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Chester Bennington My number 1 fan Part 4

"What am I going to do?"
Chester asked Mike when they where alone.
"I don't know, She's your daughter! I guess you didn't know about her all this time You could pretend you never found out about her."
"But I did… I have a little girl!"
Chester said with a smile on his face.
"Are you happy about it? Anyone would think you was."
Mike said to him smiling himself.
"Yeah I guess I am. I have four boys. And now I have a little girl. But I've missed so much!"
"So what are you going to do about it?"
Mike asked him turning his question around on him. This was a good way of making him understand what it was that he wanted.
"I'm going to go and talk to Ella, I want to be a part of our daughters life. I wont let her run from me again. She's not going to hurt me like she did before."

  Who the hell is at the door at this time of the night. I thought as I walked up to the spy hole.
"Shit!"
What the hell was he doing here. Had he not done enough for today.
"What do you want Chester?"
I asked as I opened the door on the chain. I was still scared of my own shadow.
"I just want to talk. Can I come in please?"
"I I ,I don't know Chester"
 I said as my hand shook over the chain. What if he was mad with me. What if he came to make sure I stayed quiet.
She's afraid of me Chester thought to himself as he saw my hands shaking and heard the fear in my voice.
"I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to you. Please!"
"Ok"
I said as I opened the door with shaky hands.
"I can come back tomorrow if you would feel safer."
He knew I was afraid.
"No Chester come in. Do you want a drink?"
I asked him. I knew I did. How had things come to this.
"Yeah a drink would be good."

So I walked into the kitchen and poured us both a large Whiskey.
"What do you want Chester"
I asked facing him for the first time since he had come. Looking at him hurt me so much. All the feelings I had for him came back in an instant. How could he have hurt me like that. When he promised me he wouldn’t.
"I want to talk about Shannon. Does she know about me?"
"No don't worry. Even if she did she wouldn’t tell anyone. So you can go now your secrets safe. Nobody will know you're a cheating arsehole. Don't worry none of your wives will find out."
"What? Why the hell are you mad at me? You're the one who ran away. You're the one who never said goodbye. You took my feelings and stomped all over them. that was all you."
"I had to go."
"Yeah you had to run away. Just like your trying to now."
"I'm not going anywhere you self righteous prick. This has been my home for years I wont give it up for anyone least of all you."
"How dare you be mad with me after all you did."
"All I did huh says you. You hurt me .after you promised me you wouldn't"
"And how the hell did I do that. I never went anywhere that was all you baby. You have no one to blame but you."
"No you just used me for sex and went back to your wife"
God I was mad now. I wasn't scared of him like I thought I would be. I wanted to hit him. Which was not like me at all
.
"I never used you. I was going to tell her. I told you that."
"Yeah but you lied to Mike. Made me feel like a whore your as bad as Phil was. At least he just fucked me. He didn’t do it with my feelings as well. That's why I left it was not him that would always be around every corner haunting me. It would have been you."

"I waited for months for you to come back. It drove me mad I told Sam I even thought of coming to see you. But Mike told me not to. I almost destroyed my marriage for you. You hurt me to. I had loved you for a long time all I wanted was to be with you. But you never noticed me. All I was, was your goofy friend why do you think I stayed with you. Why do you think I wanted to kill him .Why do you think I risked everything to be with you. Well its to late for that now, I want to talk about Shannon."

"Did Anna give you my message?"
"What message?"
"It doesn't matter. "
"Yeah it does, what message?"
"That I would always be thinking about you."
"Yeah I remember that, now why?"
"I always have!"
I said as I poured us another drink and went into the living room and sat on the sofa.

"Mommy what's wrong?"
Shannon asked walking out of her room rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Then she noticed Chester coming out of the kitchen.
"Is everything alright mommy?"
She asked again looking a little afraid.
"Every things fine honey you remember Chester from earlier. He was mommy's best friend when I lived in LA. Do you want to talk to him. While I get you a glass of warm milk?"
"Yeah mommy."
She said as I walked in to the kitchen. They needed some time together.

"You was mommy's best friend cool."
"Yeah your mommy used to come and see me and the guys play before we were famous. She was so much fun she was always out with us."
"Really mom never goes anywhere now but work."
"She doesn't your mom was the life of the party everyone loved her."

"I can't believe you was mom's best friend."
"Yes I guess I was."
"Did you know my daddy? Was he as nice as mom said he was. He must have been for mom to love him she doesn’t like men, and she cry's every time I want to talk about him. All she says is she loved him very much. And he would have been with us if he could have been. Mom has not had a boyfriend since dad she still loves him, She told me."
"Chester are you ok?"
Shannon asked him. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.
"Chester is my daddy dead. Is that why your crying?"
What could he say to her.
"Right here's the hot milk. Chester are you ok. What's wrong?"
I was shocked to walk in and see him crying.
"Shannon can I have a minute alone with Chester please. Then you can come and get your hot milk."
"Yeah ok mom."
She said as she walked back into her room.

"Chester what's wrong?"
He was quiet for a minute then he spoke.
"Shannon was telling me about you and her dad. Is it true?"
"Which part? What did she tell you?"
"That you loved him. That you cry when she talks about him. That you have been alone all this time because you still love him. Is it true Ella or just something you told her to feel better."
"What I would never lie to my daughter. Yes its all true but you don't need to feel sorry for me I loved you. I still do I always think about you. And I always cry when I do you're the only man I ever felt so close to. You're the only person who made me feel safe enough to enjoy being with them."
"Do you know she thinks I'm dead that's why you cry."
"What no. Oh god I should have come to you when I found out about her. But things where going so well for you. I couldn’t bring myself to fuck it up for you."
"You wouldn’t have. Its now everything is fucked up. What are we going to do?"
"Do you want to be her dad. Do you want to spend time with her?"
"Yes I do. More then anything. She seems such a great kid."
"She is Chaz."

"So how are we going to do this"
He asked me. Like I should just know. I had no idea.
"You need to tell your wife first. Then everyone else."
"Well I guess you can be the first to know. We're getting a divorce. She says I can't commit to anyone. That all I do is move from one person to the next. This is the best bit. That I go around spreading children like a disease. I guess she's right. Or at least she will think she is."
I was mad now that was not the guy I fell in love with. I had known him for so long if he had been like that I would have known.
"She is not right you're a lovely guy. Who just picks the wrong women."
It brought back the memory of our night together. He had said the same thing to me.
"I chose the right one once. But she left me."
I felt hurt by what he had just said. He was telling me this and I loved him. It was just cruel.
"Why did you have to leave me? We could have been so happy together!"
"Oh Chaz please don't say that."
I said as the tears rolled down my cheeks.
"So what are we going to do?"
He asked me.
"Tell Shannon who you are. Shannon honey you can come and get your milk now honey."
I shouted to her.
"What now?"
"You have lost to much time with her already."

Shannon came and sat down between me and Chester.
"Shannon honey. I have got something to tell you. About your dad"
"What mommy?"
"Are you listening good and hard."
"Yes mom."
"Well when I lived in La I had a very good friend. He helped me when someone really bad hurt me. And I fell in love with him. But we couldn't' be together because he was married to another lady."
I didn’t know what else to say I was so choked up so Chester took over.

"This friend of your moms loved her very much to. More than he thought he could love anyone. He was going to leave the other lady to be with your mom. But your mom came back here to get away from the bad man. But your mom never stopped loving her friend and he never stopped loving your mom. Do you understand that?"
"yes I guess so."
"Well when your mom came back here she found out she was going to have you. And she loved your daddy so much she didn't' want to make him sad. So she didn't' tell him about you. But that's not moms fault. Your dad should have come to look for your mom. Instead of listening to other people. Do you understand that? Your mom and dad were both silly don't you think?"
"Yeah very silly."

I needed to tell her the next part.
"Its ok Chaz I said. I'll take it from here. Your dad has just found out about you and he wants to be your daddy and see you. Do you want that honey he really is a nice man. And he will love you so much. And you will love him as much as mummy does."
I said looking at Chester. All I could think was please god say yes.
"What do you think honey do you want to see your daddy?"
"Yes mommy more than anything."

"Shannon honey. Chester is your dad."
"You're my daddy?"
"Yeah honey I am. Do you want me to be your daddy? Is that ok?"
"Yes I think I do you must be nice if mom loves you. Are you still with the lady?"
"No honey…I did get married again but now I'm getting divorced again. Do you know what that means?"
"Yes it means you don't love each other anymore. Do you have anymore kids?"
I knew she would have questions but they were coming so fast.
"Yeah I have four boys. You have four half brothers who would love to meet you someday. Would that be ok?"
"Yeah I guess so. When will I see you again?"
"Your going to see me again tomorrow. You're going to come and see my show with your mom tomorrow. You will get see meet all my friends. Do you want to do that. We can have loads of fun."
"And you will get to see your daddy sing. He is a great singer he's my favourite."
"Duh mom I know that you always tell me. Yeah I cant wait thanks. Mom I'm tired now can I go to bed?"
"Yeah honey you go to sleep. You can see"
I didn't know what to call him.
"Chester."
She said to me.
"Yeah you can see Chester again tomorrow. If he isn't busy he could come here for breakfast?"
I said. But I didn't know if I was rushing things.
"yeah that sounds great. If that's ok with you Shannon?"
"Yeah it sounds cool. Mom can make some mean pancakes."
"Ok then it's a date. You go to bed then and I will see you in the morning."
"Night mom, Night Chester."
"Night honey"
 We both said at the same time.

When she had gone Chester turned to me.
"We really fucked things up didn't we?"
"yeah I guess we did. But we can make up for it now."
"Yeah we can. Thanks Ella."
"What for?"
"For letting me be part of her life."
He said as he got up to leave.
"I better go and get some sleep. I have some explaining to do tomorrow."
As he got near the door he turned to talk to me.
"Ella I really did love you. I always will."
Then he left me alone. Now was a time I should have been crying but I felt better. I knew he meant it and that's all I had ever wanted to know. I went to bed happier than I had in years.