Categories > Celebrities > Linkin Park > Chester Bennigton my number 1 fan
Chester Bennington my number 1 fan part 3
As Anna and I walked towards my apartment I became afraid again. I knew I couldn’t stay here anymore. It had taken ages to talk Mike into letting us come here alone. And we had to be alone for me to be able to do what I had to do.
"Are you ok?"
Anna asked me as we walked up to the front door.
"Yeah he wouldn’t come here would he?"
I asked he. I was afraid of what she would say soI just opened the door and walked in.
"Nobody's been here"
I told her as I walked into the bedroom and grabbed a bag. And started to put in everything I thought I would need for the next few days.
"I thought you where just coming back for a change of clothes?"
"Anna I am really grateful for the offer of somewhere to stay, but I know I'm never going to be able to come back here again. And I can't stay around here anymore every time I look around I will see him. I need to move on with my life…. I think I'm going to go back home. I need time and space to think. And my mom and dad will be happy to have me home for a while.”
"Will you ever come back? I'm going to miss you. So will the guys."
"I don't know. I have made so many mistakes here. It might just be better to walk away forever. But we can keep in touch. And see each other when we can. I'm sure the guys are going to make it big one day. And I hope while your all travelling all over the world. You will come and see me."
"When are you leaving?"
"Now I think. It will be easier that way. Thanks for everything Anna. And tell the guys I love them. And to never forget there number one fan."
I wanted to cry so badly. And I could see Anna felt the same way. We had been friends for such a long time now. And I knew I was going to miss them all like hell.
"Anna here's my address. If anything changes I will let you know. Please stay in touch"
I asked her as I got into the car.
"Anna can you tell Chester that I will never forget what he did for me. And that I will always be thinking about him."
"Phone me and let me know you got there ok."
As I drove away. I never felt so alone in my life. I was leaving behind the best friends I had ever had. And I knew I would never have friends like that again.
And I haven't I thought as I sat alone in my living room with the letter laying on my knee. What was I going to do. I had put them off coming here for nearly nine years. I had no choice now they were going to be here in an hour. At least Chester wouldn't be with them. Anna had written that his wife wouldn't let him out of her sight. They were always fighting these days. She didn't like all the time he spent with the guys or his ex wife and son.
I better get myself ready I thought. I don't want them to show up. And for me to look a mess. So much had happened since I had last seen them. We were all a little older. Mike and Anna had married. Chester had divorced Sam and married Talinda. He had four sons now. The other guys were married or living together. and had kids. I had a daughter of my own. She was eight. And such a little beauty. But I would think that. She was mine. I better get her ready as well. This is an important time for both of us.
"Shannon can you get changed into the things I put on your bed for you. Mommy's friends will be here soon."
I shouted to her from the living room. She came walking in the door a moment later.
"Mommy I am dressed. Why are you being so fussy about your friends coming?"
"Because I haven't seen them in so long. And we want to make a good impression. They were all my best friends before you was born."
"Do they know my daddy?"
I wished she hadn't asked that. I hated to talk about it.
"Lets just hurry up and get ready ok. We will talk about it later ok."
I walked into my room and took out my best dress. And put it on. I didn't look bad for 29 I thought to myself as I looked in the mirror. I had just finished putting on my makeup when the door bell rang.
"There here Shannon. You are all clean and tidy aren't you?"
"Yes mom stop fussing. If there your friends they wont care how I am dressed.”
When I opened the door. My jaw dropped. I think I pulled myself together quickly but it was up to Shannon to save me.
"Mom that's not nice. Are you not going to let your friends in?"
"Oh what ….sorry, Come in guys its so nice to see you again."
I said as I stepped out of the way to let them in.
"Hey where's our hugs?"
"Aww sorry Dave"
I said I knew he hated it but I had to call him it. I hugged each one until I got to the last one.
"I thought you wasn't coming?"
I asked Chester as he hugged me tightly. I couldn't believe he was standing right in front of me.
"Who's this little beauty?"
Asked Anna looking at Shannon.
"I'm sorry guys. This is Shannon my daughter. Shannon this is Mike and his wife Anna. Chester"
"Mom I know who they are duh"
She said to me with just a touch of sarcasm.
"Wow you really are a little beauty. You look just like your mom."
Chester said smiling at her.
"My mommy says I look like my daddy."
I hated it every time Shannon talked about her dad it made me feel really uncomfortable. Now more than ever. I tried to change the subject.
"Does anyone want a drink?"
I said walking into the kitchen to make some coffee.
"I don't know where mommy's manners are please sit down everyone."
She really was such a good kid. I had never had any trouble with her. She could break the ice and talk to anyone and she was keeping our guests well entertained. Then the question I had dreaded came up.
"So how old are you honey?"
Anna asked her.
"I'm eight my mommy says I act to grown up though"
She told them. I had to get rid of her. Because I knew what question was going to come next.
"Shannon have you done your homework. If you haven't can you please go and do it now before dinner."
"Yes mom. I will see you later it was nice to meet all of you."
"And it was lovely to meet you to honey."
Anna said as I brought the coffee into the room. I didn't know how I was going to answer their questions. but I knew it had to be done. And I know that some of them might be a little shocked. It didn't take Anna long to ask the dreaded question. I had barely had chance to pour the coffee.
"Ella your daughter is a beauty."
"Yes I know she is."
"Ella is Phil her farther?"
Shit what should I say to that one. I want the earth to open up and swallow me.
"Its complicated"
Was all that came out of my mouth.
"You don't have to hide it from us we're your friends. The dates match up."
"Anna I know you care about me but its something I just don't want to talk about."
"I think its great you kept her."
I was getting mad now. She just wouldn't get the hint.
"I kept her because she is not Phil's daughter she's mine."
"That's a great way to think about it."
She left me no choice I didn't want to do it like this. I didn't want to do it all.
"She's not his daughter. She is someone else's. Her father is no rapist he is a kind decent man. Who cared enough about me to help me to make me feel safe and secure. Someone I thought I could love. but I never got chance to."
"That's fantastic that you met a man like that when you moved back here. You must have fallen for him very fast."
God would she never stop digging.
"No I met him before I left. It only happened once. Now can we drop it please and talk about something else?"
I could see the realisation of what I had said wash over Chester's and Mike's faces. God I felt so guilty, I never should have blurted it out like that. I could see Chester wanted to talk to me maybe just to make sure I wouldn't tell his wife or the guys. So I got up and asked if anyone wanted a stronger drink I knew I wanted one
"Yes please"
Mike and Anna said. Soon all the guys wanted one.
"Chester why don't you give her a hand."
Mike said. I guess he had read all our minds.
Once we were in the kitchen and out of earshot of the others Chester asked me the dreaded question.
"Is she mine Ella?"
I didn't know what to say to him. My mouth felt so dry.
"Yes Chaz she is."
"But how can you be so sure after what happened that night."
I wanted to cry… He told me he would never hurt me. I guess he lied. I couldn't hold it back any longer as the tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Chester how could you ask me that."
I sobbed at him.
"Just look at her then look in a bloody mirror. I don't want anything from you, You know. If I did I would have come after years ago when you first became famous. And don't worry I wont tell anyone. She will be your dirty little secret forever… Just like me."
I said as I walked out of the room and into the bathroom to make sure I looked presentable.
"Chester are you ok?"
Mike asked him as he walked into the kitchen.
"No not really. I just upset Ella she's crying in the bathroom."
"She is yours you know. She's your double I don't know how nobody else hasn't noticed what are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know. I really don't."
"Is everything ok in here? Where is Ella?"
Anna asked as she entered the kitchen.
"She just went to the bathroom. I think this is a bit much for her seeing us all again."
Mike lied to Anna.
"I think maybe we she go and come back tomorrow. Give her a little space."
"Yeah maybe your right Mike. I'll just go and tell her we are going."
"Anna invite her to the show tomorrow night. Tell her to bring Shannon."
Mike told her.
When they had left. I lay on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
As Anna and I walked towards my apartment I became afraid again. I knew I couldn’t stay here anymore. It had taken ages to talk Mike into letting us come here alone. And we had to be alone for me to be able to do what I had to do.
"Are you ok?"
Anna asked me as we walked up to the front door.
"Yeah he wouldn’t come here would he?"
I asked he. I was afraid of what she would say soI just opened the door and walked in.
"Nobody's been here"
I told her as I walked into the bedroom and grabbed a bag. And started to put in everything I thought I would need for the next few days.
"I thought you where just coming back for a change of clothes?"
"Anna I am really grateful for the offer of somewhere to stay, but I know I'm never going to be able to come back here again. And I can't stay around here anymore every time I look around I will see him. I need to move on with my life…. I think I'm going to go back home. I need time and space to think. And my mom and dad will be happy to have me home for a while.”
"Will you ever come back? I'm going to miss you. So will the guys."
"I don't know. I have made so many mistakes here. It might just be better to walk away forever. But we can keep in touch. And see each other when we can. I'm sure the guys are going to make it big one day. And I hope while your all travelling all over the world. You will come and see me."
"When are you leaving?"
"Now I think. It will be easier that way. Thanks for everything Anna. And tell the guys I love them. And to never forget there number one fan."
I wanted to cry so badly. And I could see Anna felt the same way. We had been friends for such a long time now. And I knew I was going to miss them all like hell.
"Anna here's my address. If anything changes I will let you know. Please stay in touch"
I asked her as I got into the car.
"Anna can you tell Chester that I will never forget what he did for me. And that I will always be thinking about him."
"Phone me and let me know you got there ok."
As I drove away. I never felt so alone in my life. I was leaving behind the best friends I had ever had. And I knew I would never have friends like that again.
And I haven't I thought as I sat alone in my living room with the letter laying on my knee. What was I going to do. I had put them off coming here for nearly nine years. I had no choice now they were going to be here in an hour. At least Chester wouldn't be with them. Anna had written that his wife wouldn't let him out of her sight. They were always fighting these days. She didn't like all the time he spent with the guys or his ex wife and son.
I better get myself ready I thought. I don't want them to show up. And for me to look a mess. So much had happened since I had last seen them. We were all a little older. Mike and Anna had married. Chester had divorced Sam and married Talinda. He had four sons now. The other guys were married or living together. and had kids. I had a daughter of my own. She was eight. And such a little beauty. But I would think that. She was mine. I better get her ready as well. This is an important time for both of us.
"Shannon can you get changed into the things I put on your bed for you. Mommy's friends will be here soon."
I shouted to her from the living room. She came walking in the door a moment later.
"Mommy I am dressed. Why are you being so fussy about your friends coming?"
"Because I haven't seen them in so long. And we want to make a good impression. They were all my best friends before you was born."
"Do they know my daddy?"
I wished she hadn't asked that. I hated to talk about it.
"Lets just hurry up and get ready ok. We will talk about it later ok."
I walked into my room and took out my best dress. And put it on. I didn't look bad for 29 I thought to myself as I looked in the mirror. I had just finished putting on my makeup when the door bell rang.
"There here Shannon. You are all clean and tidy aren't you?"
"Yes mom stop fussing. If there your friends they wont care how I am dressed.”
When I opened the door. My jaw dropped. I think I pulled myself together quickly but it was up to Shannon to save me.
"Mom that's not nice. Are you not going to let your friends in?"
"Oh what ….sorry, Come in guys its so nice to see you again."
I said as I stepped out of the way to let them in.
"Hey where's our hugs?"
"Aww sorry Dave"
I said I knew he hated it but I had to call him it. I hugged each one until I got to the last one.
"I thought you wasn't coming?"
I asked Chester as he hugged me tightly. I couldn't believe he was standing right in front of me.
"Who's this little beauty?"
Asked Anna looking at Shannon.
"I'm sorry guys. This is Shannon my daughter. Shannon this is Mike and his wife Anna. Chester"
"Mom I know who they are duh"
She said to me with just a touch of sarcasm.
"Wow you really are a little beauty. You look just like your mom."
Chester said smiling at her.
"My mommy says I look like my daddy."
I hated it every time Shannon talked about her dad it made me feel really uncomfortable. Now more than ever. I tried to change the subject.
"Does anyone want a drink?"
I said walking into the kitchen to make some coffee.
"I don't know where mommy's manners are please sit down everyone."
She really was such a good kid. I had never had any trouble with her. She could break the ice and talk to anyone and she was keeping our guests well entertained. Then the question I had dreaded came up.
"So how old are you honey?"
Anna asked her.
"I'm eight my mommy says I act to grown up though"
She told them. I had to get rid of her. Because I knew what question was going to come next.
"Shannon have you done your homework. If you haven't can you please go and do it now before dinner."
"Yes mom. I will see you later it was nice to meet all of you."
"And it was lovely to meet you to honey."
Anna said as I brought the coffee into the room. I didn't know how I was going to answer their questions. but I knew it had to be done. And I know that some of them might be a little shocked. It didn't take Anna long to ask the dreaded question. I had barely had chance to pour the coffee.
"Ella your daughter is a beauty."
"Yes I know she is."
"Ella is Phil her farther?"
Shit what should I say to that one. I want the earth to open up and swallow me.
"Its complicated"
Was all that came out of my mouth.
"You don't have to hide it from us we're your friends. The dates match up."
"Anna I know you care about me but its something I just don't want to talk about."
"I think its great you kept her."
I was getting mad now. She just wouldn't get the hint.
"I kept her because she is not Phil's daughter she's mine."
"That's a great way to think about it."
She left me no choice I didn't want to do it like this. I didn't want to do it all.
"She's not his daughter. She is someone else's. Her father is no rapist he is a kind decent man. Who cared enough about me to help me to make me feel safe and secure. Someone I thought I could love. but I never got chance to."
"That's fantastic that you met a man like that when you moved back here. You must have fallen for him very fast."
God would she never stop digging.
"No I met him before I left. It only happened once. Now can we drop it please and talk about something else?"
I could see the realisation of what I had said wash over Chester's and Mike's faces. God I felt so guilty, I never should have blurted it out like that. I could see Chester wanted to talk to me maybe just to make sure I wouldn't tell his wife or the guys. So I got up and asked if anyone wanted a stronger drink I knew I wanted one
"Yes please"
Mike and Anna said. Soon all the guys wanted one.
"Chester why don't you give her a hand."
Mike said. I guess he had read all our minds.
Once we were in the kitchen and out of earshot of the others Chester asked me the dreaded question.
"Is she mine Ella?"
I didn't know what to say to him. My mouth felt so dry.
"Yes Chaz she is."
"But how can you be so sure after what happened that night."
I wanted to cry… He told me he would never hurt me. I guess he lied. I couldn't hold it back any longer as the tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Chester how could you ask me that."
I sobbed at him.
"Just look at her then look in a bloody mirror. I don't want anything from you, You know. If I did I would have come after years ago when you first became famous. And don't worry I wont tell anyone. She will be your dirty little secret forever… Just like me."
I said as I walked out of the room and into the bathroom to make sure I looked presentable.
"Chester are you ok?"
Mike asked him as he walked into the kitchen.
"No not really. I just upset Ella she's crying in the bathroom."
"She is yours you know. She's your double I don't know how nobody else hasn't noticed what are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know. I really don't."
"Is everything ok in here? Where is Ella?"
Anna asked as she entered the kitchen.
"She just went to the bathroom. I think this is a bit much for her seeing us all again."
Mike lied to Anna.
"I think maybe we she go and come back tomorrow. Give her a little space."
"Yeah maybe your right Mike. I'll just go and tell her we are going."
"Anna invite her to the show tomorrow night. Tell her to bring Shannon."
Mike told her.
When they had left. I lay on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
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