jackson’s voice was gentle, soothing. “It isn’t right, you know, Frank leaving like this. Thinking you betrayed him.”
Gerard rubbed the heel of one hand across his eye, smoothing tears away. He had cried so much tonight he was amazed he still could. His eyes were burning from it. “I didn’t. I mean, I thought about it but I didn’t. I stopped. I couldn’t do it, I never could. I love him too much.”
“Which is why I argued on your behalf, Gerard. I’ve watched you all your life, and you love that man with an intensity that’s always made me proud, even when you were drunk out of your mind.” Jackson took a step toward him, drew his full attention. “And I’m allowed to offer you a deal. You can have the past three days to live over again, any way you choose. One chance to make sure Frank knows you love him.”
Gerard felt his breath catch in his chest, his heart beating fully for the first time since the accident. “I can fix all this? I can make it right?”
“Only as far as your relationship goes. At 11:52 on Christmas Eve, the same accident will take place. It’s his time.”
Whether he was dreaming or not had ceased to matter; Gerard had fallen fully into the illusion, if that’s what it was. His hands clenched angrily, nails biting into his palms. “What?! That’s fucking bullshit! I won’t let him go!”
Jackson shook his head, a warning in his eyes. “It doesn’t work that way, Gee. I fought to get you this chance, and if you take it, you’re going to have to play by the rules. Three days, that’s it. At the end of it, you have to let him go. If you try to stop the accident, that’s a deal breaker. The three days will have never happened, and you don’t get another chance.”
“How can it be his time? He’s only 27 for God’s sakes!”
“Do we have a deal or not, Gerard? Do you want to fix this?”
“I…shit, of course I do.” His heart was pounding against his ribs, the beat uneven with adrenaline, confusion, and a hundred other emotions. “Yes. I have to fix this.”
Jackson nodded, pulled a key from the work apron he was wearing. “Here. This’ll get you in your building. When you wake up tomorrow it’ll be the morning of the 22nd. What you choose to do with your time is entirely up to you, but I suggest making it count.”
Gerard took the gold key, turning it over in his hands. When he looked up, Jackson was gone. More accurately, the store was gone, and he was standing in the cold on the steps of the building, his watch showing 3 AM as if the whole conversation had never taken place. The key, however, was still in his hand. If he was dreaming, this was an elaborate one. Either way, he was too emotionally exhausted to think about the possibilities.
The key did get him in, and soon he was in the apartment, dropping his keys on the counter and his jacket on the floor. Mama had fallen asleep on the couch, and she didn’t wake when he went back to the bedroom, shutting the door and curling up on cold sheets. He hadn’t slept in their bed without Frank, ever. It felt horribly wrong, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, sure for a moment he could feel Frank against his back, arm wrapping around his waist.
Sometime near 5, he fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N:
The chapters will almost certain not all be this long, haha I just wanted to set up the story well, so you could see where it was going.
And now…I have to study for my final tomorrow. X.X
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